RE: Finding A Mistress

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LadyAngelika -> RE: Finding A Mistress (9/2/2005 1:50:27 PM)
quote: Or perhaps Google can be persuaded to flush their cache, although they might not appreciate the extra workload. Google will not clear their cache for no one. Unless they pay through the nose. That's how it works when it's Moby Dick vs the guppies. In time, this will dissapear, 6 months or so. But all is always archived in the Internet Archive's Way Back Machine. - LA

PSB2k4 -> RE: Finding A Mistress (9/7/2005 12:37:49 AM)
I am surprised at how few females out there are looking for a part time houseboy. Honestly, all I'm looking for is someone to make me do some housework while being bossy at the same time, but it seems hardly anyone is actually looking for a sub to do this. More dominant women should know about things such as this website; I'm sure there are plenty of women in Ohio who would like to have a man clean up their house for them, but they just don't know that there are men out there looking for the same thing.

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Finding A Mistress (9/7/2005 4:24:06 AM)
quote: I am surprised at how few females out there are looking for a part time houseboy. Honestly, all I'm looking for is someone to make me do some housework while being bossy at the same time, but it seems hardly anyone is actually looking for a sub to do this. More dominant women should know about things such as this website; I'm sure there are plenty of women in Ohio who would like to have a man clean up their house for them, but they just don't know that there are men out there looking for the same thing. Actually, I think you answered your own question, in that you require her "being bossy at the same time". Most who want houseboys want it as a way to help out and free up some spare time for her, but if she has to follow you around coming up with ways to humiliate you and micromanage you....most, myself included, would just as soon either do the housework ourselves or hire a professional maid. You are not offering no strings housework. You are looking for a specific scene. Absolutely HUGE difference. The flip side is also that a smart lady is not going to allow "just anyone" into her home (and the smart sub shouldn't be willing to go to just anyone's home). So once again....scene ties, references, spend time getting to know one another.

lonewolf05 -> RE: Finding A Mistress (9/7/2005 6:47:46 AM)
quote: I often wonder what kind of person gets all eager over a profile. ========= the kind like ME when the profile "speaks" to me. many people figure i ain't all there i guess, but the way i was taught growing up, ya gotta take risks in life or ya ain't living. i am just fortunate enough that my new Ms i have DID write me first...She DID take charge from the get-go and STILL has full charge. and "I" personally could NOT be ANY happier than i am at this precise exact minute....... wolf

PSB2k4 -> RE: Finding A Mistress (11/28/2005 8:55:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood quote: I am surprised at how few females out there are looking for a part time houseboy. Honestly, all I'm looking for is someone to make me do some housework while being bossy at the same time, but it seems hardly anyone is actually looking for a sub to do this. More dominant women should know about things such as this website; I'm sure there are plenty of women in Ohio who would like to have a man clean up their house for them, but they just don't know that there are men out there looking for the same thing. Actually, I think you answered your own question, in that you require her "being bossy at the same time". Most who want houseboys want it as a way to help out and free up some spare time for her, but if she has to follow you around coming up with ways to humiliate you and micromanage you....most, myself included, would just as soon either do the housework ourselves or hire a professional maid. You are not offering no strings housework. You are looking for a specific scene. Absolutely HUGE difference. The flip side is also that a smart lady is not going to allow "just anyone" into her home (and the smart sub shouldn't be willing to go to just anyone's home). So once again....scene ties, references, spend time getting to know one another. maybe my choice of words in using 'bossy' were a bit pretentious....what i meant by that was that i'm looking for someone who KNOWS she's in control, and that i have to do whatever duties She asks me to do, regardless of wether i'd like to do them or not. For instance, one who will say "Today you are going to do the dishes, then mow the lawn, and then vacuum and scrub all the inside floors, and I expect it all done by 6 o'clock. Now get to work." as opposed to a Woman who will say something like "Oh could you PLEASE do the dishes now sweetie? And after you're done with those, would you consider doing some additional work around the household?". i certainly didn't mean that i'm in the market for a Domme who will micromanage me, as that's ridiculous, the whole purpose of a houseboy is to make the domme's life easier for Herself, not to satisfy his own urges.

