Sperm Donor Ordered to Pay Lesbians Child Support

Sperm Donor Ordered to Pay Lesbians Child Support (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid

Message

Stephann -> Sperm Donor Ordered to Pay Lesbians Child Support (12/4/2007 3:38:21 PM)
Sperm Donor Ordered to Pay Lesbians "A British firefighter who donated his sperm so a lesbian couple could have two babies is being forced to pay thousands of pounds in child support." Truly bizzare. Stephan

adoracat -> RE: Sperm Donor Ordered to Pay Lesbians Child Support (12/4/2007 4:23:25 PM)
i am of the opinion that if two people ask a third to help in parenting a child, the third person be allowed to legally opt out of the parenting process. as in, entirely, no further responsibility. i dont think it right that the court steps in to force someone who had no more responsibility in parenting that child than the anonymous donor at a sperm bank to then pay for the child support. two women wish to be parents to a child? then THEY should be the ones involved in the parenting, not the man who provided the sperm. idiots all around. and oh yeah, i have an interest in this because my daughter's best friend asked her to have a baby for him and his partner should they (the boys) come to the decision that they wish to be together forever and be parents together. (my opinion is that i love her and her friend and if she makes that decision i will support her all the way through it.) kitten

Muttling -> RE: Sperm Donor Ordered to Pay Lesbians Child Support (12/4/2007 5:07:16 PM)
This is a PRIME example of why we need to address homosexual relationships in American law. I apologize for jumping on the soap box but this is a subject I feel STRONGLY about...... Currently, we have no substantial or consistent manner for dealing with parental issues concerning homosexual couples who have children (by adaption or by sperm doner). I don't care what your view is on gay marriage, this is a serious problem that effects children in a VERY serious way. Certain groups will say homosexuals shouldn't have children and would rather see them stay a ward of the state than be in a homosexual family. The research has consistently demonstrated that the only thing worse for a child's mental health is to live in abuse. Foster care is a terrific thing that people do, but it's not a stable situation on which children can depend and the fight over the acceptance of homosexual relationships is preventing many of these children from living in FAR healthier homes as demonstrated by extensive research into the matter. I don't care if it's homosexual marriage, gay partnerships, or whatever else........We are doing a crime to the wards of the state AND to the children in homosexual homes by refusing to enact laws that are truely in the best interest of the children. The gay partner of the mother needs to be held accountable and be required to pay child support. The sperm donor was just that, a man who gave part of himself to let a lesbian couple have a child. That lesbian COUPLE needs to be held responsible for the well being of that child and we need laws that will enable this to happen.

carlie310 -> RE: Sperm Donor Ordered to Pay Lesbians Child Support (12/4/2007 5:30:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Muttling This is a PRIME example of why we need to address homosexual relationships in American law. I apologize for jumping on the soap box but this is a subject I feel STRONGLY about....... They should have consulted a family law attorney before hand. He should have--he knows that now, I guess. I believe that (in my state, at least) he could have legally terminated parental rights, they could have signed a contract stating his limited involvement. That should have been done for their protection as well--he could have decided that he liked the look of little Junior and fought to be his father. Most of the legal needs can be covered without the marriage thing, it just takes some forethought and precedent. However, I'm of the opinion that for the most part, marriage should be the purvue of the church. Get the state out of it. But the divorce lawyers would never agree. (And, yes, I am feeling particularly cynical this year. Why ever do you ask?)

Muttling -> RE: Sperm Donor Ordered to Pay Lesbians Child Support (12/4/2007 6:02:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: carlie310 However, I'm of the opinion that for the most part, marriage should be the purvue of the church. Get the state out of it. I agree for the sanctity of it, but we have to have SOME standard to establish responsibility for the children's sake. I don't care what the state names it, but we HAVE to hold both spouses accountable for the care of the child(ren.) We also need some manner to allow the benefits, etc. of the bread winner to be available to the spouse or significant other. Then there is the division of marital assetts upon disolution of a relationship where there is a multitiude of shared property. Then there's the subject of how do we allocate the assetts of the estate of the deceased. Should we line the attorney's pockets by forcing every couple to pay $200+ an hour for an attorney to draw up papers on each and every one of these issues? You have a wonderful idea, but the legal realities are FAR more complex and that is at the heart of the problem. In my opinion, it should be for the church to declare marriages and for the state to declare unions for the SOLE purposes of resolving legal disputes.

