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RE: three questions for men into bdsm - 11/23/2007 1:43:21 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
I'm trying to understand how a woman's number of sexual partners indicates whether or not she's a slut.

It doesn't.

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There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 41

RE: three questions for men into bdsm - 11/23/2007 1:45:40 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Instead of worrying about "rules" or what others think, why not come up with a plan that works for you, depending on the person you are with? Depending on how you feel about the person you are with.

Katy?....that is way to well thought out. It makes too much sense. Try again?..:)

Jeff

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 42

RE: three questions for men into bdsm - 11/23/2007 1:47:11 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I'm trying to understand how a woman's number of sexual partners indicates whether or not she's a slut.

I'm actually trying to figure out how the word "slut" is a bad thing personally.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 43

RE: three questions for men into bdsm - 11/23/2007 1:50:40 PM

jhenry47

Posts: 21
Joined: 10/8/2007
Status: offline

1. Do you apply the three date rule (lose interest if no sex by the third date)?

I do not use the three date rule, I want to build a relationship and sex is important but not #1 on my list, I have to like her and feel for her.. That does not mean I have not had sex on the third date I have and sometimes sooner and in those relationships that was all we had in commn.

2. Would you decide against persuing a long term d/s relationship with a woman if you thought her number of past sexual partners was too high?
No because that rule could apply to me as well, I have also had a number of past relationships

3. Do you think it's hypocritical for men who apply the three date rule to turn women down based on their number of sex partners? Why or why not?

That depends, I do as I say and if I have numerous sex partners I woul not hold it against her if she did.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 44

RE: three questions for men into bdsm - 11/23/2007 1:51:53 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I think you are once again showing your issues with men and lack of inner security.

Talk about loaded.

Might as well draw a big sign that says "Please give me pessimistic and negative answers so I can continue to wallow in my own self-defeat"

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 11/23/2007 1:53:51 PM >

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 45

RE: three questions for men into bdsm - 11/23/2007 1:54:34 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

1. Do you apply the three date rule (lose interest if no sex by the third date)?

I don't believe in the "three date rule". I actually think sex is a turn-off if that's all the motivation is. I'm fussy where my dick goes - I've gotta like and be attracted to the whole package, not the peripheral meat it's wrapped in. IE, my dick goes where I take it, NOT the other way around....

quote:

2. Would you decide against persuing a long term d/s relationship with a woman if you thought her number of past sexual partners was too high?

As long as "past" means just that, it wouldn't matter if she were once a call-girl as long as our chemistry was making the right connection.

quote:

3. Do you think it's hypocritical for men who apply the three date rule to turn women down based on their number of sex partners? Why or why not?

*edited because third question was worded wrong*

I don't care what other men do. But yes, the majority of men are shameless hypocrites about their partner's sexual history....

Focus.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 46

RE: three questions for men into bdsm - 11/23/2007 2:02:47 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

Women with serious hangups about sex aren't attractive to me

Stephan

I think it's safe to assume that women aren't born with sexual hang-ups.

Touche'!

Damn, sprayed the contents of my morning cuppa all over the screen, keyboard, and (sigh) myself!

LMAO!

Focus.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 47

RE: three questions for men into bdsm - 11/23/2007 2:17:13 PM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
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Well said Focus. It's good to know there are men out there who have noticed and acknowledge this double standard. I'm glad to see that so many are showing interest in this thread. It's really amusing how many men out there go on and on about women (in general) having sexual hang-ups but don't bother to wonder at the cause.

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 48

RE: three questions for men into bdsm - 11/23/2007 2:25:26 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Well said Focus. It's good to know there are men out there who have noticed and acknowledge this double standard. I'm glad to see that so many are showing interest in this thread. It's really amusing how many men out there go on and on about women (in general) having sexual hang-ups but don't bother to wonder at the cause.

What men? Where are they? Who are they? Am I one of them? If not, why the hell should I care?

I only worry about the cause of sexual hang ups when I am, in fact, THE cause.

However, to this date, I can not think of any sexual hang ups I have been the cause of.

What other men do to cause women's sexual hang ups isn't really my concern nor do I intend to feel guilty because I happen to share the same genitals as some men who have had bad behaviors or silly opinions on women's sexual preferences.

Your baggage is still your baggage. How about you try taking responsibility for it instead of starting countless threads swinging an Anti-Men axe with gross generalizations because you want to blame other people for your inadequacies and insecurites?

