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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/29/2007 3:09:30 PM   
agirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Can you justify doing something that you know is wrong by saying you were only following instruction? Do you feel that it absolves you of your responsibility in it?


I wouldn't justify it, no.

If I did something I KNEW to be wrong then it'd still be wrong in my eyes, whether I did it because I was instructed to or not. Being obedient wouldn't change the fact that, for me, the *thing* was wrong. I certainly wouldn't even try to justify it to myself with * I only did as I was told*.

It's the most unlikely of circumstances, in any case, and I can't envisage a situation where it would occur.....but if it did happen, I'd have been *obedient to him while I did something that I thought was wrong*.

It would be a destructive path to take, though.

agirl





(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/29/2007 3:15:27 PM   
charlotte12


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit


Like...shooting someone in the head?
Drowning a small cat?
Kidnapping a young adult for sexual misuse?



I am slow today and didn't see this response either. I just wanted to add that i never fully understand why these kinds of things are brought up so much in these conversations. Couldn't a Vanilla man ask you to conspire in his sister's murder just as easily as a Dom? In my mind if i ever believed someone had such things on their list of "fun weekend activities" i would not be in a relationship with them period, Master/slave or otherwise. For me bringing up such extreme examples suggests that one expects these things to occur as soon as someone enters into a Master/slave relationship which i would imagine is far from the truth.

It's not that i don't see your point. I've discussed this stuff at length with Master and others because communication is important and sometimes it needs to be clear where lines are drawn. I just find it a bit odd that as soon as someone chooses to obey another they are suddenly seen as incapable of choosing a sane partner to obey.

Hopefully i am not coming off too argumentative. I am trying to take a caffeine hiatus and it might be making me a little less clear headed.

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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/29/2007 3:41:48 PM   
slavegirljoy


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Wrong or illegal?  There's a difference.  Right and Wrong are often personal judgment calls based on someone's religion, culture, morals, etc.  One person's wrong is another person's right.  Legal and Illegal are based on the law and there's no judgment call involved.  You either follow the law or you break the law. 

People break all kinds of laws every day.  They speed, run red lights, park illegally, talk on their cell phone while driving, trespass, take things that don't belong to them, throw litter on the ground, jaywalk, and so on and so on.  People also justify their actions all the time, with all kinds of excuses and reasons.  That doesn't make their actions any more excusable, except in their own eyes, perhaps.

You can do something that you or someone else might see as wrong without it necessarily being illegal.  A lot of people think it's wrong for a white woman to kiss a black man but, it's not illegal.  A lot of people think it's wrong for two women to kiss and have sex with each other but, it's not illegal.  A lot of people think it's wrong to drink piss or eat shit but, that's not illegal. 

If you feel it's wrong to do something that you're being told to do, then you have to decide whether or not you're willing to compromise your own code of right and wrong, for the sake of  following the directions of another.  That's something each person needs to figure out for themself.  Doing something, whether you think it's wrong or not, just because you were told to do so, doesn't absolve you of your repsonsibility for your own actions.   Everyone is accountable for their actions.  Even soldiers will be punished for following an order, if it's an illegal order.

No one has the right to commit an illegal act just because they were told to do so and they are subject to criminal charges if they do, whether they know that it's illegal or not.  Ignorance of the law is no excuse.  Everyone is accountable for their own actions, no matter what their status in life is, whether owned or not, whether submissive or not.

Know the character of the person you are submitting to, prior to your submission and only submit to someone who has the moral fiber that agrees with your own.  There is no excuse for being ignorant of the person you choose to submit to and then claiming that "He made me do it."

Just because i am a submissive woman, a slave, the property of my Master, doesn't mean that i have no standards, no moral code, or no ability to reason for myself and decide who is a good person to submit to and who isn't.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David


quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Can you justify doing something that you know is wrong by saying you were only following instruction? Do you feel that it absolves you of your responsibility in it?

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/29/2007 4:12:12 PM   
pinksugarsub


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Can you justify doing something that you know is wrong by saying you were only following instruction? Do you feel that it absolves you of your responsibility in it?


