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should you expect love back - 11/18/2007 7:11:11 PM

debbiesubofsirdo

Posts: 2
Joined: 11/9/2007
Status: offline

I am new here and I dont know the right words to say but I will try, my DOM. hasnt collared me yet , he keeps saying it will be soon. but its been a year and maybe thats normal I dont know but I know I need to be owned I feel like its because he is waiting for someone better and that I am just a stop gap till he finds her. I yearn to be owned , I love him so much and I know he doesnt love me he tells me that, he doesnt lie to me about it. I try not to love him but I am a sub and I love the one in control of me. I want to be owned by him. but somehow I feel he is just using me till something better comes along, I am unhappy and depressed about it. should a sub expect her Master to love her in some way? how long does it take for most Dom's to know its time to collar the subs?

< Message edited by debbiesubofsirdo -- 11/18/2007 7:12:37 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: should you expect love back - 11/18/2007 7:15:19 PM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

YES one that gives and does not get back their cup will run empty of energy. They will die a slow emotional death

(in reply to debbiesubofsirdo)

Post #: 2

RE: should you expect love back - 11/18/2007 7:15:37 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

What do you want? Does this relationship fulfill your needs? Is it something you can work out if it doesn't?

We can't answer this question like you may think. If you need to be loved back, then I guess you have your answer, but only you have it.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to debbiesubofsirdo)

Post #: 3

RE: should you expect love back - 11/18/2007 7:18:44 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

If you are unhappy and depressed do you think that is a good dynamic for you to be in with this person?

A second question: Do you think that if he collared you when you want it that would be a sign of ownership and control from him or something else?

Ultimately you cannot control what another person feels, whether those feelings are related to you or not. You can only control what actions you take. I do think it is easier for some submissives to fall in love -- Fox fell in love with me way before I had even considered the idea of loving him. However I did not collar him because I loved him but because we knew we were correct for each other. His collar does not represent love but authority and trust.

I think if you are feeling negatively about the situation you are in and you have talked to your partner about what you need and he is unable or unwilling to give that to you, it is time for you to really consider if it is healthy for you to stay with him.

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(in reply to debbiesubofsirdo)

Post #: 4

RE: should you expect love back - 11/18/2007 7:18:52 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I just have to ask, why do you not feel worthy of a better relationship than the one you have? It does not concern me so much that he does not love you necessarily, what is concerning is that he knows how you feel, what you desire, is unwilling to provide it, yet keeps you around anyways...that is a very unkind thing for him to do, and it shows a lack of empathy for you. Why would you want to serve someone that does not care about how you feel and is willing to use you up at your detriment?..You know the sun is shining and you are burning up daylight!

That is just my opinion

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

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(in reply to debbiesubofsirdo)

Post #: 5

RE: should you expect love back - 11/18/2007 7:23:46 PM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

why would anyone want to be in a none loving relationship. How Stupid is that. unless your a robot get a clue. That way of thinking will only cause drama and kaos. Geeze no wonder the lifestyle is so like mud

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 6

RE: should you expect love back - 11/18/2007 7:26:09 PM

slaveofKaos

Posts: 143
Joined: 2/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline

All Dom's are different as far as how long it takes them to collar a sub, some never do they just don't believe in it. I know you love him, but you seem very unhappy. I would talk to him, tell him exactly how you feel and that you need to be owned. If he says he isn't prepared to do so then I would tell him that since he doesn't own you and doesn't plan on doing it any time soon that you will play with him, but seek out another Dominant. If you need the one you love to love you back then that is what you need to find in a Dominant that is right for you. I do strongly suggest the two of you sit down and talk first though. You should both be happy in your relationship.

_____________________________

slave jodi

(in reply to debbiesubofsirdo)

Post #: 7

RE: should you expect love back - 11/18/2007 7:29:38 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

Why do you think you would feel better in the long-term with his collar on if you need / want love and he can't / won't provide it? Your worries will still be there. The collar might be a temporary balm but it won't fix what you find lacking.

If you knew this about him in the beginning - that he would not love you - then you should not expect him to magically start. If you went into the dynamic hoping he would change, as painful as it is, consider it a lesson learned. The only people we can change is ourselves and no amount of hope, sorrow, or depression will change someone who does not want to change. That sort of interaction is manipulation and emotional blackmail and can make the object of one's desire retreat to an even further corner, which causes more manipulation, which caues more retreat. It is a vicious and never-ending cycle.

Start with the person in the mirror. Get a grip on reality, square your shoulders, and do what you have to do in order to be healthy and happy. Life is too short to simply settle.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 8

RE: should you expect love back - 11/18/2007 7:32:35 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

My mother's advice: Ask yourself two questions. 1) Would you miss him if he were gone? 2) Is being in the relationship healthy for you? If the answer to either question is no, then you need to look at ending the relationship.

If you have a NEED to get love back and you have a NEED to be collared in order to feel fulfilled in a relationship, then the answer to question number two is NO. Consider that you are staying because you are trying to prove to yourself that you are worthy of love by getting love from this man, no matter what it takes. He doesn't love you. This doesn't mean that you're not worthy, it means that he's not a match for you. You are worthy. Move on.

Master Fire

_____________________________

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(in reply to debbiesubofsirdo)

Post #: 9

RE: should you expect love back - 11/18/2007 7:32:41 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: debbiesubofsirdo

I am new here and I dont know the right words to say but I will try, my DOM. hasnt collared me yet , he keeps saying it will be soon. but its been a year and maybe thats normal I dont know but I know I need to be owned I feel like its because he is waiting for someone better and that I am just a stop gap till he finds her. I yearn to be owned , I love him so much and I know he doesnt love me he tells me that, he doesnt lie to me about it. I try not to love him but I am a sub and I love the one in control of me. I want to be owned by him. but somehow I feel he is just using me till something better comes along, I am unhappy and depressed about it. should a sub expect her Master to love her in some way? how long does it take for most Dom's to know its time to collar the subs?

