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RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 8:21:32 AM

Mellissande

Posts: 435
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

To the op......

Attraction and chemistry are what they are.

When I was fat-a lot less women found me acceptable as a partner. I made changes.

Forty pounds lighter, I'm still not acceptable to a great many women.

I don't have daily melt downs and complexes over it-suggest you learn to do the same.

I didn't realize that I was having a meltdown... nor did I think I had a complex... Hmm, I should check into this... But as to what you said about weight, yes I understand that there are plenty of people who will not like someone for their size. I personally cannot stand men who are skin and bones. Women either for that matter. Personal preference always comes into play. and if someone happened to be outside of my physical preference but was a great person personalitywise and we had things in common I would not hesitate to befriend them and even to consider more if the compatibility is there

_____________________________

Offer them what they secretly want and they of course immediately become panic-stricken.
— jack Kerouac

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 21

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 8:22:06 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I am what I am, I look like I look....rather too late to change it now.......might as well be comfortable about it.

Popeye the Sailor Master

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to nohalo4me)

Post #: 22

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 8:23:06 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mellissande

Again you come through with words of support and extreme intelligence. No wonder You're like my sister lol Thank you for helping me and for the advice. What you have said rings very true.

For you, I am here anytime!!!

(in reply to Mellissande)

Post #: 23

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 8:23:07 AM

Mellissande

Posts: 435
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I am what I am, I look like I look....rather too late to change it now.......might as well be comfortable about it.

Popeye the Sailor Master

Your comments and takes on life never cease to put a smile on my face. Thank you

_____________________________

Offer them what they secretly want and they of course immediately become panic-stricken.
— jack Kerouac

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 24

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 8:23:15 AM

BBWnNC72

Posts: 1155
Joined: 6/22/2007
From: NC since Jan of 2007, but born and raised in Cali
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Thats right, thats right....

I'm a Big Bad Wolf.........

Ron

hmm, is that a red cloak that can be seen hanging out of Your mouth?

_____________________________

huggs and purrs
Brian's kat
a.k.a. "greedy monkey"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 25

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 8:25:37 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

I don't have daily melt downs and complexes over it-suggest you learn to do the same.

Where did the OP say she was having a breakdown? I think she asked a very intelligent question, as she always does. She does not appear to have a complex at all. In fact, she is one of more healthy souls I have encountered around here.

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 26

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 8:27:38 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mellissande

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

To the op......

Attraction and chemistry are what they are.

When I was fat-a lot less women found me acceptable as a partner. I made changes.

Forty pounds lighter, I'm still not acceptable to a great many women.

I don't have daily melt downs and complexes over it-suggest you learn to do the same.

I didn't realize that I was having a meltdown... nor did I think I had a complex... Hmm, I should check into this... But as to what you said about weight, yes I understand that there are plenty of people who will not like someone for their size. I personally cannot stand men who are skin and bones. Women either for that matter. Personal preference always comes into play. and if someone happened to be outside of my physical preference but was a great person personalitywise and we had things in common I would not hesitate to befriend them and even to consider more if the compatibility is there

This might not matter as much on any other sort of site where the platonic is stressed more. But this is a kinky sex site.

And sexual attraction DOES very much matter as a priority here. If someone is so put off by the front door-they aren't going to be poking around in the rooms inside, are they?

Call it whatever derogatory things that overwieght people use to make themselves feel better about scaring partners off-but it just is. Whining won't make that change-it only makes it worse.

It insinuates that the entire place is a dump-and not even worth trying to turn the doorknob- and that it will get worse before it gets better.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to Mellissande)

Post #: 27

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 8:31:04 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

you can take offense, or be flattered...it really is up to you. this slave takes it as a humorous compliment when someone shows obvious infatuation with an aspect of her body...to some, the rest of this slave is just the support system for a pair of pink nipples, and nothing more. how funny is that!

(in reply to Mellissande)

Post #: 28

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 8:35:20 AM

simplyangelic1

Posts: 186
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline

I don't so much care that someone is attracted to me because I'm a BBW. I embrace the term so those who don't find BBWs to be sexy don't waste my time. That being said, there is a danger lurking in the BBW waters and that is Feeders. Feeders want BBWs to keep gaining weight for their own pleasure. NO THANK YOU!! Accept me for who I am and the way I am, or walk away.

I'm lucky to have found a Master who loves all women and accepts me the way I am. He has a preference, extremely skinny, pale skin, long dark hair, kinda gothic looking. But he accepts me the way I am. The rare mentions of weight usually are sparked because he wants to lose some weight himself or exercise.

