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i suck at relationships! what is wrong with me? - 11/26/2007 9:33:33 PM

onlyHisgirl

Posts: 101
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline

Yes, i'm truly this bad at relationships! Advice is welcome...criticism is not. Thanks! Have a great week!

Okay, so I'm kinda in a vanilla relationship right now.
So we had anal sex twice which I enjoyed. But before the second time, he was like "I just want to rub it against your vagina (can we use the other word?)" I said "Okay, but DON'T stick it in." He said, "No, Baby. I'm not. I promise." Then he pulled me on top of him and it started to feel different but he told me he wasn't in me...he was just rubbing against my clit and that's why it felt weird. After about a few more seconds i looked down at him and said "YOU'RE SO IN ME!!! GET OUT!!!!" He said, "I will, baby. In a minute." Then he started to go a little faster. I didn't really like it but at the same time I didn't want it. So I told him to stop and he finally pulled out, kissed me, and said, "I just wanted to feel inside you". I said, "yeah, but you promised you wouldn't". He said, "but you enjoyed it." i felt like i couldn't disagree but i felt horrible.

While he was getting ready to leave i started to say "You know...no means --" He interrupted with "Yes." i gave him a look and he was like "What, Baby? We had fun? That's all that matters, right?" He left and i did cry. i mean i didn't really enjoy it, but kinda did.
Whenever i'm sad...his answer is "I'll get you cumming soon" or "Let's have sex!" We haven't been on a real date. It's always been coming over to my place and having sex. I'm getting tired of it, but I like him. He's cute and I've never trusted a guy to let him get this close to me....I'm such a loser when it comes to picking out guys vanilla or non

_____________________________

When i am Owned: i am His girl only...only His girl

Post #: 1

RE: i suck at relationships! what is wrong with me? - 11/26/2007 9:42:44 PM

liminalRapture

Posts: 181
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline

Well, I've totally been there, but he betrayed your trust. You are smart enough to know it. And I think you are smart enough to act on it and not let him back. You said "NO" very clearly and he went ahead and did something he promised he wouldn't do and you told him to stop and he wouldn't and didn't have a clear apology that he betrayed your trust.

I'm a big believer is saying no to something as a way of bringing into your life what you want to say yes to. He is taking up energy and space and when you let him occupy that in your life, when you know you can't trust him, you are letting the universe (OK, sorry--I'm touchy feely) stay in a place of stasis.

(in reply to onlyHisgirl)

Post #: 2

RE: i suck at relationships! what is wrong with me? - 11/26/2007 9:42:48 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Ok, well it's not clear but ass to vaginal contact (even just your clit) is not at all safe, so I would make sure the guy understands that.

I don't think you suck at relationships, however, you need to communicate. If that means stopping him when he cuts you off and saying you need to listen to what I have to say right now, then it does. Don't sit alone crying, tell him why what he is doing bothers you. Being submissive does not mean not having a voice.

With regard to the sex and no dating, again, communicate that. However, you really need to take a look at the relationship and decide if this is working for you. Keep in mind, it is supposed to be enjoyable, if it's not and you've tried to communicate or fix it in whatever way you can, then find something that is. Never accept that you have to give up simple needs like true companionship and fun, you don't, and you deserve better.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to onlyHisgirl)

Post #: 3

RE: i suck at relationships! what is wrong with me? - 11/26/2007 9:44:49 PM

BabyDollVanIsle

Posts: 103
Joined: 10/27/2007
Status: offline

Hey hun.. i really feel for you.

it can be very sexy when a guy doesn't take no for an answer.. but only in a situation where he truly cares for me and is sensitive enough to me to KNOW it is going to be ok.. or be REALLY apologetic and sincere if he guessed wrong.

but in this case we are talking about him doing something dangerous to you.. you could get an infection from that type of sexual behavoir. and this isn't him getting carried away in the heat of the action and making a mistake. this is him DELIBERATELY misleading you to do something that has absolulely no repercussions for him but could have some uncomfortable repercussions for you.

Bottom line.. this guy is SELFISH and manipulative big time and doesn't care about your HEALTH or your feelings.

He is scary.. far more scary than a guy with a whip or a flogger.

i wouldn't trust him to not have unprotected sex with you if he was infected with something. After all, he already has it anyways, so doesn't affect him, right?

i wish there was some good Daddy Dom near you that would take you under his wing and give you a little guidance, an little physical affection, and help you with this. you need to find the strength to send this guy packing.

