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What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 3:17:28 PM   
michellewarner


Posts: 48
Joined: 3/7/2005
Status: offline 		Hi all. I hope this hasn't been posted to death, but I have a question.

What, exactly, is "real?" It's a term I see used a lot in different people's profiles. "Looking for a REAL sub." "In search of a REAL Dom."

To me, "real" means "honest." I am honest and up-front in my dealings with other folks, even if it means saying "sorry, not going to discuss that," or "nope. not going there," and expect the same in return. I would never dream of calling someone who is willing to call it like it is, "not real." Yet, I have occasionally had it said of me.

So, if "real" doesn't necessarily mean "honest," what does it mean?

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation; I can find it all by myself.

"Asshole" isn't an alternative lifestyle! - Randy Milholland
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RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 3:21:21 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Real means whatever it is they are searching for.

If they want someone to eat dirt and you will you are real. If you don't well, you aren't.

We all search for different partners with the same interests. For some a real sub may be one that would give up the world to move with them. If you don't suffice to say you aren't real.

So, there are a great many definitions. Being honest, well that sounds too simple to be real.


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RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 3:21:22 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Real is term of elitism.

(See other thread)

I am always wary of people who use the term real and true. What is real to me, is someone elses fantasy. It's a way for someone to try and justify themself without really wanting to understand anothers concepts.

It is a romantic notion.

It is an excuse.

It is fallacy.

Peace and Love

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 3:23:25 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		Most often people who say that are just the opposite and are NOT real.

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Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

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RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 3:25:19 PM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
Take pulse...if beating..still among the living. Thusly entitled to respect, unless by some horrific act you put yourself beyond the pale. All such living people are "real" and deserve respect.

pinkpleasures

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RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 3:26:23 PM   
KittenWithaTwist


Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		I think "real" in this context is bogus. Having been involved in the BDSM chat scene, you see "real" and its partner in crime "true" a LOT. Too much. People seem to think that if you aren't their ideal of submission or dominance or whatever that you aren't "real/true." Oddly, they can never seem to find the "real/true" sub or dom they're looking for, mainly because he/she/it/they do(es) not exist.

Does "real/true" mean honest? Not necessarily. Everyone is a real person. Even the people who write up bots are real people. I usually will describe someone who screws around with me, or lies, or whatever as a phoney, but, lets face it, they are real flesh and blood honest to goodness people. Not good people. But real ones.

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RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 3:29:35 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		I guess they ask for someone real, because they meet so many imaginary people off CM? [/sarcasm]



If someone uses the phrase, "I'm looking for a REAL submissive," it is a big, red flag for me. It usually means they take themselves far too seriously and we wouldn't get along. I took my profile down due to unrelated drama, but when it was up I never ever mentioned wanting someone real, because I find that phrase to be pointless. Obviously, they are not looking for an *imaginary* submissive.

It's just another fluffy, overused, cliche phrase of the BDSM world that means as much as you make of it.

< Message edited by junecleaver -- 8/12/2005 3:31:16 PM >

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RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 3:34:23 PM   
Veav


Posts: 150
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michellewarner
What, exactly, is "real?" It's a term I see used a lot in different people's profiles. "Looking for a REAL sub." "In search of a REAL Dom."

Notice how it's capitalized? It's actually an acronym - Really Enjoys Aggressive Lashings. It's a bit of a universal term, whether applied to the lasher or the lashee.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it. *nods firmly*

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Yes, I am Gordon Freeman. Accept this, and move on with your life.

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RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 3:54:59 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		ROFLMAO... now that was funny Veav!

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 3:57:45 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		LOL

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RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 4:11:14 PM   
subcheryl


Posts: 280
Joined: 11/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KittenWithaTwist

I think "real" in this context is bogus. Having been involved in the BDSM chat scene, you see "real" and its partner in crime "true" a LOT. Too much. People seem to think that if you aren't their ideal of submission or dominance or whatever that you aren't "real/true." Oddly, they can never seem to find the "real/true" sub or dom they're looking for, mainly because he/she/it/they do(es) not exist.

Does "real/true" mean honest? Not necessarily. Everyone is a real person. Even the people who write up bots are real people. I usually will describe someone who screws around with me, or lies, or whatever as a phoney, but, lets face it, they are real flesh and blood honest to goodness people. Not good people. But real ones.




Is that kind of like looking for the perfect woman or the perfect man? LOL, if anyone knows of a perfect man or woman please let me know, for I haven't found one. Master comes pretty close, but he is too skinny, LOL. Real is to one person like the perfect man/woman is to another, we all have different definitions of it usually I read real as meaning one not into head games/online relationships/ ready to go to real life not internet, perhaps I read this real wrong, LOL have a great day.

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RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 4:23:47 PM   
michellewarner


Posts: 48
Joined: 3/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Veav
Really Enjoys Aggressive Lashings


*smirk* Now there's a definition of real that I can get into...

quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver
take themselves far too seriously


That's another thing i've noticed but that I don't really understand... Didn't most of us come to this lifestyle because there was something about it we thought we'd enjoy? If we take ourselves, and by extension the lifestyle, too seriously, doesn't that take all the enjoyment out of it?

