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RE: My first non-munch. - 12/21/2007 4:36:37 PM

daddyncherry

Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteKnuckleRide

A lil bit of both, methinks, the.dark!!! I'll get it right next month...maybe. :)

Right, something's been puzzling me for a while: what does experienced mean? If sub or dom is what a person is, how then can you say you're an experienced sub or dom? Surely, that's like saying you're an experienced white person (or whatever). Does experienced relate more to the physical side of things? I can understand, for example, someone being experienced in using a flogger and being able to control where and how it lands, rather than have someone like me try it and hit everywhere but the intended target!!!

Am I missing something here?

Great question...and as alot of stuff in this lifestyle it means different things to different people. (incidentally, SimplyMichael posted about this a few weeks ago, a thread about "Skill or Experience" something like that.

Some mean they are experienced with the physical stuff...as you mentioned above. Some mean that they have actually had atleast one D/s relationship so they are experienced that way....sub and Dom, as you may have noticed are not ony adjectives but also nouns....so like me, being an "experienced" sub/slave means that i have lived in the lifestyle, and i am also experienced in certain types of play...but not an expert on any of them to speak of.

As most stuff, communicating with an idividual will give you a better idea of what's what.

edited to add this link.... http://www.collarchat.com/m_1439279/mpage_1/tm.htm

There is another one that goes with this one too since this one went waaay off track.

< Message edited by daddyncherry -- 12/21/2007 4:39:01 PM >

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to WhiteKnuckleRide)

Post #: 61

RE: A lil introduction and some questions. - 12/21/2007 6:14:37 PM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline

explaining the power exchange is easier for me to do than explaining many of the other things we do.
If you are going out with a girl that you really like and she comments that she likes the aftershave you have on today better than the last one you wore. Which would you wear most often when out with her? If you are going to send her flowers and you know that her favorite daisies do you send her pink roses or daisies? Would it make you less of a person if you chose to wear the aftershave she likes best or send her the daisies?

This isn't really much different from what we do. i know that Master likes His tea glass full so if it get's close to a half of a glass i refill it. i fix the foods He likes to eat. If i try something and He doesn't like it i don't fix it again. If He doesn't like the shampoo i've bought i don't use it again.

We do carry it further and you might find it sickening but i ask permission to go to the bathroom or to take my shower. i serve Him His food and don't start eating until He has. These things please Him so i enjoy doing them

(in reply to WhiteKnuckleRide)

Post #: 62

RE: A lil introduction and some questions. - 12/21/2007 8:51:27 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

We don't do punishment. But if he said "honey, get me another cup of tea" he'd be less than pleased to get six sugars in it. He would want to know why I deliberately did that. But I don't get punished, that isn't it our dynamic. In fact in most relationships that tends to fade away as the years go by.

Experience can be in the physical activities. S & M, electrical play, wax play, bondage, chains, knife play, cuttings, brandings, needles - all of these require a fair bit of training to get it right. Hell you can hurt someone using a bunny fur flogger if you keep hitting the kidneys.

It can also be in the relationship sense. I know a hell of a lot of people who get into relationships without knowing what they need in a partner and what they don't. I know passive aggressive people who destroy relationships and wonder afterwards what happened. The ability to know what you need, to express it clearly, to talk about it objectively, to pay attention to it on an ongoing basis and to do all that not just as it applies to you but also as it applies to your partner is not something we are born with. Crafting a healthy, happy relationship that can survive the stresses of modern life is a full time job. Most people don't spend as much as two hours total paying attention to their partner's needs in a week.

We spend that much daily if he isn't out of town on business.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to liljoy)

Post #: 63

Update - 1/9/2008 8:18:16 AM

WhiteKnuckleRide

Posts: 35
Joined: 11/23/2007
Status: offline

An update: On the 27th Dec 07 I finally found out what love at first sight is.

A few weeks prior, I got a message on here from Taintedblood. It read "what's the name of your kitty"; no capitals, no punctuation. :| I replied anyway and, after a few back and forth messages, we moved to speaking on MSN. A few days after that, she gave me her phone number. I called late in the evening 2 days later and arranged to go and see her that night (the 27th). It was about 11pm when I knocked on her door...and about half past when she knocked me out. For reasons I'll not go into here, I couldn't stay the night but it was 6am when I could finally drag myself away. I was smitten and, fortunately, the feeling was mutual.

