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RE: Orgams question - 11/29/2007 3:25:14 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
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What's so amusing? I didn't say that women don't know when it happens. That would be a stupid generalization, and I avoid stupid generalizations. I said some women might not always be aware of an orgasm.

Important distinction, you know.

Edited to add: See this post for a perfect example--

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1442713

Have a nice day.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MystressDream

I find it quite amusing that you would believe that women don't know when it happens. LOLOL

< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 11/29/2007 3:27:28 PM >

(in reply to MystressDream)

Post #: 41

RE: Orgams question - 11/29/2007 3:29:16 PM

gorgeous1

Posts: 367
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline

Poor Kalista!

I agree with the other posters that say that you should just not think about it. If you are enjoying the physical and mental stimulation you're getting right now with your partner (or when you jill off) , then there is no need to place such an emphasis on having an orgasm. Just have fun, be in tune with what your body is experiencing at that very moment, and enjoy! I guess my advice is...ENJOY THE MOMENT, and think of nothing, just let the pleasure wash over and through you.

And don't listen to the guys who TELL you you had an orgasm

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(in reply to curiousfox)

Post #: 42

RE: Orgams question - 11/29/2007 3:42:54 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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ROFL "jill off" that's a new one by me...I like it!

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When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to gorgeous1)

Post #: 43

RE: Orgams question - 11/29/2007 4:50:28 PM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

i know it because i will tense just about every muscle and if i have a vibe i will feel like my bladder is full and start to get "butterfly" type feelings in the pit of my stomach and i will arch up. My first one i didn't realize i had one until my Dom told me, and afterwards, and even to today, it comes naturally and much easier than in the past. Everyone has their own ways of telling and your may be much different than the rest of us.
Be well

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 44

RE: Orgams question - 11/29/2007 5:13:09 PM

angelslave77

Posts: 478
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

I find that clit orgasms are a dime a dozen for me if IF I am playing wih myself. But to orgasm in anyway while being touched by another is very difficult for me, although finally I am able to relax enough with Sir that it is starting to happen more easily. That said I have never orgasmed from sex alone, but I have recently discovered the g spot orgasm (and that I can squirt hehe) and that is a totally different feeling from a clit induced orgasm. And then I have found I have a different feeling again when being fisted, I call it a mental orgasm, it is like my senses just overload and I go into shut down.

But physiclly when I orgasm my whole lower body tenses and arches and I hold my breath, or Sir holds it for me and I get tingly and hot through my belly and my pussy (and then I am prone to using bad language).

Best advice is just go with it, relax and enjoy, and never believe a man if he tells you you have cum, I have had guys tell me this, but I know my body well enough to know when I have cum and when I havent

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)

Post #: 45

RE: Orgams question - 11/29/2007 6:11:49 PM

gcarlos

Posts: 98
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

As everyone had pretty much said...orgasms vary and you will know when you have one, trust me.

But here is my advice....before you can relax enough to be capable of having one while being stimulated by someone else, you really need to learn how to have one by stimulating youself. Start with rubbing your clit with your fingers. Once you can acheive orgasm that way, move to using a object (perhaps a dildo). This will give you confidence that you can orgasm and allow you to relax while being with by someone else.

And notice that i did not mention using a vibrator....they give great stimulation, yes. But the type of stimulation they give cannot be compared to being stimulated by another person. The feeling is very different.

--Master's {girl}

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 46

RE: Orgams question - 11/29/2007 6:13:26 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

Since i've spent the last few hours trying to find information about the g spot........... my goals are way more simplistic than all of that...i'd settle for any kind of orgasm.....

Kali

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“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to angelslave77)

Post #: 47

RE: Orgams question - 11/29/2007 6:31:18 PM

KarenElizabeth

Posts: 22
Joined: 11/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

What's so amusing? I didn't say that women don't know when it happens. That would be a stupid generalization, and I avoid stupid generalizations. I said some women might not always be aware of an orgasm.

Important distinction, you know.

Edited to add: See this post for a perfect example--

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1442713

Have a nice day.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MystressDream

I find it quite amusing that you would believe that women don't know when it happens. LOLOL

I haven't really read much of this, but I just wanted to say I am another lovely example of this... I feel I can get myself off better with my hand Over my clothes than any male ever has penetrating me... But I only have "little" orgasms and have been unclear about this; which prompted me to open this thread... I'll have to more than skim this to get a clearer understanding, but just putting myself out there with what I know for now

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 48

RE: Orgams question - 11/29/2007 7:04:44 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

KarenEizabeth,
i just wanted to welcome You to what has become a thread that is waaaaaaaayyy far beyond my comfort zone.

