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RE: Being "Too nice" - 11/20/2007 12:04:38 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dominic2008

Below is a short excerpt from a vanilla site that discusses how men should behave with women
The owner of the site constantly harps on about not being "Too nice" to womenand I would love your opinion on this
So here it is.........................................................


I have a girlfriend who is a perfect 10, but she
has the worst luck with men. Know why? They are
TOO NICE TO HER!!!!!!!! I was sitting out by the
pool with her this past weekend, and listening to
her talk about the latest guy she's dating. He's
cute, attentive, sweet, thoughtful, generous,
funny, and a tiger in bed!! BUT, she told me that
he isn't the "one." I asked her why, and this is
exactly what she said, "He's too agreeable.
Everything I say is OK with him...anything I want
to do, go, or think is OK with him. I'm getting
bored. He doesn't have enough personality for me.
He's always smiling, and my thirteen year old
daughter even says he's a wuss for being so nice
all the time. I want a man who's a challenge."


Sounds like the way men were told they should be in the 60's and 70's to make up for all those years of being "abusive" to women.  I never fit the mold that well though I tried hard for the most part.  I finally got tired of almost all of it and instead, went back to being the gentleman my parents taught me to be and the self...dominant, twisted bastard that it is...I am.

(in reply to dominic2008)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Being "Too nice" - 11/20/2007 12:10:07 PM   
ferriemistie


Posts: 51
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline 		I like a guy that is nice but firm.. Someone that can give a compliment when deserved but can also put me in my place when the need be.... I had an ex that was a "extra nice" guy and it sucked cause I would push and push to try to get him to say "no" but he never did.. -sigh-

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Being "Too nice" - 11/20/2007 12:12:41 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Different people, obviously, have different expectations from a partner.  Some men and women want attractive, successful, and lukewarm partners.  A vain person has a hard time with a partner who is more than a mirror.  I think in a way, this does speak to dominance and submission; a vain dominant seems themself as a god/goddess to be worshiped, and expects their relationship partner to feel the same way.  A humble submissive, by contrast, would probably be most unsatisfied if they were worshiped and fawned over. 

Either way, the woman described doesn't sound at all like 'nice' was a bad quality.  I agree with others; she wanted someone who challenges her, who helps her to be a better person than she is instead of simply being an enabler for who she already is.

Stephan


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(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Being "Too nice" - 11/20/2007 3:19:17 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I will not be with someone that is not "nice". What she describes is not about "niceness", it is about feeling as though the person you're with does not have views of their own, anything they are passionate about... in other words, someone who will suck up what they feel to please the person they are with... that to me is not about being "nice" 


I think julia nailed it.  I like nice, I like polite, too, but I also like a man who can think; who has opinions and thoughts and who isn't afraid to express them.
 
I have thoughts about the 'No' word...or in disagreeing at all.  If it never happens, HOW does one really know when 'yes' is really 'yes'?
 
This reminds me of something that happend to my father.  He went to dinner at a friend's home as a kid...and cuz his mother always told him to 'be nice'...he complimented the boy's mother on the okra she fixed (which he had to nearly gag down).
 
She fixed it for him every time he came to dinner after that!  ha!
 
Beverly

< Message edited by Bearlee -- 11/20/2007 3:20:51 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Being "Too nice" - 11/20/2007 3:24:21 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline 		Nice guys finish last...

Well aren't we supposed to make sure She finishes first?

< Message edited by darchChylde -- 11/20/2007 3:28:50 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Being "Too nice" - 11/20/2007 3:26:09 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita

Weren't you one of the ones in a thread a while ago adamantly proclaiming how you refuse to be percieved as 'nice'? 

Ah, right, I suppose if you gave this girl props for sharing your viewpoint it would be too nice of you. 


I would if it wasn't narrated like she was returning a washer. Just an abstraction I noticed in the way the story was told.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita
All in good fun.  Loosen up a little MR.  When was the last time you smiled?


A kitten got run over on the way home from work.

That made me smile.

(See how deep my "Not-Niceness" goes )

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 11/20/2007 3:27:52 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Being "Too nice" - 11/20/2007 8:48:29 PM   
KMsAngel


Posts: 17415
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline 		so chopping off your paws to dangle them from my keychain and rear view mirror isn't going to hurt your feelings or upset you, eh? EXCELLENT *sharpens filleting knife*

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Being "Too nice" - 11/20/2007 10:12:22 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		Girls always liked to bitch that I messed up thier hair. But ya gotta have SOMETHING to hold onto when you tickle them!

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Being "Too nice" - 11/21/2007 12:01:26 AM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

Nice guys finish last...

Well aren't we supposed to make sure She finishes first?


Ah!  Great idea!

New expression:  "Nice guys finish last.  The others finish in five minutes."

(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Being "Too nice" - 11/21/2007 2:16:27 AM   
bryhtwulf


Posts: 28
Joined: 11/18/2007
Status: offline 		Or you could be like me, and have just about every single girlfriend leave you because you won't have sex. Some of them are even women in my church! Things go great, then they want to "take it to the next level". Not that i don't wnat to, but I don't believe in sex outside of marriage. So off they go......Leaving a sad, sad man.

(in reply to CuriousLord)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Being "Too nice" - 11/21/2007 2:19:56 AM   
pinksugarsub


Posts: 1224
Status: offline 		In the years between my divorce and my discovery of D/s i dated a lot of 'nice' guys.  i found most of them to be incredibly passive-agressive; they wanted things their way but would never come out and say so.  A lot were also deceitful and unfaithful.
 
