24/7 but where does it begin and end?

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24/7 but where does it begin and end? - 11/15/2007 11:19:45 PM

CollegeConundrum

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline

I had a pleasantly foul conversation with a woman last night, who proclaimed that she lived the lifestyle 24/7 therefore she was okay in treating everyone like shit.

It was her contention that she did not have to approach me with any kind of respect or civility and that I should have been expected to be put down and insulted. Now I did read her profile and that's clearly what she's into, it is partially what attracted me to her. My problem lies in the fact that there was no "introduction" process, she went right into domme mode with a complete stranger. I found this incredibly offensive and likened it to a complete stranger walking up to me on the street and demanding I lick her shoes. How hot she was not withstanding, I'd probably tell her to go fuck herself.

This type of behavior is always decried when it's a male dominant to a female submissive and I've always passed that off as the male ego or personality disfunction. However, now that I've experienced fist hand, I'm wondering why would a person believe he or she has the right to push this aspect of their personality onto a person within minutes of knowing them? In a dungeon or party setting, I can understand clearly but in a strictly social aspect, it baffles me.

Now, regarding my thread title, this woman claimed to be the person she represents here 24/7 but isn't there a line where you put that person in the background to exist in vanilla society or at least until a sense of familiarity and comfortability is gained? The roles between any two people will be obvious, coming from this website, so my contention is that it's more important to display the person rather than the dominant or the submissive when you're being introduced to each other.

Cliffs: wtf? Did any of that shit make sense?

Post #: 1

RE: 24/7 but where does it begin and end? - 11/15/2007 11:40:47 PM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

I don't think a Dominant should necessarily try to dominate somebody they've never even spoken too previously. It's rude. Dominants send me messages like that all the time.

*Points to the collar on his neck*

Even with this and my mention of my Owner on EVERYTHING.

But no, I don't approve of people who don't seem to believe in an "introduction process" as you put it, I believe.

(in reply to CollegeConundrum)

Post #: 2

RE: 24/7 but where does it begin and end? - 11/16/2007 12:09:25 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

I am disgusted by this kind of thing. I don't even talk to my own collared slaves like shit. Yes, I am a complete cow to anyone who approaches me rudely, or thinks that they can talk down to me (I've found some Dom's on here seem to think that they can speak to women of ALL persuasions as if they are shit), but everyone else? No.

This woman needs to get the stick out of her arse and realise that the world is not kind to people like her and that the world doesn't owe her a thing. SHE may believe she has a right to talk to everyone as if she is a queen and the rest of the world her slaves. She is also delusional. Everyone deserves respect, until they prove otherwise. She proved otherwise. Tell her to fuck off, with my blessing

_____________________________

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(in reply to Shawn1066)

Post #: 3

RE: 24/7 but where does it begin and end? - 11/16/2007 12:15:39 AM

ItalianSMistress

Posts: 427
Joined: 1/19/2007
From: Niagara Region Ontario Canada
Status: offline

Well, for many of us, Domme is not a mode, I don’t turn My personality on and off. Of course I do not walk around trying to control everyone I know (well, I try not to anyway), but I am always outspoken and aggressive. When someone makes Me interested enough to talk to them, the attitude I have is this:

You wanna talk to Me, you better be able to keep My attention, know your place, remember Mine, and its your job to impress Me if you want Me to talk to you again.

If you don’t like the way I do things, I am not keeping you here, you are free to leave at anytime, but if you wanna stay, then you better adjust.

Now on the same token, I don’t expect or demand anything for someone right away, until I am ready. In fact many times it happens the other way, lots of times the slaves will ask if they should or should not be doing something. Or even at times offer up passwords and phone numbers and things right away. I tell them that I have no use for that kind of thing. I don’t wanna “Domme” someone I just started talking to, so to speak, but I am not gonna sit and chat with them like we are buddys, because that, we are not.

_____________________________

Governess

"Dominance is the ability to create a hunger in someone that's so strong they will do anything, anytime, anywhere just to please you."

http://italianmistress.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Shawn1066)

Post #: 4

RE: 24/7 but where does it begin and end? - 11/16/2007 12:22:36 AM

bbwsubnnorcal

Posts: 104
Joined: 4/24/2006
Status: offline

As I've said... There is a difference between being a Dominant and being a Domineering Ass Hat. The attitude that Domme has reeks of "newbie-ism" or a person who lives their "lifestyle" via the internet, not the real world.

Let her try that for a year and see what it gets her---nothing but doormats and wannabe's who've will never leave cyberland.

_____________________________

"i Have Nothing Against God, It's His Fanclub i Can't Stand!!!"

