SimplyMichael
Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
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For the people who have and will say that my opinion is wrong:
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As I have gotten to know quite a few members of the BDSM community around my home state, as well as some from around the world, Maine and the internet are not exactly a well rounded community. Ask any Leather title holder if they buy into anything you have written and I can't imagine a single one buying any of it.
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I have learned one important lesson: the greatest gift of submission is not when a person who identifies as a sub kneels and accepts a collar, nor is it the extreme maso-slave who is has a "leather ass;" what it truly is, is the Dominant person of the relationship accepting the submissive person in whatever his or her state of mental, emotional and physical conditioning.
Submission isn't a gift, if you can choose to give it, it isn't submission
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Ask a thousand people the same question and you will get a thousand different answers. You mouth the words but clearly, you don't get that, especially when a thousand people are telling you that you are wrong.
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I am going to break down the roles of Dominant and Submissive for the masses. Let me guess, you are also super good at modesty too right?
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For some people in our lifestyle, being a Dominant is purely for their own self gain. We call these ego-driven people "Dominates," because they have a way of taking anything from our lifestyle and twisting it in such a way that it is to the point of cartoon humor.
Holds up a mirror....
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I like to call these the compensationalists, as they try to overcompensate for their lack of skills with flashy talk Don't you just HATE those guys?
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Now that I have covered the nastiness of our lifestyle, Covered it or COVETED it?
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With that said, I would like to take a quick moment to go back to a statement I made in a previous paragraph. Dominants are submissive... Yup, I said it, and I stand by it with all the fibers in my body. I believe that you stand by it, don't doubt that part one bit, you seem to be standing alone though. Oh, and I looked at the few groups in your state and didn't see any mention of submissive dominants or the gift of submission crap.
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A person like me who identifies as a Dominant and is respected as one, not only by my partner but by members and peers in the greater kink community, is truly submissive to our partner. No, it is not the typical role you think of when you think of Dom and sub couples, but trust me... it is true.
The greater kink community of Maine? We have munches here with 75+ people, we have parties with hundreds, and events with thousands. So, it may be true for YOU but it isn't true for many others.
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To get my submissive to the point that I was able to offer a collar of any kind took a lot of work from me, which I hate to tell you Doms, is an act of service and submission.
Here is where I truly part ways with you. Improving yourself shouldn't be done for anyone else.
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Going out and finding all the info and double checking that you agree with what the authors touch on is a huge job. You don't ask yourself to do this do you, Doms? No, the submissive asks it of you and without thinking you jump and get on it. See what I am saying, gang? They have us by the balls and they don't even know it most of the time.
She may have YOU by YOUR balls but trust me KOM's balls go where HE wants them and so do mine...
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Really, though, Doms, we are in control of a lot of power, which affects not only the sub but the Dom and the community as well. I firmly believe that, as much as we love being in control and being Dominant in their lives, without them and their gift, we are nothing
Would you say the same thing to a woman who says "without a man I am worthless"? I am who I am, with or without a partner, perhaps a bit less snarky with a partner but still the same old arrogant sarcastic me.
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At any moment, the sub in your life, assuming you have one, could turn to you and say, "I'm done being your submissive. Go find someone else."
And you can't? That is true of any partner in any relationship. If you are jumping through hoops to keep your partner, you are being used or even perhaps in an abusive relationship but you are certainly not in a healthy bdsm one.
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For whatever reasons the submissive gives, it (your submissive leaving you) all boils down to the Dominant not succumbing to the true needs of the submissive.
Or you could suck or she could be a bitch, or one of you is boring, dick to big, too small, whatever.
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This again shows how the Dominant is really the one who must bow at times to the needs of another.
Taking into account the needs of another is not submission. If I take care of a sick friend, am I submitting to them? If I stop and let someone cross on a crosswalk, have I submitted? Allowing and respecting the needs of your partner is the definition of a healthy relationship, fulfilling their merest whim at the moment they feel it, THAT is submission.
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If you don't believe what I am saying here as gospel, just go to any of the fetish dating sites like Collarme and Alt dot com, look at all the single Doms out there, and then compare that number to single submissives.
So? Are you telling us that in order to get laid you will do anything? Seriously, not trying to be an asshole but I have women come on to me all the time here, but I waited because I wanted the one that was perfect FOR ME. I was single by CHOICE and if sadly, I was single again, I would not change so I could "get" a woman. Real dominants don't shift with the wind and "work it" to find a partner, we stand tall, make it clear who and what we are and some women, submissive women lust for that.
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In short, it is our job to take care of the needs, wants and desires of the submissive so that we as Doms can get all that we want out of our relationship with them.
Taking care of the needs of my partner is paramount but there is a vast difference between providing a nurturing safe place for my partner and submitting to her. Either you think being nice is submission, can't wrap your head around taking care of another, or you are missing some other element. If she was sick and I of course were spoiling her, that would not make me submissive to her, it would make me a caring partner. It is the motivation that is key, I am taking care of my little girl, the more I take care of her the more she gives of herself is key.
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I know by now if you are still reading this, you are saying, "Mike, you are a nut job. How can you expect me to believe all this bull crap you have just written?"
Yep
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When you find a submissive, try doing whatever you want with them and after a while, if you disregard their needs, you will be sitting on Alt dot com trolling for a new one because the submissive holds the power.
You confuse needs with wants, she needs air, I let her breath, she wants to masturbate, I don't let her. Think about it this way, if your submissive holds the power and you submit to her then what you are trying to do is hold the title that makes you feel secure "dominant" but have found a relationship where you can feed your need, which is to submit to a woman. Great, glad you are happy. Just don't expect the rest of us not to notice and to object when you want to claim that is what the rest of us are doing.
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I am sure that by now some of you out there are searching for a way to kill me because I am being honest and truthful.
Actually, you are not, see the above comment
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I am not making the typical stand that Dominates make. Glad you noticed
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Hell, I challenge any one of the people reading this to prove me wrong. Go for it, I dare you, because deep down we all know that it is human nature to help and be helped, to love and to be loved. Helping and loving your partner is not the same as submission.
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We in the lifestyle have just added in the sado-masochistic side to the dice of life. Since not all D/s relationships incorporate physical play, that is just one more knife in your theory.
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RE: Dominant because you say so? - 
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