Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Is BDSM about sex?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Is BDSM about sex? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 11:43:24 AM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		I'm of the mindset that it isn't inherently sexual but can be tremendously sexual.

I get no sexual rush out of just being my everyday dominant self... it's just who I am.

I also feel no sexual pleasure from being beat.

Can I feel a sexual energy during these things with the right person under the right set of circumstances?  Yes, but that's true of many situations and activities that aren't inherently sexual and that at other times I feel no arousal during.

< Message edited by RumpusParable -- 12/5/2007 11:46:10 AM >

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 1:45:42 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		It varies for me, from extremely sexual to not at all.  Mostly, not at all---Henry Kissinger might have been right about power being the ultimate aphrodisiac, but it's not the same kind of stimulation!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to RumpusParable)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 1:47:30 PM   
gorgeous1


Posts: 367
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey

My husband and I were arguing about the subject today: Is BDSM about sex?

He thinks BDSM is ultimately a sexual lifestyle, regardless of whether people who choose to pursue it actually HAVE sex (service submissives or chastity slaves, for instance, are aroused by things besides actual sex, but the act of their submission still has a sexual basis. . .or so he hypothesizes).

I feel like BDSM is a lifestyle about the consciousness of power exchange in relationships, and may or may not be sexual in nature.

What's your take? Is BDSM a lifestyle defined by sexual proclivities and activities?



Sorry, gotta take your husband's side on this. For me, sex is the center of the Tootsie Pop.

_____________________________

Wife/property of CapnSpankins...and loving every minute of it! Visit my juicy blog http://www.kinkycrafts.info/gorgeous-blog/gblog.php for updates on my slave training!

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 1:55:07 PM   
MissSCD


Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		Even if we say it is not about sex, the truth of the matter, why do it if it were not for sex in some form or another?
 
Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 1:58:01 PM   
DarkDaddyZ


Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline 		To me, BDSM is a lifestyle and sexual exploration. A combination of both.

Z-

_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 1:58:27 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I think it starts out sexually for everyone. I don't think anyone's first fantasy is of ordering someone to pick up your dirty socks. Pick up the socks while cropping them for not being fast enough? Sure, because the crop part makes them hot.

Can you become more interested in the d/s only and stop play because it's no longer necessary? Sure, but it doesn't start that way.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 2:06:52 PM   
kittykat4play


Posts: 28
Joined: 11/22/2007
Status: offline 		of course a large part of BDSM is about sex, but i dont believe its about having intercourse.
it also depends on what people consider sex, i for one think that BJ's are part of sex, petting, fingering, etc. Sex doesnt nessasarily have to equal intercourse. 
with BDSM, a large part of it is sexual,  breast play, anal play, refusing to let one cum,  to name a few.


< Message edited by kittykat4play -- 12/5/2007 2:07:43 PM >

_____________________________

formally BBWnNC72.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i am who i am, i am not ashamed. Spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, Dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 2:56:11 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Is BDSM about sex?

For myself; absolutly not. It's more about being given an outlet to release some stress...nothing sexual in it at all.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to KindLadyGrey)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 3:07:44 PM   
Tempny


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/12/2007
Status: offline 		NO lets go back in time when at the end of ww1 the fighting men came home and brought bondage back to the states. Then it was about  dominance and submission only. In later years leather clothing was brought into it thus starting the old guard. Today it has taken many turns. Most of the young people would say yes as to them its a spanking and the to sex. To us old timers its binding the sub or slave and using it (her) as we want. 

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 3:12:30 PM   
DarkDaddyZ


Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tempny

NO lets go back in time when at the end of ww1 the fighting men came home and brought bondage back to the states. Then it was about  dominance and submission only. In later years leather clothing was brought into it thus starting the old guard. Today it has taken many turns. Most of the young people would say yes as to them its a spanking and the to sex. To us old timers its binding the sub or slave and using it (her) as we want. 

Isn't the "In the Old Guard history, opinions and MYTH'S played out??? :)  Seriously, the first leather bars were about cruising!  Men cruising for sex, Tops cruising for bottoms, bottoms crusing for tops.  Check the history of the Gold Coast or even LA&M (located in Chicago but serving the world- do they still say that or am I telling my age)?

Edited for content.

< Message edited by DarkDaddyZ -- 12/5/2007 3:13:14 PM >

_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to Tempny)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 3:19:06 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSCD

Even if we say it is not about sex, the truth of the matter, why do it if it were not for sex in some form or another?
 
Regards, MissSCD

Now see, perhaps it's because I don't look at the letters BDSM and see people; I look at it and see actions. To me, it's only about what someone does ; though I know that not everyone looks at it that way.