(in reply to nohalo4me)

Post #: 29

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 8:37:11 AM

Mellissande

Posts: 435
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

This might not matter as much on any other sort of site where the platonic is stressed more. But this is a kinky sex site.

And sexual attraction DOES very much matter as a priority here. If someone is so put off by the front door-they aren't going to be poking around in the rooms inside, are they?

Call it whatever derogatory things that overwieght people use to make themselves feel better about scaring partners off-but it just is. Whining won't make that change-it only makes it worse.

It insinuates that the entire place is a dump-and not even worth trying to turn the doorknob- and that it will get worse before it gets better.

ok, I did not realize I was whining either. I was asking a rational question of subs like myself to better understand how they react to situations I have been in. I did not say anything derogatory or inflamitory in any way and if anything has been interpreted that way I am horribly sorry. I never meant it that way.

As for your terms about a house... I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and believe those were not meant to be insults. I posted this looking for constructive insights from inteligent people like myself.

_____________________________

Offer them what they secretly want and they of course immediately become panic-stricken.
— jack Kerouac

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 30

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 8:38:52 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mellissande

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

This might not matter as much on any other sort of site where the platonic is stressed more. But this is a kinky sex site.

And sexual attraction DOES very much matter as a priority here. If someone is so put off by the front door-they aren't going to be poking around in the rooms inside, are they?

Call it whatever derogatory things that overwieght people use to make themselves feel better about scaring partners off-but it just is. Whining won't make that change-it only makes it worse.

It insinuates that the entire place is a dump-and not even worth trying to turn the doorknob- and that it will get worse before it gets better.

First of all, her question was for subs who identified as BBW's, not Doms who have lost weight but still seemed upset by it.

Second, her question is applicable across all dating websites, vanilla or KINK. Not sure what you mean by your last line about the entire place being a dump...?

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 11/20/2007 8:45:14 AM >

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 31

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 8:40:11 AM

Mellissande

Posts: 435
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: simplyangelic1

I don't so much care that someone is attracted to me because I'm a BBW. I embrace the term so those who don't find BBWs to be sexy don't waste my time. That being said, there is a danger lurking in the BBW waters and that is Feeders. Feeders want BBWs to keep gaining weight for their own pleasure. NO THANK YOU!! Accept me for who I am and the way I am, or walk away.

I'm lucky to have found a Master who loves all women and accepts me the way I am. He has a preference, extremely skinny, pale skin, long dark hair, kinda gothic looking. But he accepts me the way I am. The rare mentions of weight usually are sparked because he wants to lose some weight himself or exercise.

I am so glad you have found such a master, You are a beautiful woman. and in re: to the feeders. I have met a few men like that as well. I am large, but not because I want to be unhealthy. I have extenuating circumstances that make it incredibly difficult for me to lose weight. I do everything I can to keep from gaining weight.

_____________________________

Offer them what they secretly want and they of course immediately become panic-stricken.
— jack Kerouac

(in reply to simplyangelic1)

Post #: 32

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 8:44:25 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mellissande

This is not meant to inflame, as I am also a BBW, But I personally take offense when a man is only interested in my body size. If a man comes up to you, be he Dom or Vanilla, and seems only interested in the fact that you are a BBW and not your mind, or anything else, Do you get Offended? Am I being overly easy to upset? I don't mind being accepted as a BBW or even having someone like that. It just bothers me when a guy seems to not care about anything but yout size. I feel like a skinny girl complaining about guys not caring about anything but how they look... Could anybody give me some advice on this?

It happens to chicks who are skinny. Or have big boobies.. or big butts, sometimes flat butts on and on. Men often approach women in a purely visual manner and I have learned that it is their approach/mindset and not really the way I am.Watch a women with big breasts walk down the street and see the whiplash effect as she goes by the men lol. Watch a tall willowy women walk down the street and she will receive the same thing, maybe by different men but still it is a visceral reaction by them.As to advice? Use it. Use the approach if you are interested in them to continue the conversation. If you have no interest in them then treat it as any other unwanted approach.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to Mellissande)

Post #: 33

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 8:48:14 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

As a person that said 'you don't look like the sterotypical BBW' - Its pretty interesting to hear how someone 'judged' the suggested 'judgement' </s> - it wasn't meant to be 'supportive' so you got that wrong. It was an example of different perspectives. It gets tiresome people make assumptions too. It could be said you were - in your words - making a judgement couched as 'support' - by articulating that Mel is smart sweet and adorable. Pfttt... what seriously is negative about being supportive anyway? You did it. I'll do it if I like. So suck it up.