My conscience is my responsibility.  No one else's.  If ordered to do something wrong, i'd try and negotiate for a substitute behavior, but if i did it and esp if i got caught, i'd take responsibility.
 
pinksugarsub

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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/29/2007 4:41:50 PM   
slavegirljoy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotte12

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
Like...shooting someone in the head?
Drowning a small cat?
Kidnapping a young adult for sexual misuse?

Couldn't a Vanilla man ask you to conspire in his sister's murder just as easily as a Dom?


Yes, charlotte, and it happens all the time.  Most people, who are convicted of  horrific and gruesome crimes against others, aren't involved in BDSM or in a D/s - M/s relationship.  They are as straight and nonkinky and nonsubmissive as you can get.  There's a woman on trial right now, here in Charlotte, NC, for the murder of her 2 children.  She killed them by setting her house on fire with her young son and daughter inside and watched it burn even as they screamed from inside the house, "Mommy help us.  Mommy, why?"  She didn't do this because she was a "no limits slave" doing her Master's bidding.  She's divorced and did it because "they interfered with her dating."

quote:

I just find it a bit odd that as soon as someone chooses to obey another they are suddenly seen as incapable of choosing a sane partner to obey.


The fact that there are some people who always seem to bring up the most extreme, bizarre, criminal and gruesome possibilities as examples of what a "no limits slave" could end up doing for her Master, says more about where their minds are at, than anything that remotely approaches reality.  Notice that the examples they give are always hypothetical and never one instance cited from an actual event.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David


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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/29/2007 4:58:57 PM   
Qithoras


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Can you justify doing something that you know is wrong by saying you were only following instruction? Do you feel that it absolves you of your responsibility in it?


No to both. Regardless of position, Dominant or Slave/Sub at the end of the day, we still have the choices over our own actions. Speaking for myself I would never justify something I know is wrong with that excuse or another, Everything I do, is because I choose to, to deny otherwise is to deny my Free Will. Nor would I let any Slave/Sub I have use excuses like that. Yes, I may give them instructions, but they can choose to disobey them. Now there will be reactions to them disobeying, but that if she felt that disobeying me really was the right choice, I might be angry, but I could accept it. I want a person, not a puppet.



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Knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength.
Mastering yourself is true power.

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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/29/2007 6:22:02 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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My favorite example of this is when a sub is being really rude and obnoxious in a forum and says "Well if you don't like it, go to my master, because he likes it."  And all that really says is that they choose a master who is an asshole and encourages their slave to also act like an asshole.  I don't get upset with them for obeying, but their behavior is still their behavior and they are accountable for it and will deal with the consequences I can choose to give them.

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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/29/2007 6:41:38 PM   
dcnovice


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<hijack>

quote:

I don't believe there is such a thing as 'consensual relationships'


the.dark., I'm fascinated by this sentence and would love to know more of your thinking if you feel like sharing it.

</hijack>

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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/29/2007 6:42:27 PM   
juliaoceania


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I have stated this, and I am more than happy with my own behavior wherever I go, but if he told me to stop posting a certain way I would... so if someone wants to change my behavior they have to go over my head Otherwise it ain't changing...

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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/29/2007 6:43:21 PM   
Machts


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Going along the lines of straw men here.......I hope no one ever has another kid-it could be the antichrist. The world would end.


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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/29/2007 6:45:05 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I have stated this, and I am more than happy with my own behavior wherever I go, but if he told me to stop posting a certain way I would... so if someone wants to change my behavior they have to go over my head Otherwise it ain't changing...

Oh I understand the chain of command- they simply seem to think that it excuses them from acting like an asshole or that they shouldn't suffer the consequences.

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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/29/2007 6:57:55 PM   
MadRabbit


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quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotte12

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit


This is also why I consider someone would literally do anything for me to be the worst kind of slave to own.