Every day since, we've either talked on the phone for hours or seen each other in person. In between, we've sent texts, emails and CMessages. I feel great when I'm with her and she's on my mind when we're apart. In the few weeks we've known each other, we seem to have run the gamut of emotions. We've laughed and we've cried together; we've loved and we've hated each other. I don't know where it's going or what's going to happen but I do know I can't slow down. Already, we've had a lil play, exploring things that neither of us have done before and, based on some of the things we've done and want to do, she trusts me completely. I'm not sure I can trust myself, however, as I'm inexperienced but, I think, as long as we take it slowly and look after each other, we'll do OK. At first, there was no mention of safe words but, as we're beginning to experiment, we've talked about using the traffic light system, which is as good as any. *looks around shiftily* It's probably as well we've talked about it because *moves in closer* I bought a few 'toys' today that she'll be introduced to on Saturday. *grins* My first 'toy' purchase...YAY!!!

The only problem I have with all this is that I'm nothing like what she said she was looking for on her profile and this is my biggest fear. I'm not even a natural dom; it doesn't come easily to me, although she says that she loves the dominant traits that I do possess. We're learning together, tho, and, as we get to know what each other wants or needs, it'll get easier.

Protocol. I hate it when she calls me her dom. and I'll never call her a/my submissive; if you've read the rest of the thread, you'll know I have a thing about labels. :)

I'll write more soon. Neill

< Message edited by WhiteKnuckleRide -- 1/9/2008 8:24:06 AM >

_____________________________

sarchasm (sär'kz'm) 1. (n.) The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 64

RE: Update - 1/9/2008 9:05:07 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Where are the collarme police when you need them. I was going to be the first to answer your question but all of these people pushed ahead of me and plagerized my answers. It seems to happen to me a lot on here.

(in reply to WhiteKnuckleRide)

Post #: 65

RE: Update - 1/9/2008 9:06:34 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

BASTARDS!!!!!!!!!!

Det. Jeff

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 66

RE: Update - 1/9/2008 11:10:36 AM

Taintedblood

Posts: 116
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

The only problem I have with all this is that I'm nothing like what she said she was looking for on her profile and this is my biggest fear. I'm not even a natural dom; it doesn't come easily to me, although she says that she loves the dominant traits that I do possess. We're learning together, tho, and, as we get to know what each other wants or needs, it'll get easier.

Protocol. I hate it when she calls me her dom. and I'll never call her a/my submissive; if you've read the rest of the thread, you'll know I have a thing about labels. :)

Neill

please dont worry about it - its fine it really is, after reading through the thread and looking at your profile im not what you where looking for, tall - im a short ass, - long dark hair - i have mid-length red hair, and i have never worn jodpurs in my life - i don't even know how to spell the word.

i dont call you my Dom - i....i dont really call you anything......

but please dont worry bout it :( it will make me sad if you do

T xx

(in reply to WhiteKnuckleRide)

Post #: 67

RE: Update - 1/22/2008 2:17:16 PM

Bamslilgirl

Posts: 142
Joined: 12/18/2007
Status: offline

Oooooohhhhh this post is intense!!! At the very beginning, I read where it was asked what normal person would train to become inferior to another person. This just totally infuriated me. Bam is my Master, & I am 100% submissive to Him. What He says, I do. And I do that because I love Him, & He loves me. Neither of U/us is inferior to the other. W/we just live a different lifestyle than you do. And to say that some of the things here have sickened you? What things are those? If I had to lay there missionary style & take dick all the time, I'd be sickened. Instead, I'd rather get into all sorts of kinky positions, be forced to deep throat my master's cock, be forced to take it up the ass, or maybe have my ass literally whipped until I can't stand up. There-with that said, a "nilla" lifestyle sickens ME.

(in reply to Taintedblood)

Post #: 68

RE: A lil introduction and some questions. - 1/22/2008 4:40:50 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

Maybe match.com might not be so sickening.

(in reply to WhiteKnuckleRide)

Post #: 69

RE: A lil introduction and some questions. - 1/22/2008 7:12:55 PM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
Status: offline

I'm kind of shocked by the ending of this. I started from the beginning so I could make sure I followed and read all the responses. Then I get to the end and someone that has posted 22 times is now head over heels (or head over something) with one that has posted 2 times and she calls it quits on the open board. AFTER all of these people took time out to try to explain and answer his questions. Which by the way, were some very good answers and explanations that he tried to pull apart (even with his limited knowledge). Midnightwench for one was excellent. Talk about honesty in its truest form.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 70

RE: Update - 1/22/2008 8:21:27 PM

astarri

Posts: 265
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

I am happy that you have opened your mind and have found someone that you seem to really "click" with. I do hope you both have great fun learning about eachother =)
Thanks for the update WhiteKnuckleRide.

(in reply to WhiteKnuckleRide)

Post #: 71

RE: A lil introduction and some questions. - 1/22/2008 8:38:44 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteKnuckleRide

I value freedom higher than life itself.

