submissive skills

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charlotte12 -> submissive skills (11/28/2007 10:13:48 AM)
This question came to me while reading a thread on the general board but i didn't want to hijack it so i thought i'd come here and ask. I can think of any number of skills that a Dominant might find useful or even necessary to learn. The use of any toys he plans to use on his submissive, management methods etc. I was trying to think of skills a submissive might find usefull and am drawing a blank. Besides things her specific Dom or Master require her to learn does anyone feel that there are any universal skills a submissive might find useful? I am not refering to personality traits or training someone to be a slave before she even has a Master. But things like cooking or dancing (though i don't consider these to be specifically submissive skills, just things that might be useful when trying to serve another.) I'm not taking myself too seriously here. I don't think one can be trained to be "a submissive or slave" rather one is trained to serve one's specific Top. However i do believe there are things a Dom can learn before in a D/s relationship that could enhance it so i was simply curious if people could think of "submissive skills." Just a silly post for a Wednesday morning. charlotte

DesFIP -> RE: submissive skills (11/28/2007 10:17:45 AM)
General life skills are always helpful, in and out of relationships. Cooking, cleaning, small mending (never know when a button will snap off). Balancing a checkbook, keeping a budget, knowing when to take the car in for an oil change. In fact an adult ed class on car repair that will just give you sufficient info to talk knowledgably with the mechanic. Otherwise, I don't think I've ever heard of a dom being upset because a sub learned belly dancing or erotic stripping. I know there are dvds on them.

forg0ttenclone -> RE: submissive skills (11/28/2007 10:19:30 AM)
You pose a rather interesting question. It has me thinking for sure. But i'm kind of drawing a blank. But i do agree on the ability to cook and clean... Those are essential. Well, in my opinion anyways.

mnottertail -> RE: submissive skills (11/28/2007 10:20:59 AM)
Napkin folding, house organization, accounting, cookery, cleaning, formal table setting, drink mixing, time organization, butlering and maiding, etiquitte (thats fucked up somehow, ain't it?) party planning, catering, weather forcasting, changing tires and oil, toilet seat lifting and placement, lawn maintenance, COCKSUCKING, RIMMING, smiling, pleasant conversation, card playing, chess playing, research and library skill....... Endless, it is just fuckin' endless. HarriedMaster

IamJustMe2C -> RE: submissive skills (11/28/2007 10:27:56 AM)
I find it funny you post this only because I just got done talking about this subject with a close friend. I personally think the only thing anyone can bring sub or Dom is them selves. What I mean by that is a open line of communication. A place or time to talk about anything and everything with out worry or punishment. A place or time ehere every problem can be aired and any words can be said. Fears can be expressed not just from one person but from both. I dont care what kind of Dom you are or how long you have been in this game we all have fears. To open such a line with your partner is building a line of trust and a bond that is bigger then any a flogger can bring. But it has to be a place that the sub can say to the Dom I think your a asshole and not have to worry about it ever comming back and biting her in the ass. It has to be that safe and she has to know it. ( hopefully she never would say that) I have a saying Bring me your body and Ill throw it away. For I want your soul. Because if I have your soul you shall have mine. And with this we can grow together and be one.

Mercnbeth -> RE: submissive skills (11/28/2007 10:33:25 AM)
this slave considers the following to be useful and also learn-able skills: patience relaxation obedience grace respectful communication confidence

charlotte12 -> RE: submissive skills (11/28/2007 10:39:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth this slave considers the following to be useful and also learn-able skills: patience relaxation obedience grace respectful communication confidence Those were the lines i was thinking along as well. It seems to me that i most of the things that come to mind when i am thinking about how to be a better slave for my Master have less to do with actual activites as with desirable qualities. It's funny because these are all things that i myself find desirable in myself as well but it somehow becomes a million times easier to practice them when in service. [:)]

