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gorgeous1 -> RE: Are we more intelligent? (11/16/2007 9:37:54 AM)
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Thanks for responding, everyone! This is very interesting! The reason why I asked this question is because I have only had a kinky relationship with ONE person- my husband. He's a really smart guy, I think [:)], and I am a bit above average in intelligence, I would say. The people that I met at the munches were all pretty much above average in the brains department. The small cross-section of people that I have encountered r/t seem to be more intelligent. Now, I agree whole-heartedly - common sense and intelligence do not always go hand-in-hand, so I am not trying to say that this community on a whole makes BETTER decisions, I'm just saying that it seems that those who stay involved in this lifestyle may have a higher IQ.
Desperate people who try to dabble in this lifestyle because they think they'll "get some" I don't consider to be truly kinky people - I would say they are just opportunists. A smart person can make risky choices such as not having a safe word or gesture or not have safety measures in place when they play- that doesn't make them stupid. Plenty of smart people do self-destructive things to their bodies, such as smoke or drink or eat too much. Once again, that is not stupidity, that is self-destructive and addictive behavior...
Which brings me to this question...how many of you have had problems with addiction? I am curious as to whether more of us have battled addictions at some time in our lives. I'll confess, I have had problems with drug and alcohol abuse, and I smoked for 10 years. I have put all of that behind me now, and addressed the deeper-lying issues that fueled those addictive and self-destructive behaviors.
I am asking these questions because, like I said before, I have had little interaction with those outside of my particular relationship, so I am curious to know what DRIVES people like us. How many of us have always known there was something "different" about us? How many of us discovered this side of us after many years of vanilla relationships? How many of us felt bad or guilty about it, who tried to hide it?
For both my husband and I, we both always knew we different. Both of us were afraid to ask past partners for what we really wanted due to fear of rejection, shame, embarrassment, etc. Both of us were reared in religious and traditional households. Both of us, in our early 20's internally explored our need for this type of aspect in our lives, accepted it as a fact, and decided to embrace it. We were fortunate to find each other, and marry. We don't see it as a conflict to anything in the rest of our lives, but I guess for me, my submissive side that I explore is so very DIFFERENT from who I am out in the world. How many of you who are Dominant in this lifestyle are Dominant out in society? How many are in powerful positions in society and submit behind closed doors?
I am, by nature, an aggressive female. I love debating, I am not afraid to stand up and speak in a room full of people, and I currently hold a position on a board dominated by men twice my age who all pretty much despise me because I am a rabble rouser. I get hate mail every week, threatening me, trying to persuade me, trying to intimidate me...
All this makes me want to come home to my little sanctuary and give up control, let somebody else take charge, be submissive. I see it as a wonderful release of stress, and it feels like it is the balance I need to keep my head clear.
OK...I really sorta went off topic there, but I started the thread, so, oh well. Anyhow, it feels good to put all of this in writing. I am curious to know how many of you have similar experiences. What makes us who we are?
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