RE: Is BDSM about sex?

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 6:09:08 PM

MissMagnolia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSCD

I never said they were lying. In General terms, what the heck? If you want to make bdsm sexual, then it is ok. If you do not wish to make bdsm sexual, that is fine.
The entire point of my statement was that there is no absoulte in bdsm. We are trying to make too many labels and forgetting to enjoy it for what it is.

Regards, MissSCD

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSCD

Even if we say it is not about sex, the truth of the matter, why do it if it were not for sex in some form or another?

Regards, MissSCD

Why do people assume that those who said that it isn't about sex must be lying?

It may be extremely sexual for YOU.

It is patently NOT sexual for many of the people posting in this thread.

I have never had sex with any of my slaves. I do not get a sexual rush from training them. I have no sexual feelings towards them at all. I am a dominant personality, who uses my slaves for many things, not one of them sexually. They are happy. I am happy.

Why is that so hard for people like you to understand?

We are NOT all made the same way.

YOU made an absolute and definitive statement. That no matter what people say, they must be in it for the sex, in one form or another. I think you're the one putting labels and absolutes on people.

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 10:18:57 PM

rojojade

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I heard a very funny story ... I don't know if it was posted already ... but apparently in the early days of one of the major bdsm conferences with night time dungeon space, uniformed cops were brought in to make sure that the kinkesters didn't get out of hand. Well one of the kinkesters started to talk with a cop, and asked what the cop thought about everything. The cop's response was ... I think that the lot of you are sick. Totally sick. All this foreplay and no sex?!?!? That's just sick.

It gave me a giggle when I heard it.

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/5/2007 11:44:43 PM

brightspot

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For myself the Power Exchange is what gives the sex
jet-engines!!!

Missy.

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/6/2007 1:41:02 AM

MissSCD

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MistressDolly:

My entire point in responding to you in the first place is that it really doesn't matter which side of the fence you are on. If you will read back on some of the posts here, you will see it is about half and half. Besides, when a person refers to another person as "you people, I really have problems with that statement. Yes, I made a statement, and the fact of the matter is I could care less about the sexual side of BDSM. I am engaged to my slave. You just assumed because I made an arguement, that you could judge me, and incorrectly I may had.
Good day.

Regards, MissSCD

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDolly

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSCD

Even if we say it is not about sex, the truth of the matter, why do it if it were not for sex in some form or another?

Regards, MissSCD

Why do people assume that those who said that it isn't about sex must be lying?

It may be extremely sexual for YOU.

It is patently NOT sexual for many of the people posting in this thread.

I have never had sex with any of my slaves. I do not get a sexual rush from training them. I have no sexual feelings towards them at all. I am a dominant personality, who uses my slaves for many things, not one of them sexually. They are happy. I am happy.

Why is that so hard for people like you to understand?

We are NOT all made the same way.

Absolutely.

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/6/2007 4:28:44 AM

Jayxkes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sweet1Maybe4U

The best way I can describe my take on it is "sex is a part of BDSM, BDSM is NOT a part of sex".

Yes Jayxkes,
I enjoy vanilla sex as much as "kink". I also understand that a scene may not involve sexual play but only be used as a release of inhibitions and a stretching of one's need for trust, etc. But for me, the bond that forms between two people through BDSM is more intimate than just a sexual encounter. Past lovers (Im talking vanilla) have never ever come close to the passion and committment that I feel with my Dominant. Is it because of the BDSM? I dont know. Is it because He just in a better lover than those in the past? I dont know...*shrugs..How can I judge if its just better sex or better trust because of D/s? I really wish I knew. Maybe that is something to discuss with my Dom?..Hmmm..*makes a note for later use with Sir.

This is a very good point. I, and I think most of the BDSM friends I have, do find that BDSM forms and strengthens a bond. That bond is intimate in the wider sense of the word. That we include nakedness and sexually intimate touching, is perhaps more a by-product born of convenience/necessity than actually sexual.

I derive pleasure from many things which can be either sexual or non sexual. e.g. I love having my back stroked lightly. It's relaxing and feels good. Done by Kes or another sexual partner it can lead to sex, though not always. However done by someone else it will never lead to sex. Either way it still feels good and still relaxes me.
So it's not having my back stroked that is sexual, it's who is doing it, why and when.

