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RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? - 11/19/2007 5:20:14 PM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

I've never felt the need to tell anyone that I'm a Domme. I've never felt the need to tell anyone I fancy Jean Luc Picard in Star Trek either.

Why would I?


Because it would be TERRIBLE if my Owner and I were the only Trekkies in the lifestyle. :-)

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? - 11/19/2007 5:20:58 PM   
serenitee


Posts: 13
Status: offline 		I’m very open about my desire in kink. I don’t necessarily go out of my way to inform people of my lifestyle, but I don’t hide it either. Certain individuals know more than others, as I try to keep my personal life a little bit under the radar at school and such, but my friends and family know a limited selection of my interests. But, my opinion is, the kinky people will automatically know I’m kinky by looking at me so I don’t have to share! 

(in reply to lockmeupplease)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? - 11/19/2007 5:29:40 PM   
damia


Posts: 190
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		I am very open about my lifestyle. My employers know, being formerly in the lifestyle themselves. My mother and sister know. My husband is in the lifestyle. I am who I am, and I don't hide it.

New friends that are vanilla...I usually gauge how they would handle it, and if I don't think they'll handle it well, I probably won't stay friends with them. I was a chronic liar as a child; I try not to lie anymore.    

Edit: Well, except for my sca friends. It just never comes up with them, and if it does it 's only among those who understand. Others, I just avoid it coming up...not too hard.


< Message edited by damia -- 11/19/2007 5:57:10 PM >

(in reply to cyberdude611)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? - 11/19/2007 5:30:34 PM   
astarri


Posts: 265
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline 		My two best friends know and my sister knows. I have joked about it and people think im a little "off" at the best of times.I really dont worry to much about people knowing. I do not volunteer the info as i shake their hand but if someone inquires i tell them.
Dating~ now that is kinda new to me but i will be very open here. Sexual personalities matter here and i need someone who is into what i am. I am unsure how to bring it up though when the time comes.

(in reply to cyberdude611)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? - 11/19/2007 5:44:48 PM   
LivingInSin


Posts: 326
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		I used to keep it a secret along with being Pagan....until someone accused me of "lying" about everything. Now I am blunt, almost to the point of rudeness about myself.
*shrugs* folks have to figure out if they are going to accept me as I am or leave.

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? - 11/19/2007 5:54:04 PM   
JulieorSarah


Posts: 552
Joined: 8/25/2007
Status: offline 		I collect fine china, work in accounts, love to play scrabble, dabble in short fiction writing and at times seek and attain contentment in serving his needs. 
None of these interests 'come up' in conversations with people i've just met nor would I think many in my life would be aware of all of these interests I have except for those that share them. 
The exception being at places where others who have the same interest gather.
Birds of a feather flock together ...
For bdsm, trust has to be in place.  It's a very private part of my life, that many may not understand or wish to understand. 
My instincts and the circumstances decide when it's appropriate to admit I collect fine china, or work in accounts, or love to play scrabble, or dabble in short fiction writing or at times seek and attain contentment in serving his needs.

(in reply to astarri)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? - 11/19/2007 6:07:16 PM   
LadyLegs


Posts: 176
Status: offline 		I dont walk around in a corset slapping a crop against my thigh, but neither do I worry about someone finding out.  It seems that people that aren't familiar with the lifestyle are pretty oblivious & I dont rub their noses in it.

(in reply to JulieorSarah)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? - 11/19/2007 6:17:16 PM   
AFlyInYourWeb


Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cyberdude611

In other words do you fear a backlash if people found out about your interest in bdsm? Does your family know? Your boss? Neighbors?

If you are single, how soon do your declare your interests to potential partners?



Yes, of course there would be a social and financial backlash, which is why I limit sharing my kinks with women who are potential Dominas.  If they aren't potential Dominas, why would they want to know?

Yes, that means I have avoided dating vanillas since I found the internet.  I know from hard-won past experience that it will be only a few months before I get bored with the vanilla sex and lack of deeper emotional intensity that D/s can bring into a relationship.  The odds of "converting" a vanilla woman into a FemDom are daunting. So, why waste their time or mine? 

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(in reply to cyberdude611)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? - 11/19/2007 6:22:57 PM   
osocurious


Posts: 676
Joined: 11/2/2007
Status: offline 		I’m only just beginning to accept my own desire for “kink” and explore the seemingly endless possibilities myself … I would be Clueless as to how to go about “sharing” ANY of what’s going on in my head these days.
*blushing*

*thinking about all of this*
on the other hand ... I've never felt that ANY of the "privet" areas of my life were up for discussion ... I don't see the need to share.
Not that I'd be so afraid of "backlash" ... just no one's business

respectfully,
~ curious ~

< Message edited by osocurious -- 11/19/2007 6:26:54 PM >

(in reply to AFlyInYourWeb)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? - 11/19/2007 6:47:57 PM   
phedre81


Posts: 56
Joined: 10/29/2007
Status: offline 		I tend to be a pretty open person in general, but only my girlfriend and best friend know about this.  I really don't see the need for anyone to know about this private aspect of my life, but for me, also, there is a fear of backlash and judgment that adds to that, and DOES make me feel sort of ashamed and secretive at times.

