Respect (Full Version)

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Chainmaile -> Respect (11/27/2007 9:59:08 PM)

I've been thinking about 'respect' for a while. A lot of supposed doms demand respect from their subs, from the start. I think true respect is something that needs to be earned, not just given freely. I'll treat anyone with respect, until they give me a reason not to. But to truly earn my respect you need to show me you are worthy of it, be you dom or sub.

As one young lady on here mentioned, would you just walk up to on the street and call them a slut or a whore? If not, why would you approach a sub here and do the same? I can understand doing that after you have gotten to know each other and it is part of your roleplaying/relationship, but until that is established, treat them with respect.



sexyone4you -> RE: Respect (11/27/2007 10:01:20 PM)

I love it when men post topics like this. It helps me forget about the wanks that emailed me that day.  Thanks!



SweetSarijane -> RE: Respect (11/27/2007 10:03:38 PM)

My respect is earned, but I treat others with courtesy and use my manners from the start.



MzMia -> RE: Respect (11/27/2007 10:06:46 PM)

[sm=applause.gif] This is why most "submissive males" that approach me get nowhere.
How dare you approach me as a non-Professional Mistress and total stranger,
and out of the blue tell me what you like, what you have done and what you want
as far as BDSM activities?
Last I checked you can get about $1.99 per minute to listen to crap like this.
PLEASE contact one of the phone or cam ladies on here, and get the hell out of my face.
So many get perplexed when I show ZERO interests in them.
Whats wrong Mistress, why don't you want to listen to me spend hours talking about what I want and what I need?
Duh
Do you approach other women online, at clubs and bars, parties, functions in this manner?

I am sure many submissive males go up to total strangers at parties, bars, and begin
telling them how they want their cock and balls tied up!  LOL
Gimme a break.
I am a woman and a LADY and if you can not approach me as such, we don't have much to
discuss, in common and absolutely no future.



juliaoceania -> RE: Respect (11/27/2007 10:39:30 PM)

I give everyone a certain amount of respect because they are human beings... respect is something that is lost with me, not earned from the get-go... on the other hand deference is something that is completely earned from me, and very few people get that out of me.

I can count on one hand how many people I give deference to, and yes, my Daddy is one of those people.



Decimus -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 3:11:38 AM)

For me respect is earned, trust is given. Someone has to earn my respect through deeds and actions and attitude. Trust well I trust everyone until they prove to me they are not worth trusting then, well if they aren't worth trusting why should I talk to them?



TysGalilah -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 3:43:39 AM)

 
For me, I will/can act respectfully and treat another with courtesy and manners giving them the benefit of the doubt.  But, the deep kind of respect is earned, agreed.
 
I can easily respect anothers point of view and their right to express it, without really knowing them or their character. That is more about MY self-respect, than it is about respecting them as a person of character.
 
Trust... grows and evolves.  But it is a mutual effort.  To show I am trustworthy, I have to be given a certain amt of trust. To see that another person is trustworthy I have to have been willing to trust them to a certain extent.    So it is given and earned at the same time...imo.
 
which is probably why it hurts to find out trust has been misused or damaged>  because, even in the beginning, we still invested a degree of ourselves.
 



tanzur -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 4:37:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chainmaile

I've been thinking about 'respect' for a while. A lot of supposed doms demand respect from their subs, from the start. I think true respect is something that needs to be earned, not just given freely. I'll treat anyone with respect, until they give me a reason not to. But to truly earn my respect you need to show me you are worthy of it, be you dom or sub.

As one young lady on here mentioned, would you just walk up to on the street and call them a slut or a whore? If not, why would you approach a sub here and do the same? I can understand doing that after you have gotten to know each other and it is part of your roleplaying/relationship, but until that is established, treat them with respect.


Common courtesy is given freely to all
Respect is earned



MzMia -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 4:46:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tanzur

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chainmaile

I've been thinking about 'respect' for a while. A lot of supposed doms demand respect from their subs, from the start. I think true respect is something that needs to be earned, not just given freely. I'll treat anyone with respect, until they give me a reason not to. But to truly earn my respect you need to show me you are worthy of it, be you dom or sub.