NaiveTempest -> RE: Sperm Donor Ordered to Pay Lesbians Child Support (12/4/2007 7:12:18 PM)
I feel sorry for that man. He did something generous and now it's turned around to bite him in the wallet. And what about the child? Or teenager as it were. How does he feel about this? It's wrong and I think this ruling is stupid. It's sad that you need to get a legal contract to do something nice for someone.

FatDomDaddy -> RE: Sperm Donor Ordered to Pay Lesbians Child Support (12/4/2007 7:46:33 PM)
I don't feel sorry for him in the least. He is more than a "sperm donor" and he is ethically and morally responsible for his prodigy. There is no child without him btw and here is hoping that he soon understands that the child is a true part of him and that he further decides to honor his responsibilities and becomes a loving and protective father,

laurell3 -> RE: Sperm Donor Ordered to Pay Lesbians Child Support (12/4/2007 7:51:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: carlie310 quote: ORIGINAL: Muttling This is a PRIME example of why we need to address homosexual relationships in American law. I apologize for jumping on the soap box but this is a subject I feel STRONGLY about....... They should have consulted a family law attorney before hand. He should have--he knows that now, I guess. I believe that (in my state, at least) he could have legally terminated parental rights, they could have signed a contract stating his limited involvement. That should have been done for their protection as well--he could have decided that he liked the look of little Junior and fought to be his father. Most of the legal needs can be covered without the marriage thing, it just takes some forethought and precedent. However, I'm of the opinion that for the most part, marriage should be the purvue of the church. Get the state out of it. But the divorce lawyers would never agree. (And, yes, I am feeling particularly cynical this year. Why ever do you ask?) Well this is in the UK. However, merely saying I want to relinquish my parental rights because I don't want to pay child support doesn't really fly in most states. My response to the story is not really sympathy or lack thereof, but doesn't the guy see the news? Could he not see this coming?

Stephann -> RE: Sperm Donor Ordered to Pay Lesbians Child Support (12/4/2007 7:57:59 PM)
See, one of the major issues I have with this is that it sets a very bad precedent. Suppose a woman gives her son up for adoption at the age of 17. A loving family adopts the child, and goes on to raise him as their own. At the age of 27, the mother dies in a car crash. Should the father be entitled to sue the birth mother for child support? After all, it's her child.... Eventually, a social system will be established to incorporate gay and lesbian couples to have the rights to raise children as 'their own.' This would necessitate that, like the mother who gave her son up for adoption, a legal system that acknowledges that when a decision has been made to accept paternity, and release the original birth parent from legal/financial responsibility, that it won't be reversed; at the very least for the good of the child. The child is certainly benefiting financially, but is he/she benefiting morally? How would you feel growing up being told you have a father who pays for things, but you're not allowed to meet him? Stephan

FangsNfeet -> RE: Sperm Donor Ordered to Pay Lesbians Child Support (12/4/2007 7:58:19 PM)
Many may see this Mother as a back stabing bitch. However, I do understand the meaning of "A single mom has to do what a single mom has to do?" When your bread winner has left you raising a child alone, you'll do what it takes to make ends meet for the well being of that child. She knows that breaking this aggrement is wrong, but she can't worry about that. The bottom line is that every good parent will put there kids first above friendships and arranged deals. Yeah she's a bitch. I'm sure she'll admit to being a bitch. But what is she to do? That's life.