Baby Doll

(in reply to onlyHisgirl)

Post #: 4

RE: i suck at relationships! what is wrong with me? - 11/26/2007 9:45:57 PM

astarri

Posts: 265
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

i am not sure how this indicates you being bad at relationships ...
though a couple of quick questions ....so you were trying to keep the relationship anal? or you had been doing anal and then pushed into your ... vagina (im not sure)?
either way imo you said to not ..he broke his word .... he isnt someone i would trust personally

(in reply to onlyHisgirl)

Post #: 5

RE: i suck at relationships! what is wrong with me? - 11/26/2007 9:48:34 PM

onlyHisgirl

Posts: 101
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline

Thank you

i'm touchy feely, too LR! Laurell!!!! i knew i could count on good advice from you! Thanks, BabyDoll...i'm hoping to find one here but right now the one i really like is in Houston...i don't know where that is in relation to me but i know it's far :-(
have a great week!

_____________________________

When i am Owned: i am His girl only...only His girl

(in reply to BabyDollVanIsle)

Post #: 6

RE: i suck at relationships! what is wrong with me? - 11/26/2007 9:50:55 PM

onlyHisgirl

Posts: 101
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: astarri

i am not sure how this indicates you being bad at relationships ...
though a couple of quick questions ....so you were trying to keep the relationship anal? or you had been doing anal and then pushed into your ... vagina (im not sure)?
either way imo you said to not ..he broke his word .... he isnt someone i would trust personally

oh, yeah...i was totally okay with anal. i enjoy it alot

no, we had anal after he stuck it in...i think he felt bad and could tell i was upset. he thinks making me feel better physically or having sex is the only way to express himself or feelings.

< Message edited by onlyHisgirl -- 11/26/2007 9:54:15 PM >

_____________________________

When i am Owned: i am His girl only...only His girl

(in reply to astarri)

Post #: 7

RE: i suck at relationships! what is wrong with me? - 11/26/2007 9:55:41 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: onlyHisgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: astarri

i am not sure how this indicates you being bad at relationships ...
though a couple of quick questions ....so you were trying to keep the relationship anal? or you had been doing anal and then pushed into your ... vagina (im not sure)?
either way imo you said to not ..he broke his word .... he isnt someone i would trust personally

oh, yeah...i was totally okay with anal. i enjoy it alot no, we had anal after he stuck it in...i think he felt bad and could tell i was upset. he thinks making me feel better or having sex is the only way to express himself or feelings.

I underlined and bolded your line because that is a huge red flag; I know because my ex, did the same thing, no matter what he did, if I tried to say no, he would defend himself by saying, Oh, you loved it, Oh you came, Oh, you got off, Oh, we had a hot scene, Oh, you'll be fine, and so on.

He would also never discuss anything that I was emotionally upset about, he would always use sexuality as a distraction.
He could never express himself or his feelings effectively other than sexually or through BDSM activities, even after 10 years.

So, please be wary of this type of guy. Most of the time, that kind of person will not change, simply because they do NOT WANT TO.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 11/26/2007 9:57:13 PM >

(in reply to onlyHisgirl)

Post #: 8

RE: i suck at relationships! what is wrong with me? - 11/26/2007 9:58:24 PM

onlyHisgirl

Posts: 101
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: onlyHisgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: astarri

i am not sure how this indicates you being bad at relationships ...
though a couple of quick questions ....so you were trying to keep the relationship anal? or you had been doing anal and then pushed into your ... vagina (im not sure)?
either way imo you said to not ..he broke his word .... he isnt someone i would trust personally

oh, yeah...i was totally okay with anal. i enjoy it alot no, we had anal after he stuck it in...i think he felt bad and could tell i was upset. he thinks making me feel better or having sex is the only way to express himself or feelings.

I underlined and bolded your line because that is a huge red flag; I know because my ex, did the same thing, no matter what he did, if I tried to say no, he would defend himself by saying, Oh, you loved it, Oh you came, Oh, you got off, Oh, we had a hot scene, Oh, you'll be fine, and so on.

He would also never discuss anything that I was emotionally upset about, he would always use sexuality as a distraction.
He could never express himself or his feelings effectively other than sexually or through BDSM activities, even after 10 years.

So, please be wary of this type of guy. Most of the time, that kind of person will not change, simply because they do NOT WANT TO.