To me this suggests blind obedience. I think there's a difference between obedience and blind obedience. There are things that my Master could order me to do that i would hate to do. By saying that i don't have the right to refuse i'm not saying that i would plaster on a fake smile, say "yes Master" and go do it. If i felt that we had not communicated about an issue i might have with it enough in the past i would respectfully request that i be allowed to voice some concerns. Being the man that he is he would most likely listen to my concerns and might amend his choice based on their validity. Sometimes i have concerns that he knows he can push me through and if i was allowed to constantly say no i would not have grown as i have. However he also knows that if he makes me do something that gets me arrested or makes me disgusted with myself that he will have to be putting the pieces together later.



Well, let me start with this one. I've read your narrations of your relationship in the other thread and I have no quarms with it. I find it to be very logical, honest, and a description of a working functioning relationship.

In fact, my own model of relationship falls much the same pattern as most of the "No Limit" relationships narrated here. I just don't call it that. I call it "Taking on My Limits".

I personally don't beleive in "No Limits", because whether I narrate my relationship as a negotatied relationship where the slave specifcally sets limits or a non negotatied limits where the slave doesn't set limits and trusts me to make responsible decision is merely semantics to me. Regardless of whatever formal structure we construct, limits are still objectively there and I have to give them a lot of consideration when making my decisions.

I have a girl who has a great deal of trust in me. She is coming to visit in a few weeks. The basic premise of this is that it's my way and what I decide. There is no negotations or limits defined by her in a formal sense of what I can or cannot do.

However, to me its a moot point, because I realize she does have limits and those limits will affect my judgement. So whether or not I limit my actions by my own sense of ethics or am limited by her in some formal structure matters very little to me. The only thing that matters is one gives me the abiity to push as I see fit and the other doesn't which is my I choose the first.

However, where I differ is in the fact that if I ever try to bring harm to her through my own irresponsible decisions or malice, she is to defy me. Why? Because of my opinion that a slave that will allow harm to come to her by a Master when she can rationally see the harm coming from the decision is a bad slave to own.

To be honest, despite whatever perceptions people have of me from "No Limits" discussions, I don't have an issue with the majority of "No Limits" relationships narrated here. Just one or two people who want to take this idea out into La-La land.



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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/29/2007 7:02:40 PM   
MadRabbit


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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy

quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotte12

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
Like...shooting someone in the head?
Drowning a small cat?
Kidnapping a young adult for sexual misuse?

Couldn't a Vanilla man ask you to conspire in his sister's murder just as easily as a Dom?


Yes, charlotte, and it happens all the time.  Most people, who are convicted of  horrific and gruesome crimes against others, aren't involved in BDSM or in a D/s - M/s relationship. 


Both of you perhaps should read the first sentence of my post.

In logical discussion, these things have to be played out to there conclusions.

I'm sorry that some of the logic being used here to narrate relationships doesn't pan out consistently.






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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/29/2007 7:08:33 PM   
angelic


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Hi Erin,

i have talked about my last relationship on several occassions, and although i am sure quite tiring to folks, it is my main frame of reference. 

In answer to your thread, yes and no.  i did many things that i not only felt were wrong, but knew they were.  i was trying hard to be that perfect slave (ya, you know, the no limits thing).  i will not go into details here, it is not forum fodder.

i did justify the things i did because he was my master... end of story... period.  In the process i lost myself.   my justification for what i did, never once absolved me of my responsibility, but it did blind me.  It has been a long road of recovery and some things i will never completely forgive him or myself for. 

< Message edited by angelic -- 11/29/2007 7:09:07 PM >


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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/29/2007 7:11:45 PM   
MadRabbit


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

In a purely theoretical context for the purposes of logical discussion, would you not need any personal absolution in doing something that was deeply morally wrong to another entity?

Like...shooting someone in the head?
Drowning a small cat?
Kidnapping a young adult for sexual misuse?

Would obedience in service to your Master absolve you of any feelings of guilt for these misdeeds commited by your hand?

Or would you leave the relationship and find a new Master?

If you left the relationship, then isn't the contigency of your absolution of wrong based solely on him making decisions that don't greatly conflict with your morals?

