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Play without a safe word - 11/17/2007 9:44:05 PM

DommeHannah

Posts: 14
Joined: 6/18/2007
Status: offline

In the past few month I have had more and more requests for play withour a safe word.

I always play ssc, but My regular submissives sometimes do not get a safe word .
But I am really shocked about strangers sending Me this request.

Anyways how do Y/you feel about not playing with a safe word (specially with Strangers)?

< Message edited by DommeHannah -- 11/17/2007 9:48:39 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Play without a safe word - 11/17/2007 10:09:41 PM

MissDiandSirHugh

Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
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We would not consider that happening at all, even though We are able to keep a good eye on whom ever that does not some times tell Us everything they are feeling or what is happening in their minds in what ever session is happening especially with a stranger.
As its impossible for anyone to know if all of a sudden that person decides that what is happening in some session is just not for them even though they wanted to try it just suddenly knows that is is not part of their kink and so becomes a limit the Dom is not to know this is they have no way of communicating that its to stop immediately unless they have a safe word or safe action to inform the Dom with.

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(in reply to DommeHannah)

Post #: 2

RE: Play without a safe word - 11/17/2007 10:23:15 PM

MrGod

Posts: 2
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline

I have no problem playing without a safeword even with strangers. I suppose it depends on which type of play in which you are ingaging as well. I have never had a submissive "freak out" while doing the kitchen dishes. I wouldn't ever play anyone "hard" on a first meeting anyway. But I encourage open communication during a scene and I find I am asking frequently questions such as "Did you like that? Did that feel good? Is this what you want from your Pryncess?" I have subbed in the past and I was accused of topping from the bottom because a Dom I didn't know was whipping me with a dragon's tail and kept hitting the same spot repeatedly. I didn't want to stop the scene but wanted him to know "enough was enough" so I asked polietly if he could please pick another spot "Please Sir." He kindly obliged. However later I learned some of the other "girls" in the group stated I was trying to top from the bottom. I talked to the Dom about all this and he and I both agreed it was a good scene and we had no problems with each other. When you are a sub you don't want to use a safeword either because you fear you will displease your Dominant or will look bad. Also if you enter the right head space it is hard to think of the safe word anyway.

(in reply to MissDiandSirHugh)

Post #: 3

RE: Play without a safe word - 11/17/2007 10:47:39 PM

Aceton

Posts: 97
Joined: 9/2/2007
Status: offline

Depends how one is playing, really. Can't say I'd let a stranger put me in a situation I couldn't just walk out of anyway. If you're going to let some random person tie you up and get creative with your life support systems, you're probably trusting enough to not need a safeword either - or a brain.

(in reply to DommeHannah)

Post #: 4

RE: Play without a safe word - 11/17/2007 11:53:38 PM

EEdwardGrey

Posts: 20
Joined: 11/9/2005
Status: offline

Its one thing for a stranger submissive to state through correspondances that they don't want a safe word, and its another thing for a stranger submissive to go through with an encounter without a safe word. I had a submissive correspond with me several times and tell me she didn't want a safe word but she would never meet with me. I suspect there is a good chance these strangers are just getting their rocks off and have not intention of meeting you.

I recommend always having a safe word available regardless of experience with one another, but if a submissive truly didn't want to use one with me I wouldn't really have a problem with it since I'm not into the real hardcore stuff.

(in reply to Aceton)

Post #: 5

RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 12:10:46 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I never play with a safeword, unless the other person feels like it, and even then I don't want a safe word, I want direct communication.

And it's not because of any reason other than I think they suck as an actual method of safety and making a scene go well.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to EEdwardGrey)

Post #: 6

RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 12:22:15 AM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

I have never played with a safeword. Just never seemed like something that made alot of sense to me personally or was necessary..............luci

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 7

RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 12:25:40 AM

EEdwardGrey

Posts: 20
Joined: 11/9/2005
Status: offline

~Edited~

Posted here by mistake.

