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RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/6/2007 12:00:52 AM   
NaiveTempest


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/20/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		[quote]ORIGINAL: MzMia

I have been alone and single so long, that I wonder how I well I
will be able to "share" myself with someone else.
I am one of the busiest people I know, I have so many dreams, and so much to do.
My life will always be full, regardless of whether I am in a relationship or not.
Life is wonderful, but then I am also in love with ME.
At this point in my life I am not willing to "settle" to just be in a relationship, which means
it will take even longer to find the person that can step up to the plate.
You are responsible for your life, your choices and the quality of your experiences on
earth, make the most of your life.
p.s.- there seems to be NO shortage of people around that are willing to "play" with no committment, as a woman I am sure you can find many to play with, especially around here.
Good luck.
[/quote]

I totally agree with MzMia. I have so many other things to occupy me, to worry about that I don't often have time to notice the longing. It does catch up with me though so I try to make sure I have enough erotica and batteries to aid me till I'm ready to enter the relationship world again.

_____________________________

"All the things I should have said that I never said/All the things we should have done that we never did/All the things I should have given, but I didn't.../Give me these moments back..."

Kate Bush, "This Woman's Work"

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/6/2007 5:03:21 AM   
ShellyD


Posts: 207
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline 		I have been alone for long periods in my life, mainly because I don't need to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. It is important to me that I find the man who is right for me, and not just someone who fills a void. I have to admit that there are low moments when I think I should just grab the first man that comes along, but that would betray myself and my ideals. Mostly I don't think about being alone, it is only in the odd times, mainly in bed that I feel alone.

There are times I have thought that looking for a lifestyle partner limits me even more, but I keep returning to the idea that I must be true to myself first and foremost.

Saying all that, tonight, the night before my birthday, I feel lonely because I don't have a partner to share it with. Luckily I have family and friends that give me the love and support I need.

(in reply to NaiveTempest)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/6/2007 5:44:27 AM   
SlavesSoul


Posts: 22
Joined: 8/20/2006
Status: offline 		  It can be difficult.

For me the answer is simply to focus on other areas of my life, my family, friends, and new projects for work (fund raisers).

     Start doing things for yourself that make you feel  strong and  healthy. Walk, do yoga, try doing something you've always thought about but never followed through on. I've been working on my writing (erotica). I have a few things out  on Literotica, and it's been a great confidence builder to hear all the positive feedback. So...follow your talent and don't worry about it.

    Then when you do meet someone special...you will have a strong, healthy and interesting "you" to offer.

K

 

(in reply to chya)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/6/2007 6:18:40 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		I am presently alone, but not lonely. I fill my time with music, books, posting here.
I would rather be alone, than invest time and energy in someone or something that is not going anywhere. All in all, I like my own company..:)

Jeff

(in reply to NaiveTempest)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/6/2007 6:42:40 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chya

Have you ever faced difficulties on being alone for a long time and not having a way to get your submissive or Dominant needs met?? How have you dealt with it?


Same way any single person in any walk of life deals with it. Keep busy and have fun.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to chya)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/6/2007 6:46:48 AM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline 		"It is far better to be alone, than it is to wish you were alone."

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad



(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/6/2007 7:19:02 AM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline 		Hmmmmm. Thought I replied but post hava-no.

I've spent the time since my former sub and I stopped seeing each other in a D/s setting preparing for my next D/s relationship. I'm trying to learn all I can from the fine folks on CM and elsewhere, as well as reading some of the literature. Yes, I do occasional have to, um, fly solo while wayching what I refer to as "training videos,", but even they have a purpose beyond immediate gratification because they provide new or different information on technique for my wickedly inventive mind to absorb for future use.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to OldBastardly1)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/6/2007 7:24:49 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Take up music,hunting, fishing, bowling or other types of sports that help you release energy. Then keep posting on here and hope that you find someone compatiable to you. Until then make sure that you wash your hands after you are finished.

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/6/2007 1:54:43 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		yep.

evidentally i didn't deal with it very well because it started effecting my emotional and physical well being...

i knew i wasn't my usual grounded, tolerant, cheerful self...

the doctor said i was a walking time-bomb and something had to change, and soon.

so, i took an extremely active search to get my masochistic needs met first, which basically had this ripple down effect on the rest of my well being
quote:

ORIGINAL: chya

Have you ever faced difficulties on being alone for a long time and not having a way to get your submissive or Dominant needs met?? How have you dealt with it?


(in reply to chya)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/7/2007 3:04:52 AM   
Muttling


Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline 		I apologize for venting and all the woman who wish to punish me for doing so are welcome to contact me for available dates........(oh please, oh please, oh please).........




I know this feeling well.   I spent 14 year in a vanilla marriage.  She knew of my kink interest and played along for a while, but then the bedroom went completely into the grave.  It was really bad and really painful.  For the last 3 of ourChritmases and the last 3 of my birthdays I asked for the same present.........a date with my wife (not sex, just a date.)   I don't know what is worse, the fact that I had to ask or the fact that I didn't get a single date.

I've been alone for many years but I lived under the same roof (we slept in seperate bedrooms.)   I am now in hunt for a good woman, but I won't jump from frying pan to fire.   It is hard and I have no good answers for you, but I can say that you're not alone.

