RE: Turned off by having another Dom?

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RE: Turned off by having another Dom? - 11/25/2007 6:14:53 PM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn

i have talked with my Dom and we both know and agree that we are not going to be life long partners. That he is teaching me and showing me the ropes, since using the word training seems to cause conflicts, until i can find another Dom that will be suitable and compactable with me, though not on all levels. The Dom friends that i have met on here have no interest in getting to me as soon as something goes wrong with my Dom. i have no clue how many Doms i continue talking with and going out on a vanilla date with still respect for my Dom. i am not insecure like a lot of you have mentioned, i can take care of myself, have a really nice living arrangement, and can basically support myself. So to me, from reading these responses, is that almost all, not everyone, is against finding friends of the opposite sex in the opposite role and basically hanging out with them in a vanilla setting, and quite comfortable in my current situation with my Dom. Hmmm, why do i keep writing posts that more or less elicit negative responses??? i do though thank all of you for your negative and positive responses. Not sarcastically though in anyway.

The vast majority of new subs don't stay with thier first
Doms. Mine wanted to play the field as well-so she did. I was pissy over it at first-but realized that she really needed a wider range later on-takes time to get grounded.

If you had made it more clear that he's pretty much a training Dom-and that was your arrangement-I think a lot less would have been offended.

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RE: Turned off by having another Dom? - 11/25/2007 6:42:54 PM

Vanatru

Posts: 300
Joined: 4/16/2004
Status: offline

AAaaaaaaarggg! Well, it'd have helped to know he was mentoring you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn

i have talked with my Dom and we both know and agree that we are not going to be life long partners. That he is teaching me and showing me the ropes, since using the word training...

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Post #: 42

RE: Turned off by having another Dom? - 11/25/2007 8:07:20 PM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

Sorry RRafe and Vanatru, i attempted at using the word training me, but that got a lot of people offended as well as a lot of negative feedback that there is no such thing as a Dom who "trains people".

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Post #: 43

RE: Turned off by having another Dom? - 11/26/2007 3:28:52 AM

HisSongstress

Posts: 103
Joined: 3/2/2007
Status: offline

grlnneedstolearn,

ABSOLUTELY. Many people have problems with female subs having male friends and Dominant freinds. But I found that those that contacted me and understood that I was actually seeking friends (versus lining up my "next Dom") treated me well. ...like a person. It was through these interactions that I learned to be a person, not just a sub. I now require others to treat me as such or they do not get to interact with me.

It can be challenging to pursue these types of relationships. You need to be clear about your current relationship and the motives you have in interacting with others. The euphemisms in BDSM language (and the overall culture as well) make it sometimes difficult to communicate. It is possible if you are honest with yourself and others. Good luck! (no sarcasm here... I say what I mean)

and OT.........

quote:

ORIGINAL: wisteriaV

Vanatru never said it was bad, he said it wasn't for him as he doesn't like sloppy seconds..thats HIS preferance.

To Vanatru and wisteriaV, I didn't mean to imply that he said it was bad. I simply was resonding for the sake of discussion. (And based upon the OT's responses ... this is the direction she was seeking.) Sometimes, people really just mean what they say and don't have ulterior motives or hidden agendas. (by the way---I always appreciate your posts, especially in the poly section...thank you).

best!

song

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"More, please." ....Oliver Twist

Before discovering bdsm, my motto was "Like me or bite me." But here, everyone seems to think that is an invitation.

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Post #: 44

RE: Turned off by having another Dom? - 11/26/2007 4:18:38 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSongstress

Thank you AquaticSub for showing another reason that this scenerio is not a "bad thing" but just a different thing. (By the way.... I miss seeing you.... :-) )

best!

song

Definately need to meet up again! I keep trying to make it out to some of the other events in the area but life just gets in the way.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: Turned off by having another Dom? - 11/26/2007 7:20:16 AM

Vanatru

Posts: 300
Joined: 4/16/2004
Status: offline

grlneeds, training, mentoring... I have no problem with people learning lifestyle choices. It could be that the negative responses are from guys that were wanting to hook up with you? If you're only looking for friends, there's no problem there either. There's always some people that will be unhappy with what you say or do no matter what. Don't let that detour you.

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Post #: 46

RE: Turned off by having another Dom? - 11/28/2007 7:44:17 PM

Darkhaven80

Posts: 76
Joined: 3/12/2007
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To me it's just the weird world of men. At work I tried to be friendly with some of the guys (I'm the only female), but they were reluctant to speak with me. ?? I later found out that one of them, who I later got together with, said he didn't speak much in the conversations at work because he had a girlfriend at the time. So this means co-workers can't speak?? It turned out the same for all of them. I wasn't flirting, just general chit-chat you would have with women co-workers. In a similar situation, I've spoken to men before, and they would ask me out, but I wasn't interested in them that way and turned them down. Other guys always said, well you shouldn't talk to and be so friendly then.

It's a strange world out there. I'm a naturally friendly person who speaks to everyone without hidden motives, but apparently that's not the way men think. Seeing as you're "taken", they don't actively pursue the friendship thing online either.

(in reply to lanie38)

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Post #: 47