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RE: On being alone for a long time... - 3/21/2008 7:35:24 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

I have been alone and single so long, that I wonder how I well I
will be able to "share" myself with someone else.
I am one of the busiest people I know, I have so many dreams, and so much to do.
My life will always be full, regardless of whether I am in a relationship or not.
Life is wonderful, but then I am also in love with ME.
At this point in my life I am not willing to "settle" to just be in a relationship, which means
it will take even longer to find the person that can step up to the plate.
You are responsible for your life, your choices and the quality of your experiences on
earth, make the most of your life.
p.s.- there seems to be NO shortage of people around that are willing to "play" with no committment, as a woman I am sure you can find many to play with, especially around here.
Good luck.


This is my outlook 100%.  I don't feel any burning neeeeeeed to have a submissive or slave to make my life complete. I have an amazing life and share it with some really wonderful people. I know I am loved and I love them in return. My attitude is this, if someone comes along that fits into MY life, she will be a very lucky woman indeed.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 3/21/2008 8:51:39 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		fast reply
I am in the midst of a drought so can empathise! I have tended to go for long periods alone as I don't like carrying pain or confusion about past relationships into future ones. If I wanted to play or have a casual hook-up I am pretty sure that I could find someone willing to do this however I am more than willing to focus on other parts of my life and remain single and still fulfilled.

I sometimes go to munches which gives me an opportunity to at least catch up with some of my friends in the local scene, I work and am thinking about doing some extra study, I am a carer for my parents, I go to the gym, I see my friends, I sometimes do things like fly interstate to see a band that I love just because I can and I have just booked a holiday for myself in Phuket!  By the way these are all the same things I would generally do if I was in a long-term bdsm relationship as well.

< Message edited by wandersalone -- 3/21/2008 9:17:29 AM >

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(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 3/21/2008 9:10:11 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chya

Have you ever faced difficulties on being alone for a long time and not having a way to get your submissive or Dominant needs met?? How have you dealt with it?


It's certainly not easy having needs that are not being met and feelings alone.  i suppose one could find someone to fill the need if they wanted to, but to me that would make it less likely that down the road i will actually find that which i seek.  i am not willing to settle for less that what i expect, from myself as well as others.  This need is different, it's not like a hunger pain that you can satisfy by gulping down a cheap cheeseburger.  i think needs can consume us if we allow them to.  i won't.  What i do to deal with them - i write and i work (a lot). i don't make my focus one thing - i just keep many options open and take each day as it comes. 

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to chya)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 3/21/2008 9:23:32 AM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		I have been alone and single so long, that I wonder how I well I
will be able to "share" myself with someone else.
I am one of the busiest people I know, I have so many dreams, and so much to do.
My life will always be full, regardless of whether I am in a relationship or not.
Life is wonderful, but then I am also in love with ME.
At this point in my life I am not willing to "settle" to just be in a relationship, which means
it will take even longer to find the person that can step up to the plate.
You are responsible for your life, your choices and the quality of your experiences on
earth, make the most of your life.


im not sure if i can answer this adequately but this really resonates with me.  i had been on my own for a while, and this is exactly how i felt.  i found a contentment in who i was, my work, son, life in general, i still do.  the question of sharing myself and the whole process of submission has now come at a time when i am so strong in who i am that i welcome it completely and the Dominant i have found is so wonderful he makes it easy. (though i am a little too cheeky at times) so.,

i would say look to getting yourself to a place of personal contentment, in whichever way that may take you.  so that when He does come along you will be completely ready emotionally, physically and in all ways. 

above all, dont give up on Him or yourself.

take care.

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 3/21/2008 9:32:45 AM   
TermsConditions


Posts: 446
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chya

Have you ever faced difficulties on being alone for a long time and not having a way to get your submissive or Dominant needs met?? How have you dealt with it?


I'm a 'nilla married guy and proof that it's possilbe to be with someone and not get your needs met. You have the advantage of being more available if a good situation appears.

I've dealt with it poorly, ignored the "problem", gone inside myself, turned the frustrating parts of my reality into part of my "denial" fantasies, and had approached the point of not being able to distinguish between the two.

You should endevour to do better than I have, and you already are by reaching out in a constructive way to folks here. :-)

_____________________________

TnC
Married, Novice Subbish-Type Person
and rider of the Drama Llama.

(in reply to chya)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 3/21/2008 12:31:02 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chya

Have you ever faced difficulties on being alone for a long time and not having a way to get your submissive or Dominant needs met?? How have you dealt with it?

Serving is easy: i serve everyone: family, friends, students, clients, Master, a charity.....
being a masochist actually is easiest of all as running around after Master gets me nothing and gets my masochistic needs fulfilled...i also get assigned all the tasks to find others to play with so i run around after them as well....a life full of beautiful misery and endless service....
but to be honest a week without Master is intolerable whereas right now? a week off from work and away from the kids would be bliss....
being stuck between a rock and a hard place is a great place to be.....
i write endlessly as well just to fill in the gaps.....my publisher keeps giving me contracts as he knows what a masochist i am.....