BDSM is the same for me. I enjoy the things I do, they give me pleasure in and of themselves. Done with Kes or another sexual partner they may lead to sex, done with anyone else they never will. In the case of non sexual partners, one or both of us may find our bodies react in the same way they would in a sexual situation. However neither party feels the need or desire to progress to a sexual situation, we just enjoy whatever for itself.

Added to that, defining what is sexual is also a problem. Not only does it mean different things to different people, but it can mean different things with different people.

I play with a lot of different people, (yes I know, I'm just a tart), by way of example here is how 4 of them defined sexual....
(all had stipulated no sex at the start of discussions)...
The first included intercourse, oral and touching of breasts, nipples and genitals.
second defined it as no penetration, including fingers and toys, although touching, stroking and even touching her clit was fine.
third as no oral sex, anal or vanginal intercourse.
and the fourth as no anal or vanginal intercourse.

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/6/2007 5:33:28 AM

bipolarber

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1,475,982!

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/6/2007 5:40:56 AM

Owner4SexSlave

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Here's what I think D/s is just about that.   S&M is about that... B&D   Sex is Sex.. Mix it all together and confusion sets in.

You can have S&M without sex, Bondage without Sex, D/s without sex... but in my book, what's the point to having your cake without the ice cream.

Sex is a big part of it for me, Kinky Sex... So yes.   Sex is very much my world of BDSM.    D/s is another animal altogether for me, because it's not sexual for me.

BDSM is sexual for me, D/s is not.  This is my own perspective on the matter, and where Sex fits into it for me.   This may not be the case with other people.

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/6/2007 5:42:29 AM

mnottertail

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No, not even sex is about sex.

Kinsey

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/6/2007 5:50:44 AM

Owner4SexSlave

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Geee... let me think some more about this.

Is it sexual when I spread a girls legs wide and spank thier pussy with my hand? Is it sexual when I have somebody naked and kneeling before me, and my hand caresses thier body, grazzing across thier nipples, and I whisper sweet dirty nasty ways I'm going to use their body?    Is it sexual when I have somebody dress up in trashy or sexy clothing to become my eye candy?   Is it sexual when I get a hard on during S&M play?

Ok, I'm all done with my personal reality check.

Is it sexual when somebody brings me a cup of coffee, rubs my back, cleans the house, cooks me dinner or whatever else? Is it sexual when I help somebody with a self-esteem problem?   Is it sexual when I pick what place to eat dinner at? Is it sexual when I have somebody run and errand? Is it sexual when I help somebody with a problem.   Is it sexual when I make an important household decision? Is it sexual when I entrust somebody's elses good taste to decorate the living room? Is it sexual is somebody asks if something non-sexual pleases or displeases me?

Ok, I'm all done with my second reality check.

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/6/2007 5:55:36 AM

MistressDolly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSCD

MistressDolly:

My entire point in responding to you in the first place is that it really doesn't matter which side of the fence you are on. If you will read back on some of the posts here, you will see it is about half and half. Besides, when a person refers to another person as "you people, I really have problems with that statement. Yes, I made a statement, and the fact of the matter is I could care less about the sexual side of BDSM. I am engaged to my slave. You just assumed because I made an arguement, that you could judge me, and incorrectly I may had.
Good day.

Regards, MissSCD

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDolly

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSCD

Even if we say it is not about sex, the truth of the matter, why do it if it were not for sex in some form or another?

Regards, MissSCD

Why do people assume that those who said that it isn't about sex must be lying?

It may be extremely sexual for YOU.

It is patently NOT sexual for many of the people posting in this thread.

I have never had sex with any of my slaves. I do not get a sexual rush from training them. I have no sexual feelings towards them at all. I am a dominant personality, who uses my slaves for many things, not one of them sexually. They are happy. I am happy.

Why is that so hard for people like you to understand?

We are NOT all made the same way.

Absolutely.

My reply was regarding MissMagnolia and her own personal view on some of her slaves.

My comment wasn't about you.

I'm indifferent about you, your opinions and your interactions with your slaves.

No assumption was made by me.

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/6/2007 6:48:11 AM

WillowRain

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Is BDSM about sex?

It can be, often is, not always. For me, it is more foundationally about self. When I was in a monagamous vanilla marriage, I filled in a certain balance for myself with gay male dominant friends. Those connections weren't about sex at all, but were about balance, respect, room to be myself. Now that I don't have those restrictions, I have more room for differant kinds of connections, and sometimes.. yes.. it is about sex. If sex is all that is there the dynamic is just not deep enough for me to have any interest in it personally.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey

My husband and I were arguing about the subject today: Is BDSM about sex?

