RE: Slaves a relfection of their M? Or not?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Slaves a relfection of their M? Or not?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Slaves a relfection of their M? Or not?

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Slaves a relfection of their M? Or not? - 12/5/2007 4:16:25 AM

LittleWench

Posts: 265
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline

FR

If we put so much stock in the image we reflect to others, what happens when despite our best appearances someone sees ugliness when they look at us. I am going through a terrible time at the moment with my family who have just realized after many years that I am poly and they are very uncomfortable with it. They are looking at the situation in one of those carnival mirrors, the ones that distort and stretch your appearance making it gruesome and grotesque.

Our reflections are only relevant if everyone is looking in the same mirror with 20/20 vision.

(in reply to adoracat)

Post #: 41

RE: Slaves a relfection of their M? Or not? - 12/5/2007 5:44:50 AM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

joy, I can't disagree with anything you've said but there's an aspect of human nature that SimplyMichael mentioned in his response that is very relevant to this idea that we reflect on those who we are with. Perhaps a better way is to say that how we are perceived by others can and often does affect how the ones we are with are seen.

If I meet a very a woman who I consider to be very beautiful, kind and generous, and she displays behavior that demonstrates adoration for the man she is with, I will unconsciously be more open to the idea that her mate must have similarly good qualities since he gained her love and attention.

How many times have people known someone that they do not particularly like, yet that person's mate is someone they greatly admire... there is the question of what the admired person could possibly see in their chosen partner? If an acquaintance is devoted to someone I perceive to be thoroughly unsavory, it will bring my opinion of the acquaintance down in my eyes. If a friends children are completely unruly and misbehaved, it will affect my opinion of my friend's parenting skills.

I realize that isn't necessarily accurate nor is it a particularly fair way to "judge" people, but it is something we humans often do without thinking.

(in reply to slavegirljoy)

Post #: 42

RE: Slaves a relfection of their M? Or not? - 12/5/2007 7:03:40 AM

Dari

Posts: 192
Joined: 10/8/2007
Status: offline

Meh. I had this long post all typed out, and had to keep changing it.

In the end, it all boils down to: "What Stephan said."

(in reply to TreasureKY)

Post #: 43

RE: Slaves a relfection of their M? Or not? - 12/5/2007 7:24:57 AM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

Hi TreasureKY,
i know that you and kitten and, apparently, 99.9% of the people responding, look at this in a very different way than i do. But, honestly, every time i have decided to go out with a guy or to be in a relationship with someone or even to be friends with someone, whether it involved BDSM or not, with all the many things to consider, not once did i ever ask myself, "mmmmm.....how will i look to others by being with this person?" If i like someone and i feel comfortable with them and i want to be with them, i will be with them and i don't give a hoot about what other people might think of me for deciding to be with him or her. Maybe that's because the only opinions that matter to me are that of my Master and myself. As long as He is happy with me and i am happy with me and Wwe are happy together, i couldn't care less about what other people think of me or of Him. Also, i don't look at other people that way. i have known people at work or other places and had opinions of them, without ever meeting their significant other or their family or their friends. And, when i did meet them, my opinion of the person didn't change, no matter what i thought of the other person(s) in their life. i might think, "Man, what's she doing with him?" or "How did he end up with her?" or, "Wow, how did she turn out so normal when she comes from such a whacko family?" but, i don't think any differently of the person, themself. The polls always show that Laura Bush is thought of very highly by most people and, being married to a very unpopular man hasn't damaged her reputation or likability over the years. When i saw Fred Thompson's wife on TV and saw that she is a very pretty woman, who looks to be about 30 years younger than he is, and seems to be intelligent and well-spoken, it didn't affect my opinion of him. All i thought was, "Well, he sure got lucky." i don't look at who someone is with and then make assumptions about that person. And, when i walk out of the ladies room and there's toilet paper hanging out of my waistband, or i make some other stupid mistake, i really don't think that other people are making assumptions about my Master or saying to themself, "What a loser He must be to have such a klutzy woman with Him." slave joyOwned property of Master David

(in reply to TreasureKY)

Post #: 44

RE: Slaves a relfection of their M? Or not? - 12/5/2007 7:25:03 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Whether or not you and your partner think so, there are many people who will think so and who will consciously or unconsciously see both of you as a reflection or a means to understand the other.

It happens all the time in the mundane and vanilla world, right? What a husband or wife does is often one criteria upon which others form opinions. How your offspring preform in school is often a "sign" of your abilities.

