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A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 6:11:06 AM

Mellissande

Posts: 435
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

This is not meant to inflame, as I am also a BBW, But I personally take offense when a man is only interested in my body size. If a man comes up to you, be he Dom or Vanilla, and seems only interested in the fact that you are a BBW and not your mind, or anything else, Do you get Offended? Am I being overly easy to upset? I don't mind being accepted as a BBW or even having someone like that. It just bothers me when a guy seems to not care about anything but yout size. I feel like a skinny girl complaining about guys not caring about anything but how they look... Could anybody give me some advice on this?

_____________________________

Offer them what they secretly want and they of course immediately become panic-stricken.
— jack Kerouac

Post #: 1

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 6:18:21 AM

slaveaurora

Posts: 157
Joined: 6/30/2006
Status: offline

I have no advice for you.    But I personally hate the term "BBW".
My problem however is the opposite.   People stop talking to me when they find out I am a little fluffy.
Most men prefer H/W/P, and won't give you the time of day if you are not.

I am not looking for anyone, but it is quite sad when you can't even have a friend, because they think you are too big.

a~

(in reply to Mellissande)

Post #: 2

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 6:31:55 AM

Mellissande

Posts: 435
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

I am so sorry you have experienced that. I have never had a problem with friends thinking I am too big, I can't imagine that someone who would think that way you should even consider as a friend...

_____________________________

Offer them what they secretly want and they of course immediately become panic-stricken.
— jack Kerouac

(in reply to slaveaurora)

Post #: 3

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 6:37:00 AM

slaveaurora

Posts: 157
Joined: 6/30/2006
Status: offline

I don't consider them a friend, and usually tell them to kiss my big sexy butt. :)
I just think it is sad that people are so shallow.

(in reply to Mellissande)

Post #: 4

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 6:45:40 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

If you identify yourself as a BBW as you have, then that is what you will attract attention in being. Drop the term and simply identify as yourself and you will attract a wider circle.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Mellissande)

Post #: 5

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 6:48:15 AM

KyttynTheMynx

Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline

Ive come across guys that are attracted to me only due to size, some that like me for my mind, and some that like me for both. The ones that are only trying to be friends cuz of my body are the ones that I "accidentally" lose touch with.

_____________________________

Hibbie's Hottie

The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 6

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 6:50:10 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Exactly.

Call attention, to what you do, want them to be attracted to.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 7

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 6:52:48 AM

Mellissande

Posts: 435
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

I thank you for your replies. And for the advice Dark. I do not Identify on my profile as anything other than myself, but obviously my picture tells what I look like. I do not tell my weight, yet I continue to recieve responses about me being a BBW. I myself do not like the term much, but as that is how most others Identify larger women that is the term I have adopted.

_____________________________

Offer them what they secretly want and they of course immediately become panic-stricken.
— jack Kerouac

(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)

Post #: 8

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 7:04:22 AM

Cloudz

Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline

Mellissande,

To answer your question - yes, it has happened to me. On both sides, being prefered because of my size and being rejected for it. We all have personal preferences - so I tend not to take offense.

I hate the term BBW simply because big is in the eye of the beholder, as is beautiful. I find it a stupid term, and have never used it.

I did check out your profile and want to say that you are a beautiful young woman who's personality shines through in the photos (even the one without the mouse ears) so keep following your heart, and best of luck in your search.

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

(in reply to Mellissande)

Post #: 9

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 7:07:13 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

What constitues large? Anyone over a size 12? Biggest breasted? Large hips? Obese? All these could fit the criteria. I could be technically be defined as a BBW, but I never have.
I understand by your writings that you do not like the term yourself, yet have adopted it - I would suggest that if you don't like the term and don't feel that you fit the term, then do not adopt it because you are sending out a different message to one you have inside of you. You are following someone elses definition of a role and not your own, and you won't attract nor meet those with the same ideas as yourself if you adopt something that just isn't you.