SweetDommes -> RE: Finding A Mistress (11/28/2005 11:37:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PSB2k4 maybe my choice of words in using 'bossy' were a bit pretentious....what i meant by that was that i'm looking for someone who KNOWS she's in control, and that i have to do whatever duties She asks me to do, regardless of wether i'd like to do them or not. For instance, one who will say "Today you are going to do the dishes, then mow the lawn, and then vacuum and scrub all the inside floors, and I expect it all done by 6 o'clock. Now get to work." as opposed to a Woman who will say something like "Oh could you PLEASE do the dishes now sweetie? And after you're done with those, would you consider doing some additional work around the household?". i certainly didn't mean that i'm in the market for a Domme who will micromanage me, as that's ridiculous, the whole purpose of a houseboy is to make the domme's life easier for Herself, not to satisfy his own urges. Another side of this is that when we leave one or both of our boys with a list of things to do, we phrase it as a request. "While I'm at work, will you pick up around the house and clean the litter boxes?" or "Today, I'd like for you to do x, y, and z, and if you have time, a, b, and c would be nice too." We've been told that we are too polite to be Dommes, but at the same time, what does it hurt to say "Please" and "thank you" ... even houseboys need to feel appreciated. I get the overtones that you are trying to give with the second example, but a lot of people think that's how we are, simply because we do phrase the chores as requests - but that's isn't how it works, and any boy who has been in our house for very long (even if he isn't a live-in) knows the difference. So my question to you now is this: Do you intend to dismiss a potential Domme as not being "Domme-ly" enough if she happens to be polite and use common courtesy when giving you a list of chores to do? That is the impression that I'm getting, and if it's not the one you are trying to give, you need to think about how to present yourself in the future.

veronicaofML -> RE: Finding A Mistress (11/28/2005 12:09:15 PM)
So my question to you now is this: Do you intend to dismiss a potential Domme as not being "Domme-ly" enough if she happens to be polite and use common courtesy when giving you a list of chores to do? ====================== probably............yeah. i have had this conversation here already. i'll do some petty lil thing and She'll say thanks...i ask what for..."oh for such n such" and i tell Her to knock it off...i'm just doing my job....i dont WANT your thanks. that constitutes having an ulterior motive and i do not have one. i dont want your thanks. i'm not going to hold it over your head just coz i did something. to hell with that. if i did something all that grand above and beyond...we can discuss it.......but just because i am doing-my-job....is no reason to say thank you. i do not want anyone to feel obligated to me. that's a crock!

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Finding A Mistress (11/28/2005 12:14:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: veronicaofML if i did something all that grand above and beyond...we can discuss it.......but just because i am doing-my-job....is no reason to say thank you. i do not want anyone to feel obligated to me. that's a crock! And by doing it this way, you are also negating any obligation you may feel to your Mistress. It is just a job after all, and there is no emotional attachment. This, in turn, makes it easy to pack up and take off when you get bored or angry.

veronicaofML -> RE: Finding A Mistress (11/28/2005 12:38:09 PM)
negating any obligation you may feel to your Mistress. =========== i do not feel obligated to anyone anywhere FOR anything. i refuse to. She has a hubby. She is already..........obligated. i am an outsider. always WILL be. i do not believe in obligations... if someone doesnt stay of their own free will...just FEELING obligated wont cut it. i got 3 ex wives to prove THAT! i am only here as long as i feel needed and wanted. just like every other situation in life. at 16 i was told to get outta the house and dont come back...so i did. obligation wasn't involved THEN... i got 3 divorces...none there. this obligation thing is all a load of crap in MY world........ like me hate me ignore me but it's MY facts and MY truth.... either way.......i don't care. all i care about is what i see in the mirror...that's the only one that never walked out on me in life.