With all of this in mind, I find it rather pointless to believe that each of us is a separate individual and so I expect my partners to think me and I of them when we are out an about in the world whether it's kinky or vanilla or mundane.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to daddyncherry)

Post #: 45

RE: Slaves a relfection of their M? Or not? - 12/5/2007 8:03:24 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

I disagree LittleWench. Your reflections are always relevant. They should be relevant to both you and your Master. What you project says a lot about your relationship. People do pick up on it even tho they may not say anything.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 46

RE: Slaves a relfection of their M? Or not? - 12/5/2007 8:23:55 AM

SayaNereida

Posts: 152
Joined: 7/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry
slaves... Do you try to do your best when in public situations so as not to embarass, not only yourself, but your M?...and Not only not to embarass but to let others see that your M has trained you well?

I don't see myself so much 'a reflection' of Sir but an extension. To me, saying I am a 'reflection' means that IF He doesn't exist neither do I.

So yes, I put my best foot forward in public, because regardless of how many say we are individuals and responsible for our own behavior, I've heard it said by just as many, 'can't you talk, teach, make so and so understand that that isn't appropriate? or why are you hanging around with so and so it makes you look bad?'

Many do in fact 'judge' others by the company they keep.

Saya

(in reply to daddyncherry)

Post #: 47

RE: Slaves a reflection of their M? Or not? - 12/5/2007 8:34:02 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

So Masters/Mistress do you feel your slave is a reflection of you?

In a word - No.

Literally - the thought is scary! Philosophically it would be boring.

I am proud of beth. I am honored by her service. I believe she feels the same about me.

I understand those that want to mold and create someone reflecting their perfect image of partner. Their concern about what image they are conveying is often the most important thing to them. Deceit is a key component of the manipulation required to mold rationalizing that 'some deceit' is required and healthy. Bouncing in and out of relationships or a relationship where the tide of passion ebbs and flows depending upon the level of deceit and compromise. Thats a reflection that comes with changing someone, forcing them to accept something, be someone or do something that does not reflect themselves. The rationalism of compromising to be with 'someone', 'anyone' just not to be alone - is a strong drive for those lacking confidence or in some cases not really liking themselves. The idea of being a chameleon reflecting someone else's personality or 'ideal' image is, in those cases, a desired alternative. The failure that usually ultimately results then can be blamed on the reflection. Being a reflection really takes the pressure off of personal responsibility.

I added nothing to the person I met as Elizabeth. Becoming beth didn't involve change to reflect me, or my image of a woman who my expectation for behavior and associated broad responsibilities were listed and summarized by the personal definition I had under the label 'slave'. My goal, expressed to her many times when we met, and still appropriate today was not to change any aspect of her nature. I believe she happy and thriving as a person not because I have molded her to reflect me, or even my ideal image; but because I freed her to be herself. her contentment, confidence and strength comes from that freedom. Whatever she reflects comes from within her. I believe it was always there. My involvement was enabling her to be comfortable to project herself, not reflect anyone else - including me.

We are complimentary to each other not reflecting of each other. I would hate for beth to reflect my sadistic nature, and I doubt she would enjoy me reflecting her masochism. Together we are something else. But any viewer should perceive the 'reflection' as flawed. Trying to base your reality on what's reflected back from us would be similar to trying to write your name while looking at a mirrored image of the paper.

There is a believe among the 'experts' that compromise is the key to long lasting relationships. Outside the elementary and pragmatic, I believe this is totally incorrect. I'm not including compromising where to live, the movie to see, or the color of your toaster. Compromising self to reflect another's ideal image defeats the purpose of a required process of knowing yourself and being true to yourself. It would mean once you go through what is often a painful process of self discovery and awareness you toss all that away for the sake of pleasing another. That's called acting and the question becomes; how long can you 'act'? The answer is the expected expiration date of the relationship formed.

(in reply to daddyncherry)

Post #: 48

RE: Slaves a reflection of their M? Or not? - 12/5/2007 8:46:03 AM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

Beautifully written. You expressed what i have been trying to say here. How fortunate you both are to have each other. Individually and as a couple, my opinion of you both is very high.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

So Masters/Mistress do you feel your slave is a reflection of you?

In a word - No.

Whatever she reflects comes from within her. I believe it was always there. My involvement was enabling her to be comfortable to project herself, not reflect anyone else - including me.

We are complimentary to each other not reflecting of each other.