Wow. That was kinda creepy. He says exactly those words. All of them. :-(

_____________________________

When i am Owned: i am His girl only...only His girl

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 9

RE: oops - 11/26/2007 9:58:58 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

OHG,
Please understand that this comes from a place of very deep concern for you and your well being....Before i saw this thread i had an opportunity to read some of your journal entries....i fought the urge to PM you, however when i saw this posted i guess i could not resist....The first thing is: if you are unable to communicate to someone that you do not want sex when you've been drinking....You may need to stop drinking....If you seriously think that you've done something wrong to cause your "daddy" to leave you....i would strongly encourage you to seek help....Please don't misunderstand me, i am not judging you...But i can relate..... i remember that feeling of desperation and just needing to submit....Sadly for me, it ended when i had to call the police to break me out of a man's home who had raped, beaten, and assualted me.....Please don't let yourself end up in a situation like that before you are able to wake up to reality......
Good luck to you,
Kali

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to onlyHisgirl)

Post #: 10

RE: oops - 11/26/2007 9:59:57 PM

BabyDollVanIsle

Posts: 103
Joined: 10/27/2007
Status: offline

dear onlyhisgirl,

well, at least you are in large population centers. I am sure you can find a nice Dom who suites you.. just be a bit more proactive about finding one.. i am being mentored by a wonderful Dom in Ontario... i approached him.. i thought his profile was very interesting, and i sent him a note.. he was very receptive to me.. i thought for sure he wouldn't find me of interest because he was so attractive and experienced, but he was very open to being approached.

it sounds like you need a very nurturing but sexual Dom.. try approaching a few.. you might be surprised by their response.

and.. try some of the older more mature men.. they seem to understand subs a lot better and be more gentle with them.

i think you could use a little babying...

(in reply to onlyHisgirl)

Post #: 11

RE: oops - 11/26/2007 10:01:28 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Well I'm not going to plunk a label down on you and victimize you, but for me that's what I would call date rape. Even if not that, it was clearly inappropriate.

It's your choice whether you want to continue to have that person who does those things remain in your life.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 12

RE: i suck at relationships! what is wrong with me? - 11/26/2007 10:01:31 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: onlyHisgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: onlyHisgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: astarri

i am not sure how this indicates you being bad at relationships ...
though a couple of quick questions ....so you were trying to keep the relationship anal? or you had been doing anal and then pushed into your ... vagina (im not sure)?
either way imo you said to not ..he broke his word .... he isnt someone i would trust personally

oh, yeah...i was totally okay with anal. i enjoy it alot no, we had anal after he stuck it in...i think he felt bad and could tell i was upset. he thinks making me feel better or having sex is the only way to express himself or feelings.

I underlined and bolded your line because that is a huge red flag; I know because my ex, did the same thing, no matter what he did, if I tried to say no, he would defend himself by saying, Oh, you loved it, Oh you came, Oh, you got off, Oh, we had a hot scene, Oh, you'll be fine, and so on.

He would also never discuss anything that I was emotionally upset about, he would always use sexuality as a distraction.
He could never express himself or his feelings effectively other than sexually or through BDSM activities, even after 10 years.

So, please be wary of this type of guy. Most of the time, that kind of person will not change, simply because they do NOT WANT TO.

Wow. That was kinda creepy. He says exactly those words. All of them. :-(

I know, that was what I was afraid of.

(in reply to onlyHisgirl)

Post #: 13

RE: oops - 11/26/2007 10:23:27 PM

onlyHisgirl

Posts: 101
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

OHG,
Please understand that this comes from a place of very deep concern for you and your well being....Before i saw this thread i had an opportunity to read some of your journal entries....i fought the urge to PM you, however when i saw this posted i guess i could not resist....The first thing is: if you are unable to communicate to someone that you do not want sex when you've been drinking....You may need to stop drinking....If you seriously think that you've done something wrong to cause your "daddy" to leave you....i would strongly encourage you to seek help....Please don't misunderstand me, i am not judging you...But i can relate..... i remember that feeling of desperation and just needing to submit....Sadly for me, it ended when i had to call the police to break me out of a man's home who had raped, beaten, and assualted me.....Please don't let yourself end up in a situation like that before you are able to wake up to reality......
Good luck to you,
Kali

Thank you, Kali. Some of those journal entries I doctored b/c "Daddy" said he was going to read them and get back with me. No...i wasn't drinking. i liked to "Daddy" because he called me a slut for having sex even though i didn't want it. Yeah, Daddy isn't the best man either. i'm thinking i need to get away from guys like these but i feel like i can never tell with them.

