RE: Respect

RE: Respect (Full Version)

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juliaoceania -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 6:54:35 AM)
quote: Interesting rant. Just because a sub doesn't kowtow to you, doesn't mean they aren't submissive. It just means they aren't submissive to you. In fact, for some of us, we aren't permitted to show any more than ordinary common courtesy to other doms. And we aren't allowed to give even that to the ones who pursue us when we state we aren't interested. *What you perceive as rudeness, may be standing orders in someone else's relationship.* But those doms that order this would not be weal nor twue[:D]

domiguy -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 7:07:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire Courtesy is a must, but I can be courteous even to someone I loathe. Respect and trust are earned. One thing I learned from working in Customer Service for so long... kill them with kindness. I can be "nice" to anyone. I have noticed, though, that you you find it necessary to demand respect, it is usually because you are not able to earn it. DV Exactly....There lies a huge canyon between courtesy and respect. I open the door for the person behind me out of courtesy. I thank the waitress for bringing me coffee out of courtesy. I don't know if these folks are pedophiles or murders or eat babies. If someone has garnished my respect it is because they have earned it. The fuckheads who come out here and demand "respect," are confusing respect for instant gratification. This is after all the net. I'm really tired about posters who complain about they mail they receive. Obviously there is something that you haven't yet begin to understand about the medium on which you have chose to advertise yourself. It would be sooooo refreshing if the peeps out here would just chill on this topic. It is all part of this thang. If it bugs you so then this isn't the place for you. Actually it is like a bar. The reality is that many women who receive mail on CM may not ever receive the attention of a man in a bar unless it was closing time and it works both ways. What is the difference? We all get approached by people "out there" (Real world) that are not suitable to become partners. I've watched some of my "friends with twats" get approached by guys in bars and clubs that they would never ever consider going out with. No, they don't come up and say tie up my balls...But they sometimes do suggest that they should leave together, immediately get to close, some have "laid hands" on them or continue the pursuit when it has been made clear that their company is no longer wanted. My friends are courteous to a point and sometimes when courtesy no longer works they are forced to put them on "block."....They have to get the asssistance of bouncers, bartenders, security and friends to make sure the "block" has been soundly put into place. Enough about your shitty mail. Get over it.

Vanatru -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 7:19:54 AM)
Edit: as should have been sent as cmail.

juliaoceania -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 7:32:36 AM)
I think that the trouble you have with the way some of us respond to you is that you insult wide swaths of people by putting them into neat little boxes based upon what you deem to be real, fake, untrue, or any other negative category. I read this in your posts often... either they are insulting people on how submissive they "twuly" are, or they are just downright snarky... but that is just what I have read from you... Clue, it does not win friends nor influence people to hit and run with snarky posts.. we all read each other here, and often when you snark on one person, many others note it.

wisteriaV -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 7:48:06 AM)
Snark? LOL Since when does expressing views become snarking? There are lots of posts from people that others don't agree with but you dont sit there and nit pick at specific people..geez

juliaoceania -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 7:54:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wisteriaV Snark? LOL Since when does expressing views become snarking? There are lots of posts from people that others don't agree with but you dont sit there and nit pick at specific people..geez You are right, I shouldn't have shown a light on it, it really does not matter. I am sure there are others that have noted what I have... all they have to do is read his opinions about female dominants, and the hot air that submissives around here spew, or perhaps they can find posts where he just talks about "drama" in a vague way... I just think it is rather ironic that this is all on a thread about respect, because usually you have to give it to get it back

slavemaia -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 7:59:13 AM)
Respect, imho, is not the same as courtesy or trust. However, i find no reason not to respect someone without them necessarily earning it. i seek to treat others with respect and courtesy but i trust only those who have consistently demonstrated that they are respectful of me and themselves.

