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Asking Why - 12/5/2007 3:54:32 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I know, this has probably been done before, but responses in threads lately prompted me to start one again.  *g*

This question is about asking 'why' when given an instruction or order.  It does not include the questions who, what, where, when and how.

As a dominant, do you like or dislike when your submissve asks you why you have given a particular instruction?

As a submissive, are you allowed to ask why; would you be in a relationship where you couldn't ask why?

Why or why not? 

In our relationship, why is not allowed when given an instruction.  If he wants us to know, he will tell us and often does.  We are required to know who, what, where, when and how when he gives us an instruction.  If we don't know that information then we are required to ask.  (When I first became his, I was given permission to ask why for certain things so that I could learn about him and his motivations.  It has been a couple years since I have even felt the desire to ask why now.)

If he states an opinion or gives information we can ask why in those instances.  Not allowing why is specific to an order.

Thank you in advance for all the replies. 

Knight's Kyra

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 4:10:54 AM   
childoftheshadow


Posts: 458
Joined: 8/2/2006
From: London UK
Status: offline 		I'm forever asking "why". I like to understand, and the only way for me to really do that is to ask questions. My partner likes that about me, and always answers my many many questions. If he tells me to do something and I don't already know the "why", I generally do ask and he answers . . . though I do sometimes get "because I said so".

(in reply to kyraofMists)
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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 4:38:41 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		It depends on the instruction. Most dont need an explanation. If it is complicated then ask why. I usualy explain it after it is followed thru.

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 5:39:44 AM   
SunNMoon


Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline 		I personally like the question why. To me it means that the submissive is interested in the logic behind something I desire. The whole “knowledge is power” type thing, what better way to get to know me. By the way I’m assuming you’re not talking about, asking for a drink, right? I find the question why to be just as important as what, how and when.

Now when I submit/bottom (I’m not sure where I really fall there), I will ask why and if I don’t get an answer that I find logical. Then it’s not going to happen. Then again I could be called bratty sub.

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 5:49:45 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Would I be allowed to ask why?  Yes I am sure I could without fear of reprisal.
Have I needed to?  Not that I every remember having too.  Darcy will always explain if he decided I need to know a 'why' or if it is advantagous and I don't have a need to question him.
 
the.dark.

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 5:55:45 AM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline 		"Why?" depends on the situation. If you feel the need to understand my motivation for the order/command/request to better know my wants and needs, then ask. If you ask "why?" to decide if you are going to do it, that is not a good thing. I agree that "why?" is a good way to learn. Asking "why?" after it is done is fine. For example....I say "duck down", you do, then ask "why?"....I can say "so that rock that just whizzed by your head didn't hit you".

To make it clear, it depends on the situation.    LMAO

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 5:56:38 AM   
MissyRane


Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline 		why is the sky blue why is the grass green why do you want milk in your coffee seriously I'm curious I ASK and if somebody would completely forbid me to ask things I'd be on my way :P but of course I can compromise

(in reply to RCdc)
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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 6:05:56 AM   
Dari


Posts: 192
Joined: 10/8/2007
Status: offline 		I don't mind if my subs ask why, as long as they understand that if they get uppity and impertinent about it, I'll be yanking the leash pretty hard.  You know how kids get- Why?  Why?  Why?  Why?  They'll follow a course of logic for a long time, well beyond when it makes any sense or has any meaning.  That tends to annoy me eventually. 

As a general rule, I encourage my subs to ask questions.  But I don't always give the answers, because sometimes I'm setting them up for something and I want them to experience it for themselves.  Asking me "Why do you want me to call at <X> time?" is a question that irritates me, whereas "why do you want the dishes stacked like -so-?" isn't. I'd rather, once the initial "get to know you" phase is over, let my motivations and mind twists be uncovered for themselves, rather than belabored by a barrage of "Why"?

(in reply to MissyRane)
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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 6:23:49 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Yes, I could ask *why*.

I can ask whatever I want to at any time. I've never been told I can't ask or say anything. I don't ask *why* because it's pointless and unnecessary.

If he wants to explain something, he does so. If he doesn't, asking him won't make any difference.

agirl







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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 6:25:59 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		That's what's wrong with all you kids that smoke cigarettes, and beer, and dope and  this here shit, you usually always ask me, why; why; why.

DaddyMaster 

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 6:29:26 AM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline 		HE encourages me to ask whatever I need to ask.

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Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 6:31:00 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		I don't ask the road I know.

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 6:31:21 AM   
MissMorrigan


Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Reality can be extremely feisty; one of my long-term goals for him is modifying how he initially reacts to questions/situations he would have a knee-jerk reaction to. I adore his opinions and value what he says to me, and of course he's allowed to ask "Why". He is being taught the most appropriate time to do so - and it isn't the time when an instruction or order is given. He's young, impetuous and has a tendency to speak out of turn, it takes a lot of time and effort to change that. In that respect, we're both learning at how to gain the best from each other.


(in reply to kyraofMists)
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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 6:44:29 AM   
ghitaPVH


Posts: 1363
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline 		Im allowed to ask why, but only AFTER Ive obeyed the command....does that make sense? well..ok..sometimes I  do when I KNOW Daddy didnt really mean for me to do that....there are certain times in our relationship when Im allowed to correct him. Mainly when he asks for money...but thats a previous order..I have to give him the thrid degree when he asks for money.....

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 6:45:05 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I used to just do without asking why for any kind of play.  He knew what he wanted and I trusted him enough to know that I would probably enjoy the results. 
For regular work related things I would sometimes ask why if it was a repeat customer and I needed more information.  For me asking why can clarify things so that I can do a better job, or to be prepared.
I doubt I would be attached to any man that removed why from my vocabulary.  I would wonder why he had the need.  Or why that question might be a threat to his authority.
Kyst

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 6:52:46 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Why do we need to give the op an explanation.?? To the rack with her.

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 8:43:49 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		I can't even phathom not being allowed to just ASK a question..... I can see not being answered the way I thought I would be...or something to that effect. But to not be allowed to ask a question? Yeah I just can wrap my mind around that. thats just mho

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 9:03:44 AM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		i never ask my Master "Why" and i never would.  i can't even imagine doing that, other than if He were to suddenly toss me out the door and tell me to never come back.   Then, i would most certainly have to ask Him "Why." 
 
To ask my Master "Why" is to question His motives or reasons.  If i felt a need to question His motives or reasons, that would indicate that i don't fully trust Him.  i do fully trust Him.  If i didn't, i wouldn't have become His property. 
 
He doesn't answer to me.  i answer to Him.  He owns me.  i don't own Him.  This is Oour relationship and this is how Wwe function.  Others, naturally, function differently.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 9:11:03 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

As a submissive, are you allowed to ask why; would you be in a relationship where you couldn't ask why?

I don't know is the answer to that one. I have never felt the need to ask why in regards to instruction so it's never come up.
I have asked why when Sir has said certain things like he prefers one wine or another. Don't think thats the kind of why you are referring to though.
If Sir said i was not allowed to ask why then yes i would remain in the relationship. Would i stay in another? I don't know, depend on the person etc.



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RE: Asking Why - 12/5/2007 9:38:33 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		My girls know they should ask 'why' if they feel the need (and often do.)

They also know to accept 'Because.' as an answer.

Stephan


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