< Message edited by EEdwardGrey -- 11/18/2007 12:27:59 AM >

(in reply to Aceton)

Post #: 8

RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 12:30:05 AM

Aimtoplease101

Posts: 319
Joined: 2/8/2006
From: San Diego, California
Status: offline

There is something a bit artificial with the use of safewords, but they do a fulfill a role. Like 99% of the questions on this board (and in life generally, I suppose), the answer is "it depends." I prefer having a good line of communication with the Domme, and being able to connect with each other regarding when the moans, grunts and other sounds are "good sounds," and when it's time to back off (i.e., "I can't feel my arms my any more ...").

Regards, ATP

_____________________________

Pleasing you pleases me.

(in reply to DommeHannah)

Post #: 9

RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 12:30:10 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

IF I had a really, really, really, instant rapore with the person and felt very, very, very sure we wouldn't be doing anything past their limits, it'd be a possibility. But then, when I play with new people, I "calibrate" what I do on a consistant basis and get feedback on a scale of 1-10 (the goal is a consistant 6 or 7), I conduct a decent negotiation and I don't deviate from the things we discussed unless prompted to (and not even them sometimes).

Safewords are shortcuts for communication...and many times that's just necessary, 'cause we're often not taught how to communicate effectively in our lives. Once I know someone and there's trust esatblished, there usually isn't one...not because we've declared it as such, but because we communicate well enough that it doesn't NEED to be there.

Master Fire

_____________________________

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(in reply to DommeHannah)

Post #: 10

RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 12:52:12 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

In my opinion, the concept of safewords was invented to avoid confusion during roleplay. When a submissive is saying, "Stop! Please! Let me go!" you have to know when they really mean it. No roleplaying = no need for safewords.

Nowadays, lots of people like to feel very important and official by having a variety of positions on safewords and how they are used. It's a nice way to feel like a "card carrying" member of the "bdsm community" if you can have a platform regarding the use of safewords. To me, it seems absolutely ridiculous how many people create all kinds of drama around using codes and words instead of communication and intimacy, just so they can feel "official."

Akasha

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(in reply to DommeHannah)

Post #: 11

RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 6:30:02 AM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

I don't use safewords, I use open communication and it's worked wonderfully for me for over 2 years. I've had scenes where problems have occured such as suddenly feeling as though I was going to pass out while tied standing to a whipping post. "Dizzy, need to sit down now" got me quickly untied and assisted in sitting and within minutes after taking glucose tablets, I was fine.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 12

RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 7:06:20 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

While "no safewords" is an acceptable circumstance for an experienced, established pair who have gradually ramped up their play and are intimately familiar with one another, I have strong doubts for it having a place among strangers or the uninitiated.

I have a little fun with those who don't know me when they solicit such things. For those strangers that seem to know no boundaries, claim they have no limits and beg for "no safeword play", I tell them my kink is toe-piercing with piano wire and suspension from 3rd story buildings, bungee jumping my subs into elevator shafts and fingernail remodeling with ViceGrips. If they have no sense on the first conversation, they'll have no sense into the future and really aren't worth my time beyond a little self-indulgent fun.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to DommeHannah)

Post #: 13

RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 7:13:22 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

Playing without safe words does not always equate to playing without communication.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 14

RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 7:17:28 AM

Sexynmentalinkc

Posts: 132
Joined: 4/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DommeHannah

Anyways how do Y/you feel about not playing with a safe word (specially with Strangers)?

I'm not against it but *never* for it with strangers. Too much can go wrong and be misinterpreted and it simply isn't RAK.

I liken this rape/kidnap play - it takes time, trust, respect and familiarity with one to go down those paths. I feel like the only way I can truly provide a quality experience (for both parties) is to know about the pet I'm involved with in scenes like this.

If I've spent enough time recognizing their 'buttons' and triggers, I'm a *lot* more likely feel like play without safewords would be possible.

**tips his hat**

- Mr. S

_____________________________

"I think all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. ...I'm certainly not. And I'm sick and tired of being told that I am..."

(in reply to DommeHannah)

Post #: 15

RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 7:19:39 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sexynmentalinkc
and it simply isn't RAK.

Simply not true. (and it's R.A.C.K.)

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Sexynmentalinkc)

Post #: 16

RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 7:22:25 AM

Sexynmentalinkc

Posts: 132
Joined: 4/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sexynmentalinkc
and it simply isn't RAK.

