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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 7:26:12 PM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

If you were becoming acquainted with someone, you both liked each other, things were moving along, you had been speaking for some time, yada, yada, yada... would their number of previous partners make a difference to you (if you suddenly became aware of that info because somehow it just never came up before)?

Yes. I'm not sure if it would be enough for me to move on unless it were a number that I considered outrageous. I think if it were larger than my personal comfort zone, but not outrageous it would definitely cause me pause and I'd want to find out how the number got that large and what sort of pattern it was (in particular if they have a lot of sexual partners, its going to be hard for me to see how they've had longevity in their prior relationships).

C~

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(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 21

RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 7:27:21 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

You know, something occurred to me. Okay, yes, I was a bit upset when I first posted the question, and was not clear, and therefore put up a clarification. Well, here now, is clarification number two.

Most people seem to assume that the man is the one with the higher number (or maybe it's mostly been women answering

). But in my case, mine is the higher number than the Dom's. Would it change anybody's answer if the numbers fell this way? (Stepping carefully thru the Field O' Stereotype Landmines)

Cali

(in reply to topcat)

Post #: 22

RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 7:36:19 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

Damn, I was going on the "partner" as being partner in a relationship.

If you mean shagging partners, god no. Who am I to judge someone who's probably had less partners than I've had!!

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

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(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 23

RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 7:54:29 PM

daddyncherry

Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

You know, something occurred to me. Okay, yes, I was a bit upset when I first posted the question, and was not clear, and therefore put up a clarification. Well, here now, is clarification number two.

Most people seem to assume that the man is the one with the higher number (or maybe it's mostly been women answering ). But in my case, mine is the higher number than the Dom's. Would it change anybody's answer if the numbers fell this way? (Stepping carefully thru the Field O' Stereotype Landmines)

Cali

First let me say, that i am with slaveluci and Topcat on this one. Too few, unless in a loooong marriage, would concern me. For the reason they mentioned, as well as feeling that they just may not be compatible with me sexually at all.

As for the sub or female having higher numbers, personally i don't think it's a bad thing (but i am a girl with a colorful past :))..It would all depend on the Dom and his thoughts and interests.For example, my Master/Daddy is glad for my colorful past because if mine was less colorful i would so not be a match for him. He wouldn't be able to do something such as sharing me as easily as he could, or being into the swinger lifestyle....if i had had a very sheltered life, or alot less partners then it would take ALOT more work for him to get me to where he wants me. So the other side of the coin would be; if i were with a Dom who had virgin fantasies, or wanted someone more pristine then we would totally clash. If he wanted to be totally monogamous, we would totally not match.

So it depends alot on the Dom's interests.

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 24

RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 8:20:23 PM

liminalRapture

Posts: 181
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline

I'm embarrassed by how few men with whom I've had intercourse. I feel like the low number stands as a violent condemnation of the fact that I wasn't pretty enough. Intellectually, I know like hell it isn't true. I was very committed to my career for a while (very few people finished the doctorate in my program and even fewer got jobs), but that was also an excuse to avoid the fact that my own sexuality terrified me. I couldn't go through with another vanilla relationship, and I couldn't accept who I was, so I focused on my career.

But if you were going out with me, you'd have to work damn hard to get that number out of me. I am ashamed on a level that I find ridiculous upon any rational analysis. While I'd never have a one night stand (for me it just feels wrong), I've sometimes thought "well, at least then, my number wouldn't be so low!."

(in reply to daddyncherry)

Post #: 25

RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 8:23:40 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Have you passed out an inordinate number of blowjobs? Everybody got some kinda happy place....

Ron

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(in reply to liminalRapture)

Post #: 26

RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 8:30:59 PM

liminalRapture

Posts: 181
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline

It depends what your meaning of the word "is" is, but less than my age (in terms of number of men).

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 27

RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 8:45:54 PM

daddyncherry

Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

i would be happy of those huge accomplishments of yours and worry less about something like this

....The Master that will find you would be the opposite of the one who found me. Just as someone with higher numbers, such as myself would be inappropriate for a Master who would want you there will be those that you would be inappropriate for.....Thankfully there are both types (and many other little areas in between)

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to liminalRapture)

Post #: 28

RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 8:49:52 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Sorry, I should have been more clear. Although I see more good questions. I specifically meant "people you've had sexual intercourse with".

Cali

Valyraen really doesn't care as long as you pass a complete STI test. Neither do I.

Edited to add: My number is much higher than his.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 11/21/2007 8:50:30 PM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 29

RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 9:36:07 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Valyraen really doesn't care as long as you pass a complete STI test. Neither do I.

Well, yes, I pass. LOL.

Okayyyy, I know you didn't mean "me" when you said "you", couldn't resist.

Cali

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 30

RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 9:38:02 PM

astarri

Posts: 265
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

hi CalifChick
I think some people are truly freaked out by having a partner who has had many partners. If it matters to them, as i have learned, we will not do well because it seems to be something that is very easy to "throw in people's faces". I am honest about my numbers because i really do want to see how they will react.
Experience can be a wonderful thing ... it truly has made us who we are. Having had sex with ... ummm more than most... has given me wonderful experience who has shaped my sexual history and i am not ashamed of it. If they have issue with it ...well let me just say that i will not carry anyone elses hang ups.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 31

RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 9:55:53 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

sexual partners? makes no difference to me one way or the other...sex is sex...and i know that is sterotypically a male outlook...but thats the way i feel about it...its a physical act...and BDSM, whether it involves penetration or not is sexual in nature...thats why this is an adult site...so i do not make a distinction between sex and BDSM acts and partners...

relationship partners? makes a huge difference to me...if you're 40 and had 10 or even 5 relationships and the longest was 2 years....theres a problem there...or on the opposite end, if you're 40 and you've never had a relationship...theres a problem there...might just be a lack of balance in your life as mentioned earlier, school and career taking priority...but still...you're starting at the equivallent of a highschool student when it comes to relationships...

my $1.50
chelle

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to astarri)

Post #: 32

RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 10:49:17 PM

ItalianSMistress

Posts: 427
Joined: 1/19/2007
From: Niagara Region Ontario Canada
Status: offline

I always ask how many Dommes any given slaves has served as one of the first questions I typically ask when looking at someone the first time. As far as vanilla partners, I dont really care, but if I am talking to a slave that has served 15 woman in 8 years, thats a problem. That means to Me one of a few things, either they will play with anyone and not show loyalty to anyone, or they have some kind of behavoir problem that ends up getting them dismissed, or perhaps that they will submit to anyone that wants it, all of which are issues for Me.