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 5

RE: 24/7 but where does it begin and end? - 11/16/2007 12:46:56 AM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

Since you posted this in the "Ask a Mistress" forum, and I am a FemDom , I guess I will answer.
Apologies in advance if you take this as offensive. But I am not exactly a tea and sympathy kind of gal,when it comes to rants like these.
None of it is "decried" in the sense that people are saying don't do that! It's wrong!, It's unfair! It's not proper! or even It's not allowed! Anyone can do anything they please. It is up to you to sort it out and decide what is acceptable behavior for you and what is not.
What is often offered,when these sorts of whines and "poor me, what am I supposed to do?" or even plain old naivete, scenarios are posted is: wake up, be careful, ignore, delete, it's the internet, block, move on, etc.
You admit yourself that you were attracted to the tone of the profile. Well, if that is what is attractive to you, but you want things different in the beginning, guess you just need to take your chances.
Yes, I have an introductory phase, and I am actually quite approachable. But I also state clearly in My profile how that approach should be made, by whom, and what I like to see if you care to introduce yourself. Some subs like that, and some don't. Some, even think that I wrote all that for the fun of it and that they can just write what they feel like, and then get mad if I don't respond to their half-baked attempt to flirt or beg via a one liner. "shrug*
24/7 means 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I don't personally think that that the term 24/7 automatically means one is in Dom mode 24/7. It tends, most often to refer an actual relationship, when it develops into such, referring to live-in in some instances could be live-out if the sub has the self-discipline to adhere to that, and the fact that the D/s or M/s is always happening. It is always the understood and automatic undercurrent that runs through the relationship 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Not ordering about and barking command and demands 24/7, but always that understood and automatic attitude concerning the ultimate power inthe relationship. It just is.
Some will use it to mean they are always Dominant. But I am willing to bet they mean only in context of dealing with subs on an internet site like this one, or at a munch, or at an event. Most do have to interact in some sort of socially acceptable manner with those who are not privy to this lifestyle choice. If acting that way is some sort of power trip for them, so be it. I think it is silly, but I am not their Mama.
What was the purpose of this question/rant?
Now that you have experienced this first hand you suddenly have this question? How many times have you not experienced it? Or is this the first FemDom with whom you have attempted to interact?
And I bet you are smart enough to have already figured everything I just wrote here. I can't tell you why some people think it is okay or necessary to treat others in this manner. That is their problem.
I can tell you that 24/7 begins when you agree with a FemDom that you want to live that way. Meaning accoridng to Her expectations. After that, unless you leave, it doesn't end.
But that would only be the 24/7 I subscribe to.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to CollegeConundrum)

Post #: 6

RE: 24/7 but where does it begin and end? - 11/16/2007 2:44:35 AM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

college, the way that she spoke to you may not be how she speakes in her vanilla world, at work or with family ect. That doesnt mean she isnt like this 24/7 when she knows she is speaking to a submissive. As GoddesssDustyGold said, once you decide to enter a relationship 24/7. then thats it 24/7 until the relationship ends.

As for respect and first meetings ect, i am always respectful, thats how i am, but giving someone my respect is a whole different thing, and someone treating me like crap before they even know me wouldnt get my respect in the slightest.

Edited for spelling

< Message edited by Politesub53 -- 11/16/2007 2:45:28 AM >

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 7

RE: 24/7 but where does it begin and end? - 11/16/2007 4:02:49 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

Interesting. This is the guy who tells us all that he doesn't give a shit what we think asking for advice.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to CollegeConundrum)

Post #: 8

RE: 24/7 but where does it begin and end? - 11/16/2007 7:44:13 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I heart MisPandora. And GoddessDusty Gold. Just sayin'

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[page 23 girl]

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 9

RE: 24/7 but where does it begin and end? - 11/16/2007 8:04:53 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

On the internet I believe in radical freedom, and I think people should be anything they want to be. I don't take offense. Its the internet forgodsake!!

The glorious question is always, can they take it to the real world (or do they even want to?)

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 11/16/2007 8:11:41 AM >

(in reply to CollegeConundrum)

Post #: 10

RE: 24/7 but where does it begin and end? - 11/16/2007 8:52:01 AM

MystressDream

Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

Interesting. This is the guy who tells us all that he doesn't give a shit what we think asking for advice.

My thoughts exactly, MisPandora. I even complimented him on something he said that showed thought and intelligence and got a smart ass "I don't care" back. He is rude, obnoxious, disrespectful of everyone, and if he contacted someone privately one on one to talk to, and they have observed him on the boards, I can see why they would be demanding and bitchy with him.

_____________________________

Knowledge and experience are wonderful things to share. When we stop asking questions, we might as well "hang it up".

