Number of previous partners

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CalifChick -> Number of previous partners (11/21/2007 4:17:36 PM)
If you were becoming acquainted with someone, you both liked each other, things were moving along, you had been speaking for some time, yada, yada, yada... would their number of previous partners make a difference to you (if you suddenly became aware of that info because somehow it just never came up before)? Would you just chalk it up to "that's part of their past and that's what makes them who they are"? Or if you had known specifically in the beginning and it was outside your normal comfort zone, all things considered, would you have just moved on? Cali

mistoferin -> RE: Number of previous partners (11/21/2007 4:25:42 PM)
It really would depend on what you mean by "number of partners". If I found out that they had been sexual with 100 women before me it wouldn't matter as much to me as if they told me they had been married 7 times.

laurell3 -> RE: Number of previous partners (11/21/2007 4:27:21 PM)
I don't go there and I don't respond to the question. Honestly I stopped asking after about 10th grade. (and stopped counting then too [8D]).

MissMagnolia -> RE: Number of previous partners (11/21/2007 4:28:34 PM)
Partners in general, or BDSM partners? General, maybe. But I could chalk that up to trying to be vanilla and not give in to the "dark secret" side of themselves. BDSM partners, maybe. I would wonder why they had so many, why they didn't commit to anyone deeply enough to stay with them long term. It would depend on the age of the person too. I mean older people would maybe have had more partners in their life, simply because they have had more time on the earth than younger people. Then again, if I had really clicked with the person, it wouldn't really matter. But that's just me.[:)]

gorgeous1 -> RE: Number of previous partners (11/21/2007 4:31:06 PM)
What's in the past is in the past. When I was single, the only thing that mattered was whether they had a clean bill of health, and no horrible emotional baggage from past relationships.

CalifChick -> RE: Number of previous partners (11/21/2007 4:31:39 PM)
Sorry, I should have been more clear. Although I see more good questions. I specifically meant "people you've had sexual intercourse with". Cali

RRafe -> RE: Number of previous partners (11/21/2007 4:33:49 PM)
It's not about how many you have had-it's about the negative crap they left behind-and you didn't bother to get rid of.

mistoferin -> RE: Number of previous partners (11/21/2007 4:34:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick Sorry, I should have been more clear. Although I see more good questions. I specifically meant "people you've had sexual intercourse with". Cali Well then, provided that they had a clean bill of health I don't think that it would matter to me very much. The only thing that might cause me a moment's pause is if the number was astronomically high I might wonder if there were some issues with not being able to make commitments.

CalifChick -> RE: Number of previous partners (11/21/2007 4:38:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin The only thing that might cause me a moment's pause is if the number was astronomically high I might wonder if there were some issues with not being able to make commitments. Okay, just for curiosity, what would you consider astronomically high for a 20 year old? A 30 yr old? A 40 yr old? and a 50 yr old? Cali

laurell3 -> RE: Number of previous partners (11/21/2007 4:41:19 PM)
In the past 6 years I've had sex with four men. However, I'm sure some (if I even knew what it was) would consider my overall number "astronomical". I am 41, however and have never been married and I did lose my viriginity to a sexual assault at 15, and it did take me awhile to grow up and realize I had self-worth without sex. The number really doesn't mean as much as where the person is today. I say this not to invoke sympathy (which I really don't desire or need), but to show that asking that question really implies to me that someone is missing that point and asking the wrong questions.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Number of previous partners (11/21/2007 4:43:11 PM)
Thw why/who/how is far more important than the actual number, but the number has some relevance.

mistoferin -> RE: Number of previous partners (11/21/2007 4:47:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin The only thing that might cause me a moment's pause is if the number was astronomically high I might wonder if there were some issues with not being able to make commitments. Okay, just for curiosity, what would you consider astronomically high for a 20 year old? A 30 yr old? A 40 yr old? and a 50 yr old? Cali What I mean is if a man told me he had slept with oh say....3,000 women....I'd be asking the questions that LA mentioned were more important. The whole picture is far more important to me than numbers.

laurell3 -> RE: Number of previous partners (11/21/2007 4:48:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin The only thing that might cause me a moment's pause is if the number was astronomically high I might wonder if there were some issues with not being able to make commitments. Okay, just for curiosity, what would you consider astronomically high for a 20 year old? A 30 yr old? A 40 yr old? and a 50 yr old? Cali What I mean is if a man told me he had slept with oh say....3,000 women....I'd be asking the questions that LA mentioned were more important. The whole picture is far more important to me than numbers. Yep, I agree.

slaveluci -> RE: Number of previous partners (11/21/2007 4:55:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin Well then, provided that they had a clean bill of health I don't think that it would matter to me very much It wouldn't matter much to me at all either. quote: The only thing that might cause me a moment's pause is if the number was astronomically high I might wonder if there were some issues with not being able to make commitments Unless he was honest about just having been out there having sex for the fun of it and commitment was never discussed. Having large numbers of sex partners doesn't necessarily, of course, equate to inability to commit. I think it would bother me more if my partner had had too few partners (in my view) than that he's had too many. Go figure...........luci

topcat -> RE: Number of previous partners (11/21/2007 5:16:15 PM)
let's try this. I am 44, never married, my longest relationships have run about 4 years (there are only four). I am prone to be monogamous, though most of my relationships are at least, in theory, 'open'. I come up with fifty lovers over 28 years of being sexually active. Is that an issue?

marieToo -> RE: Number of previous partners (11/21/2007 5:35:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick If you were becoming acquainted with someone, you both liked each other, things were moving along, you had been speaking for some time, yada, yada, yada... would their number of previous partners make a difference to you (if you suddenly became aware of that info because somehow it just never came up before)? Would you just chalk it up to "that's part of their past and that's what makes them who they are"? Or if you had known specifically in the beginning and it was outside your normal comfort zone, all things considered, would you have just moved on? Cali I've had sex with a whole 3 men in my entire life. That said, I don't really care how many partners someone else has had, at least not from a moral standpoint, but my concern would be catching an std. Current blood tests or condoms are neccesary. Other than that, I take no issue with someone who has had numerous partners.

slaveluci -> RE: Number of previous partners (11/21/2007 5:50:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: topcat let's try this. I am 44, never married, my longest relationships have run about 4 years (there are only four). I am prone to be monogamous, though most of my relationships are at least, in theory, 'open'. I come up with fifty lovers over 28 years of being sexually active. Is that an issue? Uh, not for me.......luci

topcat -> RE: Number of previous partners (11/21/2007 6:37:36 PM)
Dear Luci- It kinda is an issue for me- it's a bit higher than I am really comfortable with. Really, low numbers would likely worry me as much, if not more... Stay warm, lawrence

slaveluci -> RE: Number of previous partners (11/21/2007 6:57:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: topcat Dear Luci- It kinda is an issue for me- it's a bit higher than I am really comfortable with. Really, low numbers would likely worry me as much, if not more... Stay warm, lawrence If I may ask, why would low numbers worry you? I said if a partner of mine had a low number of former partners, I would have more of an issue with that than if he/she had a lot of them. To me, I guess I would rather they had too much experience than not enough. I feel like I would want them to have had enough other experiences to know what all is out there. Variety is the spice of life, you know[;)]. Just curious why you would feel worried with a lower number...........luci

topcat -> RE: Number of previous partners (11/21/2007 7:18:46 PM)
Dear Luci- It would concern me for much the same reasons you cite, as well as a concern that the might be overreaching issues as well (asumming that the low number was due to being married for most of their life). As you said, I don't think one could be too experianced, but inexperianced could be an issue for me.... Stay warm, Lawrence

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