Kali

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to KarenElizabeth)

Post #: 49

RE: Orgams question - 11/29/2007 7:17:29 PM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

What's so amusing? I didn't say that women don't know when it happens. That would be a stupid generalization, and I avoid stupid generalizations. I said some women might not always be aware of an orgasm.

Important distinction, you know.

Edited to add: See this post for a perfect example--

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1442713

Have a nice day.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MystressDream

I find it quite amusing that you would believe that women don't know when it happens. LOLOL

Okay I'm always, always willing to learn.. please let me know of these orgasms that she doesn't know she's having and how, then, she decides she has orgasmed? I will admit this is beyond my ken; to me, my orgasms are quite apparent (my neighbors would agree, as I'm afraid they're apparent to them too). Does this happen with men too? A situation in which they wonder...hmmm....did I just cum? Let me check with someone else...

How do you personally know that some women don't know if they came or not? I'm earnest, not snarky. But you were quite certain, so I'd like to learn how you or (whomever) knows she came, if she did not?

Seriously.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 50

RE: Orgams question - 11/29/2007 7:32:50 PM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

Since i've spent the last few hours trying to find information about the g spot........... my goals are way more simplistic than all of that...i'd settle for any kind of orgasm.....

Kali

Kali I have never orgasmed other than through masturbation, while alone. I think a lot of us have various and assorted "problems" or issues with our orgasms.

I did want to suggest a book for you that may help you some. "Female Ejaculation and the G Spot" by Deborah Sundahl. Even though I know you'd be thrilled with any sort of orgasm, I think the book would give you some good insight into the female anatomy and the mental/emotional aspects of any type of orgasm. She also addresses mental/emotional issues that can interfere with a womans ability to orgasm.

Overall it's just a really good book and may help you in your journey to achieve your elusive orgasm.

Good luck to you!

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 51

RE: Orgams question - 11/29/2007 7:58:44 PM

stacee

Posts: 10
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline

Interesting question. You are lucky that you haven't had sex yet and not experienced it. I've experienced it, but never through intercourse, and that's not for trying, which makes me really really sad that I can't experience it through intercourse and I don't know why. But I have experienced it through using toys and masturbation though. You will know when you have one.

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 52

RE: Orgams question - 11/29/2007 8:11:17 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

Kali,
I understand how frusrating it is.

I am going to share a link I came across yesterday...maybe there will be some information there.
http://www.the-clitoris.com/

I think one of the best suggestions I can make (and I am making it with the knowledge that it is very hard for me as well) is simply becoming comfortable with your body..all of it. the sensations that feel good on your inner arms or your scalp when you wash your hair.( I will also likely send you an eamil on the other side with some things that seemed like they would work for me.)

Feel free to email me any time.
jenn

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 53

RE: Orgams question - 11/29/2007 8:20:39 PM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

Since i've spent the last few hours trying to find information about the g spot........... my goals are way more simplistic than all of that...i'd settle for any kind of orgasm.....

Kali

Kali,
Have you tried masturbating? That should get you to orgasm.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 54

RE: Orgams question - 11/29/2007 11:35:31 PM

LittleWench

Posts: 265
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

What's so amusing? I didn't say that women don't know when it happens. That would be a stupid generalization, and I avoid stupid generalizations. I said some women might not always be aware of an orgasm.

Important distinction, you know.

Edited to add: See this post for a perfect example--

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1442713

Have a nice day.

I believe the quote refers to a woman who was aware of a physical sensation and then later identified it as an orgasm, whereas the OP was told she had an orgasm and does not reference to any physical awareness or sensations of anything that could be identified as one... I think they are important distinctions.

Honestly it sounds to me like you might be having missed orgasms, which are the most frustrating tear inducing experiences. I have had many, and months at a time where all my orgasms were missed. These follow the symptomatic routine of arousal for me. I become more and more aroused, my breathing becomes rapid, there is a feeling of intensity in the groin (like a heat), my nipples will often (but not always) become erect, I will have that feeling like I really want to burst. At that point is when an orgasm (for me) should happen. When I miss it that explosive ecstacy just isn't there and I am suddenly too sensitive to touch myself. My vagina and clitoris can contract (which men may think IS an orgasm but trust me most certainly IS not). I feel empty and frustrated and more wound up than before I started.

I would suggest subjecting yourself to something you find erotic... whether its porn or Gone With The Wind. Get naked, get comfy, get the baby oil (or massage oil of choice) and give yourself a massage. Start with your breasts and take your time, get yourself nice and slippery and sensual. Gradually work your way down.

