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question - 12/3/2007 4:50:37 AM

Treasure3

Posts: 94
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Quick background... My Dom and I live about 300 miles apart, a five hour drive. We have been seeing each other for a little over a year and a half, and I have always been the one to make the trip to see him every month. He has on several occasions come to a city very near me, but has never made any attempt to see me. Next week, he will again be nearby, and again, he is not going to make any effort to see me.

Am I wrong for feeling disappointed and upset? I don't know if I'm just being too sensitive or what, but it really hurts. Now, I'm really starting to question whether he's that into me or not. Would you make the effort to see someone you supposedly loved if you were going to be only a few minutes from them, even if it was only for a quick hug and just a few minutes? Would you feel hurt if the one you loved wouldn't do that?

Post #: 1

RE: question - 12/3/2007 4:56:54 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

I think he should make more effort to see you. I don't understand why he doesn't, did you talk about this at the begining of the relationship?.

He may be one who thinks you should be the one to make the effort to see him, you need to ask, then you'll know.

What if you gave him a reason to come-you could tell him you can't go out because you need to wait for something to be delivered, or you're ill, or you have something for him that you can't give him anywhere other than your own home. See what he does.

(in reply to Treasure3)

Post #: 2

RE: question - 12/3/2007 4:59:36 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Treasure3

Quick background... My Dom and I live about 300 miles apart, a five hour drive. We have been seeing each other for a little over a year and a half, and I have always been the one to make the trip to see him every month. He has on several occasions come to a city very near me, but has never made any attempt to see me. Next week, he will again be nearby, and again, he is not going to make any effort to see me.

Am I wrong for feeling disappointed and upset? I don't know if I'm just being too sensitive or what, but it really hurts. Now, I'm really starting to question whether he's that into me or not. Would you make the effort to see someone you supposedly loved if you were going to be only a few minutes from them, even if it was only for a quick hug and just a few minutes? Would you feel hurt if the one you loved wouldn't do that?

This is tricky because I don't know what your personal life is like at home. Nor do you give any insight into what was agreed upon when the two of you first started your relationship. Because of those two missing pieces of information; I can't give you and honest opinion about your situation.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Treasure3)

Post #: 3

RE: question - 12/3/2007 5:06:01 AM

TysGalilah

Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline

Would you make the effort to see someone you supposedly loved if you were going to be only a few minutes from them, yes I would.... even if it was only for a quick hug and just a few minutes?absolutely!! Would you feel hurt if the one you loved wouldn't do that? yes, it would feel hurtful...
and I would wonder why..and I would ask why ...
and if their answer didn't completely make logical and well as emotional sense> I would ask myself why I am accepting much less than I deserve from a relationship.

I cannot change another person and I probably cannot change how they choose to act...but I can change how I choose to let them treat me and effect me.

I am sorry you are hurting
and I hope you find your answer and it makes you smile..

_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to Treasure3)

Post #: 4

RE: question - 12/3/2007 5:09:50 AM

Treasure3

Posts: 94
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

He often talks about coming to see me, and I am always happy and receptive, but it hasn't happened yet. The trip is too long. He doesn't like to be in a car for that long. He is too busy. He doesn't want to put that many miles on his car. I've heard all kinds of "reasons".

At the beginning of the relationship, we talked about sharing travel. In the past six months, he has been helping by giving me gas money (before that I footed the entire cost), but, between sitter and tolls, plus wear and tear and repairs to my car, I still pay more towards the trips than he does. I'm just feeling... I don't know how to describe it... taken advantage of? Maybe that isn't the right way of putting it, but it just doesn't feel good.

< Message edited by Treasure3 -- 12/3/2007 5:12:20 AM >

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 5

RE: question - 12/3/2007 5:15:04 AM

GabrielleSlave

Posts: 616
Joined: 9/20/2007
From: in servitude
Status: offline

Hi.... in my opinion and that is all this is... there is something that does not feel right about this. i don't know what His situation is, but it is all very well being the Dom, the Master and expecting Your slave to come running, but it cannot be all one sided. you, as sub or slave have to feel at some level needed and wanted. you are obviously more in touch with your feelings, or more willing to share them than is He.

This has been going on for 18 months, how is it that you have not discussed this with Him already? i hate to ask this, but is this what He always had in mind for this relationship and have you got yourself attached when He was never able to give this back? i wonder if He is already commited to someone else ie married....?

you need to have this out with Him otherwise it will eat away at you so much that when you do see Him, it could be disasterous. Are you able to call Him?

love and luck
Gabrielle xxx

_____________________________

Slave to Master Slayer

~ Host of the Rather Marvelous Greenwich Munch ~

"There is no such thing as liberty. You only change one sort of domination for another. All we can do is to choose our master."
D. H. Lawrence

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 6

RE: question - 12/3/2007 5:18:30 AM

txnights05

Posts: 51
Joined: 7/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Maybe that isn't the right way of putting it, but it just doesn't feel good.

i would say trust your instincts... if it doesn't feel right then it isn't.

communication is the key and if he won't then that would be another red flag.

(in reply to Treasure3)

Post #: 7

RE: question - 12/3/2007 5:20:25 AM

Treasure3

Posts: 94
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Yes, I can call him. We talk often throughout the day, every day. He is NOT married. I am sure of this, as I stay at his home when I visit. He says there is no one else. I have talked with him about it, but only got the excuses I mentioned in my last post.

It doens't feel right. It hurts.