Its not about winning or losing either way. It's about identifying yourself as you view yourself. Mel said she didn't identify as a BBW and said she only adopted the term because other people suggested it. Yeah, people are judgemental - proof is right there in your post. But it's how you handle it that stands out eventually - so yes, if someone reacts in the negative to something we write or say, tell them they are wrong. Thats not controling, but it's making your intention clear.

Supportive, perspective or whatever you wanna judge it as.

the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 11/20/2007 8:49:07 AM >

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 34

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 8:52:43 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Thats right, thats right....

I'm a Big Bad Wolf.........

Ron

Hmm.... huff, puff and hell of a lot of blowing huh Ron?

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 35

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 9:00:02 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

As a person that said 'you don't look like the sterotypical BBW' - Its pretty interesting to hear how someone 'judged' the suggested 'judgement' </s> - it wasn't meant to be 'supportive' so you got that wrong. It was an example of different perspectives. It gets tiresome people make assumptions too. It could be said you were - in your words - making a judgement couched as 'support' - by articulating that Mel is smart sweet and adorable. Pfttt... what seriously is negative about being supportive anyway? You did it. I'll do it if I like. So suck it up.

Its not about winning or losing either way. It's about identifying yourself as you view yourself. Mel said she didn't identify as a BBW and said she only adopted the term because other people suggested it. Yeah, people are judgemental - proof is right there in your post. But it's how you handle it that stands out eventually - so yes, if someone reacts in the negative to something we write or say, tell them they are wrong. Thats not controling, but it's making your intention clear.

Supportive, perspective or whatever you wanna judge it as.

the.dark.

Hmmm...I am not really understanding your tone here, but that is ok, as you said, we don't have to agree or disagree on anything since it is a message board.

My saying Mel is sweet and adorable is my opinion of her, and I guess you can use semantics, as we all can and call that my Judgement of her. And yes, I do support her.

What I WAS commenting on in my long post was to answer what she was asking, you seemed to have taken it very personally, when in reality I was discussing the TOPIC. You totally missed the quote I took of yours.

But you can think or say whatever you like, just as I can; so suck THAT up.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 36

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 9:09:05 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

I was discussing your perspective vs. others... but I don't think you get it. Never mind, as I am not prepared to hijack Mels thread. If you do want to discuss it, I'm on the other side too.
Have a great day.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 37

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 9:17:16 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

I was discussing your perspective vs. others... but I don't think you get it. Never mind, as I am not prepared to hijack Mels thread. If you do want to discuss it, I'm on the other side too.
Have a great day.

the.dark.

Believe me, I totally get, I live it. But you are right, let us not hijack the thread, and you have a great day too.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 38

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 9:22:57 AM

curvyslavegirl

Posts: 134
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I tend to enjoy being with men who love my body, but not those who are in love with me BECAUSE of my body.
The "you're hot" emails tend to turn me off overall, whether its because they like my face or my plumpness.
Women with other types of bodies and prominent features have similar things come up, it just tends to be less controversial because of the stigma that comes with being plus sized. How many times have you heard the phrase "he only wants me for my body" or "I'm looking for a hot, sexy body". It can feel very shallow no matter what body type or part is being lusted after.

(in reply to nohalo4me)

Post #: 39

RE: A question for those that Identify as BBWs - 11/20/2007 9:27:45 AM

jadedserendipity

Posts: 3596
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

Mellisande, judgements tend to be passed out like Halloween candy and I have gathered there is nothing we can do about that, however I think that you asked a question in an articulate manner and there is no reason not to respond without passing judgements as best I can..... I myself am not a skinny lithe little thing by any means, but on the other side of the coin I do not identify as BBW, I actually dislike that term. I am a woman, we are made differently some with curves and slopes, some with dips and bumps, I have curves plenty of them. I have a big butt (imo) I have large breasts, I am tall and I am certainly not within the societal norm of "sexy" but I am me, there is far more to me than my physical being and if you list in your profile you are looking for a lifelong partnership and cannot get beyond the fact that I do not wear a size 5 then you know you are looking in the wrong place. I hate getting the mail from those who say things like "well you are too big for me but I like what you have to say and the way you think" that is certainly not the jump off to a good anything..... I do not tend to get the messages from men who are interested in me solely by my size though it is obvious that they are out there. I am sorry that you encounter people like this, however I have to say when we turn to such public forums to seek partners we run into such things. I hope that I got my thoughts out there without offending anyone as it was not my intent and that maybe it helped you know others go through it too and we do not think you are whining or otherwise....

~*jadedserendipity*~

< Message edited by jadedserendipity -- 11/20/2007 9:28:09 AM >

_____________________________

-:Anias Nin:- I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 40

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