He thinks BDSM is ultimately a sexual lifestyle, regardless of whether people who choose to pursue it actually HAVE sex (service submissives or chastity slaves, for instance, are aroused by things besides actual sex, but the act of their submission still has a sexual basis. . .or so he hypothesizes).

I feel like BDSM is a lifestyle about the consciousness of power exchange in relationships, and may or may not be sexual in nature.

What's your take? Is BDSM a lifestyle defined by sexual proclivities and activities?

< Message edited by WillowRain -- 12/6/2007 6:50:17 AM >

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/6/2007 7:04:34 AM

SweetSarijane

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For me sex can be a part of it, but that is dependant on who I'm with. Most of the time, no, it's not about sex for me, it's about masochistic fulfillment. My s/m needs aren't tied up with my D/s needs. They are separate, but can go together beautifully with the right person and in that case, yes, sex would be a definite part of the whole. Make sense?

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/6/2007 7:27:56 AM

phoenixxy

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I agree with a lot of others on here in that i think sex is a part of BDSM , but not the only aspect. I enjoy BDSM because it turns me on - if it didnt then i would not be doing it! So at the very least it is sexual for me in that respect though perhaps not about sex!

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/7/2007 12:53:44 PM

Aslanemperor

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Here I thought I was being orriginal when I made a similar topic, but I guess not. Shows how tired I am, LOL!
Anyway, to answer your question, Yes. Ultimately, BDSM is sexual, mainly because it's centered around sexual satisfaction. Even if the act is never performed in the traditional sense, the service its self bares sexual significance. You mentioned That service and chastity slaves both get arroused by their special mode of service. Arrousal is a sexual thing.
Besides, any romantic relationship without sex is doomed to failure. Eventually, someone's going to get tired of being alone at night and not having that deeper physical and spiritual fulfilment which comes from sex.
Of course, I understand there will be people who disagree with me, but for those people, show me a romantic relationship without sex or even an arrousing relationship without sex, and I'll show you a frustrated couple soon to be parted.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey

My husband and I were arguing about the subject today: Is BDSM about sex?

He thinks BDSM is ultimately a sexual lifestyle, regardless of whether people who choose to pursue it actually HAVE sex (service submissives or chastity slaves, for instance, are aroused by things besides actual sex, but the act of their submission still has a sexual basis. . .or so he hypothesizes).

I feel like BDSM is a lifestyle about the consciousness of power exchange in relationships, and may or may not be sexual in nature.

What's your take? Is BDSM a lifestyle defined by sexual proclivities and activities?

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/7/2007 1:05:43 PM

tivadar

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I'm going to go with "no" here, with the stipulation that it IS about sexuality. I think BDSM is about arousal and stimulation. Whether or not that involves sex is another question in my mind.

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/7/2007 2:03:07 PM

goodgirl08

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For me it is VERY mental and the sex is just an amazing bonus.

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/7/2007 3:04:43 PM

LadyLegs

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I see my sexual needs as separate from sexual need, but I am still very new to this. My answer may change.

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RE: Is BDSM about sex? - 12/10/2007 12:12:22 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey

My husband and I were arguing about the subject today: Is BDSM about sex?

He thinks BDSM is ultimately a sexual lifestyle, regardless of whether people who choose to pursue it actually HAVE sex (service submissives or chastity slaves, for instance, are aroused by things besides actual sex, but the act of their submission still has a sexual basis. . .or so he hypothesizes).

I feel like BDSM is a lifestyle about the consciousness of power exchange in relationships, and may or may not be sexual in nature.

What's your take? Is BDSM a lifestyle defined by sexual proclivities and activities?

Count me in with those who state that BDSM...not D/s...is not solely about sex but sex is a huge damn part of it. The sadistic side of me gets aroused by what I am doing sadistically while there are other sides of me that are into the other aspects going on. But even those other aspects...the power exchange, the reaction to the sadistic torment, the scents, the sounds, etc...play into the sexuality of what is taking place.

I will state that in my world, doing all the things that I do in BDSM play would not hold much of an attraction if the only part of me deriving satisfaction from it was the intellectual side and/or the emotional side and/or the spiritual side. Most of those are more sated by the D/s aspects of the relationship. The BDSM is largely for the physical side. Though...as others have noted...I can do sex without BDSM. I can do BDSM without sex but, for me at least, there is not a lot to be gained from it.

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