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Finding A Mistress (11/28/2005 1:03:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: veronicaofML negating any obligation you may feel to your Mistress. =========== i do not feel obligated to anyone anywhere FOR anything. i refuse to. She has a hubby. She is already..........obligated. i am an outsider. always WILL be. i do not believe in obligations... if someone doesnt stay of their own free will...just FEELING obligated wont cut it. i got 3 ex wives to prove THAT! i am only here as long as i feel needed and wanted. just like every other situation in life. at 16 i was told to get outta the house and dont come back...so i did. obligation wasn't involved THEN... i got 3 divorces...none there. this obligation thing is all a load of crap in MY world........ like me hate me ignore me but it's MY facts and MY truth.... either way.......i don't care. all i care about is what i see in the mirror...that's the only one that never walked out on me in life. Perhaps it would be better if I used the word "commit", as opposed to "oblige". To commit, one needs to develop some sort of relationship. Since that is not something you desire, (even friendship, it seems) it does make it more of a business deal and less of a power exchange. And there is no argument about the fact that it is much easier to pack up and move when there is no emotional investment. The power exchange it what is important to Me. Of course this is only My opinion, and your mileage may vary. In fact, it probably does!

veronicaofML -> RE: Finding A Mistress (11/28/2005 2:04:27 PM)
And there is no argument about the fact that it is much easier to pack up and move when there is no emotional investment. =============== yeah. THAT way no one can bitch "i gave you the best i had"---- no one is involved....there are no ill feeligs when it comes to the end..... cut and dry....simple, clean. i like it like that.

TiNeedsHouseboy -> RE: Finding A Mistress (11/28/2005 6:16:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika But all is always archived in the Internet Archive's Way Back Machine. Only if you want them to archive your web pages. There's a way to block them from spidering you. It's in their terms of use. I know people who keep their personal material far from getting Way Backed. ~ Ti ~

onceburned -> RE: Finding A Mistress (11/28/2005 6:45:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PSB2k4 i'm looking for someone who KNOWS she's in control, and that i have to do whatever duties She asks me to do, regardless of wether i'd like to do them or not. I think this sounds like a reasonable goal. Its a relationship where you obey, and she knows that you will. quote: For instance, one who will say "Today you are going to do the dishes, then mow the lawn, and then vacuum and scrub all the inside floors, and I expect it all done by 6 o'clock. Now get to work." as opposed to a Woman who will say something like "Oh could you PLEASE do the dishes now sweetie? And after you're done with those, would you consider doing some additional work around the household?". I agree with SweetDommes that a little politeness is not a bad thing. After all, you want her to be comfortable, right? And if she is most comfortable telling you what to do by using polite requests, isn't that what you want her to do? I suppose I am looking at it through the eyes of a larger relationship - one where her authority over me would be a little more bare in other circumstances. And that enables me to feel the steel behind the flowery words. I guess if your relationship is limited only to occasional housecleaning, you might need that bare authority to be right upfront.

Misstoyou -> RE: Finding A Mistress (11/28/2005 8:01:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PSB2k4 as opposed to a Woman who will say something like "Oh could you PLEASE do the dishes now sweetie? The word that changes what you wrote from an order to a request is not the "PLEASE," it's the "could you." Trust me, every time I tell my students, "Please, open your books" "Please, take out a piece of paper" "Please, spit out that gum", etc. they know darn well it's not a request, but an order. My submissive is definitely as smart as they are. [;)]

veronicaofML -> RE: Finding A Mistress (11/28/2005 11:33:51 PM)
"Today you are going to do the dishes, then mow the lawn, and then vacuum and scrub all the inside floors, and I expect it all done by 6 o'clock. Now get to work." excerpt======== personally??????? "I" like just having 'a' list for the day........but then? i am pretty well caught up here...and not a lot i can do anymore except daily minor upkeep. She gets mad coz i go too long too hard and then She has to tell me to sit...coz i get too stressed from running all day non stop.

