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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/23/2007 7:29:24 AM

DMFParadox

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Mine goes from vibrant to full technicolor. I unthinkingly went off on an enthusiasticly descriptive tangent last night and had to listen to xxx being insecure about it, even after she'd just told me her own colorful past.

So does her number of encounters matter? Maybe. Does mine? Definitely. I want one of two things: either a)we're close enough in the ballpark that neither one of us is too uncomfortable about it or b)she's inexperienced enough, either by lack of partners or by lack of skilled partners, for me to absofuckinglutely blow her mind. Or vice versa, it's been a while since I've had my mind blown. It'd be nice.

Otherwise, if she's been down the street but not around the block, I have to watch what I say. That gets annoying.

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/23/2007 7:44:06 AM

DMFParadox

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

quote:

ORIGINAL: liminalRapture

It depends what your meaning of the word "is" is, but less than my age (in terms of number of men).

Less than your age? You're 36! I think that there's definitely a skewed average here as I wouldn't consider a 36 year old who has had 36 sexual partners to be the national average.

I'm 24 and my number is less than my age too...less than half my age actually. It's not terribly high but...it is higher than my Master's. That does make me feel a bit weird when I stop to think about it, just the whole "am I a slut" aspect of it (no I don't think I am one; no I don't want to be one) but the past is the past and I can't go back and change it. As long as he doesn't mind it too terribly much I guess we're fine.

Are you a slut for <=11 lays? At 18, maybe. At 24, that's an average of 2 per year of your adult life, and most start earlier than that. So..... no. Unless you've had them all in the last 3 months, which would make you a newly minted slut, in which case I am strenuously kicking myself for not visiting Chicago when the opportunity presented itself.

Also, Topcat, Mnottertail, just exactly how many sailors are on here? With me added, this forum is starting to smell briny. Oy vey.

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/23/2007 9:48:54 AM

OsideGirl

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I don't care about sexual partners, as long as there is a clean bill of health. But, somebody that came to me and said that they've had 10 submissives in the last few years would concern me. Especially if feelings were acrimonious. I would question their ability to be in and maintain a relationship.

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/23/2007 11:42:58 AM

defiantbadgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Viridana

When I answer honestly I've had a couple of times had a negative reaction from the questioner and once, a prospective partner straight out told me he couldn't be with a whore like me.

I hate it when men do this, especially when so many men apply the three date rule. For those that don't know, the three date rule refers to men losing interest in women if there is no sex by the third date. How many men (or women for that matter) can honestly say they know someone well enough by the third date to be thinking about a long term relationship? How many people have been on three dates with someone and it didn't turn into a long term relationship? Dating is all about luck. If a woman finds mister right early in the dating game, her numbers will be low. The more frogs she has to go through before she finds her prince, the higher those numbers will be. If a woman chooses not to have sex by the third date, she greatly reduces her chances of finding a long term relationship at all because men will lose interest. Until men stop applying the three date rule (I don't see that happening any time soon), the number of sexual partners a woman has had is no indication of whether or not she's a "whore."

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/23/2007 12:00:14 PM

laurell3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fsub4use

there are a couple of answers about "a clean bill of health" - wonder what that means? i have worked with so many women who have gotten HPV, chlamydia, AIDS, whatever from their husband or one partner.... just a happy reminder - it isnt who you fuck, it's how you fuck... so would you eliminate these women because they didnt have a clean bill of health? wow.... i worked with a 9 year old girl who had been raped and gotten herpes.... i guess in 10 years, she wont be ok too? i hope that "a clean bill of health" actually means that they are MANAGING whatever is going on in their bodies... *thinks of a guy i dated who had diabetes and couldnt get an erection.... he was a great lover and an even better boyfriend. hmmmm....

This is a good point. My mother always called it the "big bed theory". You can get in bed with one partner only ever, that doesn't mean the partner hasn't been in bed with hundreds. Number of sex partners may increase the odds, but it doesn't necessarily mean safe.

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/28/2007 7:47:44 PM

Darkhaven80

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I thought this was one of those questions women don't answer in general, along with their true age ;)

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/28/2007 7:54:21 PM

DarkDaddyZ

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I'm 42 and I have sex with a numerous partners (I know the number but won't just post here and no, I'm not Wilt Chamberlain), I do not know how many I've received oral sex nor do I know how many I've had BDSM scenes with that I didn't have penetration with. I always keep a list of the number I've had penetration with (schmuckish, I know). I have 9 long term relationships within BDSM and 5 or 6 prior to getting involved with BDSM.

Do we include BDSM non sexual partners in that number too? This number thing seems to be a big deal here.

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/28/2007 8:01:39 PM

MzMia

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Interesting question, CalifChick.
I always tend to be more interested in their previous "relationships".
If a man has reached the age of 40, has never married, has no children,
has never lived with a woman, and or had few relationships that lasted
over 2-3 years, THAT is what I look at these days.