I looked at your profile and from my POV you aren't a 'stereotypical' BBW. Those people that even suggest that, obviously haven't read through your entire profile with any real depth and that for me, would put them on my 'no list' automatically and would get a thanks but no thanks.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Mellissande)

Post #: 10

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 7:23:37 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

it's tough being a big breasted black woman (my version of bbw) because it does attract the unwanted attention from the wrong men. yes, there are men who think being this way means you're a) easy, b) less inteelligent and c)have no pride in your appearance or that you cannot eat healthy. i had men who enjoyed talking to my chest than me.

true we all have our preferences and most of the time a guy will pick the skinny, attractive woman over a bbbwoman - i think it's a matter of ego instead of preference yet it takes a very special guy who looks beyond the outward appearance and focuses on the inner person in you. i'm lucky to find 2 such men in my life.

< Message edited by sambamanslilgirl -- 11/20/2007 7:25:40 AM >

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Mellissande)

Post #: 11

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 7:26:57 AM

liminalRapture

Posts: 181
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline

First of all, your profile is lovely and gracious. I'm sort of a BBW (size 14/16) but don't really use the term and someone said I didn't qualify once, but again, eye of the beholder. (You know it was a fashion magazine that went out of business that invented the term?)

This is the thing, though. I don't have a problem with it if it is ONE of many things. I would never want to be with someone that was ONLY interested in kink, but I don't want to be with someone that isn't kinky. If a guy responds to my profile and has BBW in their handle or their first two sentences, I consider, but only if he, like anyone else, really responds to my profile, giving a clue that he has read it and have something in common.

I have to have good conversation, with lots of ideas and quick, passionate, engaged, playful ideas. Without that, there is nothing. But if he happens to also think I'm unbelievably sexy--woo hoo!

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 12

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 7:44:10 AM

Mellissande

Posts: 435
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

Thank you Cloudz for your perspective. and for the compliments. I do not like the term because beauty is a very presumable thing. I do not presume to be beautiful although I know I am big.

The Dark I do not judge anyone else as large. I know that I am large because from a medical standpoint I am obese. Morbidly obese actually. I do not hide who i am in any way shape or form. I am pretty much an open book when it comes to how I feel and I try to let others see who I am truthfully online so there is no surprise if a meeting in real time is arranged

Sambamanslilgirl, I know exactly how you feel when it comes to that. I think any woman with a large bust can relate to that. As for being uninteligent or anything else, You are none of those and I am happy you found two who appreciate you for who you are!

_____________________________

Offer them what they secretly want and they of course immediately become panic-stricken.
— jack Kerouac

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 13

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 7:51:04 AM

Mellissande

Posts: 435
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: liminalRapture

First of all, your profile is lovely and gracious. I'm sort of a BBW (size 14/16) but don't really use the term and someone said I didn't qualify once, but again, eye of the beholder. (You know it was a fashion magazine that went out of business that invented the term?)

This is the thing, though. I don't have a problem with it if it is ONE of many things. I would never want to be with someone that was ONLY interested in kink, but I don't want to be with someone that isn't kinky. If a guy responds to my profile and has BBW in their handle or their first two sentences, I consider, but only if he, like anyone else, really responds to my profile, giving a clue that he has read it and have something in common.

I have to have good conversation, with lots of ideas and quick, passionate, engaged, playful ideas. Without that, there is nothing. But if he happens to also think I'm unbelievably sexy--woo hoo!

I have no problem if it is one of many attractions, it is when all they seem to care about is that I am large those that don't read my profile and those that are just overtly "chubbychasers" I absolutely abhor that term, but there are men out there who care about nothing other than the fact that you are a large woman. they have no care about your thoughts or experiences. Those are the ones that I get offended with.