slaveluci -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 8:09:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire I have noticed, though, that you you find it necessary to demand respect, it is usually because you are not able to earn it Exactly right, DV. Well said. Master has never once "demanded" respect or even really spoken about it much at all. It was obvious to Him from the early stages of our relationship that He wouldn't need to do such. If I hadn't felt respect, I wouldn't have kept speaking with Him and getting to know Him. I respect Him more than words can say for the things He says and does (and doesn't say or do) and He doesn't have to demand it. As you said, that would just negate it. Someone "demanding" respect has just done something to assure it's never going to happen. Great point...........luci

toservez -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 8:25:31 AM)
I clicked on this topic and thought it was going to be a roll my eyes type one but have instead found it quite interesting. To me terms like respect and courtesy are so subjective that they are often bent into agenda type things more then some foundation of behavior. I have always been more about treating people with class which in my own mind is treating other people like I would want to be treated based on my actions and therefore have little problem mirroring someone when they fail to reach a basic standard. So strangers in real life or in cyber land I always treat them as they are sincere in their words. Those who come off as thinking they are better then me, accuse me of being fake until proven real and think dominant means they have certain benefits bestowed upon them are not treating me with class and will not get back what they are asking. I find courtesy in cyber to be totally fraudulent for those who bring it up. It is totally rude to demand or try to guilt someone to do what you perceive is a “common courtesy” and those who do that just begging for the opposite of what they are asking on my end.

Missokyst -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 8:33:04 AM)
How odd. I had the opposite reaction. I get it that many of us, dom, sub, male, female, are not into random people soliciting wank fodder. That kind of nonsense is going to happen across the board. Some will play into it, and some will be annoyed (put me in that catagory). I get that many female dominants get that "Do Me" crap. As a sub female I got my share of guys thinking I will swoon to "slut". But for me people are people, regardless of gender, or orientation. When I meet them there is more coutesy given than I would to any other stranger. No one is special to me until they become special to me. It makes me really glad I am bi-phobic and not in need of a female dominant if they expect me to cater to them on first contact. As far as those wanking types that only want you to serve their needs, that is what the X is for. Or in real life, turning to walk away. Rude behavior should not be rewarded. Kyst quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: MzMia [sm=applause.gif] This is why most "submissive males" that approach me get nowhere. How dare you approach me as a non-Professional Mistress and total stranger, and out of the blue tell me what you like, what you have done and what you want as far as BDSM activities? Last I checked you can get about $1.99 per minute to listen to crap like this. PLEASE contact one of the phone or cam ladies on here, and get the hell out of my face. So many get perplexed when I show ZERO interests in them. Whats wrong Mistress, why don't you want to listen to me spend hours talking about what I want and what I need? Duh Do you approach other women online, at clubs and bars, parties, functions in this manner? I am sure many submissive males go up to total strangers at parties, bars, and begin telling them how they want their cock and balls tied up! LOL Gimme a break. I am a woman and a LADY and if you can not approach me as such, we don't have much to discuss, in common and absolutely no future. Before I even read the rest, or give My personal opinion on the topic, I just want to say I really appreciate you, MzMia.

Vanatru -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 8:34:47 AM)
I'm not sure I understand this point of view. Do you mean that, if you deal with people person-to-person that they should be treated differently than if you talk to them online? quote: ORIGINAL: toservez ... I find courtesy in cyber to be totally fraudulent for those who bring it up. It is totally rude to demand or try to guilt someone to do what you perceive is a “common courtesy” and those who do that just begging for the opposite of what they are asking on my end.

toservez -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 8:51:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Vanatru I'm not sure I understand this point of view. Do you mean that, if you deal with people person-to-person that they should be treated differently than if you talk to them online? quote: ORIGINAL: toservez ... I find courtesy in cyber to be totally fraudulent for those who bring it up. It is totally rude to demand or try to guilt someone to do what you perceive is a “common courtesy” and those who do that just begging for the opposite of what they are asking on my end. No I think people online bring up courtesy as an angle. In real life people do not come up to you and go I expect this because it is common courtesy. In cyber courtesy is more often then not used for a person to get something they specifically want from a stranger. For example in real life someone walks up to you being rude and disrespectful they are usually not stunned if the person does something different then smile back and say thank you. In cyber people can be rude, very negative and put zero effort in a message and then demand common courtesy which they are not defining as being rude, negative or no effort back. That is what is fraudulent about it.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 9:09:05 AM)
I like your posts on this, toservez, they are really well thought out. In general, I try to be respectful to others whenever possible, whether I like them or not. I don't always achieve this, as I am a fallible human. I also do not fit everyone's description of what respectful is. But I must always be respectful to myself, and in doing so I am respectful to my Master as well. Being respectful to myself means speaking up when disrespected by others. What people do with that, however, is up to them. What I find interesting and ironic is the recent frequency in which I have witnessed those whom I have seen as disrespectful to others speaking most vehemently about wanting respect from others (for clarity's sake, this is not aimed at the OP).