I am more concerned with their past behavior and their ability to create and
maintain lasting relationships at this point.

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/28/2007 8:05:58 PM

catize

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChickYou know, something occurred to me. Okay, yes, I was a bit upset when I first posted the question, and was not clear, and therefore put up a clarification. Well, here now, is clarification number two.
Most people seem to assume that the man is the one with the higher number (or maybe it's mostly been women answering ). But in my case, mine is the higher number than the Dom's. Would it change anybody's answer if the numbers fell this way? (Stepping carefully thru the Field O' Stereotype Landmines)
Cali

Heh, I don't ask anymore because there was only one man whose number was larger than mine......................

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/28/2007 8:19:03 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Viridana

When I answer honestly I've had a couple of times had a negative reaction from the questioner and once, a prospective partner straight out told me he couldn't be with a whore like me.

I hate it when men do this, especially when so many men apply the three date rule. For those that don't know, the three date rule refers to men losing interest in women if there is no sex by the third date. How many men (or women for that matter) can honestly say they know someone well enough by the third date to be thinking about a long term relationship? How many people have been on three dates with someone and it didn't turn into a long term relationship? Dating is all about luck. If a woman finds mister right early in the dating game, her numbers will be low. The more frogs she has to go through before she finds her prince, the higher those numbers will be. If a woman chooses not to have sex by the third date, she greatly reduces her chances of finding a long term relationship at all because men will lose interest. Until men stop applying the three date rule (I don't see that happening any time soon), the number of sexual partners a woman has had is no indication of whether or not she's a "whore."

It will help when more women stop dating the losers who apply the three date rule. The entire concept seems quite silly to me. Some men I slept with on the first date, others I made wait a month. Just depended on what I wanted.

Athough I have to say... I have never encountered any man who actually used the three date rule like that. I've mostly heard it from women who say "Well I want sex but I have to wait until the third date so he thinks he worked for it".

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/28/2007 8:34:26 PM

LRODANDMASTER

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DO BLOWUP DOLS COUNT?

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/29/2007 9:17:14 AM

sammy7626

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quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

let's try this.

I am 44, never married, my longest relationships have run about 4 years (there are only four). I am prone to be monogamous, though most of my relationships are at least, in theory, 'open'.

I come up with fifty lovers over 28 years of being sexually active.

Is that an issue?

Nope.

But then, I'm almost 31, married for the last 5, and have had somewhere in the neighborhood of 110-120 partners (depending on if you are including both sexes or not), and have been sexually active for 18 years.

In all of that however, I have had only 3 partners who have lasted more than a year, and most of the rest were anywhere from a day to a couple of months. I've only had about 10 partners in the last 10 years.

The point in all of that TMI, is basically that the number of partners doesn't matter much. By the time I'm 50, the number will have likely stayed relatively the same (give or take a few), and my average will have gone down. But there is no way to undo the "damage" my numbers took during a very bad time in my life the 9 years prior to meeting my husband that I was sexually active.

What should be important, are emotional ties, feelings for one another, commitment to one another (if at all) and their sexual health, as opposed to their sexual history.

Edited to add...guess I'm not really a lady since I actually don't care about the number any more. And to state that both of my current partners together are at about half mine...but I still knew less about sex than either of them did when I met my hubby. Bad sex was apparently the norm for me...maybe that's why I don't care as much about the numbers.

< Message edited by sammy7626 -- 11/29/2007 9:24:59 AM >

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/30/2007 4:58:18 PM

xiam

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fsub4use

i have worked with so many women who have gotten HPV, chlamydia, AIDS, whatever from their husband or one partner.... just a happy reminder - it isnt who you fuck, it's how you fuck... so would you eliminate these women because they didnt have a clean bill of health? wow.... i worked with a 9 year old girl who had been raped and gotten herpes.... i guess in 10 years, she wont be ok too? i hope that "a clean bill of health" actually means that they are MANAGING whatever is going on in their bodies...

Thank you for posting this. It only takes one time with the wrong person.

I think asking the number of partners someone has had is a ridiculous, irrelevent question. I would never ask, and i would never answer.

The relevent question, is "Do you have any STDs that you are aware of and when was the last time you have been tested?" so proper precautions can be taken.

My $0.02

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/30/2007 5:47:46 PM

CalifChick

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It wasn't like either one of us was taking a survey or anything... and the whole reaction of his upset me so much at the time that I cannot even remember what we were talking about. It was an offhand thing, god, I wish I could remember. I think the point was something about everybody's experiences being different, that no two people you have sex with are ever going to be the same, and an offhand, "so you've probably had sex with 20 or 30 or so people in your life, and every single one of those 30 experiences was different" and then he corrected me on his number, and then my number came up. I'm not sure that was exactly the topic at the time, but it was something LIKE that.

Cali

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