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(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 11

RE: 24/7 but where does it begin and end? - 11/16/2007 9:18:23 AM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

That's the problem with the 'lifestyle'.
Are we playing a role or are we who we are?
Now I'm always who I am. It doesn't change when I'm talking to someone who calls himself a submissive or a dominant or a switch.
However it does change with time as I get to know someone.
Or if I am placed in a position of authority over them.
As soon as I begin to care about them I start to dominate them.
Or if I employ them etc.
The depth of the relationship changes the way we feel about someone and therefore how we behave towards them.
24/7 TPE is what I am primarily interested in. I'll say it again it doesn't have to be a live in situation.
However I am only interested in that if the person is
1) right for me and 2) agreeing to that situation
And that takes time to find out.
So no I am not going to dominate them in all ways from the get go. But I am in some ways because I am obviously going to want to know if they have the capacity to learn how to please me. I'm certainly not going to play childish D/s games with them.

(in reply to MystressDream)

Post #: 12

RE: 24/7 but where does it begin and end? - 11/16/2007 10:02:38 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I think people behave as you mention for two reasons.

First, they think that is how this all is supposed to work and thus far have been slapped enough (figurative and literally) to figure out that that's just rude not dominant.

Second, they are afraid of stepping outside the role that they think they need to project because if they did then no would be interested in them.

Someone who feels the need to be so blatant in my experience is someone who isn't doing much more than playing a role or worse they lack basic abilities in how to interact with people.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to CollegeConundrum)

Post #: 13

RE: 24/7 but where does it begin and end? - 11/16/2007 10:37:31 AM

subfever

Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CollegeConundrum

I had a pleasantly foul conversation with a woman last night, who proclaimed that she lived the lifestyle 24/7 therefore she was okay in treating everyone like shit.

Was this a telephone conversation, or an online chat?

(in reply to CollegeConundrum)

Post #: 14

RE: 24/7 but where does it begin and end? - 11/16/2007 10:45:11 AM

YesMistressIrish

Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline

CC,
Was that a phone conversation or an IM?

I am a human being first, domme second, hot babe third, so I communicate as a human being, get to know them as a person, then see where it might go D/s.

When I saw your post:
My cartoon brain went to: A man with pretty female pics whacking off while he treated you like shiat!

So, did you actually speak with her on the phone?

Irish

(in reply to CollegeConundrum)

Post #: 15

RE: 24/7 but where does it begin and end? - 11/16/2007 11:49:55 AM

FullfigRIMaam

Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora
Interesting. This is the guy who tells us all that he doesn't give a shit what we think asking for advice.

That's what I thought as soon as he began cutting her down... We're getting his side of the story, and as such, can't guess what she was thinking or why she'd respond the way she allegedly did. M

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." Erich Fromm

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 16

RE: 24/7 but where does it begin and end? - 11/16/2007 12:03:17 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subfever

Was this a telephone conversation, or an online chat?

Clearly it was an online chat, because he can't talk on the telephone while wearing that ear set.

(in reply to subfever)

Post #: 17

RE: 24/7 but where does it begin and end? - 11/16/2007 1:48:24 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

Lots of people really are that aggressive in real life. Some people would consider it 'brusque' while others would say 'rude'. A small few would love it. Obviously, she didn't trip your trigger, and she's not compatible with you.

I would suggest that people who present themselves online as especially vicious (as dominants) or utterly malleable (as submissives) are usually playing a facade. It's all to easy to play pretend online (or to show an aspect of personality that ordinarily isn't permitted in day to day life.) I remember a woman a few months ago who, in email and chat, was extremely submissive, eager, etc... right up until we talked on the phone. That's where I realized that she'd been lost in BDSM chatlandia for too long. On the phone, she was a normal (if somewhat lonely, unhappy) person.

Point is, you have to decide for yourself if that's the sort of personality you'd enjoy being around 24/7. My slave is always my slave, but I hardly use her for a footstool every chance I get. She's my slave, even when we're holding hands, laughing, or dancing at a bar. You have to decide how often you want to be a slave. Seems like you're looking for someone who can balance between a time to play, and a time to be graceful.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 18

RE: 24/7 but where does it begin and end? - 11/16/2007 2:25:06 PM

LadyLynx

Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline

during a scene, RPing, then yeah I would do it if asked. in general? hell no. a friend of mine told me I am to much of a mommy type to want to be actually mean to someone.(Which I agree with.) being sadistically evil? *WEG* thats a whole 'nother story! Same thing with having it done to me. If someone has no interest in treating me with respect, then they are not worth my time!

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 19

RE: 24/7 but where does it begin and end? - 11/16/2007 4:04:26 PM

CollegeConundrum

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline

I <3 this thread.

Thread delivers epic lulz.

(in reply to LadyLynx)

Post #: 20

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