As one young lady on here mentioned, would you just walk up to on the street and call them a slut or a whore? If not, why would you approach a sub here and do the same? I can understand doing that after you have gotten to know each other and it is part of your roleplaying/relationship, but until that is established, treat them with respect.


Common courtesy is given freely to all
Respect is earned


I agree it is disrespectful for Dom's to approach total strangers and demand instant submission
and respect.  Who would submit to a strange man that approaches you and expects you to fall on
your knees, while he calls you a slut or whore?
On the same token, it is disrespectful for submissives to approach Dominant's and expect to be able
to instantly submit, and over whelm total strangers with their needs, desires and fantasies.
That is disrespectful and usually a chance to get some cheap thrills from total strangers.
When someone approaches me with Hello and this is what I want and need, in a few seconds they are talking to themselves.



Dari -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 4:56:52 AM)

I'm with tanzur.  I don't think being a human being makes you worthy of respect - it just makes you worthy of courtesy, unless you prove you don't deserve that as well.

Respect is earned - I don't expect subs to instantly fall to their knees and call me Mistress, and I don't respect anyone who hasn't worked very hard to earn my respect. 



forg0ttenclone -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 5:06:54 AM)

I always find myself laughing at those self proclaimed "Dom/mes" that "demand" respect.  It's really a great joke.  Courtesy may be given, but most certainly not respect.  It is earned.  Respect me as a submissive and i will respect you as a Dominant in return.  It's a two way street.  Without a submissive's gift of submission, one cannot dominate.

<mocks> "I DEMAND RESPECT BECAUSE I USE ALL CAPS! RAWR!" <laugh>



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 5:14:42 AM)

Courtesy is a must, but I can be courteous even to someone I loathe. Respect and trust are earned. One thing I learned from working in Customer Service for so long... kill them with kindness. I can be "nice" to anyone.

I have noticed, though, that you you find it necessary to demand respect, it is usually because you are not able to earn it.

DV



DarkDaddyZ -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 5:15:56 AM)

We all Dom and sub should desire respect.  The only Doms that demand it are those who are titled LordAllmightygodDom/DommeMaster/Daddy/Goddesshearmeroar!



BabyDollVanIsle -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 5:50:53 AM)

wonderful perspectives...

as a new submissive, i was initially impressed by contact where they wanted to dominate me 'instantly'.. but pretty soon we had nowhere to go, especially since i am not prepared to do any real time when i am so new and so green..

i am finding that i am getting much better friendships and interaction now, from Doms and submissives where we are relating very much person to person...

honestly, i don't know how submissives manage to stick it out that first few months... i am lucky that i encounted my mentor so soon.. he has set the bar for respect and personal interest.

baby doll



Vanatru -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 6:32:37 AM)

*sighs* Boy! There’s an old old axe grinding away, Chainmaile. I've heard that same line from the beginning of my involvement with BDSM from the subs (and not directed at me btw). The truth is if you are sincere, BOTH sides have to give some. I believe that a certain amount of respect IS actually necessary, and this is why:

Before one person is a sub, before the other person is a prospective dom, they are BOTH people. Unless they come off totally nuts, totally belligerent, or totally aggressive, people should be given a certain amount of courtesy and acknowledgement of their humanity. This goes for the subs as much as the doms. Why? Because YOU are unique in the world and count, and therefore THEY are unique and count.

It is no more right to lump ALL doms into overbearing monsters  just because SOME are nuts, belligerent, or aggressive any more than it is right to lump ALL subs into being bratty narcissists for doing the same thing.