adoracat -> RE: Sperm Donor Ordered to Pay Lesbians Child Support (12/4/2007 8:00:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FatDomDaddy I don't feel sorry for him in the least. He is more than a "sperm donor" and he is ethically and morally responsible for his prodigy. There is no child without him btw and here is hoping that he soon understands that the child is a true part of him and that he further decides to honor his responsibilities and becomes a loving and protective father, i'm interested in how you came to your conclusion that he is more than a sperm donor? if he didnt have any more contribution to the raising of the child by mutual agreement than to contribute his DNA so that a child could be concieved, and apparently the two women parents had no intention of him being a part of the child's life? to my mind the decison was made by the three of them, and just because the women split up doesnt mean he should be dragged into it, any more than a surrogate mother should be dragged into the picture should the parents of the child she bore divorce, or that the birth parents of a child who has been given up for adoption be found liable for support if the adoptive parents divorce. kitten, curiously

Stephann -> RE: Sperm Donor Ordered to Pay Lesbians Child Support (12/4/2007 8:01:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet Yeah she's a bitch. I'm sure she'll admit to being a bitch. But what is she to do? That's life. Raise a boy knowing he's a son of a bitch? I get what you mean, but again it flies in the face of her original assertion that a lesbian couple deserves the same legal considerations of an adoptive heterosexual couple. If it had been a woman giving a child up to a gay male couple, do you think the courts would have been so aggressive in requiring the birth mother to pay child support?

FangsNfeet -> RE: Sperm Donor Ordered to Pay Lesbians Child Support (12/4/2007 8:33:43 PM)
First off, did or did not the proper paper work get done? Did this biological father actually sign away his rights/obligations as a father? Did the other partner do the paper work for adoption to be a legal parent/guardian? Was this Lesbian couple considered married and both being the parents? In most same couples, non biological parents normally see themselves as parents and want still want to contribute even after a split/divorce. No question about it, Nuts and Bolts this guy got screwed. At any rate, I don't know how all the laws and rules work with England. So I can't answer everything on a legal stand point. All I can do is discuss the ethics of going back on a deal. If cash is a issue for this mother, I would hope that she did try financial assistance programs first before gunning down the father. I know that in the US, when you seek financial help for kids, Uncle Sam will go after the other parent/guardian first. Maybe she filed and the Britsh Government said "No" because there is a biological father who technically still has parental rights. I dont' know. I don't have the full story as to how the whole process came about. My only point is that most mothers will put there children over integrity any time of day. That includes any and all legal loop holes to do so. I don't want to justify the her actions, but the mother is not doing anything that's legally wrong. She needs help and desperate times call for drastic measures.

dcnovice -> RE: Sperm Donor Ordered to Pay Lesbians Child Support (12/4/2007 8:42:35 PM)
More on the story from the Sun. Two things that caught my eye: Bathie was apparently somewhat involved with the baby after she was born. The mother says the Child Support Agency required her to give information about the father.

dcnovice -> RE: Sperm Donor Ordered to Pay Lesbians Child Support (12/4/2007 8:49:26 PM)
The Guardian's account includes a quote from a CSA spokesperson: "Unless the child is legally adopted, both biological parents are financially responsible; the Child Support Agency legislation is not gender or partnership based."

laurell3 -> RE: Sperm Donor Ordered to Pay Lesbians Child Support (12/4/2007 9:01:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stephann See, one of the major issues I have with this is that it sets a very bad precedent. Suppose a woman gives her son up for adoption at the age of 17. A loving family adopts the child, and goes on to raise him as their own. At the age of 27, the mother dies in a car crash. Should the father be entitled to sue the birth mother for child support? After all, it's her child.... Eventually, a social system will be established to incorporate gay and lesbian couples to have the rights to raise children as 'their own.' This would necessitate that, like the mother who gave her son up for adoption, a legal system that acknowledges that when a decision has been made to accept paternity, and release the original birth parent from legal/financial responsibility, that it won't be reversed; at the very least for the good of the child. The child is certainly benefiting financially, but is he/she benefiting morally? How would you feel growing up being told you have a father who pays for things, but you're not allowed to meet him? Stephan Stephan in the first case the adoption wouldn't go through unless the parent's parental rights were either terminated or relinquished. In this case there's no evidence to suggest he's unfit to parent so merely wanting to not have a child that you parented to avoid financial responsibility would probably not be accepted. Additionally, with his parental rights intact he would have the right of visitation. The problem is that like in this case, the situation doesn't work out and then the taxpayers end up supporting the child instead of the biological parents. However, here at least the standard for adoption/guardianship/placement/relinquishment/termination is what is in the best interests of the child. An agreement between the parents alone is not binding upon the state when they go to collect child support because the child is on state benefits. That is commonly an issue, especially when couples decide to forgo court and exchange cash. I'm not sure how helpful this information is or whether it would apply in the UK, however I would agree, allowing a homosexual couple to adopt the child would allow for him to relinquish with a valid alternate arrangement for the child.