BBWnNC72 -> RE: submissive skills (11/28/2007 10:42:47 AM)
i know that i am learning to be independant and have patience and to think outside the box. the patience part is freaking hard, wish it would hurry up already!! giggles one can learn to cook (hate doing it), clean, sew enough to get by, clean out a car, wash a car, paint a room, decorate a room, read, make a proper bed, hang slacks the proper way, shine shoes, give great massages, bathe a person, do nails, how the Dom takes His coffee, what drink He likes the most, the list is endless!!

takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: submissive skills (11/28/2007 10:47:05 AM)
Believe it or not it takes skill to be able to follow orders and do things that are asked of You correctly. Also, being able to juggle, home, work, kids and still make sure that You are pleasing and serving Your Dominant in a way that, pleases him. Finding new ways and ideas to keep everything fresh and new and to keep him interested is a skill in my opinion.

charlotte12 -> RE: submissive skills (11/28/2007 10:47:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail Napkin folding, (check) house organization, (working on it) accounting, (check) cookery, (learning) cleaning, (check..if you count knowing how to do it but not necessarily always doing it) formal table setting, (check) drink mixing, (nope)time organization, (check) butlering and maiding, (nope) etiquitte (thats fucked up somehow, ain't it?) (what kind of etiquette?) party planning, (i can buy pizza and beer and bring a deck of cards) catering, (check) weather forcasting, (i can turn on the television) changing tires and oil, (sadly no) toilet seat lifting and placement, (haha...check) lawn maintenance, (nope) COCKSUCKING, RIMMING, (yes and yes) smiling, (check) pleasant conversation, (check) card playing, (yes)chess playing, (as long as you don't want me to win) research and library skill.......(times 4.....the number of times ihad to go that damn library orientation....after a while i just started hanging out on collarme while i was there....lol) Endless, it is just fuckin' endless. HarriedMaster Thank you for the list. I will keep honing my abilities. [;)]

chellekitty -> RE: submissive skills (11/28/2007 10:49:36 AM)
there aren't any universal skills that aren't personality traits (sorry beth, what you listed are personality traits, in my not so humble opinion) because there is not a universal standard for what Dominants and Masters need or want from their submissives and slaves.... however there are numerous things a i feel a submissive or slave can learn that can be applied no matter what relationship they are in or if they are single simply because they enjoy doing them...and Ron listed a great number of them practical cooking - in different styles and cuisines (there are many places to take classes if you just look around or teach yourself from cook books) baking - same as above but with pastries and desserts carpentry, metal work, handyman stuff computer repair - hardware and software less practical but more fun bootblacking japanese and/or english tea service arabian coffee service hobbies - to keep one occupied...idle hands and all knitting, crochetting, and sewing painting, drawing edited to add: oh yes...and the biggest skill of all that i am not sure anyone on the face of the earth has ever gotten down to a T TIME MANAGEMENT...

MystressDream -> RE: submissive skills (11/28/2007 10:52:40 AM)
*To add to your list, I would suggest taking some community college courses on massage..... learn to give a professional type pedicure...* *I would suggest you buy Emily Post's books on manners and read them also.*

mnottertail -> RE: submissive skills (11/28/2007 10:57:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MystressDream *To add to your list, I would suggest taking some community college courses on massage..... learn to give a professional type pedicure...* *I would suggest you buy Emily Post's books on manners and read them also.* The manners and society graces is what I was referring to in my etiquette and thank you Dream...... Good old fashioned sewing. R

Mercnbeth -> RE: submissive skills (11/28/2007 11:11:33 AM)
no need to apologize, chellekitty, this slave doesn't post here to be agreed with[:)] ~and with that, this slave will respectfully disagree that the list this slave presented is merely "personality traits", because, whether it comes naturally to you as to your "type" of personality or not, those things are still learn-able skills that this slave witnesses subs/slaves come to the boards asking to learn how, to further their submission and/or please their Dom/me/Master/Mistress/Owner.