_____________________________

Offer them what they secretly want and they of course immediately become panic-stricken.
— jack Kerouac

(in reply to liminalRapture)

Post #: 14

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 7:59:28 AM

BBWnNC72

Posts: 1155
Joined: 6/22/2007
From: NC since Jan of 2007, but born and raised in Cali
Status: offline

i identify with being BBW, heck its part of my name. Mostly because i just want it known, no suprises. i get alot of messages from people who like the fact that i am large and thats what they are looking for physically and i get alot of messages because they liked my profile and journals.

i actually had one tell me that while i am an awesome person, i am too small, LOL, i was shocked!!

my trainer doesnt usually go for large girls but He was taken with me because of my attitude and williness to be taught and it developed from there to something that might result in long term.

i think that when we are browsing, we tend to look for certain things physically at first. i myself have my browser to search for Doms that are taller then me. its a personal choice. but i still chat with those who arent in my search criteria, because i like them as people.

do i mind being identified as BBW, no, its part of who i am, and its part of who some are looking for. why not get what you are looking for physically and emotionally?

just my thoughts.

< Message edited by BBWnNC72 -- 11/20/2007 8:21:16 AM >

_____________________________

huggs and purrs
Brian's kat
a.k.a. "greedy monkey"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.

(in reply to liminalRapture)

Post #: 15

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 8:01:28 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Thats right, thats right....

I'm a Big Bad Wolf.........

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to BBWnNC72)

Post #: 16

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 8:01:43 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

To the op......

Attraction and chemistry are what they are.

When I was fat-a lot less women found me acceptable as a partner. I made changes.

Forty pounds lighter, I'm still not acceptable to a great many women.

I don't have daily melt downs and complexes over it-suggest you learn to do the same.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to Mellissande)

Post #: 17

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 8:03:18 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

If you identify yourself as a BBW as you have, then that is what you will attract attention in being. Drop the term and simply identify as yourself and you will attract a wider circle.

the.dark.

That would be easier said than done, this being the judgemental world of the internet where visual imagery is the first step towards possible future chemistry.

If you are a larger woman, you will either do one of the following:

a. say that you are a BBW, whether you believe in the term or not (and it matters not whether we agree with it, it is now an accepted part of the lexicon manufactured by the fashion industry back in the day)
b. say nothing about your size
c. lie

In all of these cases there is only one outcome; the truth will come out. I believe in being honest. Beauty is purely in the eye of the beholder, including yourself. If I think I am beautiful, that is my right. If someone is attracted to that, that is their right. If someone is not into BBW's, no problem, move on to the next profile/woman.

But a larger woman/BBW, whatever your word du jour is these days really does not have much of a choice, despite your idealistic words above.

I know that I personally, write about myself in articulate terms, as does Melissande. But it does not matter a bit if we wrote one line or 1000, some will only be or not be attracted to that one word BBW, even if you do or do not put it in the profile.

As Mellissande says, she does not say that in her profile and clearly she is smart, sweet and adorable. But some will focus only on that and some will not see her beauty inside or out, or mine or a million other women out there, simply because of size.

Again, that is ok, because preferences are preferences, but please do not advise anyone to drop the term BBW when there really is no other way to "identify" in today's world. If you just say, FAT, that is taken then, too negatively. If you say BBW, then you are too full of yourself.

It is also interesting to hear the judgements even within this very thread, couched as "support". Those posters who said, "Oh you don't look like the stereotypical BBW". I hear that all the time. It gets really tiresome. But if you do not identify as larger than the cultural norm, and you meet someone, then you would be accused of misrepresenting yourself.

So you cannot win either way. It is too idealistic to think that if you could just show or not show your photo and be identified only by your words that show your inner beauty, but come on now, attraction beings with the physical so you cannot avoid the reality.

And remember, it is our profiles and we can identify any way we like, but we cannot control the reactions of those who view us.

Mellissande, don't worry about what you are asking; you will be able to tell who is interested in more than your size, I can assure you of that.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 11/20/2007 8:08:20 AM >

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 18

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 8:15:58 AM

Mellissande

Posts: 435
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

Again you come through with words of support and extreme intelligence. No wonder You're like my sister lol Thank you for helping me and for the advice. What you have said rings very true.

_____________________________

Offer them what they secretly want and they of course immediately become panic-stricken.
— jack Kerouac

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 19

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 8:17:53 AM

nohalo4me

Posts: 2
Joined: 11/16/2007
Status: offline

Big Bad Wolf..lol

Bad, Bad Wench!!

Who cares what others think. Be proud of yourself!!

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 20

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