Compromising self to reflect another's ideal image defeats the purpose of a required process of knowing yourself and being true to yourself.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 49

RE: Slaves a reflection of their M? Or not? - 12/5/2007 9:07:39 AM

charlotte12

Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

This girl strives to reflect well on her Master but not by presenting an image of something she is not. Rather, Master pushes her to be the best person she can be and to behave in a way that would make both of us proud. She believes that if a slave is shining as a manifestation of who she truly is then it reflects well on her Master not because he has turned her into his little toy (though that can be fun too

) but because it shows a healthy relationship in which she has flourished in her slavery and found the beauty that might have needed some encouragement and guidance to come out. So this slave believes she is a reflection on her Master not just in the way she dresses and behaves in public but in the ways she is able to open up, become vulnerable and show who she really is.

charlotte

_____________________________

Stephan's slaveling

"I'm not superior, I'm just more important." Master (Stephann)

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 50

RE: Slaves a relfection of their M? Or not? - 12/5/2007 9:13:41 AM

MistressDolly

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry

So Masters/Mistress do you feel your slave is a reflection of you?

Certainly. I feel slaves, and even submissives, are a reflection of their Mistress.

_____________________________

m i s t r e s s d o l l y . c o m

m y s p a c e

(in reply to daddyncherry)

Post #: 51

RE: Slaves a relfection of their M? Or not? - 12/5/2007 12:38:36 PM

LittleWench

Posts: 265
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

I disagree LittleWench. Your reflections are always relevant. They should be relevant to both you and your Master. What you project says a lot about your relationship. People do pick up on it even tho they may not say anything.

If there were a way of standardizing them, they would be relevant. If there were a way of making sure everyone was looking and seeing the same thing, they would be relevant. Each person, when looking at any given relationship, will see and notice a myriad of different things, and never forget that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Take Brangelina... you might look at that couple and see hollywood brats, contemptable, spoiled.... others might see two philanthropists actively working to make the world a better place. Should they care how you or I see them? No, they should just be true to themselves and each other and world be damned.

Those that matter dont mind, those that mind dont matter.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 52

RE: Slaves a relfection of their M? Or not? - 12/6/2007 12:24:33 AM

tdslittlehelper

Posts: 79
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline

I think that in any relationship weither it is the church you attend or the Master who owns you. You are associated with them and a reflection on them because people will assume that is you are a part of them then you think like them... if that makes any sense.

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 53

RE: Slaves a relfection of their M? Or not? - 12/6/2007 4:07:40 AM

TysGalilah

Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry

This may be a dumb question, but hey, i'm bored and watitng for cakes to bake so i thought i'd try to put this out there anyway.

So in my relationship, my Daddy is not one who thinks that his slave is a reflection of himself. If i do something bad, or idiotic (which i'm prone to doing) it is all on me. Conversely, if i do something great, he doesn't take pride in that either. That is also, all on my side of the fence.

The thing that made me think about the other part of this query is a conversation that we had the other night before attending a play party.

i was doing my usual, "psycho girl getting ready" thang and was all concerned that i was gonna be a good reflection on him...as well as trying to be comfortable in my own skin (yeah right)....and fretting about protocols if he decided to share me with someone else.

Because regardless of what Daddy thinks about the whole "reflection" thing, people do judge and there are those who look at a slave and make assumptions about the Master/Mistress...this may not effect our life on any real level but, still..people do it and i want to make a good impression and don't want ppl to look negatively at my Daddy if i don't do some protocol thing, or call someone Sir or whatever.

So Masters/Mistress do you feel your slave is a reflection of you?
Is it like how parents will sometimes "own" their UM when it's doing well but not when it is being bad?

slaves... Do you try to do your best when in public situations so as not to embarass, not only yourself, but your M?...and Not only not to embarass but to let others see that your M has trained you well?

I would never want to do anything that would cause Tyson to be embarrassed or disappointed in me. Which means I also want him to be proud that he has chosen me, at all times...private and in public. I don't act or behave a certain way for others to see or judge, it's not what is on my mind when I am being the best I can be.

As for whether I am a reflection of him? or on him?>>

the quote at the end of my signature
".."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton
>>
That was inscribed on a gift Tyson gave me. When he gave it to me he said " This, to me, says who we are to one another, I just don't know which one of us is the candle and which one of us is the mirror".

we eventually agreed we are each probably both.

_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to daddyncherry)

Post #: 54

RE: Slaves a relfection of their M? Or not? - 12/7/2007 4:13:19 AM

Reawakening

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline

My ladies and I firmly believe that what a slave or submissive does reflects directly upon their Master.

When my ladies do well I am indeed quite proud. When they stumble I am concerned for I feel it indicates a a failure on my part in some way.

Granted...no one is perfect and mistakes WILL be made...but my ladies always know that when people see THEM they see ME.

_____________________________

It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.

(in reply to daddyncherry)

Post #: 55

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Slaves a relfection of their M? Or not?

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078