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(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 33

RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 11:08:42 PM

liminalRapture

Posts: 181
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty
relationship partners? makes a huge difference to me...if you're 40 and had 10 or even 5 relationships and the longest was 2 years....theres a problem there...or on the opposite end, if you're 40 and you've never had a relationship...theres a problem there...might just be a lack of balance in your life as mentioned earlier, school and career taking priority...but still...you're starting at the equivallent of a highschool student when it comes to relationships...

I disagree (not surprisingly). People don't have relationships in a vacuum. Hopefully, as time progresses, we learn more and more about who we are, what makes us tick, what our buttons are and what pushes them. We start to define ourselves for ourselves. We get comfortable accepting our vulnerabilities.

This was not true 10 years ago, but I make a damn good partner now, and I think in many ways I make a better partner because of all the time I spent on the shrink's couch, journaling, writing down dreams, learning how to communicate and express myself. The fact that I know where my vulnerabilities are, and I don't waste life energy hiding them--I can be with them, be open and vulnerable and fully present makes my relationships much stronger. I'm not afraid to look someone in the eye and be fully present. I let go of that giggle/nod of the head/look down I used to have.

There are areas where, having only ever lived with one man, I'm not as experienced, and I'm sure I'm disadvantaged at times.. But my ex had had a several longish-to long-term relationships before me and he said I was the best communicator and the most mature. And we had a kind break-up as well.

We all have strengths and weaknesses we bring to the table. Them's that acknowledge them aren't necessarily any more damaged.

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 34

RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 11:16:29 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Have you passed out an inordinate number of blowjobs? Everybody got some kinda happy place....

Ron

hmm I wonder what the blow-job as compared to intercourse ratio is for the average american woman, not high I would guess.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 35

RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 11:20:56 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

I'd do Ron myself, but he picks on my spelling.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 36

RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 11:25:24 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

I'd consider it something I'd want to know about a person, but you seem to be implying that someone would think less of a girl who has had a vibrant sexual past, and that's not the case with me. I respond well to the truth, whatever the truth may be.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

If you were becoming acquainted with someone, you both liked each other, things were moving along, you had been speaking for some time, yada, yada, yada... would their number of previous partners make a difference to you (if you suddenly became aware of that info because somehow it just never came up before)?

Would you just chalk it up to "that's part of their past and that's what makes them who they are"? Or if you had known specifically in the beginning and it was outside your normal comfort zone, all things considered, would you have just moved on?

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 37

RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 11:35:17 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

be implying that someone would think less of a girl who has had a vibrant sexual past, and that's not the case with me. I respond well to the truth, whatever the

I think that's what I'm going to call it from now on... "I have a vibrant sexual past."

Thank you to everybody for their thoughts and for giving me some things to think about.

Cali

< Message edited by CalifChick -- 11/21/2007 11:36:18 PM >

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 38

RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 11:40:23 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

I'd do Ron myself, but he picks on my spelling.

that will make him think twice about being the spelling police!

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 39

RE: Number of previous partners - 11/22/2007 12:53:28 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: liminalRapture

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty
relationship partners? makes a huge difference to me...if you're 40 and had 10 or even 5 relationships and the longest was 2 years....theres a problem there...or on the opposite end, if you're 40 and you've never had a relationship...theres a problem there...might just be a lack of balance in your life as mentioned earlier, school and career taking priority...but still...you're starting at the equivallent of a highschool student when it comes to relationships...

I disagree (not surprisingly). People don't have relationships in a vacuum. Hopefully, as time progresses, we learn more and more about who we are, what makes us tick, what our buttons are and what pushes them. We start to define ourselves for ourselves. We get comfortable accepting our vulnerabilities.

This was not true 10 years ago, but I make a damn good partner now, and I think in many ways I make a better partner because of all the time I spent on the shrink's couch, journaling, writing down dreams, learning how to communicate and express myself. The fact that I know where my vulnerabilities are, and I don't waste life energy hiding them--I can be with them, be open and vulnerable and fully present makes my relationships much stronger. I'm not afraid to look someone in the eye and be fully present. I let go of that giggle/nod of the head/look down I used to have.

There are areas where, having only ever lived with one man, I'm not as experienced, and I'm sure I'm disadvantaged at times.. But my ex had had a several longish-to long-term relationships before me and he said I was the best communicator and the most mature. And we had a kind break-up as well.

We all have strengths and weaknesses we bring to the table. Them's that acknowledge them aren't necessarily any more damaged.

my problem is not the number of relationships...it is the lack of longevity...at 24 my longest relationship has been 1 1/2 years of 24/7 and that ended shortly before my 20th birthday...i have spent the past 4 years growing up and getting healthier, mentally and physically....now if in the next 15 and a half years i cannot seriously improve on that, i have gone no where...and that may just be my personal outlook...but what more do we have to judge life on than our own personal experience?

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to liminalRapture)

Post #: 40

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