And if you left the relationship based on being ordered to admit horrible actions, then won't it be safe to say that your actions are still your responsibility and whether or not he "claims" responsibility for them means very little?

Further more, what affirmation does his claim to responsibility have if the offended party doesn't hold him responsible?

Edited : Because I cannot spell.


Hiya MR,

This is actually something charlotte and I discussed over a lunch of pizza today.

I think the problem with these sorts of hypothetical situations, is that they're a bit like asking "How do you see about having last rites performed if a meteor struck the earth and we all died."  Or "what happens if a woman's married to a racist, and she's raped and impregnated by a black man?"  They're possibilities, sure, but the likelihood of such situations makes their application nonsensical.

I expect if I told charlotte to do something horrible and unspeakable, she'd refuse.  I wouldn't want to own a slave who couldn't refuse such a horrific act.  She wouldn't have begged to be mine, if she believed I was someone who would require she perform such an act.  My demand that she do so would probably trigger a conversation that could result in her refusal of consent.  It would mean I'm not the man she knows, or once knew.  The reason she'd revoke consent, is because she would, in fact, be stepping so grossly outside of the boundaries of what she expects of herself, that no amount of absolution on my part would settle the issue.

So, the question is on par with a game of chicken.  It's not a question of "if" someone blinks, but rather a question of "who", "when," and "how close" before someone does.

Someone talked about other people holding the submissive responsible.  As my girl pointed out, obeying me doesn't free her from social obligations and responsibilities.  It's not unlike the UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice.)  In living in Maryland, I was subject to the laws of the city of Oxen Hill, the state of Maryland, federal statutes, the constitution, and to the UCMJ.  If I am ordered to shoot a man in combat in Maryland, I am technically committing murder.  If I don't shoot, I am disobeying a direct order.  I can be punished, technically, under conflicting laws.  Obedience doesn't mitigate moral or social responsibility, it might only absolve a feeling of guilt. 

When I belt one of my girls, I am breaking the law (assault.)  I am morally and legally responsible for breaking that law.  Just because I said it's ok to do, doesn't mean it is.  This is part of being aware of, and consenting to a risky, kinky activity (Risk Aware Consensual Kink, or RACK.)

Stephan


 
First off, I want to say I completely agree with this. I am not argueing with you. The way you narrate your relationship is much the same way I structure mine.
 
I just want to expand on this right here.

quote:


Obedience doesn't mitigate moral or social responsibility, it might only absolve a feeling of guilt. 

 
The issue of absolving of guilt is actually what I am building up to with my questions.
 
Have you seen the movie Collateral?
 
If you haven't, let me provide a short synposis. Tom Cruse plays a sociopathic hitman who brings harm to quite a few people during the course of the movie. He holds a cab driver hostage and forces him to drive him around the entire night to complete his hits. Tom Cruise threw out the course of the movie shows no remourse and has no sense of guilt over committing the crimes. Jamie Foxx, the cab driver, questions Tom Cruise about this. Tom Cruise gives several answers, but most of them center around the premise that "It's his job."
 
Now, how is the logic that Tom Cruise the sociopath uses to absolve himself of guilt from his wrong doings any different then the logic that was presented here in absolving guilt for slaves?
 
"I did it because it's my job. Someone else wants him dead. They just pay me. It's just my job."
"I did it because my Master told me to. It was his decision. I am just his slave and obey his orders."
 
Edited to Add : In fact, even though I am not going to dig out a history book, I bet we can find countless scenarios through out the course of time where this kind of logic was used to justify men's contributions to some of the worst atrocities.

 

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 11/29/2007 7:17:24 PM >


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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/29/2007 7:17:17 PM   
juliaoceania


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quote:

Have you seen the movie Collateral?
 
If you haven't, let me provide a short synposis. Tom Cruse plays a sociopathic hitman who brings harm to quite a few people during the course of the movie. He holds a cab driver hostage and forces him to drive him around the entire night to complete his hits. Tom Cruise threw out the course of the movie shows no remourse and has no sense of guilt over committing the crimes. Jamie Foxx, the cab driver, questions Tom Cruise about this. Tom Cruise gives several answers, but most of them center around the premise that "It's his job."
 
