quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I have never had one, and I never care if I get one.

He has collared others before me, and seeing he is not with them anymore, I do not see it as a sacred thing... the funny thing is, he kinda does see it as a lifelong commitment. Or should I say he wants it to be one.

Will I ever be collared... who knows. I put more importance on marriage to be honest with you. To me THAT is a commitment...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

I do have rather extensive conversations about what a collar is, what it means to me, and what it would mean to 'us' since obviously it can have very different meanings to different people.

I do illustrate that if there's to be a collaring, it comes at the explicit request of my partner; that (for me) being collared represents surrendering the right to say 'no.'  For me, begging of a collar represents a clear and tacit consent to the relationship we are engaging in.  Thus, I cannot imagine 'offering' such a choice.  If it isn't something she doesn't feel compelled to literally beg for, I believe that it shouldn't be given.

Thoughts?

Stephan

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

If it isn't something she doesn't feel compelled to literally beg for, I believe that it shouldn't be given.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

Hi TammyJo,

Sounds like a great system. For me, I don't make use of formal contracts, and don't enjoy an overly formal type of interaction; thus, for me, the formal "I submit to your will" and "I accept your submission" are built into that collar, vice the contract. I do agree, though, it isn't the hunk of metal on her neck that makes our breaks our relationship; Tigrita doesn't and probably never will wear a formal collar. Thus, it isn't the collar that keeps us together.

Stephan

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

Hiya Aquatic,

See I totally understand where you (and others) are coming from on the issue.  "If I have to beg you to be with you, I feel like you don't care enough about me to have me."

For us, my colling her demonstrates that I do, in fact, care enough to assume authority and responsibility for her life, her whole life, with all the good and bad it brings.  If I didn't care enough, frankly, I wouldn't want that corresponding responsibility.

For me, it's a bit of a reversal of the old 'man kneeling and proposing.'  When he's offering a rock on his knees, asking her to marry him, he doesn't have any assurance that she'll be delighted and say yes.  For me, that seems to be an incredibly beautiful, submissive demonstration of devotion.  The begging of a collar, then, demonstrates deep devotion on the slaves part, saying she's willing to expose herself in a way that show's her profound desire to obey.

I don't expect any woman to beg my collar without being reasonably aware of the strength of my feelings for her.  I've only collared three women in my life.  Each one did it in the fashion I taught them.  I wouldn't have taught her how to beg a collar from me, if I didn't expect to place on on her neck when she did. 

Regards,

Stephan

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie


My experience was similar.  There was a lot of conversation about collars and what they meant, prior to my receiving his.  He required me to ask for his collar, thus opening the door to that option and letting me know he was open to it.  But he would not offer it, nor would he simply put it on me because he wanted me in it.  He wanted me there because I wanted to be there, not because I felt trapped to be there. 

To address the comments of the Master not wanting the girl in his life enough if he doesn't offer her his collar, I can only say for us, yes he wanted me in his life or he would not have given the collar at all.  For me, it is a privilege to belong to him.  I did not have this yearning need for him to need me.  But I did want very much to submit to him and be owned by him and be accepted by him as his property.  He never has, and likely never will, ask me for permission for something.  And we both need it to be that way.

To us, a collar is a commitment for a long term relationship, not a marriage.  Being a slave has more value to me than being a wife.

Here's a repost of something I wrote a long time ago, about receiving my collar:

Master prefers a girl to beg his training, and ownership, collar and will never ask a girl to do so.  First, for him to ask gives her power - the opportunity to say no.  Second, he wants to be absolutely certain, with no doubt whatsover, that when she gives herself over to him completely - and this means all power and control - she is doing so willingly and freely.  He does not want the submission of a girl who does not want to give it so badly she feels compelled to beg him to take it.  He can say yes or no at that point.  The first time I asked his collar, he said no, as he did not feel I was ready for it.  Months later when I begged for it, it was not easily granted, before he assigned a lot of writing on the subject, to be sure both he and I understand where my head was, and what a collar meant to me, and how I would serve should a collar be granted.

quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotte12
You have such a beautiful way of expressing things. Thank you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable

I'm coming at it from a different direction, OP.

I'd not "offer" a collar to someone, but I also wouldn't want someone to be begging for it either.  Asking is fine, but if someone ever begged me to collar them I would view them as placing the symbol above the relationship... Analagous to those who feel a wedding is the only way to have a "real" commitment to one another or don't consider another truly married or collared if they don't show a physical symbol like a wedding band or obvious collar.

While I believe in weddings and collarings for my life, and physical symbols of relationships to some extent, they are indicators of what is already there and just expressions or celebrations of what the relationship has become.

Begging, to me, would indicate they thought that receiving the celebration or symbol equated moving to a higher level of committment rather than acknowledging it had been reached.

For me, it's a matter of "we realize it's the appropriate time for this, for us"...  begging from them or feeling I was offering it would make me leery, in two different ways.

As said, though, asking or otherwise bringing up a discussion on it and where we are is fine to me and I consider it just good communication.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

Again, I want the underlying understanding to be that a collar only represents what it represents to those in a relationship.  There's no universal right or wrong, I'm only offering my views on how I use them, why, and how.

One of the things I discussed with charlotte was I firmly believed that a person can only learn to be a slave, as a slave, in a collar.  No small part of my perspective on Master/slave relationships was influenced by my experiences in the military, and I look back and firmly believe that one cannot learn to become a Marine, Soldier, Sailor, etc from a book or from theory.  Daily application of the values and expectations under rigorous environments is what enables the mental shifts and changes that take place to permit growth in the areas necessary to perform their duties.  One can certainly read every book on slavery, read the forums, and fantasize about what it might be like, but until the collar is on the neck, there's simply no way to understand what slavery actually means.

Thus, when charlotte and I decided we knew we wanted to pursue a relationship of this caliber, it was up to her to beg for it.  Anything less, for me, might have constantly left me wondering if it was something she truly wanted, or if she was just trying to make me happy at the time she begged for it.  Since then, the reminder that she surrendered unconditionally to me, has helped carry her through some of the more difficult choices in her submission.  So far, it seems to have worked well for us.

Stephan

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I see where you are coming from but there is a difference between asking for something and begging for it. While I am, personally, too traditional to ask a man to marry me and probably too traditional to ask him to collar me, it would make a lot more sense to me if the phrasing was ask instead of beg.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

I would say there's a big difference between proposing to open a lemonade stand, and proposing marriage too.  Both use the word propose, with similar meanings, but a slave begging a collar, for me, is a very different act than a man begging for loose change on the street.

I'm sincerely hoping (and apparently dismally failing at) expressing the concept in a way that doesn't get lost in semantics.

Take care,

Stephan