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Is BDSM about sex? - 12/4/2007 9:29:07 PM

KindLadyGrey

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My husband and I were arguing about the subject today: Is BDSM about sex?

He thinks BDSM is ultimately a sexual lifestyle, regardless of whether people who choose to pursue it actually HAVE sex (service submissives or chastity slaves, for instance, are aroused by things besides actual sex, but the act of their submission still has a sexual basis. . .or so he hypothesizes).

I feel like BDSM is a lifestyle about the consciousness of power exchange in relationships, and may or may not be sexual in nature.

What's your take? Is BDSM a lifestyle defined by sexual proclivities and activities?

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/4/2007 9:29:50 PM

laurell3

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That question has no one answer. For me it is sexual. For many others, it is not.

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/4/2007 9:34:29 PM

CollegeConundrum

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BDSM is all about power exchange for sexual inhibition.

Dominance and submission is all about power exchange for psychological inhibition.

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/4/2007 9:36:56 PM

BOUNTYHUNTER

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While sex isn't the sum total of bdsm for me ITS a damm big part.....

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/4/2007 9:38:41 PM

sexyred1

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Yes.

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/4/2007 9:41:15 PM

breatheasone

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quote:

Is BDSM about sex?

Yes....Is it ONLY about sex?...no...hell no

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/4/2007 9:45:59 PM

laurell3

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Maybe I should qualify my answer by pointing out that when you ask about BDSM here, you are commonly seen to be asking about activities as opposed to d/s or m/s which is more about the relationship and structure. Although we also differ on those things/definitions as well.

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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/4/2007 9:51:55 PM

brienne30

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Yes, no, maybe. I think it depends on the people involved and in some cases, the current mind-set of the people involved. At times in service, I have to draw from a purely sub-mentality, I 'm just not in the right mind-set to get all excited by it (ok at times I actually dislike it). Other times, it gets me hot. Same thing with pain stimulus. That one is at least more predictable in that up to a certain point it is very sexual for me, then I hit a place where everything just turns off, kind of a meditative state and I'm no longer hot and bothered, but rather very in tune to every stroke taking me deeper in wards. I'd actually like to be taken sexually when I'm in that state to see what would happen. Just cause it does not feel sexual at all right then.

I know I'm not the only sub out there that has these differences. . . some days it comes from a sex drive and some from a power control conditioner, or desire to simply serve. The beauty of it (for me at least) is that there is usually one of these driving forces/needs in play that allows both parties to enjoy the experience and meet the need/mindset of the moment. . . so it all works out in the end.

Just my two cents.

(in reply to sexyred1)

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/4/2007 9:53:14 PM

MzMia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BOUNTYHUNTER

While sex isn't the sum total of bdsm for me ITS a damm big part.....

I like all the answers so far, but I will pick this one.
It is not ALL about sex for me, but there is a lot of bodily contact and
sexual overtones in the activities I enjoy.
So I would say for ME.........DAMN big part!!!!

*I wanted to add even with service submission, there is often a sexual undertone even
if it is not expressed.*

< Message edited by MzMia -- 12/4/2007 10:04:06 PM >

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/4/2007 10:00:50 PM

MsSaskia

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I think sexuality is part of it, but for me, sexuality isn't any more or less important than all the other factors that make BDSM appealing to me. I'm fascinated by behavioral conditioning, body chemistry, how we set boundaries, why we need boundaries, power exchange and what that means on multiple levels, gender expression, the artistry and skill of disciplines like shibari, the technical aspects of using medical tools and techniques in scenes, headspace, culture, trust, communication and the spiritual thrill I get from showing someone something about themselves for the first time or taking them further than they've ever gone before.

If it was just a sex thing I'd have gotten bored after the first six months instead of still being riveted 11 years later.

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/4/2007 10:28:10 PM

MasterFireMaam

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It can be. It doesn't have to be. I didn't and don't have sex with everyone I have done or do BDSM activities with. I don't have a sexual relationship with all the slaves/subs in my life...and only one of my two collared slaves is a sexual relationship. But then, I don't label them as BDSM relationships, I label them as Master/slave. I know Ms couples who don't do BDSM.

In my opinion...you're both right...and your'e both wrong. Helpful, ain't I?

Master Fire

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/4/2007 10:34:43 PM

DiurnalVampire

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Id have to say I am with you, since Angel and I have a lot of D/s interaction in which we are in roles (he is my baby, I am Mommy) but neither of us are aroused by these interactions. He and I enjoy the power exchance, but it doesnt always have anything to do with sexual arousal.
Same with Fox and I. He can do very submissive things, and serve, without necessarily being aroused by them. They are just what he does, and how he is happy.

DV

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/4/2007 10:51:08 PM

LittleWench

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I see all of BDSM as being sexual.... thats why even the non sexual parts are called mind fucks.

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/4/2007 11:10:27 PM

asubmissiveheart

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I love serving my woman and taking care of her needs.
But a lot of what we do is sexual.

(in reply to laurell3)

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 12:17:10 AM

eyesopened

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To me it's kind of like a marriage, which isn't ABOUT sex at all but about a partnership. And while there are a few marriages without any sex, for most folks, it wouldn't be a marriage without sex.

BDSM isn't about sex, but i agree that at very least it uses sexual energy or sexual tension. Even if the relationship doesn't include sex, people tend to choose their play partners along the lines of their sexual orientation.

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 12:45:10 AM

SeraphinaKrow

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For me, BDSM is a power exchange that is much more deeper than sex itself. Even though sex and sexuality is a part of it, the power dynamic is what catches my eye the most.
There are so many aspects to BDSM, that other people who may not see the lifestyle from the inside automatically place it with Fashion and Sex. In my life, none of those things really matter to me, and can honestly say that I put all my energy in the power dynamics of it.

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 1:14:39 AM

Focus50

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To me, BDSM is more about intimacy than sex, hence my personal relationships are founded on a D/s dynamic. Sex isn't what primarily gets my blood pumping or imagination firing - vanillas need not apply!

Focus.

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)

Post #: 17

RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 1:14:58 AM

LittleWench

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Sex isn't just fucking, how we approach it, who we have sex with, is tied into so many parts of our body mind and soul they cannot realistically be separated. Sex doesn't just happen in our erogenous zones (the name for the physical center of our sexuality), it happens in our heart (the name for the emotional centre) in our head (the name for our logical rational thinking centre) and in our soul (the name for our spiritual centre).

You can have a romp purely for the sake of physical release, but in doing that you are choosing not to open and express the other aspects of yourself. You can have an encounter purely for the intellectual release (get high on power) but its no less sexual, you are simply choosing not to open and express your sexuality through your other avenues and focus mainly on the intellectual avenues.... again that's why its called a mind fuck :)

(in reply to SeraphinaKrow)

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 1:17:27 AM

Ahnk

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In My opinion, its all about whatever the parties involved make it tobe.

if thats just some rough sex, then they are players in the same game as those who are into fire and scat play with out sex at all.

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Post #: 19

RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 1:19:50 AM

MissMagnolia

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For me personally, definitely not.

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