(in reply to daddysliloneds)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/7/2007 6:29:01 PM   
chya


Posts: 31
Joined: 1/30/2004
From: Near Albany NY
Status: offline 		I want to thank everyone for all their honest and wonderful input and responses....

thank you again
chya

(in reply to chya)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/7/2007 7:06:38 PM   
LadyChef


Posts: 105
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline 		I feel you Muttling! I have been single, celibate and waiting for the right partner who shares My interests for a long time. I know My slave is out there..."somewhere out there, beneath the ....ya'll know what song I'm talking about.

_____________________________

You reap what you sow

(in reply to Muttling)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/7/2007 7:13:23 PM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline 		I do "alone" quite well.  I've got a full life between work, school, my house, animals and my UM's.  I also have friends so that I can have "grown up" time.  As wonderful as a partner can be, I would rather be alone than to settle for someone that is very wrong for me.  My friends help me with my dominant side, they indulge me.

LJ (Psy)

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to chya)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/7/2007 7:23:57 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chya

Have you ever faced difficulties on being alone for a long time and not having a way to get your submissive or Dominant needs met?? How have you dealt with it?



Work on a Ph.D.

That way, masochistic needs, submissive needs, mind fucks AND control freak outlets get met.

(in reply to chya)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/7/2007 7:36:48 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Props to ALL of you in graduate school!  I have always wanted a doctorate, but I am holding off until I absolutely know what I want to write about. Two master's degrees are enough, anyway, right?  eeeeh hateschoolhateschool

In response....  I have lots of opportunities to play.  I have friends and family that I am very close to, and work and art to occupy me.  Until recently I was celibate by choice for years--it got to be a game with myself after awhile. :)  Since I have not been able to seek a time consuming new relationship for the last year (I was on Planet Caregiver) the time was useful for reflecting on where I have been, and what I am and am not interested in for the future.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/7/2007 7:42:09 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I have went years at a time between men in my life. I was vanilla at the time, but needs to me encompass having a person that you enjoy in your life that meets some of your needs.

I went back to school and got a degree

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to chya)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/7/2007 8:26:09 PM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline 		I'm in school now too, finishing my BS in IT

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/7/2007 9:16:32 PM   
KindLadyGrey


Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline 		Oh my am I going to sound like an arrogant bitch . . .

The answer to your question is simply: No. I have never faced those difficulties.

I don't know if it's because I am just that awesome, or if I'm just that determined, or if I'm a lot hotter than I think I am, or if it's because I'm poly and that gives me a natural advantage, but there has never been a period in my life where I could not find companionship if I desired it.

The fact that so many people are so desperately lonely, vanilla or D/s, shocks and saddens me. Perhaps it is because so many of them are looking for "the one" and that is not a problem I have to deal with. But then, I have a lot of poly friends who also find themselves lonely and unfulfilled, so it can't just be the poly. (Although honestly, I think being part of a kinky poly community really does help minimize the loneliness in times of desperation.)

None of this is to say that every person I desire automatically desires me in return. Not even close. I just don't tend to hang all my hopes and dreams on one person at a time, so I don't fixate like a lot of people do.

This thread makes me realize how strange I am in the dating world. I don't seem to have many of the same problems others do. I wonder why?

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/7/2007 9:30:21 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey

Oh my am I going to sound like an arrogant bitch . . .

The answer to your question is simply: No. I have never faced those difficulties.

I don't know if it's because I am just that awesome, or if I'm just that determined, or if I'm a lot hotter than I think I am, or if it's because I'm poly and that gives me a natural advantage, but there has never been a period in my life where I could not find companionship if I desired it.

The fact that so many people are so desperately lonely, vanilla or D/s, shocks and saddens me. Perhaps it is because so many of them are looking for "the one" and that is not a problem I have to deal with. But then, I have a lot of poly friends who also find themselves lonely and unfulfilled, so it can't just be the poly. (Although honestly, I think being part of a kinky poly community really does help minimize the loneliness in times of desperation.)

None of this is to say that every person I desire automatically desires me in return. Not even close. I just don't tend to hang all my hopes and dreams on one person at a time, so I don't fixate like a lot of people do.

This thread makes me realize how strange I am in the dating world. I don't seem to have many of the same problems others do. I wonder why?


I have never lacked for male attention, I am just rather picky about whom I get involved with... not many could qualify for my dom, being more intelligent, or at least as intelligent, as I am is a rather hard bar to pass... one should never make the leap that just because someone is alone that it is because no one is interested in them, because in my case that just wasn't so.

Some people have fetishes that make it hard to find someone compatible.. in fact there is not a bevy of men that are really into feeding me as a masochist... so finding a brilliant sadist that lives close enough for a relationship is rather hard... even though I found him rather quickly once I got serious in my search I can still empathize with those who have trouble

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/7/2007 9:42:09 PM   
KindLadyGrey


Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

one should never make the leap that just because someone is alone that it is because no one is interested in them, because in my case that just wasn't so.


Whew. . .let me nip this in the butt right now before anyone else leaps on it. NOTHING in my reply to this thread was meant to imply that a person is alone because no one is interested in them, or that if they are picky then they should lower their standards!

On the contrary. I am very very picky about the people I get involved with. Intelligence and moral character are absolute musts, and if you think the former is hard to come by, try finding the latter!

So yeah, I am not implying that anyone would be less lonely if they just dropped their standards, or that I myself am rarely lacking for partners because I have none. Yikes!


(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 40
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