Wonderful! We are in agreement already. I want the freedom have the relationship that makes me happy.

quote:

As far as I'm concerned, a healthy relationship is split 50/50 in terms of 'power'. My relationships with 'doormats' (for want of a better word; girls who aren't prepared to make decisions or to argue back when they disagree with me; or girls who don't have opinions) have not lasted. If I do something that my girlfriend (at the time) doesn't agree with, I want to know about it. I also want someone who will say to me: "This is what *I'm* doing", occasionally. She needs to have a life away from me and so, when she's with me, I know it's her choice to be with me. :)

That's what is healthy for you. For me, it's boring and miserable. I've tried to do the other "We are both in charge" thing and it's just... so... boring and miserable for me! Now, Valyraen always knows when something bothers me. I also have a life outside of him, including girl's nights and weekends where I'm busy dressed up a Colonial camp-follower.

quote:

At the same time, I can also appreciate that someone may need 'guidance' (again, for want of a better word) in life and, consequently, they need a strong partner. Someone to provide a big hug when the world gets crappy. I like/need hugs, too! :) I can understand that. It might be that someone has an perpetual low self-esteem and so needs the reassurance of having someone there for them. I don't agree with it but I can understand it. What I can't understand, and here is where I need your help, is how a supposedly sane person can be with someone who, for example, dictates what shampoo he or she can use or what clothes to wear.

Mircomanagement has appeal to some. It doesn't appeal to us and doesn't have much influence in our relationship. If he thinks something he looks awful on me, he will tell me and I won't wear it. I'm free to pick my own clothes and more often than not, I pick the shampoo, mouthwash, soap and etc.

quote:

This goes from being dominant to being something much more...hmmm, the word escapes me at present. I can't understand it from either side: the submissive who thinks this situation is normal and the dominant who insists that it happen. I'm not talking about roleplaying; I'm talking about the full-time relationships.

We have a full time relationship. He owns me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. This is what works for me. The 50/50 relationship simply doesn't suit.

quote:

Training? What is training? As far as I can see, training equals brainwashing.

A common misconception. You are trained to do a job, trained in martial arts, trained in good handwriting - are you being brainwashed then?

quote:

You can train to be a doctor. You can train (learn) to play an instrument. You can learn to be a better lover. But to train to be subservient??? What normal person trains to become inferior to another?

I'm not inferior - if I were, I wouldn't be worth his time.

quote:

Or, am I wrong in my reading of all this? If so, please correct me.

Read above for corrections.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/22/2008 8:44:07 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to WhiteKnuckleRide)

Post #: 72

RE: A lil introduction and some questions. - 1/23/2008 4:48:01 AM

Sabella

Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

I LOVE a happy beginning,

Best of luck to you two & have fun!

_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 73

RE: A lil introduction and some questions. - 1/23/2008 12:58:44 PM

bignipples2share

Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

I read through the whole thread also and I got a different take on it. I didn't see it as a break-up.

He said he wasn't what she was looking for, according to her search criteria, yet he was very happy she liked him.

She said, she wasn't what he was looking for, according to his profile search criteria and what he was looking for either. I read it into it that she was happy about it as well.

He doesn't like the label and protocal of being a called a Dom, she's stating she doesn't call him anything at all..I didn't take that to necessarily be a bad thing.

The last part, don't worry about it, (the fact he was nervous about not being what she was orig. looking for?) as it would make her sad for him to worry about something as trivial as her not liking him.

oooo I hope someone comes back here and let's us know which way this actually ended up.

~Big

(in reply to kallisto)

Post #: 74

RE: A lil introduction and some questions. - 1/28/2008 11:47:49 AM

Taintedblood

Posts: 116
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline

Nope there has been no break-up at all, still going strong

(in reply to bignipples2share)

Post #: 75

A lil introduction and some questions. - 1/28/2008 11:48:47 AM

WhiteKnuckleRide

Posts: 35
Joined: 11/23/2007
Status: offline

Just to clarify (seems some people actually care!! :> ), we're both very much together. Still scaring the hell out of us but there are no rules so we're just gonna go for it. Due to certain things in our respective personal lives, it's a bit complicated, and we've had a few heated, erm, discussions (read: blazing rows) but we both understand that it's more due to circumstances than anything else.

To astarri and Sabella: Thank you. Despite our ocassional differences of opinion, we are having fun. We've both pushed a few boundaries and tried a few new things. My fledgling toy collection comprises of 3 crops and there'll be another addition coming soon that...well, we'll keep you posted!!! ;)

To the late posters, please understand that I now realise that my initial thoughts were very naive and that I'm no longer of that opinion. I' don't think I'll ever begin to understand those relationships but, if it works for those involved, then fair play to them. You're right, my relationships would probably sicken/bore others. :)

_____________________________

sarchasm (sär'kz'm) 1. (n.) The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it.

(in reply to bignipples2share)

Post #: 76

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