So, there is nothing sexual in it for me at all. It's only about getting physically beaten; alot...it helps to relax me...but it's not sexual for me. The person beating me may turn me on; but what he's doing does not.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to MissSCD)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 3:31:29 PM   
Sweet1Maybe4U


Posts: 144
Joined: 8/1/2006
Status: offline 		I think everything about life has to do with sex. Everything eventually revolves around sex. From the time we are born we deal with our sexuality. Blue is for boys~pink is for girls...I was flipping channels the other night about an old black and white movie and the main character said He'd give the little girl a quarter for a hug. We are programmed to give "sexually" for favor. That's the bottom line. Now Im NOT saying that was what we He was after. Im just saying the world revolves around our identity as male or female and what the other person wants from it. It was "ok" to exchange a hug for a quarter but then if she "marries a man for money" she's a gold digger.
Sex makes the world go round. Almost all songs are about it. Thousands of books are about it. Most of the threads too.
Even if a command from my Dom may not BE about sexual things it always in my mind heads that way. I think about Him and the task and since He is my sexual partner and I want to please Him, I think of sex.  Maybe Im just programmed wrong.

_____________________________

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 3:45:44 PM   
Sweet1Maybe4U


Posts: 144
Joined: 8/1/2006
Status: offline 		The best way I can describe my take on it is "sex is a part of BDSM,  BDSM is NOT a part of sex".

Yes Jayxkes,
I enjoy vanilla sex as much as "kink". I also understand that a scene may not involve sexual play but only be used as a release of inhibitions and a stretching of one's need for trust, etc. But for me, the bond that forms between two people through BDSM is more intimate than just a sexual encounter. Past lovers (Im talking vanilla) have never ever come close to the passion and committment that I feel with my Dominant. Is it because of the BDSM? I dont know. Is it because He just in a better lover than those in the past? I dont know...*shrugs..How can I judge if its just better sex or better trust because of D/s? I really wish I knew. Maybe that is something to discuss with my Dom?..Hmmm..*makes a note for later use with Sir.

_____________________________

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

(in reply to Sweet1Maybe4U)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 4:05:01 PM   
solvr70


Posts: 425
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		in some ways yes. in some ways no as there are soooo many mental aspects to it.

just my take.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 4:15:00 PM   
wisteriaV


Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

To me, BDSM is more about intimacy than sex, hence my personal relationships are founded on a D/s dynamic.  Sex isn't what primarily gets my blood pumping or imagination firing - vanillas need not apply!
 
Focus.

Yep, what Sir said.

_____________________________

Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 4:55:20 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSCD

Even if we say it is not about sex, the truth of the matter, why do it if it were not for sex in some form or another?
 
Regards, MissSCD


Why do people assume that those who said that it isn't about sex must be lying?

It may be extremely sexual for YOU.

It is patently NOT sexual for many of the people posting in this thread.

I have never had sex with any of my slaves. I do not get a sexual rush from training them. I have no sexual feelings towards them at all. I am a dominant personality, who uses my slaves for many things, not one of them sexually. They are happy. I am happy.

Why is that so hard for people like you to understand?

We are NOT all made the same way.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to MissSCD)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 5:03:43 PM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline 		Sex is an integral part of play for me, but not a big factor in the D/s dynamic. I need to control a sub's mind and heart. Her body will follow.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 5:04:56 PM   
MissSCD


Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		 I never said they were lying.  In General terms, what the heck?  If you want to make bdsm sexual, then it is ok.  If you do not wish to make  bdsm sexual, that is fine.  
The entire point of my statement was that there is no absoulte in bdsm.  We are trying to make too many labels and forgetting to enjoy it for what it is.

Regards, MissSCD

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSCD

Even if we say it is not about sex, the truth of the matter, why do it if it were not for sex in some form or another?
 
Regards, MissSCD


Why do people assume that those who said that it isn't about sex must be lying?

It may be extremely sexual for YOU.

It is patently NOT sexual for many of the people posting in this thread.

I have never had sex with any of my slaves. I do not get a sexual rush from training them. I have no sexual feelings towards them at all. I am a dominant personality, who uses my slaves for many things, not one of them sexually. They are happy. I am happy.

Why is that so hard for people like you to understand?

We are NOT all made the same way.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 5:27:25 PM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline 		Yes.  And no.  And yes.
For me, it depends on the dynamics of the relationship.  I do not have sex with everyone that I relate to on a D/s level.  I can play with people without involving sex, but they still have to be in some type of "relationship" with me as I am not a "casual" player.  The relationship can be as easy as friendship.
There are times, however, when playing is very sexual for me, this is reserved for those in an intimate relationship with me.

Lady Jag


_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 5:31:31 PM   
MistressDolly


Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSCD

Even if we say it is not about sex, the truth of the matter, why do it if it were not for sex in some form or another?
 
Regards, MissSCD


Why do people assume that those who said that it isn't about sex must be lying?

It may be extremely sexual for YOU.

It is patently NOT sexual for many of the people posting in this thread.

I have never had sex with any of my slaves. I do not get a sexual rush from training them. I have no sexual feelings towards them at all. I am a dominant personality, who uses my slaves for many things, not one of them sexually. They are happy. I am happy.

Why is that so hard for people like you to understand?

We are NOT all made the same way.




Absolutely.

< Message edited by MistressDolly -- 12/5/2007 5:32:04 PM >

_____________________________

m i s t r e s s d o l l y . c o m

m y s p a c e


(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Is BDSM about sex? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078