_____________________________

When i am Owned: i am His girl only...only His girl

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 14

RE: oops - 11/26/2007 10:30:07 PM

onlyHisgirl

Posts: 101
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Well I'm not going to plunk a label down on you and victimize you, but for me that's what I would call date rape. Even if not that, it was clearly inappropriate.

It's your choice whether you want to continue to have that person who does those things remain in your life.

A couple of my friends said that...but two of my best friends were brutally raped and my experience wasn't like that by a loooooong shot! i mean i didn't want it and i said no, but i don't think it's totally rape. i mean he can be a nice guy.

_____________________________

When i am Owned: i am His girl only...only His girl

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 15

RE: oops - 11/26/2007 10:40:01 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Woman, I have always been a nice guy sometimes. Only problem was when I wasn't, I was a 6'2 monster who emotionally and verbally abused my parters. Not only that, it didn't get better the longer I was with them, it got worse.

THAT is what you have to look forward to. If this was a one time thing, I might be inclined to give the guy more of a break but if this sort of crap is a pattern, get out now.

(in reply to onlyHisgirl)

Post #: 16

RE: oops - 11/26/2007 10:41:04 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

OHG,
Seriously You are scaring me.....And i think it's from a 'hindsight' point of view....There are times when i look back over the things i've done, indulged, engaged in and i'm sooo ashamed i can barely stand to even think about looking at myself..... Please seek professional help.....My overall concern for You is that You appear to have this mentality that You just want to 'get along' with other people...And that's a great and wonderful quality....But seriously, there comes a point in time when a jack ass is a jack ass, a cocksucker is a cocksucker (can i say that here?), and a rapist is a rapist....
Feel free to PM me,
Kali

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to onlyHisgirl)

Post #: 17

RE: oops - 11/27/2007 3:04:37 AM

Ferretsdrgn

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/16/2004
Status: offline

Ok I can't help but wonder if you are for real after reading your post, and some of your journal entries. If you are real then you need some serious help before you try to engage in a relationship. It seems every other day you haven't heard from "daddy" and supposedly your relationship is over, but your still missing him. So the best thing to do would probably be to take some time out and get over one man, before you try to find another to replace him.

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 18

RE: oops - 11/27/2007 3:10:53 AM

Aceton

Posts: 97
Joined: 9/2/2007
Status: offline

Yeah, and the fact that your journal has this emoticon in it nearly every post --->

dear god, by the time I was done reading I just wanted to punch someone's face really really hard.... this is going to sound harsh, but what the hell. You pick guys who are assholes to you, then you cry about it. Apparently you haven't garnered enough attention in your journal sob stories, so now you are here telling anyone who will listen. That's called playing the victim. Judging by everything you have to say about yourself, you do that quite alot. Fortunately for you, there are plenty of people who will run to soothe you even when you do obviously retarded things.

Waaaaa I stuck a fork in a toaster and it electrocuted me... now I don't know what to do, it's always been such a NICE toaster.

Waaaaaa I miss my toasstterrrrrr...

Waaaa I told my toaster about how the blender zapped me and it jerked off to it. Waaa I miss my toastteerrrrr. I love my toaasster...

(in reply to Ferretsdrgn)

Post #: 19

RE: oops - 11/27/2007 3:47:06 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: onlyHisgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Well I'm not going to plunk a label down on you and victimize you, but for me that's what I would call date rape. Even if not that, it was clearly inappropriate.

It's your choice whether you want to continue to have that person who does those things remain in your life.

A couple of my friends said that...but two of my best friends were brutally raped and my experience wasn't like that by a loooooong shot! i mean i didn't want it and i said no, but i don't think it's totally rape. i mean he can be a nice guy.

If you said no and you did not want it...it is rape.
Don't minimize it or how you feel because it wasn't "brutal".

There is a big differance between being with a dominant man and being with a controlling one.

" I am only doing it for you" and the like (but you really liked it etc is crap.. he is being a manipulative A-hole.

If you are in emotional pain because of this or any other relationship...if you are with him because it is better than being alone... then please consider the option of seeking some sort of professional help because you deserve better.
Most men who are abusive can be "nice" guys...they want you to think that... thay way it isn't them it is you... you didn't understand... you were too sensitive...IT really wasn't THAT big a deal.

Listen to those tears... .

You do deserve better.

jenn

(in reply to onlyHisgirl)

Post #: 20

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