stella41b -> RE: submissive skills (11/28/2007 11:14:19 AM)
Study acting, theatre and drama. As a primer I would recommend a book called 'An Actor Prepares' by Jean Bernadette which is a basic introduction to the method of acting formulated by Konstantin Stanislavski in Russia at the end of the 19th century. This illustrates how you can draw on any of your life experiences and through control of your mind work at creating and developing a role. Acting also teaches you different things such as breathing control, better movement, better speech, interpreting interactions, rituals, and most of all playing. It is through playing that you learn to understand your own creative thought processes better. It also teaches you how to better interpret speech through understanding tone, inflection, stress, rhythm, the use of mime, gestures, using space, movement, and learning to control your speech, your thinking, movement, use of gestures, and so on. BDSM and theatre to me are one of the same thing - both require interaction, relationships, a common goal, the use of space, sound, light, atmosphere, equipment, gestures, rituals, and play. The only difference is of course that you don't interact in front of an audience (unless you're part of the BDSM scene) and you're developing a relationship and not a performance. It's also something which you can share with your Dominant.

ownedgirlie -> RE: submissive skills (11/28/2007 11:18:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth no need to apologize, chellekitty, this slave doesn't post here to be agreed with[:)] ~and with that, this slave will respectfully disagree that the list this slave presented is merely "personality traits", because, whether it comes naturally to you as to your "type" of personality or not, those things are still learn-able skills that this slave witnesses subs/slaves come to the boards asking to learn how, to further their submission and/or please their Dom/me/Master/Mistress/Owner. I completely agree with the list. I had to learn to effecitvely communicate, to relax, to have patience, and to have self confidence. To add to your list, I also had to learn to be flexible and completely open minded. For some people, such tratis do not come naturally and must be learned skills. This is evident by how popular self-help books are. I actually list these skills on job resumes, along with the more "non-personality" skills, having to do with technology, budgeting, interviewing, etc.

charlotte12 -> RE: submissive skills (11/28/2007 11:21:20 AM)
I actually agree with a alot of the things you've said about theatre relating to BDSM though i hesitate to say it often because i wouldn't want to seem to be suggesting that i am playing a role when i am serving. Acting was for me (to paraphrase my teacher) "One of the best ways to study the human condition that exists." I definitely employ the breathign and relaxation skills i learned while taking a beating and some of the skills i learned to help me create a role i have also used in life to help me become the person i would like to be. Thank you for your response :)

RCdc -> RE: submissive skills (11/28/2007 11:25:35 AM)
We believe that it is a good idea for submissives to understand toy usage and management methods also. I don't personally think that there is any 'skill' that is specific to a particular orientation - but that all skills are useful and some even necessary for all orientations, but more specific when it comes to sexual orientations - and even more specific when it comes down to individuals. the.dark.

charlotte12 -> RE: submissive skills (11/28/2007 11:26:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth no need to apologize, chellekitty, this slave doesn't post here to be agreed with[:)] ~and with that, this slave will respectfully disagree that the list this slave presented is merely "personality traits", because, whether it comes naturally to you as to your "type" of personality or not, those things are still learn-able skills that this slave witnesses subs/slaves come to the boards asking to learn how, to further their submission and/or please their Dom/me/Master/Mistress/Owner. I did not mean to imply that these are not things that can be learned and improved upon. I guess i was feeling somewhat silly when i posted originally and was not thinking beyond the mere acitivities side of things (which is actually not how i approach D/s at all.) Thank you for reminding me that these are just as tangible as learning to cook or clean. [:)]

Archer -> RE: submissive skills (11/28/2007 11:28:57 AM)
This is where that terrible "Every Dominant will train you to their likeings so why bother" ends up chapping my backside. When you learn a skillset the mind gets sharper and into better shape, thus it becomes more pliable not less pliable. More able to adapt and learn because the mind has continued to learn instead of becomming set in a single mode. The I'll just have to untrain you anyways mindset is a crock of SH^) in my mind. If the mind is pliable and in good shape it will take shorter to learn a new standard or method than it will to train someone from the basics all the way up to whatever standard you may have. Besides which I have seen far more instances where the slave's standard of doing something exceeds the standard the Dominant may have, than the other way around. But no doubt some folks will disagree with my views on this matter.

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