I also read somewhere (and I don't vouch for the global validity of this statement but it works for me)... I read that by simulating the experience of orgasm, your body will learn to slip into it easier, orgasm training for the body and mind if you will. Not faking in the sense you have been.... make the noises so they will get off, make the noises and movements as a warm up so you will get off ;) So even when you masturbate "fake" it a little. Make the noises. Move your hips. Your ears will hear your sounds of pleasure and it will register with the brain, you will feel your body gyrating, feel sexy. There have been times when I have had a few "warm up" orgasms before finally being able to experience the big bang.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 55

RE: Orgams question - 11/30/2007 4:09:16 AM

curiousfox

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleWench

quote:

What's so amusing? I didn't say that women don't know when it happens. That would be a stupid generalization, and I avoid stupid generalizations. I said some women might not always be aware of an orgasm.

Important distinction, you know.

Edited to add: See this post for a perfect example--

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1442713

Have a nice day.

I believe the quote refers to a woman who was aware of a physical sensation and then later identified it as an orgasm, whereas the OP was told she had an orgasm and does not reference to any physical awareness or sensations of anything that could be identified as one... I think they are important distinctions.

Allow to clarify that yes...taht was the case. I was aware of the physical sensations...just didn't realize that that was what I could identify as an orgasm. :)

Rebecca

(in reply to LittleWench)

Post #: 56

RE: Orgams question - 11/30/2007 1:25:02 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

i wanted to once again thank everyone for their kind and well thought out posts....BRNaughtyAngel, i'm going to get that book..
Thanks,
Kali

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)

Post #: 57

RE: Orgams question - 12/7/2007 7:45:07 PM

unmaskedred

Posts: 7
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Hi all! I have two thoughts on this, (please forgive me if I am not supposed to post here... I'm not a sub).

1) There are two main differentiations with orgasms that I haven't seen posted yet, (sorry if someone else covered this); a) internal and b) external. A lot of ladies have a hard time with internal from what I have heard and read. (I have heard that 80% can NOT have an internal). Not to sound mean but, personally, men are often naive ... I feel like they don't often understand that, to make love to a woman's body you need to start with her mind and soul... not just parts.

and

2) If you have any emotional issues; guilt, bad experiences etc., in the back of your brain that might be part of the issue. Counseling may help you work through this. This is not to say that orgasms are the be-all, end-all of life and romance but more to say that it may be a symptom or a larger part of you that needs attention or healing.

It may be a silly idea but, for those of us that have that loud brain screaming at us in the least opportune moments, a little alcohol might help to shut it off. :)

Sorry for the psycho babble, I come from a family of counselors and social workers... it's in my blood. :) I hope this helps and I, personally,think it's wonderful that you were willing to share your thoughts with others on this sensitive subject... you've not only helped yourself realize that you're not alone but others, too... kudos to you!

I hope this helped, best of luck with your process. :)

UnMaskedRed

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 58

RE: Orgams question - 12/7/2007 9:11:16 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

Hi Kalista,

What I'm about to suggest will clearly sit firmly within a D/s dynamic.

I think many women are in the same boat as you; the closer the get, the less they feel they should continue, and end up terribly frustrated.

Some women psychologically need permission to orgasm. Without it, as they get close, they start confronting feelings of self-loathing, anger, and desperation. Some people believe they're honest to god not supposed to feel good.

I would suggest that when you're comfortable enough with your dominant, to make use of a vibrator that feels good to you. Use it, and let him kiss you, touch you, and remind you that it's ok to enjoy it. Your trust in him can carry over from there, allowing you to simply follow his instructions.

charlotte has an extremely difficult time reaching orgasm too. Just about every time she can, she's saying the words "for him, for him" either to herself, or out loud.

Good luck,

Stephan

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"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to unmaskedred)

Post #: 59

RE: Orgams question - 1/7/2008 1:35:21 AM

Snuby

Posts: 1
Joined: 12/30/2007
Status: offline

I have had a lot of girlfriends who did not have orgasms until their 30's.

Unfortunately our sexual pleasure can be closely tied with our emotions. Be patient with yourself.

The most important thing to do is masturbate. Learn what turns you on. Also practice the kegel exercises. It will help you train your muscles down there. These are the same muscle that work during orgasm. Oh and vibrators are great too.

You will know when you truly have an orgasm.

Good luck!

< Message edited by Snuby -- 1/7/2008 1:41:21 AM >

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 60

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