The other reason should also be obvious, but apparently isn’t. The way such subs act and talk is noted by the sincere doms, and such words and actions reflect either poorly or well in the dom’s evaluation of the sub. Am I going to waste my time with a sub that can’t handle themselves with some deportment and grace, or will I pass them up for the ones that rise to the occasion and show their fortitude? The answer is obvious.



juliaoceania -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 6:36:18 AM)

quote:

The other reason should also be obvious, but apparently isn’t. The way such subs act and talk is noted by the sincere doms, and such words and actions reflect either poorly or well in the dom’s evaluation of the sub. Am I going to waste my time with a sub that can’t handle themselves with some deportment and grace, or will I pass them up for the ones that rise to the occasion and show their fortitude? The answer is obvious.


I am not allowed to be disrespectful to anyone that emails me on the other side because 1) It invites a dialogue with cretins that obviously have not bothered to respect me enough to read my profile 2) He does not think it reflects well on him

He did not really care how I handled these things before I became his, he just told me to handle it his way.



LadyPact -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 6:36:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

[sm=applause.gif] This is why most "submissive males" that approach me get nowhere.
How dare you approach me as a non-Professional Mistress and total stranger,
and out of the blue tell me what you like, what you have done and what you want
as far as BDSM activities?
Last I checked you can get about $1.99 per minute to listen to crap like this.
PLEASE contact one of the phone or cam ladies on here, and get the hell out of my face.
So many get perplexed when I show ZERO interests in them.
Whats wrong Mistress, why don't you want to listen to me spend hours talking about what I want and what I need?
Duh
Do you approach other women online, at clubs and bars, parties, functions in this manner?

I am sure many submissive males go up to total strangers at parties, bars, and begin
telling them how they want their cock and balls tied up!  LOL
Gimme a break.
I am a woman and a LADY and if you can not approach me as such, we don't have much to
discuss, in common and absolutely no future.


Before I even read the rest, or give My personal opinion on the topic, I just want to say I really appreciate you, MzMia.



Kaiynasha -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 6:45:19 AM)

MzMia I agree with you. I have received tons of e-mails from male subs telling me this and that. Different names and same person. Or Similar names and different profiles. It is so disrespectful. Then they wonder why you don't answer their e-mails or want to have a long drawn out conversation.

I was having a wonderful conversation with one male sub and soon realized that this person was playing around and pulling my chain. And guess what? They didn't have a care in the world.

I always treat someone with courtesy and respect. I have also gotten to a point to not even address the e-mail in itself. I have self-respect but you cannot demand respect from someone who doesn't respect themselves.



LadyPact -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 6:48:11 AM)

Ok, now that I've read the rest, I'm going to say that I agree with the apparent theme from those who have posted prior.
 
I'm of the mind that there is a signifigant difference betweem courtesy and respect.  For Me, common courtesy is easily given.  I can be socially pleasant with anyone in just about any situation.  I have manners and I can certainly use them.
 
However, if you want to earn My respect, you have to do exactly that.  Earn it.  I'm not going to give it to you freely just because you say you are this or you are that.  I want you to show it to Me.  I've found this is especially true for Myself lately in the case of new/young "Dom/mes" who are just coming into the lifestyle and make all of the classic beginner mistakes.  Mostly, I sit back, smile, and wait for them to take their lumps. 



DesFIP -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 6:52:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vanatru


The other reason should also be obvious, but apparently isn’t. The way such subs act and talk is noted by the sincere doms, and such words and actions reflect either poorly or well in the dom’s evaluation of the sub. Am I going to waste my time with a sub that can’t handle themselves with some deportment and grace, or will I pass them up for the ones that rise to the occasion and show their fortitude? The answer is obvious.



Interesting rant. Just because a sub doesn't kowtow to you, doesn't mean they aren't submissive. It just means they aren't submissive to you. In fact, for some of us, we aren't permitted to show any more than ordinary common courtesy to other doms. And we aren't allowed to give even that to the ones who pursue us when we state we aren't interested.

What you perceive as rudeness, may be standing orders in someone else's relationship.

Back to the op, there was just such a profile up when I signed in and I laughed at it, thinking he's guaranteed himself to never find a sub by demanding true respect and deference from strangers, and by refusing to accept that he needs to prove himself trustworthy and deserving of respect.



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