My dating motto is 'no drama, no bulls*t'.  i seek a Dominant Man who will decide things and express those decisions clearly and without hesitation.  Doesn't mean i want to be a robot or micro-managed, but i want a Man who is in charge.
 
That said, i also want Him to have wonderful manners, always, and to treat me like a lady at least in public.  i don't see any reason i cannot have the 'gentleman perv' of my dreams.
 
pinksugarsub

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Being "Too nice" - 11/21/2007 3:57:10 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		In a way it is a handicap for a woman to be beautiful. She may not have the intellect and emotional stability to handle it anymore than a pro-boxer who gets millions, yet can’t find happiness or hold onto his money.  Some men will be awed by her physical appeal and not able to treat her normally, giving her a false sense of how things will always be.

That could be what this woman is going through now, but she should realize that with a 13 year old daughter she is approaching a time when her absolute physical beauty will diminish in comparison to 20 year old beauty contestants. She needs to develop in other ways.

To be fair maybe she realizes all this and sees the shallowness of the men attracted only to her physical appeal. Maybe she has a valid complaint.

I can admire a beautiful body or a glacier mountain, but that doesn’t mean I want to camp on it. If I can’t find smiles on a face, I’m unlikely to be appreciative of the rest of it. People are such complex works or art that I want to study the person and find the exquisiteness hidden in the smile.

Maybe the beauty would even be more attractive if she is not so perfect in her mind and needs help in some way by her own admission. There comes a point even with the beauty contest winner when the sex doesn’t work if she also happens to be a shallow, unthinking person.

One area the internet works better than real time is getting to know a person intellectually and emotionally, I think. It is my giant sifter and I would screen out a beautiful, unthinking and unfeeling woman if I was seeking a slave or something more than a very casual night or two.

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(in reply to pinksugarsub)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Being "Too nice" - 11/21/2007 4:56:22 AM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

In a way it is a handicap for a woman to be beautiful...


Okay, you kinda lost me on this one.  How did this get to be the woman's fault because she's beautiful?

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Being "Too nice" - 11/21/2007 5:08:37 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		OK people I get the point. No more mister nice guy for me. All you bitches on your knees. How's that.

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Being "Too nice" - 11/21/2007 8:11:54 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

In a way it is a handicap for a woman to be beautiful...


Okay, you kinda lost me on this one.  How did this get to be the woman's fault because she's beautiful?



Ah, I didn't say it was her fault. I said it could be a handicap because certain men will treat her in unrealistic ways. Read past my opening. See what I mean?

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Being "Too nice" - 11/21/2007 8:54:41 AM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bryhtwulf

Or you could be like me, and have just about every single girlfriend leave you because you won't have sex. Some of them are even women in my church! Things go great, then they want to "take it to the next level". Not that i don't wnat to, but I don't believe in sex outside of marriage. So off they go......Leaving a sad, sad man.


You really, really should look into it.  Contrary to religious beliefs, I really don't think it's healthy, either physically or psychologically, to not have sex until marriage.  Unless you marry as a teen or something, but I wouldn't recommend that, either.

I get it seems less romantic, but, seriously, have you ever considered the huge stunt to your growth as an individual you're enduring by maintaining a tabboo in your life?

(in reply to bryhtwulf)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Being "Too nice" - 11/21/2007 8:57:15 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		As always, this comes down to semantics and perception.

Nice does not always mean passive or boring or enabling, but it can be.

Not nice does not always mean abusive,controlling, thoughtless and selfish, but it can be.

I happen to believe that being a nice guy and being a "bad boy" can co-exist in the same person; I just have not yet found it. I don't think it is mutually exclusive though.

Why do I believe that you can be very nice and also be "bad"?

Because I am, so why wouldn't there be a man who possessed the same qualities. And I know that I am not passive, boring, a "yes" woman or any of the negatives used to describe nice. I treat people well and certainly give alot in my relationships, have given too much to the wrong people at times.

But I am also challenging, stimulating and a handful, which I think is a good mix of qualities, so I have to believe that there are nice men who can grab me by the hair, make me scream (in a good way) and then fix me a cup of tea and hold me.

Otherwise, I am screwed.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 11/21/2007 8:58:54 AM >

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Being "Too nice" - 11/21/2007 9:03:08 AM   
bryhtwulf


Posts: 28
Joined: 11/18/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

quote:

ORIGINAL: bryhtwulf

Or you could be like me, and have just about every single girlfriend leave you because you won't have sex. Some of them are even women in my church! Things go great, then they want to "take it to the next level". Not that i don't wnat to, but I don't believe in sex outside of marriage. So off they go......Leaving a sad, sad man.


You really, really should look into it.  Contrary to religious beliefs, I really don't think it's healthy, either physically or psychologically, to not have sex until marriage.  Unless you marry as a teen or something, but I wouldn't recommend that, either.

I get it seems less romantic, but, seriously, have you ever considered the huge stunt to your growth as an individual you're enduring by maintaining a tabboo in your life?

i left the church at one point my friend, all Pew Babies (Children raised in the pentecostal/Apostolic/full Gospel Church) do. I have had sex before, it's not all THAT great. yeah it feels good, but the Bible states that it is a mortal sin to fornicate. I have been down that dark road, and will not travel it again. No, it's not for everyone, and yes, it is very hard, but I keep my mind on Jesus at times like that.

(in reply to CuriousLord)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Being "Too nice" - 11/21/2007 9:21:58 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Hard to believe all the conversations going on in this thread.

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Being "Too nice" - 11/21/2007 9:29:52 AM   
bryhtwulf


Posts: 28
Joined: 11/18/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

Hard to believe all the conversations going on in this thread.

I like the picture of Sephiroth. FF7 is the greatest game ever.

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 40
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