RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold

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RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold - 2/23/2009 1:41:31 AM

Teles

Posts: 44
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

Hello everyone,

I know that this is an old post, and I don't mean to dig it up except to pass along some information about this that some may find interest in, others may not. My name is Robert; I am the male on this profile that was sent overseas to Iraq. I am Special Operations branch, so my missions kept me away from reliable "live" forms of communication with home, except for the first few months I was there, where I was actually able to speak to Liz (the female on this profile) every day. By the time she had posted this, we were already speaking every day (which I did for her, because she isn't a strong person, emotionally, but it exhausted me, honestly). Yes, we've spoken about this, but nothing productive ever came out of it. I'd like to say that she wasn't able to see my side of it, but the truth is she just didn't want to see my side of it.

Well, let me fast forward. Starting about January, I started giving her "assignments," which involved just writing short erotic stories for me, which I knew she loved doing. That only lasted a few assignments in because she simply stopped doing them, and I did not have the time or energy to keep up with it due to what I was doing, so I had to leave it alone. In fact, from the end of January to somewhere in mid-February we didn't speak at all, due to movements and mission changes (and I told her in advance that we wouldn't be able to talk for a while).

Well, towards the end of this period, she started cheating on me and having sex with a boy she had just met through a friend. She chose sex over love, I suppose. Or perhaps the love was never there. Just thought some of you would have been curious how it ended up. I broke up with her in September 2008 because I knew that she was cheating on me, though I couldn't prove it (and really I suspected her of cheating on me due to the way she was acting [other than what I've mentioned, but it would take to long to include on this and I don't think it's neccessary to anyway] even from January, although she hadn't been able to find someone yet, I suppose). I found my proof later that month. Now, she still tries to talk to me once in a while and has told me that she would never forsake her love for me. I think it's just like everything else she's said, haha. I'm past the point of being bitter over it, though it is frustrating that someone would throw 5 years away, as well as a marriage engagement away, for sex.

We both have new profiles on this site now, mine is Niakan and hers is Pantherkitten I think. Hope to see you guys around sometime. I haven't really done much on this site, so I'm still trying to figure it out. :waves:

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RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold - 2/23/2009 4:19:53 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Deployments are always hard on people. And some people just aren't meant for a long distance relationship. It's a good thing you found this out before marriage.

Beyond that, you are married already - to the military. Any woman you have a relationship with is not going to be your primary. There are a lot of people who can't handle being a distant third. Maybe next time you ought not to get into a permanent relationship until you know you won't be deployed again.

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RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold - 2/23/2009 4:27:57 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

Is it vindication that you have exposed the intimate details of what may or may not have happened and outed the person by name? I would think someone who was in Special Ops would understand the meaning of "discretion".

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RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold - 2/23/2009 4:54:59 AM

subangi

Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline

Keeping yourself busy like you said you are doing is a great thing. I know that feeling of yearning for it though. It has become your drug, and you feel like an addict. Next time you talk with him maybe mention it lightly.....how much you miss that and if he would like a letter explaining your frustration. Yes, he has alot to deal with, but I am sure in his heart he wants to know truthfully your feelings, wants and desires. It might make him feel good that he has this control and impact on you. It might even lessen his stress to be thinking of things he could have you do in his absence.

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RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold - 2/23/2009 4:58:09 AM

subangi

Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
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Yikes. I didnt read all this before replying. Patience is a virtue I need to work on.

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RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold - 2/25/2009 2:38:41 PM

angelinamaddox

Posts: 10
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline

Some people on here have some good ideas. Some responded with negativity that I don't think was deserved. Everyone has their own needs, like you do, and something has happened that has ripped you away from your Dom once again that you cannot control, but that doesnt mean that your needs go away too. When he can get online over there(which I know my brother in law can every night) have him give you orders on what he wants done every time he can. Should make some of your needs be fufilled, but also look at the other peoples advice on here as I dont want to restate what everyone said, but I did see some good ideas on how to at least somewhat satisfy your needs.

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RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold - 2/25/2009 10:35:03 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

Sorry, Teles. Take it from a Navy wife who has weathered many deployments. Some people can handle separations and some people can not. If the separation bothers you a lot, then you need to find a new partner. The only way to make time pass more quickly is to keep busy.

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RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold - 3/27/2009 1:49:12 AM

twisteddoll

Posts: 22
Joined: 2/22/2008
Status: offline

I really think it's horrible how some people say horrible things about people when they take the time to be honest about how they feel. You can't help how you feel and I think that you should like, be given some credit for at least being honest. Even if it is a shitty feeling. Who am I or anyone else to judge? I'm sick of everyone else thinking that they're God and being so judgmental. As far as like.. having your partner be away for a long period of time... my Master was away for a good chunk of time and it was hell. As far as putting it on hold, or getting someone to keep you company while he's away, that's only a decision that the two of you can make.

(in reply to Dari)

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