Hey...I happen to have serious trust issues from a prior traumatic incident I went through involving a women seriously SERIOUSLY fucking me over. Do you see me starting threads about how women are lying, manipulative cunts, projecting my own issues and bad experiences onto an entire group of people?

Put an end to the tea and pity party, okay?

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 49

RE: three questions for men into bdsm - 11/23/2007 2:27:04 PM

Mezrem

Posts: 311
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline

1:Three date rule what is that... like Focus I am thought driven rather then driven by the desire to have sex.

2: My current partner has had many more lovers then I have had. So in short yes I would be in a d/s relationship with some one who has had more partners then I. Hell I think of it as a win win experience.

3: Yep alot of men are hypocrites that does not mean that all men are. Perhaps the men who are picky about the number of sex partners thier other have had are more worried they will not measure up?

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 50

RE: three questions for men into bdsm - 11/23/2007 2:30:37 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
I happen to share the same genitals as some men

Well I hope you are all practicing safe sex...lol.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 51

RE: three questions for men into bdsm - 11/23/2007 2:31:54 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I'm trying to understand how a woman's number of sexual partners indicates whether or not she's a slut.

I'm actually trying to figure out how the word "slut" is a bad thing personally.

I always thought it was a compliment.

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 52

RE: three questions for men into bdsm - 11/23/2007 2:33:51 PM

DarkDaddyZ

Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

1. Do you apply the three date rule (lose interest if no sex by the third date)?

If someone I date gives it up to me on the first date, there is no second date. This includes if I go to a dungeon and meet someone the first time. While I do casually play, I prefer to get to know the person prior to play. This is probably schmuckish but it's my rule. If I go troll to get off (and I do at times) and she lets go.....then I probably wouldn't be interested long term.

quote:

2. Would you decide against persuing a long term d/s relationship with a woman if you thought her number of past sexual partners was too high?

No, I never got why people cared about the number of partners, perhaps because I've been into alternative relationships so long. Many of my partners in fact MOST of my partners had more sexual partners than me.

Now here's where I'm an oxymoron: I have noticed that when I met people within BDSM community who have a lot of play experience, they sometimes like to "brag" about how many partners they've played with as a badge of honor ("I've played with so and so, or this person and that person)- I've met some that go to parties with the hope of playing with someone that's considered a leader.....just as a notch. So star fuckers turn me off.

When DJing, I'm hit on all the time but it's not about me, it's about the fact I'd a DJ. There are times I take advantage of that but NEVER is someone that approaches me for sex within that environment will get a relationship with me.

quote:

3. Do you think it's hypocritical for men who apply the three date rule to turn women down based on their number of sex partners? Why or why not?

Yes I do because it's probably a esteem issue. Now, I say this as I put myself in a vulnerable position when I meet girls within the lifestyle that have had a several play partners for SM play. I know in my mind why I say I have a problem with that but maybe it's deeper (and perhaps a new thread)

Nice thread!

Z-

_____________________________

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Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 53

RE: three questions for men into bdsm - 11/23/2007 2:39:34 PM

bayboundse

Posts: 288
Joined: 10/29/2005
From: Oak Ridge, TN
Status: offline

1) Depends on the person and why we are dating, and in real life never used the three date rule anyway. Is it looking for long term, or was it a date looking for a play partner for short term.
2) No.
3) On this one I guess it is up to the people and why they are searching and dating.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 54

RE: three questions for men into bdsm - 11/23/2007 2:46:49 PM

Wickad

Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline

(fast reply)

To No-one-in-particular,

I find it funny that even in todays modern society we are are still very hung up on how many people 'women' sleep with. I find it strange that there is no '3 date rule' that men have heard of or consider aspiring to.

Here we sit ... discussing if a woman is of low moral charcter because she has had 'many' sexual encounters, if men would want this 'used' person to spend their lives with and why this might be true. Once again misogyny raises it's ugly head.

I wonder why it is that women's sexuality is of so great importance to those not in a relationship with her? I wonder why is there such a need to control women with societally created 'codes' and 'rules'? Men have their own set of bullshit to put up with, for sure, but rarely does it focus so entirely on their sexuality. Men are not generally considered flawed or crazy because they have had more than 2 sexual partners, yet there is that exact underlying assumption with women who have had multiple partners.

I find this a very sad thread.