Jeffff -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 9:16:48 AM)
It seems to Me that demanding respect is both counter productive and counter intuitive. It is the same as demanding someone likes you. Who actualy thinks that respect can be demanded from anyone? Jeff

xAdamx -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 9:29:47 AM)
Re.....respect should be earned not demanded........I'm not being picky but you quote " I'll treat anyone with respect, until they give me reason not to. But to earn my respect you have to prove to me you are worthy of it " end quote. Ummmm that sound like a demand to me

hardbodysub -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 10:02:32 AM)
It's sad that anyone even feels the need for the topic of the OP. It should be pretty damn obvious, IMO. After viewing the replies, I'd like to comment regarding courtesy, respect, and trust. Courtesy is nothing more than polite behavior toward someone. Everyone should be given courtesy until they show that they don't deserve it. Respect is somewhat more complex. The word "respect", as in "showing respect" and "being respectful", is often used to describe outward display in the same sense as the word "courtesy", but sometimes respect implies more deference than mere politeness. Real respect, however, is something internal. I believe that respect is a privilege more than an unalienable right. Everyone deserves a little at first, but to keep it, it has to be earned. Trust is another issue entirely. It has an infinite number of levels, and it has to be earned, continually.

Vanatru -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 10:03:43 AM)
thanks for explaining that further toservez, that helped a lot.

IrishMist -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 11:42:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hardbodysub It's sad that anyone even feels the need for the topic of the OP. It should be pretty damn obvious, IMO. After viewing the replies, I'd like to comment regarding courtesy, respect, and trust. Courtesy is nothing more than polite behavior toward someone. Everyone should be given courtesy until they show that they don't deserve it. Respect is somewhat more complex. The word "respect", as in "showing respect" and "being respectful", is often used to describe outward display in the same sense as the word "courtesy", but sometimes respect implies more deference than mere politeness. Real respect, however, is something internal. I believe that respect is a privilege more than an unalienable right. Everyone deserves a little at first, but to keep it, it has to be earned. Trust is another issue entirely. It has an infinite number of levels, and it has to be earned, continually. I must admit...I like how you explained it...

LadyPact -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 11:47:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst How odd. I had the opposite reaction. I get it that many of us, dom, sub, male, female, are not into random people soliciting wank fodder. That kind of nonsense is going to happen across the board. Some will play into it, and some will be annoyed (put me in that catagory). I get that many female dominants get that "Do Me" crap. As a sub female I got my share of guys thinking I will swoon to "slut". But for me people are people, regardless of gender, or orientation. When I meet them there is more coutesy given than I would to any other stranger. No one is special to me until they become special to me. It makes me really glad I am bi-phobic and not in need of a female dominant if they expect me to cater to them on first contact. As far as those wanking types that only want you to serve their needs, that is what the X is for. Or in real life, turning to walk away. Rude behavior should not be rewarded. Kyst quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: MzMia [sm=applause.gif] This is why most "submissive males" that approach me get nowhere. How dare you approach me as a non-Professional Mistress and total stranger, and out of the blue tell me what you like, what you have done and what you want as far as BDSM activities? Last I checked you can get about $1.99 per minute to listen to crap like this. PLEASE contact one of the phone or cam ladies on here, and get the hell out of my face. So many get perplexed when I show ZERO interests in them. Whats wrong Mistress, why don't you want to listen to me spend hours talking about what I want and what I need? Duh Do you approach other women online, at clubs and bars, parties, functions in this manner? I am sure many submissive males go up to total strangers at parties, bars, and begin telling them how they want their cock and balls tied up! LOL Gimme a break. I am a woman and a LADY and if you can not approach me as such, we don't have much to discuss, in common and absolutely no future. Before I even read the rest, or give My personal opinion on the topic, I just want to say I really appreciate you, MzMia. I think, without realizing it, W/we mean the same thing.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Respect (11/28/2007 12:12:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: ORIGINAL: wisteriaV Snark? LOL Since when does expressing views become snarking? There are lots of posts from people that others don't agree with but you dont sit there and nit pick at specific people..geez You are right, I shouldn't have shown a light on it, it really does not matter. I am sure there are others that have noted what I have... all they have to do is read his opinions about female dominants, and the hot air that submissives around here spew, or perhaps they can find posts where he just talks about "drama" in a vague way... I just think it is rather ironic that this is all on a thread about respect, because usually you have to give it to get it back Yep, being referred to as "hot air" pretty much killed my interest in anything further that he had to say.

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