Simply not true. (and it's R.A.C.K.)

Oh sure....beat up on the typo-dude. I see how you are then....

I'll revise my earlier statement to:

It may well not be RACK (depending on the parties and circumstance).

Disclaimer delivered.

*tips his RAK*

- Mr. S

_____________________________

"I think all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. ...I'm certainly not. And I'm sick and tired of being told that I am..."

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 17

RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 7:39:19 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sexynmentalinkc

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sexynmentalinkc
and it simply isn't RAK.

Simply not true. (and it's R.A.C.K.)

Oh sure....beat up on the typo-dude. I see how you are then....

I'll revise my earlier statement to:

It may well not be RACK (depending on the parties and circumstance).

Disclaimer delivered.

I really wasn't trying to beat up on you and I apologize if it came off that way. But you left out a very important letter...the "C" for consensual. I wanted to simply point out that R.A.C.K. is based, not so much on a set of set in stone rules, but on the premise that you will take the responsibility to educate yourself and make yourself aware of the risks of any given activity before you consent to it. In the case of safe words it would mean to me that you understand the pros and cons of playing with safe words, understand the risks of using or not using them...and base your consent to continue upon that knowledge.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 11/18/2007 7:40:23 AM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Sexynmentalinkc)

Post #: 18

RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 7:43:40 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DommeHannah

In the past few month I have had more and more requests for play withour a safe word.

I always play ssc, but My regular submissives sometimes do not get a safe word .
But I am really shocked about strangers sending Me this request.

Anyways how do Y/you feel about not playing with a safe word (specially with Strangers)?

You are a professional domme, correct? I think that would be what would guide you in whether you played with safeword or not. I would also seek legal advice on whether safewords were a good idea to help mitigate legal responsibilities... they probably don't, but it would be something I would look into if I were you....

Your use of safewords is different than someone at a club or in a relationship... that is my only point

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(in reply to DommeHannah)

Post #: 19

RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 8:42:03 AM

Solinear

Posts: 283
Joined: 1/8/2007
Status: offline

While some people don't see a reason for hard limits or safe words, others just don't see eye to eye on many things. Example: My wife has tickling as a hard limit. She was at a munch that had a rope tying demo and was being tied up - she told the person that was demoing with her (I had to stay home with the kids and he was a friend of the hosts) that tickling was a hard limit for her. So what does he do? He tickles her. When I found out, I just wanted to go find him and ask him if getting his ass kicked was a hard limit, then beating him into the dirt and finishing it off with the same thing he told my wife - that I was just kidding.

Safe words are there to keep both people safe, particularly with people I don't know. I don't want to find out that someone I'm playing with neglected to tell me that they were in a major car accident and their right hip was damaged... while any amount of reading of the bottom would tell the top that something was wrong when a relatively light tap caused their entire body to clench up hard, some people aren't so perceptive and read it as "oh, the pain slut wants more". Alternatively, the bottom who doesn't communicate with body language very well (I think my wife thinks that I'm about as easy to read as a brick wall when I let her top me) could end up with a frustrated top who goes much further than they should.

Do I think that safe words or hard limits are proof against any problems? No, but like locks on doors keep the honest people honest, safe words are only as good as the participants. I am sure that some people who have had safewords and never used them when, in retrospect, they know they should have used the safeword 10 minutes into the scene and instead a mental block kept them from even thinking of it and enduring what to them was 2-3 hours of misery at the hands of a sadist. I frequently worry about my wife, who bottoms to a few select people. She is one of those people who wouldn't consider using a safeword until the scene was already so far gone it was rediculous and by that time would probably be in a state of panic and wouldn't be able to think anything other than "Oh God, no. Please stop!". When the safe word is "Red", it's just as likely that her words that don't involve the word "Red" are just going to spur on most Doms and they'll read it as the person just playing a role, not realizing that she has a block against saying even that much, so if she goes that far, then the scene really needs to slow way the hell down, if not stop altogether. Sometimes this makes me want to not let her scene with other people just to keep her safe, but I have to trust her. We've been poly for years and years and in that situation I've always trusted her, so I don't want to stop trusting her in the BDSM area now that we've added that to our life.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 20

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