SweetDommes -> RE: Finding A Mistress (11/28/2005 11:53:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: veronicaofML So my question to you now is this: Do you intend to dismiss a potential Domme as not being "Domme-ly" enough if she happens to be polite and use common courtesy when giving you a list of chores to do? ====================== probably............yeah. i have had this conversation here already. i'll do some petty lil thing and She'll say thanks...i ask what for..."oh for such n such" and i tell Her to knock it off...i'm just doing my job....i dont WANT your thanks. that constitutes having an ulterior motive and i do not have one. i dont want your thanks. i'm not going to hold it over your head just coz i did something. to hell with that. if i did something all that grand above and beyond...we can discuss it.......but just because i am doing-my-job....is no reason to say thank you. i do not want anyone to feel obligated to me. that's a crock! I feel no obligation ... I don't thank them because I think they want to hear it - I thank them because I appreciate them and what they do for us, I thank them because that's how I was raised. And you know what? When I'm at work, doing what I am paid to do, I can promise you that I do a better job if someone shows that they appreciate that I work my ass of in that clinic - that they appreciate me being there and doing what I do. And from past experience, I feel no remorse doing a 1/2 assed job for someone who constantly uses and abuses me with no show of appreciation at all. I know how it feels to be just a body filling a space, rather than someone who is there because of specific skills or knowledge or whatever - and I would never do that to another human being (or other animal, for that matter) intentionally. Once again, that's how I was raised. If you appreciate that someone did something - whether or not it's just "doing-[their]-job" - you let them know.

Slaveboiz -> RE: Finding A Mistress (11/29/2005 12:17:12 AM)
Where does it say that a Domme cant be courteous..... Respect and good manners begets respect and good manners. On another note here (not worth starting a new subject) but in all my years as a slave i never quite understood this idea that somone in a dominant position would be expected to be rude and disrespectful.... most Dommes i know are classy ladies and requirer their subs to also be classy as well.. their dominance take the form in other ways. i would have to wonder about the inner working of someone who requiered that inorder to feel thier submission. In my book the sign of a good Domme is more about how classy she is. humiliation is for the dungeon not every day life.. slave ziggy SE slave 2006