That's not how I WANT to be, but at the moment, it's how I am, and I'm growing. ;)

(in reply to osocurious)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? - 11/19/2007 6:51:09 PM   
ELUSIVE1


Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline
I don't hide my lifestyle choices--nor do I put it in anybody's face--my children know--as do my siblings--pretty obvious when I visit big bro during leatherfest--or look for fun fetish shops when I am in LA with big sis...big deal, we are all adults---we all have our own proclivities


< Message edited by ELUSIVE1 -- 11/19/2007 6:53:39 PM >

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(in reply to phedre81)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? - 11/19/2007 6:56:58 PM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		My parents and siblings know, my friends know, I work for myself in the fetish/bondage/sex toy business so most of the people I interact with on a daily basis know. Hubby and the kids know. I used to run a munch..... I dont keep it secret from anyone, but I dont go out and shout about it either. I understand that people need that part of their lives discreet and respect it. But I would prefer it if people COULD be more open  but I think thats gonna take a few more years/generations
Lucy

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(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? - 11/19/2007 7:05:15 PM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		I only date my own kind, so the whole "keeping it secret from your date" thing is pretty much moot. (Thank God for fetish events, munches and play parties!) As far as the rest of my work/social circle... I tell people whom I trust, and let the rest gossip and guess. (Makes life more interesting.)

(in reply to Lucylastic)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? - 11/19/2007 9:00:13 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Except for amongst friends and forum lovers, I don't share my sexual fun in general.

But this isn't just my sexual fun.  What am I supposed to do when I have a curfew from my partner?  When I need permission to do something?  When I can't eat something I normally would because of some restriction?

I don't lie.  I don't see a need to.  It is my life and my choice.  If someone wants to get into my business and ask or make comments about my needing to call and ask permission for something, then they will get the truth. 

I also don't get out a megaphone and start flashing my phone to everyone and talk about how I "Need to call my MASTER before I can go because I need PERMISSION to go out after 7!!"

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(in reply to bipolarber)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? - 11/19/2007 9:10:43 PM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline 		Just like my being a lesbian, my being submissive
and desiring to express that in a D/s relationship,
is nobody's biswhack, really.
 
I tell people who are close because their thoughts
mean something to me.
 
Sometimes when going out it's fun to flaunt it.
 
I talked to my mother about the dyanmic I like in my
relationships,
the rest, I could care less one way or another unless in
that rare instant where it could bring on some sort of attack.
 
Missy.

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(in reply to cyberdude611)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? - 11/19/2007 10:04:46 PM   
simplyeli


Posts: 31
Joined: 4/7/2007
From: Panhandle of Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

Dear CD-
 
Most of the people around me- Boss, coworkers, family, friends, Barristas, cabdrivers, healthcare providers, know that I am fairly freaky. OTOH, I becuase I am pretty out about it, many think I am joking (until it's too late! mauhahahaha!)...






same here, i'm pretty loud and outspoken as well, my friends know i am pretty kinky, my jokes and inuendos are not subtle in any way. now that i think about it, aint a subtle bone in my whole body. i am pretty out front and honest and "what you see is what you get"
fortunately, most men are very curious when the word "submissive" is mentioned, and unfortunately, it can cause some pretty embarrassing conversations. but, for the most part, lots of laughter and blushes and mischievious smiles. makes for a hell of an icebreaker...


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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? - 11/19/2007 10:22:13 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I'm out on a national level. My mother and her side of the family knows. I don't talk to my father's side of the family much. I'd tell them if they asked about it. I tell people getting to know me as they ask about it, unless I've gotten to the point where I feel they HAVE to know in order to really get all of me. That's the point at which I'd tell someone I was dating. I usually tell them pretty up front 'cause if they can't handle it, it's a huge waste of time for both of us. I also make sure they understand that I don't need it in an equal partnership...as long as they understand that I'm poly and I will have it with others.

Pretty much, I don't care who knows. It's not something that I shout, but I don't hide it away either. Also, I don't have a job I can loose because of it nor do I have children that can be taken because of it.

Master Fire


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(in reply to cyberdude611)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? - 11/19/2007 10:31:18 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Even my butcher knows I live an alt lifestyle.  I do not push exactly what kind of alt lifestyle I lead into everyone’s face but, the protocol between me and my slave(s) in public is revealing.

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? - 11/19/2007 10:33:27 PM   
Valyraen


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline 		My friends know. The ones that it scares, don't ask... particularly not after the time I came charging down the stairs stark naked with a katana in one hand when our house alarm went off during playtime (a friend had let some of our friends into the house without knowing the alarm was on). My family knows because I've never felt a need to keep things from them; if it scares them, they don't ask and I don't rub their faces in it.

There's nothing about me that screams "I like to call my girlfriend a filthy slut while I'm beating the hell out of her with a leather belt", nor am I any less myself around the 'nilla folks. If it doesn't come up in conversation, I don't see any need to make people twitchy. Okay, I take that back... playing with people's heads is sometimes my favorite form of recreation . I usually try to be good, though... it's not worth the work, most of the time.

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RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? - 11/19/2007 10:41:33 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		I've told certain friends and such. 

Some of my family has a clue too.

No one finds it that remarkable actually.

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marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to Valyraen)
Profile   Post #: 40
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