Wickad

(in reply to DarkDaddyZ)

Post #: 55

RE: three questions for men into bdsm - 11/23/2007 2:55:31 PM

simplyserves

Posts: 22
Joined: 10/16/2007
Status: offline

I know you asked this of men into BDSM, and while I know it's really a subset of D/s which I'd use to more describe my interests I thought I'd answer anyway.

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
1. Do you apply the three date rule (lose interest if no sex by the third date)?

No, but for many it's a moot point unless it's a sexual relationship they're seeking. In my case sex and BDSM don't mix that well, while I enjoy sex and prefer the woman I'm with to be assertive and even rough, for me BDSM or D/s is more about power exchange and service then it is about being in an otherwise mutual relationship.

If we expand the realm of sex to include any form of intimate contact with mutual release or heavy play that results in release then I would still answer no. But even in a vanilla situation no sex by the third or even 30th date wouldn't be enough to make me lose interest. It might be disappointing but in theory more is keeping me there then just sex. I also don't enjoy dating because it seems too affected, so it may be entirely moot for me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
2. Would you decide against persuing a long term d/s relationship with a woman if you thought her number of past sexual partners was too high?

No, though it might give me pause to consider her health but too high would be in the "was a prostitute for 30 years" range. The number of her partners would be irrelevant to me as a concern unto itself.

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
3. Do you think it's hypocritical for men who apply the three date rule to turn women down based on their number of sex partners? Why or why not?

Not necessarily. It's somewhat presumptuous and prudish of them, but not hypocritical per se. They may expect her to have been in more long term relationships, thus limiting the total number of sexual partners or except her to not date very often. More likely it's because they aren't particularly thoughtful and haven't explored their own feelings thoroughly. They want sex but are uncomfortable with a woman who "gets her's", as they say, or are paranoid about STDs and think the number of partners is a larger risk factor then it is. In either case I'd call it more immature then hypocritical, but I can see how it could be part of a larger hypocrisy on their part.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 56

RE: three questions for men into bdsm - 11/23/2007 3:02:16 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Rules are made to be broken.

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Post #: 57

RE: three questions for men into bdsm - 11/23/2007 3:26:43 PM

SirJohnMandevill

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

1. Do you apply the three date rule (lose interest if no sex by the third date)?

2. Would you decide against persuing a long term d/s relationship with a woman if you thought her number of past sexual partners was too high?

3. Do you think it's hypocritical for men who apply the three date rule to turn women down based on their number of sex partners? Why or why not?

*edited because third question was worded wrong*

1. No. Had not had such experience. (Not bragging, just being truthful)

2. I'd think about it if I were looking for a D/s LTR because it might cause me to question her ability to commit.

3. See answer #2

Les (Illegitimate son of David Letterman and Butterfly McQueen)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 58

RE: three questions for men into bdsm - 11/23/2007 3:44:29 PM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

What men? Where are they? Who are they? Am I one of them? If not, why the hell should I care?
I don't recall ever saying you were the cause of any sexual hang-ups. I wouldn't know either way.

I only worry about the cause of sexual hang ups when I am, in fact, THE cause.

However, to this date, I can not think of any sexual hang ups I have been the cause of.
Good for you.

What other men do to cause women's sexual hang ups isn't really my concern nor do I intend to feel guilty because I happen to share the same genitals as some men who have had bad behaviors or silly opinions on women's sexual preferences.
I totally agree that no man should feel guilty for something someone else did. I'm just stating the facts. Most men lose interest if sex doesn't happen fairly soon, many third time dates don't end up turning into long term relationships, and one never knows how many people they will meet before finding the right one. Therefore, I don't think women (or men for that matter) should be judged on numbers.

Your baggage is still your baggage.
Why does someone's sexual past have to be baggage? The past should stay in the past, that's my whole point. Those who judge someone based on their past sexual experiences are trying to create baggage when there is none.

Hey...I happen to have serious trust issues from a prior traumatic incident I went through involving a women seriously SERIOUSLY fucking me over. Do you see me starting threads about how women are lying, manipulative cunts, projecting my own issues and bad experiences onto an entire group of people?
I'm sorry to hear you went through that. Just remember that it doesn't have to be "baggage" if it's left in the past. I'm happy to report that my sexual past is not baggage because I believe in leaving the past in the past. Best of luck on overcoming your trust issues.

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 59

RE: three questions for men into bdsm - 11/23/2007 3:46:46 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

~general musing ~

Ok...is it considered bad form when the girl...ohh..woman...ohh...submissive

breaks the rules and demands sex before 3 days ?

Inquiring minds want to know

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 60

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