It would for me, but then, maybe that's why I'm not real

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation; I can find it all by myself.

"Asshole" isn't an alternative lifestyle! - Randy Milholland

(in reply to Veav)
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RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 4:30:19 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

That's another thing i've noticed but that I don't really understand... Didn't most of us come to this lifestyle because there was something about it we thought we'd enjoy? If we take ourselves, and by extension the lifestyle, too seriously, doesn't that take all the enjoyment out of it?

It would for me, but then, maybe that's why I'm not real


I don't really understand it either. But I do know they usually get upset with me for having a good time and SHOCKHORRORGASP laughing. If I couldn't laugh in such a serious relationship....I think I'd probably wither away.

We can be imaginary together

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RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 4:31:41 PM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline 		Two definitions....

One is "someone who does BDSM in their life, as opposed to online". I often use the term "real time" just meaning that the person in question has done something physically tangible, be it getting out in the local scene to playing to actually serving and being trained (or being served and training) in all of this as opposed to sitting on their duff fantasizing on the computer all day. I don't use it as a judgement as to whose kink is better or the like...just that the person has DONE something.

The other is "REAL" as a synonym to "TRUE" (back to the "LOOKING FOR A REAL SUB"). In this case, I have a simple definition -

Real/True in that context only means "closest to ones own personal fantasies".

Generally, when I point that out to a person, if they are good hearted, they'll admit the error of their ways and attempt not to use it in converstation again ;-)

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~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

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RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 4:35:32 PM   
kry


Posts: 19
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michellewarner
...It would for me, but then, maybe that's why I'm not real


You're not real? Wow - I can't believe what they can do with animatronics these days!

(I, obviously, do not fall into the take myself too seriously category.) :)

kry{Rk}

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RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 4:44:18 PM   
michellewarner


Posts: 48
Joined: 3/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood
Real/True in that context only means "closest to ones own personal fantasies".

Generally, when I point that out to a person, if they are good hearted, they'll admit the error of their ways and attempt not to use it in converstation again ;-)


*smile* Well, that's cool. I hope I'll run into more of the good-hearted folks, and fewer of the not-so-good-hearted, in the future.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kry
You're not real?


*smirk* nope. completely a figment of your imagination. *raising a toast to all figments and other imaginary creatures who like to have fun*

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation; I can find it all by myself.

"Asshole" isn't an alternative lifestyle! - Randy Milholland

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RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 4:51:48 PM   
Fidelity


Posts: 192
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline 		I always thought of it as expressing another fantasy construct of the ideal mate.

My fantasy person is REAL!!!!!! REALLY!! Please be that person! My fantasy MUST be fullfilled!!!!!!!!!!!!

PPLeassseeee..whinneeeeeeeee........is the smell of desperation getting a tad strong here now? (wrinkles his nose)

I think I just prefer terms like....bent,.creative,cute,intelligent,funny,fun to be around..... maybe even devoted. One can always hold out for a little better,hmmm?

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RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 5:12:32 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		Some pepole like to make themself feel better by stepping on others and claiming they are not real. It is an ego thing.

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RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 5:17:20 PM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I'm probably going to ruffle a feather or two (like that would be a first), but I do think there is some validity to saying they are looking for someone real. I'm not going to attempt to come up with statistics, but there the vast majority of people that are on CM and the other similar sites, who may in fact be real people, but are not what they profess to be. I guess when looking for a REAL person, they are looking for someone who REALLY is into BDSM or D/S or M/S or whatever your flavor preference is. All too often the cute little ad and profile is a game to them, something they do because they are bored. I have heard of stories where someone has shown up at a munch only to damned near run out the door because they were shocked that there were people who REALLY do this in their everyday life. Similarly I have to think this is why so many messages are not answered, because the recipient isn't really interested in anything to do with what the prospective "looker" is after, they are simply filling a void in their life with an on-line fantasy. I have stories and I know there are many others who have a similar story, where they have converations over months time, on-line and on the phone, but when it somes time to meet the person, the prospective "whatever" disappears off the planet, profile deleted, the whole deal. It was fun for them as long as it didn't get too real, but when it came down to actually coming close to an encounter, an actual meeting, they run scared. You can see similar occurances when you read a profile one week and they are a sub, then the next week they are a Dom or Domme, it's not real to them and they don't care who they hurt in the process. I don't see where is anyone taking themselves too seriously, what we do requires seriousness, it's not a game. Yes, there are REAL folks in the lifestyle and then there are the fakers...I regret that I have to think the fakers out number us REAL people by quite a margin.

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Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

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RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 5:22:50 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		i have a problem whit the term real as such, beouse i ahve been called fake, simply becouse i practive another form of D/s than what is common here, i do not judge the type other pepole practice, but i have at times stood up for pepole whit unpopular opinions. And it anoyme when pepole then say, no you are not a real sub, what the hell do they know, i am quite dedicated, i just happen to have another opinion.

As for answering mail, some of the women here get so many mails they simply have not time to answer all of them, that do not mean they are not real, it means they ahve a life.

(in reply to ScooterTrash)
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