rwmbk -> RE: Finding A Mistress (1/1/2006 5:12:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: neosub11 I've been reading all the responses in this thread with great interest, and wanted to chime in with my own experience. Personally, I feel that I'm always making a very honest effort to not only reach out to Dommes, but to be engaging, and not just sound like a drone. I've changed/refined my profile numerous times, and while I'm sure there's probably still things I could do better (or that you guys will discover I could do better), I certainly made a great effort to write it and to have some depth in it. Granted I'm young (turning 21 in less than a month), but there are also quite a few Dommes on this site in their late teens/early 20's, so age shouldn't be a factor (especially when considering that I also am attempting to contact Dommes around my age). The bottom line is...I just don't know what to do anymore...I've been searching for a few years and for all but three months, haven't been able to find anyone to serve (the one Domme I was lucky enough to serve moved out of state, and I met her off a different website). I don't know what it is. I'm always polite and respectful in my letters. I don't make demands. I don't send one liners. I always include a picture or two. I don't say things like "yo" or "wassup." I don't copy and paste the same e-mail to every Domme. I make an effort to get to know everybody as an individual, as well as a Domme, and likewise, I include information about me other than what fetishes I like (and if I do include that information, I make it clear that I understand that in a D/s relationship, my needs are secondary to those of who I am serving). I read all profiles from top to bottom and respond appropriately (i.e. if the Domme is seeking only women, I don't write to Her...if she does not want to be addressed as Mistress, I don't, etc...in other words, I follow directions!). I don't send naked or otherwise vulgar pictures. I don't ask for a phone number, address or meeting from the very first (or even second or third) e-mail or chat. If a Domme brings up the possibility of a real-time meeting, I don't shy away (I am not a fake), and I am not looking for "cyber," in fact, cyber turns me off. I do enjoy talking about the lifestyle and the respective interests I and the Domme may have, but I don't ask for, or seek, cyber. Unfortunately though it seems that most new Dommes joining this site (and other similar sites) are either: -Purely into money (especially hard for me as a student on a limited income) -Will talk to you for a few days, even say that they would be interested in having me serve them, then promptly disappear 1-2 days later with no warning (has happened to me at least 3 times) -Will make no effort to have an engaging conversation of any kind and make it impossible to get to know each other -Are seeking only women, or men that are much older than me (I can't change one's sexuality and respect their boundaries, but it reduces the pool of possible Dommes even more, and there's also at least one Domme on this site that I know of that was seeking both males and females one day, and the very next day changed her profile, claiming that she was now a "lesbian." Somehow I doubt significant decisions like that are made on a whim.) -Change their minds constantly (decide they are really switches, or are "not ready" to Domme, or at least...that's what they tell me) -Just don't respond at all, positively or negatively, even if I am certain that I have included in my letter everything they may be looking for and fit their requirements. -Stand you up at a meeting (there's so much talk about subs talking the talk online, but not walking the walk, but what about the Dommes that say they will meet, and do not? Has happened to me twice.) -I especially love the Dommes that seem to change locations and/or their age every few days, or who age three years in one day mysteriously, or who overnight "become" lesbians. Honestly, I'm at a loss. I have absolutely no problem being proactive and contacting a Domme (though obviously I wouldn't mind at all if a Domme contacts me, though that has only happened twice for me). I am honestly, sincerely looking to serve a Dominant Woman and develop a relationship that will encompass more than just D/s, but it's been nothing but heartbreak and disappointment for four years. Obviously, constructive criticism of my profile is welcome, but my problem hasn't necessarily been not getting replies...I've gotten many, it's everything that comes afterwards that hasn't worked. All I can say is that I can relate to this so well. I've been looking for about 10 years now. <rant> In addition to what you mention, the misguided notion that all men seeking to serve need to be humiliated and have their uselessness proved really bothers me. I think and submissive/slave whose beyond online games would want to feel useful... and I think any dom who is beyond games realises that it takes more than a loud voice and expletives. It may work for the wormboys/etc...but it won't illicit submission from a slave who wants to serve... Then some people confuse laziness and greed with dominance. They seek someone to exploit, preying on those who feel that "real" submissives never question anything or have an independent thought. Of course, "real" Dommes never smile, always have a bitchy tone of voice, wear leather and latex 24/7, never do their own housework, despise anybody with a cock, and constantly ask where all the "true" subs are. Lead by example. If you are in debt yourself or have money problems, then surely you cannot expect someone to give you financial control. If you are to lazy to do your own housework then surely you cannot expect someone to do it for you.This lifestyle needs a sound foundation of trust, as submission can be scary; the more power you surrender, the more you need to believe you've placed it in the hands of someone you can trust to not endanger your future. </rant> After the first 3 years or so I was so frustrated with what you have described, and told myself I'd adjust to that lack fulfillment. Anyway after a sort stint with vanilla dating I realised that is more frustating, and I was only lying to myself. So here I am still lurking but I guess I've come to the realization that I'll probably never find her. I don't seem to do very well where I'm located either and that seems to be the problem too. And since that 10 year period, landing stable job and buying a house I've become pretty independant, and have noticed that desire for that sense of control really has grown. Anyway I think you know how to spot the garbage from what you describe. I remember it took me a while, but it sure savesa a lot of time and disappointments. A lot of people on this site will come and go. Be here one month and not the next. Pay no attention to them, rather the ones that stick with it month after month, year after year. Other than that all I can say is hang in there.

dave1212 -> RE: Finding A Mistress (1/8/2006 10:16:04 AM)
Although new to the site can i just add that i have replied to "a few" Mistresses/Dommes who were looking for potential slaves/subs only to be met with the replies "sorry don't do newbies" ok fine i can understand that there are more male slave/subs available than Mistress/Dommes but surely we all have to start somewhere ?? I mean if nobody is willing to take on a newbie because of lack of training/experience then how do we get training/experience ??No disrespect intended dave [:)]

SweetDommes -> RE: Finding A Mistress (1/8/2006 10:39:57 AM)
I understand the frustration you have, dave. We had some of the same problems when we were starting out trying to move from online research to r/t practice ... "you're amateurs" was something we heard a few times (which is hysterical, because even after 4 years, we are still amateurs ... LOL). It's also a similar problem to what I had when I tried to get a job after graduating - "You don't have enough experience" "We only hire nurses with at least a year's experience" ... bah - sucks, doesn't it? Anyway, please be assured that it's nothing personal against you, and that not everyone has a problem siwth "newbies." I wish you luck in finding what you want/need. [:)]

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