Now, how is the logic that Tom Cruise the sociopath uses to absolve himself of guilt from his wrong doings any different then the logic that was presented here in absolving guilt for slaves?
 
"I did it because it's my job. Someone else wants him dead. They just pay me. It's just my job."
"I did it because my Master told me to. It was his decision. I am just his slave and obey his orders."
 


There is something called Stocholm Syndrome, and one could make the argument after living in an M/s relationship that a person is not responsible for what they do anymore... of course there are not enough slaves committing horrific murders to justify a psychological defense theory of this nature.... but I can see it being attempted one day possibly... and who knows, maybe it could even be a valid defense to a jury

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 11/29/2007 7:18:08 PM >


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/29/2007 7:21:54 PM   
MadRabbit


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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

Have you seen the movie Collateral?

If you haven't, let me provide a short synposis. Tom Cruse plays a sociopathic hitman who brings harm to quite a few people during the course of the movie. He holds a cab driver hostage and forces him to drive him around the entire night to complete his hits. Tom Cruise threw out the course of the movie shows no remourse and has no sense of guilt over committing the crimes. Jamie Foxx, the cab driver, questions Tom Cruise about this. Tom Cruise gives several answers, but most of them center around the premise that "It's his job."

Now, how is the logic that Tom Cruise the sociopath uses to absolve himself of guilt from his wrong doings any different then the logic that was presented here in absolving guilt for slaves?

"I did it because it's my job. Someone else wants him dead. They just pay me. It's just my job."
"I did it because my Master told me to. It was his decision. I am just his slave and obey his orders."


There is something called Stocholm Syndrome, and one could make the argument after living in an M/s relationship that a person is not responsible for what they do anymore... of course there are not enough slaves committing horrific murders to justify a psychological defense theory of this nature.... but I can see it being attempted one day possibly... and who knows, maybe it could even be a valid defense to a jury


True, but we could get into a heavy discussion I am sure as to whether or not someone suffering from Stockholm Syndrome or Battered Wive's Syndrom is someone who qualifies as being able to give "consent".

Doesn't this suggest that M/S relationships in and of themselves are non consentual if we use these two syndromes as a defense to alleviate responsibility from the slaves?

Once you cross this line, then your also crossing the line that the large majority of people in the public scene use to define whether something is ethical or unethical : Consent.

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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/29/2007 7:26:00 PM   
juliaoceania


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I am not saying that most of these relationships are nonconsensual, but we start treading into dangerous waters when people speak of having no limits and perhaps they really mean they have no limits... and then someone unscrupulous uses them. Are these people "consenting"? I would think that they are, but it does raise some questions in a legal sense, does it not?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/29/2007 7:36:31 PM   
MadRabbit


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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I am not saying that most of these relationships are nonconsensual, but we start treading into dangerous waters when people speak of having no limits and perhaps they really mean they have no limits... and then someone unscrupulous uses them. Are these people "consenting"? I would think that they are, but it does raise some questions in a legal sense, does it not?


Okay sorry. I understand now.

Then, yes, I would say there is some serious legal and ethical issues involved because I would consider these people to be mentally unhealthy.

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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/29/2007 7:39:12 PM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Can you justify doing something that you know is wrong by saying you were only following instruction? Do you feel that it absolves you of your responsibility in it?


I hold the responsibility of every decision I make... regardless if I thoughtfully consider it or recklessly take action.

My girls are held to the responsibility of obedience and as such tie themselves to the consequence of my decision.

Since we share the consquence... it is in all our interests to make the efforts necessary to have the best possible choices that well lead to the most favorable consequence.  In order to achieve this, we each have a responsibilities to work towards the best possible decisions to lead to this favorable consequence.

If my girls desire not to share the consequence... then they must make a different decision and as such.. accept the consequence of that decision.



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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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