laurell3 -> RE: Sperm Donor Ordered to Pay Lesbians Child Support (12/4/2007 9:05:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet First off, did or did not the proper paper work get done? Did this biological father actually sign away his rights/obligations as a father? Did the other partner do the paper work for adoption to be a legal parent/guardian? Was this Lesbian couple considered married and both being the parents? In most same couples, non biological parents normally see themselves as parents and want still want to contribute even after a split/divorce. No question about it, Nuts and Bolts this guy got screwed. At any rate, I don't know how all the laws and rules work with England. So I can't answer everything on a legal stand point. All I can do is discuss the ethics of going back on a deal. If cash is a issue for this mother, I would hope that she did try financial assistance programs first before gunning down the father. I know that in the US, when you seek financial help for kids, Uncle Sam will go after the other parent/guardian first. Maybe she filed and the Britsh Government said "No" because there is a biological father who technically still has parental rights. I dont' know. I don't have the full story as to how the whole process came about. My only point is that most mothers will put there children over integrity any time of day. That includes any and all legal loop holes to do so. I don't want to justify the her actions, but the mother is not doing anything that's legally wrong. She needs help and desperate times call for drastic measures. It may not be her at all. Once the child goes on benefits the state seeks to recoup, here at least.

Muttling -> RE: Sperm Donor Ordered to Pay Lesbians Child Support (12/4/2007 9:09:53 PM)
I fully respect and understand the views that have been presented above. These statements FURTHER my opinion that we need to have a legal precedence established to deal with matters such as these. If a gay couple or an idividual wants to use a surrogate to father/ mother their child, then there should be a legal mechanism for establishing who holds what responsibilities, obligations, and rights to that child before the child is born.

carlie310 -> RE: Sperm Donor Ordered to Pay Lesbians Child Support (12/4/2007 9:10:30 PM)
I don't know the statistics on how many children are born outside of marriage, but I think it's really pretty high, as well as rates for children of divorced parents. The protection offered by marriage to children is vapor-ware, at best. (I may or may not be able to defend this. I haven't thought this all the way through. It's just an opinion.) But my point--as it relates to this couple & this man, and the poor kids, for pete's sake--it sounds like they just went for it, without really asking themselves "what bad can happen." Whether they used the turkey baster or actual donation protocol, someone should have thought about this. I bet the next guy will! Laurell3, you may be correct about the termination of parental rights, but if he had done this before the support became an issue, he would have more of a case. Or he should. I really can't see why he should have more of a legal (and therefore financial) obligation than any other donor. But I am not a lawyer, nor do I play one on television. (I do plan on forwarding the link to a friend who has a friend who is being fertilized by yet another friend, though. Just to mark their card, so to speak.)

laurell3 -> RE: Sperm Donor Ordered to Pay Lesbians Child Support (12/4/2007 9:11:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Muttling I fully respect and understand the views that have been presented above. These statements FURTHER my opinion that we need to have a legal precedence established to deal with matters such as these. If a gay couple or an idividual wants to use a surrogate to father/ mother their child, then there should be a legal mechanism for establishing who holds what responsibilities, obligations, and rights to that child before the child is born. We do have one. It's that the state can reject couples for adoption based on sexual orientation.

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875