FTopinMichigan
Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
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quote:
ORIGINAL: KarbonCopy
You know to be perfectly honest, I dont think that traumas or lack there of, has anything to do with our roles.
I mean in some cases, I might understand how someone being constantly beat down, could inspire either a rebellious Dom/me personality, or a broken submissivenes but I dont think that its an explination that we can rely on.
In my own experience(s), I have to say that my early childhood trauma(s) "have" helped shaped my dominant personality, to some extent. It did not prompt me to be a Domme/Top.
While I believe that I was born a diehard Spanko (since my spanking interest memories go back as far as I can remember - as early as four years old), I feel that my dominant personality was shaped, or at least was reinforced by not having control over my life and events, in early childhood. (Yes, that would imply early abuse...but I have been fortunate to have dealt with it now, in a very healthy and productive manner.)
My lose of control as a child, forced me, or better yet, taught be to "take" control over all that I could. I didn't want to allow myself to be in the same type of situation again.
If I reflect back on life events, I know that many of them have shaped my personality. I don't think of it in a negative way, but I do feel it forced my hand <no pun intended>.
I don't wish my past experiences on anyone, but I don't regret who I am today either. It has taken me a long time to get where I am today, but I don't see my past causing my interest in BDSM, or effecting it either.
The past helped shaped my personality, but is not who I am today.
I do know some Dommes that appear to have allowed their own past traumas effect them and their interacts with subs. I'm one of the lucky ones, to have dealt with the past, and for the most part, been able to let it go.
As far as "abuse vs. discipline"...I think communication is key to understanding desires, motivations, limits, etc. Just knowing your partner, and yourself, and working in sync is the imperative to growing together. You have to work together to a positive relationship. If a sub/slave is feeling "crushed" and let down (or even if the Domme feels this way)...it didn't happen overnight.
I also feel that education and understanding the effects of ones actions, or the possible effects is imperative to pursing all aspects that one might enjoy. It's not a simple thing of thinking this is how it is...or this will work....it's more like learn all you can...and then it's trial and error anyway. Obviously, there's no one way.
IndigoDadsi, I do hope that things improve for you and your slave. Your posting to the message board, requesting input shows your care and concern for him. I do agree with those that have posted about "positive" reinforcement. For me, building a person up, is much more productive and satisfying, than tearing them down.
K
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RE: Abuse vs. discipline - 
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