Should you expect him to love you back? NO.
Is it ok for you to WANT him to? Sure

Basically, it all comes down to whether or not you are happy and fulfilled in the relationship.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to debbiesubofsirdo)

Post #: 10

RE: should you expect love back - 11/18/2007 7:33:24 PM

Dragynsfury

Posts: 79
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

Sheryl Crow-If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad. If it makes you happy, why the hell are you so sad?

Nothing that makes us unhappy to the point of depression is good for us. You deserve to be loved. We all do. Focus on you, nevermind him. That doesn't mean you are disrespecting him, it means you are looking after YOU. That is the most important thing of all. If you are an unhealthy (pick one - mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally) sub how can you be a good sub for the right Dom? Good luck.

_____________________________

The artist formerly known as OnyxGoddess

(in reply to slaveofKaos)

Post #: 11

RE: should you expect love back - 11/18/2007 7:35:18 PM

phedre81

Posts: 56
Joined: 10/29/2007
Status: offline

Fact is, no one can answer this question for you.

There may be someone out there who does not need to be loved by their primary partner, but that person certainly isn't me, or any sub I know.

Being submissive doesn't mean we don't get our needs met. For me, at least, it means that I'm doing what most fulfills me.

If the relationship isn't fulfilling to you, there's some good advice here about talking to him, and considering moving on, so you are available for one that will be fulfilling.

(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 12

RE: should you expect love back - 11/18/2007 7:35:48 PM

Dragynsfury

Posts: 79
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

Sheryl Crow-If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad. If it makes you happy, why the hell are you so sad?

Nothing that makes us unhappy to the point of depression is good for us. You deserve to be loved. We all do. Focus on you, nevermind him. That doesn't mean you are disrespecting him, it means you are looking after YOU. That is the most important thing of all. If you are an unhealthy (pick one - mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally) sub how can you be a good sub for the right Dom? Good luck.

_____________________________

The artist formerly known as OnyxGoddess

(in reply to slaveofKaos)

Post #: 13

RE: should you expect love back - 11/18/2007 7:37:36 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

What exactly does collaring mean to you? or to your Dominant?..It seems to me as if you are pinning all your thoughts of submission on the collar..you are already his submissive as he is your Dominant..If you think the collar will represent his love to you in some way, I think you may have a rude awakening.If you think collaring you means that he will value you more than NOW, then you may have to rethink that as well..what is of more import than the collar is what you want out of this dynamic as it is NOW!..If you want love then you may need to seek another..Find out NOW if this particular dynamic is what you want..Do not pin your hopes,dreams,desires on a piece of leather, or chain..If the dynamic is not working for you NOW it will not work for you later either..Tempting

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I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

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(in reply to slaveofKaos)

Post #: 14

RE: should you expect love back - 11/18/2007 7:37:46 PM

serenitee

Posts: 13
Status: offline

Wow – I would get out of that relationship fast. No way would I ever stay in a relationship with a Dom who did not love me back. It’s understanding that love doesn’t necessarily develop over night but over a year, and love still isn’t there, my best advice would be to find something/someone else worth your time. No way would I devote my time or energy in someone who could care less about my needs. We’re submissives but we’re still human and love is an important part of submission, how can you submit to someone who doesn’t appreciate you or love you?

(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 15

RE: should you expect love back - 11/18/2007 7:45:38 PM

Dragynsfury

Posts: 79
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

*sorry folks...my puter hiccupped didnt mean to double post*

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(in reply to serenitee)

Post #: 16

RE: should you expect love back - 11/18/2007 7:48:29 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

If someone desires a relationship that has nothing to do with love, and their partners fine with it someone desires isn't stupid.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

why would anyone want to be in a none loving relationship. How Stupid is that.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 17

RE: should you expect love back - 11/18/2007 7:48:57 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dragynsfury

*sorry folks...my puter hiccupped didnt mean to double post*

LOL that was no hiccup... that was a full out belch

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Dragynsfury)

Post #: 18

RE: should you expect love back - 11/18/2007 7:51:46 PM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

I do have to say one thing , i have seen many new people come to this forum and ask where can i learn ?RIGHT HERE and read.Very good postings i have seen here on this thread alone .To the OP have you asked your partner the very questions you posed to us here ? If he has not changed in a year do you think he shall ?Understanding the need to be owned is fine no need to be a door mat .Our journeys take up on many paths and this maybe a crossroads for your path do you stay on your current path unhappy yet knowing what you have currently ?Or venture upon a new path ?Yes unknown yet looking for betterment enrichment ,and happiness .Look with-in asking yourself some of the questions your asking of others , you know you and seek some answers .Could it also be in your questions title , the wording expect ?You have expectations that are not being met hence giving you disapointments ?
Best wishes and hope you find what your seeking .

< Message edited by azropedntied -- 11/18/2007 7:57:28 PM >

(in reply to serenitee)

Post #: 19

RE: should you expect love back - 11/18/2007 7:54:02 PM

MrSpectacular

Posts: 1153
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

If you are unhappy and depressed in your relationship you have a pretty clear indicator that something is not quite right. Putting a collar is not going to change that. You either establish what you want or move on to something better.

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Yes I am Spectacular and they are real!

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 20

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