(in reply to chya)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 3/21/2008 3:12:21 PM   
paynestar


Posts: 30
Joined: 7/21/2006
Status: offline 		I started as a subbie but I lost all desire due to the last abuser. I gave 210% and I recieved zilch.

I find I am not dominant either, but merely a top. I have given up on that also.

I am focusing my energies into actually being productive learning photography.

Eventually, the loneliness becames a self-defeating lifestyle, and change has to become enforced.


(in reply to chya)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 3/21/2008 4:42:03 PM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline 		I have been in a very stressful place in my life
for the last six months. BDSM and or seeking the
relationship I desire has been put way down on
my list.
 
I do however look forward to finding my home and
my return of piece of mind, to come back to the love
I have for a D/s relationship and the quenching of my
personal desire's.
 
I just look sooooo forward of moving through the muck
and moving on with my life.
 
Missy.

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

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(in reply to chya)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 3/21/2008 9:39:07 PM   
greenearth21


Posts: 228
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:


Have you ever faced difficulties on being alone for a long time and not having a way to get your submissive or Dominant needs met?? How have you dealt with it?


Difficulties? not necessairly...being single and doing everythign and beign my own support system isnt a walk through the park but it has its perks.  I have time to invest in other things that keep me busy from wishing for a dom/relationship but (lol) unfortunately reminds me that I'm alone.  As far as my needs, they do/will come out at the right time, with the right person.
I take the good and the bad when it comes to everything.  Even though its a bit sad to say that i'm not owned, therefore my d/s needs arent being med regularly; not being owned allows me to do a lot of things that i know i'll have to compromise on when I am.

(in reply to chya)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 3/21/2008 11:41:00 PM   
Araven


Posts: 149
Joined: 3/16/2006
Status: offline 		Basically I lost myself in a video game, dulled out anything else and just escaped to a fanatsy world. Looking back, it wasnt a healthy or good thing to do, as I believe during that time I lost alot of social skills, human emotion, and am now just learning to get them back and being able to express myself and be more friendly towards others now that I am in a relationship. 

(in reply to chya)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 3/22/2008 2:17:19 PM   
corsetgirl


Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		Right now, I have no time for play because I am focusing on becoming a teacher.  Education has always been to what I like to learn about new and different thrings.  I have met my share of the fakes and have had many past disappointments but have learned valuable lessons along the way.   Perhaps somewhere down the road, I will find someone who will like me for who I am and that the compatibilities will be great.  Until then, I am enjoying my own journey.

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 3/22/2008 2:52:48 PM   
LadyHathor


Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chya

Have you ever faced difficulties on being alone for a long time and not having a way to get your submissive or Dominant needs met?? How have you dealt with it?


I remain true to what I am, to what I seek and to My values.

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to chya)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 3/22/2008 3:10:44 PM   
TethersEnd


Posts: 102
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor
I remain true to what I am, to what I seek and to My values.


This statement alone speaks volumes. 
It's tough out here. 
I'd suggest looking inward, define what alone is to you then you at least have grounds to understand and build from if you want to correct it.  :>)


_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished.
~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to LadyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 3/22/2008 3:22:40 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I just live my life.  I meet what needs I can through my various activities and lifestyle and I don't focus on what needs might not be met.  If' something's not being met, I don't notice because I'm enjoying what I DO have!   But I guess I'm just a "roll with the punches" kinda girl.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to TethersEnd)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 3/22/2008 7:15:17 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		I have been unattached for the past 14 years, spent part of that focusing on raising my then teenage son who was major handful, afterward once he moved out just wanted time for myself  dating on and off but no real interest in pursuing  a permanent relationship

Last summer I came to the point where I feel ready again, interestingly I also ended up  recalling a past dating experience around the same time and decide to look more into which led to considering that a D/s relationship could be what I have been searching for in my life, being new to  I find myself also wanting to gain more experiences so has taken a lot of the emphasises off the search for the  one and only  as a result I am content to meet with a variety and not just driven in finding the one, which has me feeling a lot more relaxed  if I click  I can spend more time learning more about the person if not   may have a play partner, in some ways causing me to become more selective and willing to take my time  in a search for a partner.  I do expect that going into a permanent live in union with someone will be difficult but hopefully because I am being more selective and patient I will find a good match and lot of my current concerns will not become a major a  stumbling block that I view it as now


_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: On being alone for a long time... - 3/22/2008 7:20:05 PM   
Poetryinpain


Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline 		~fr~

Not having read the entire thread, I will insert my comments anyway.

I dealt with it by pretending I didn't want it. I did that for many years. Know what? It doesn't really work. My fantasies were loaded with bondage, power exchange, and S/M dynamics. And I really didn't even know what the whole thing was all about.

_____________________________

There is none so blind as he who will not see.

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 76
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