(in reply to GabrielleSlave)

Post #: 8

RE: question - 12/3/2007 5:21:02 AM

Knite64

Posts: 10
Joined: 9/5/2007
Status: offline

I had a similiar situation a few years go wherebye My then sub would visit Me as opposed to Me visiting her but it was more due to her being able to get away easier than I due to work commitments,however I did compensate by ensuring I had days out organised etc when she was here visiting ....
I did drop her off for her train once rather than drving her to her ferry point(Im in Scotland and she is in Northern Ireland) as I needed to get back for a meeting but I know it made her feel a bit upset in My effort for her and I did regret not re organising My time knowing the effort she was putting in for us to spend time together....but we discussed this point and sorted it out.......so I guess Im saying communicating your concerns to Him is the best option to move forward as you are obviously unhappy about the situation and thats never a good thing.

be well

(in reply to Treasure3)

Post #: 9

RE: question - 12/3/2007 5:21:26 AM

Treasure3

Posts: 94
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Yes, communication has been a problem for us for a while now. He isn't good at giving straight answers to anything.

(in reply to Treasure3)

Post #: 10

RE: question - 12/3/2007 5:24:59 AM

Sexynmentalinkc

Posts: 132
Joined: 4/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GabrielleSlave

...you need to have this out with Him otherwise it will eat away at you so much that when you do see Him, it could be disasterous.

While I can empathize with his issues, this sounds a lot like you're a matter of convienence.

'Having it out' with him is the only thing you can do here. Communication should tell you all you need to know. Whether or not you want to hear (really hear) what that communication with him is telling you is up to you.

Ask yourself...

If the shoe were on the other foot, do you think he'd be all that happy with the situation?

Your feelings aren't wrong or invalid. They are simply feelings. What matters the most is whether you heed what those feelings are telling you and act upon that information (in a direction that leaves you in a better place).

If that means you're done with him, it does.

If it means you accept what you have and drop any expectations or issues, it does.

What will matter for you and him (if you choose to stick with him) is that you come out of this in a better place. If you see staying in this situation leaving you in a worse, long-term situation...

I'd bow out gracefully and move on.

*tips his hat*

- Mr. S

_____________________________

"I think all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. ...I'm certainly not. And I'm sick and tired of being told that I am..."

(in reply to GabrielleSlave)

Post #: 11

RE: question - 12/3/2007 5:25:27 AM

Treasure3

Posts: 94
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I do feel like I am putting forth more effort into the relationship than he is. He is the one who usually calls, and he calls often, but I am the one who makes the drive and foots most of the expense. The money he gives me covers gas. I pay my sitter, tolls, and for repairs and maintenance on my car, and putting 15,000 miles on my car in the past 18 months has taken a toll on it.

(in reply to Treasure3)

Post #: 12

RE: question - 12/3/2007 5:29:43 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Treasure3

He often talks about coming to see me, and I am always happy and receptive, but it hasn't happened yet. The trip is too long. He doesn't like to be in a car for that long. He is too busy. He doesn't want to put that many miles on his car. I've heard all kinds of "reasons".

At the beginning of the relationship, we talked about sharing travel. In the past six months, he has been helping by giving me gas money (before that I footed the entire cost), but, between sitter and tolls, plus wear and tear and repairs to my car, I still pay more towards the trips than he does. I'm just feeling... I don't know how to describe it... taken advantage of? Maybe that isn't the right way of putting it, but it just doesn't feel good.

Can I ask? Does he have youngins?

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Treasure3)

Post #: 13

RE: question - 12/3/2007 5:30:14 AM

Treasure3

Posts: 94
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I'm supposed to leave tomorrow morning to go see him for a few days, but I am not looking forward to it like I should. I have been thinking of reasons to not go.

The only thing about him coming to visit me is that he would have to get a hotel room. That is why I haven't pushed that issue. But, his trips near me without even making a few minutes to see me really hurt. It wouldn't cost him a dime more. Still, with as much as it costs me to go see him, it seems only fair that once in a while he could splurge and get a room and come see me.

(in reply to Treasure3)

Post #: 14

RE: question - 12/3/2007 5:31:18 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Treasure3

I'm supposed to leave tomorrow morning to go see him for a few days, but I am not looking forward to it like I should. I have been thinking of reasons to not go.

The only thing about him coming to visit me is that he would have to get a hotel room. That is why I haven't pushed that issue. But, his trips near me without even making a few minutes to see me really hurt. It wouldn't cost him a dime more. Still, with as much as it costs me to go see him, it seems only fair that once in a while he could splurge and get a room and come see me.

ahh NM my question..you kind of answered it here for me with the comment about hotel rooms

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Treasure3)

Post #: 15

RE: question - 12/3/2007 5:31:24 AM

Treasure3

Posts: 94
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

No, he doesn't have AUPs.

(in reply to Treasure3)

Post #: 16

RE: question - 12/3/2007 5:31:58 AM

kittensmailbox

Posts: 744
Joined: 1/7/2005
From: Youngstown, Ohio
Status: offline

if you are having doubts, dont go... better safe then sorry

_____________________________

~softly smiles

~lowers her eyes in respect~

~kitten

(in reply to Treasure3)

Post #: 17

RE: question - 12/3/2007 5:32:24 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

Treasure, can I email you on the other side? What I am going to ask would eventually violate the TOS.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Treasure3)

Post #: 18

RE: question - 12/3/2007 5:33:36 AM

Treasure3

Posts: 94
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

IrishMist, please feel free. My profile is hidden, but email will still come through I believe.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 19

RE: question - 12/3/2007 5:33:42 AM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

It sounds as though you have made up your mind already. Be at peace with it and do what you need to do.

(in reply to Treasure3)

Post #: 20

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