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Would you want to know? - 12/8/2007 8:35:03 PM   
goodgirl85


Posts: 221
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		In order to tell the story I need to tell to ask what I want to ask I have to give a little back story. Ill try and make it as short as possible. I met my first dom a few years ago. We finally met in Janurary 2006. Things were great, for awhile. Then they went south. Bad times. Cheating ensues, and I hang on because I was so completly 100%  head over heels, without hestion would say yes if he asked me to marry him (not kinda girl who believes in marriage). I am released, but still have enough hope to agree to go and see him a few times afterwards. Last time there while cleaning his house, I found a reciept for jewelry. I assumed it was for another girl. He didnt correct me when I told him about it. Last straw for me, i tell him im not going up anymore. This was in feb. 07.

He still wants to be friend, I try until he tells me he thinks he is in love with this girl. I say i need time. I cry myself to sleep every night, I start drinking, and doing other things not actually any form of  healthy for me. I finally get over him enough to start talking to him. I move on. We talk every few weeks, just a hey how are you sort of thing. I start seeing someone. He tells me he thinks he might his girlfriend to marry him. Hurts a bit but i get over it fast. Things are going good with the guy i am seeing. He treats me like gold, and really has my best interest in heart when making decisions for me.him.us. 

Then out of the blue I get a message from the old Dom, (lets just call him D1 and my new Dom D2) telling me that he wants me to come Domme him, and hurt and humilate him for dumping me. This is the first I ever hear of him being a switch. He had told me he was a sub for a short while, but that it didnt work out. He begs me, actually begs me to come 2 him. And tells me that he lied to me about cheating, that he never did. And that the jewelry reciept was jewlery for his mom, and that he planted it there, knowing I would clean his house and see it. His reason: beign scared of getting to serious.

He claims he wants me back. Sounded sincere on the phone. But still doesnt want to get real serious and doesnt want to hurt me again. Now, when I say I was hurt, Im not lying. I was in physical pain I hurt so bad. I lost 15 lbs in two weeks because I couldn't eat. I had a mental breakdown.

Im not leaving D2. He is so good to me. treats me right. wants more than sex from me. He is honest with me, sweet, kind, caring. Has the thought crossed my mind of what would happen if I did leave him and take a chance on D1. Yes it has. My answer is still the same. Don't leave D2.

Now my question is, should I tell him that my ex wants me back? Should I tell him my feelings, thoughts and concerns on the subject? Or should I just not mention it? And Yes, He does know, or should know anyways, that I still talk to B1 from time to time.

girl
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RE: Would you want to know? - 12/8/2007 8:37:57 PM   
Darkhaven80


Posts: 76
Joined: 3/12/2007
Status: offline 		If you're secure to stay with #2 and he doesn't object to you talking to D#1 as you have been, then by all means bring it up. If he finds out later this came about and you had remained silent, it would likely hurt him. 

(in reply to goodgirl85)
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RE: Would you want to know? - 12/8/2007 8:54:09 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		It depends on the sort of communication agreement you have with your current Dom. If it were me, I'd tell him now in case it got out later and he discovered I was hiding things from him. Regardless if you think it's for his own good, it looks a lot worse trying to explain it after it's come to light than telling the truth from the start.

(in reply to Darkhaven80)
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RE: Would you want to know? - 12/8/2007 8:58:46 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Of course you should tell him- everything, in an honest, calm, boring informative way.

I think you also need to wise up and realize that D1 is just NOT a positive person in your life and it's time to just cut the cord once and for all- this person has done nothing to add to your fulfillment of self and you are allowing that to continue.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to batshalom)
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RE: Would you want to know? - 12/8/2007 9:04:13 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirl85
Im not leaving D2. He is so good to me. treats me right. wants more than sex from me. He is honest with me, sweet, kind, caring. Has the thought crossed my mind of what would happen if I did leave him and take a chance on D1. Yes it has. My answer is still the same. Don't leave D2.

Now my question is, should I tell him that my ex wants me back? Should I tell him my feelings, thoughts and concerns on the subject? Or should I just not mention it? And Yes, He does know, or should know anyways, that I still talk to B1 from time to time

If you've really made your mind up to stay with D2, I would tell him all.  I'd tell him my ex wanted me back, that I had felt conflicted, that I seriously thought about what to do, and that I'd decided I wanted him (D2) and wasn't looking back. 

I know we don't know all the circumstances but you have explained a good deal.  It reminds me of the situation with my ex-husband.  As much of a bastard as he was to me throughout most of our 11 year marriage, I still care about him and wish him no harm.  We'd been separated physically for a long while before I met Master.  Yet, if it hadn't been for Master in my life, I would probably have never divorced him and would have ended up back in his web.  As bad for me as I KNOW that would have been, I would have ended up reeled back in.

As with you, my Master treats me like a treasure.  He cherishes me and not a day goes by where I'm not shown that and told that.  To go back to someone who treats me like dirt and has no respect or true love for me would have been the worst thing I could have ever done.  I made the right decision to cut those strings and not look back.  Master and I have talked at length about it.  The day my divorce became final was not a happy day for me.  I never thought I'd end up divorced and it wasn't cause for a celebration for either of us.  Was it necessary?  Sure.  Do I regret it overall?  No way.  But it wasn't a "happy" occasion.  Master encouraged me to talk about my feelings about the divorce, about the ex, etc.  He's tough.  He can handle it.  He realizes that being with someone that many years is significant and He knows I can't just wipe all memories from my mind.  He knows I still care about what happens to my ex and He wouldn't want me any other way. 

So....like you, OP....I have a Master who treats me like gold and truly values me.  He doesn't hold my thoughts and feelings against me.  Sounds like D2 wouldn't either.  I would encourage you to pour your heart out.  Master knows I CHOSE Him.  I was torn, I thought it out, and I CHOSE to be with and stay with HIM.  That makes Him feel even more loved...............luci

< Message edited by slaveluci -- 12/8/2007 9:05:02 PM >

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To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to goodgirl85)
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RE: Would you want to know? - 12/8/2007 9:26:46 PM   
carlie310


Posts: 256
Joined: 9/23/2007
Status: offline 		Even in a vanilla relationship, the answer would be the same.  Tell him.

(in reply to goodgirl85)
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RE: Would you want to know? - 12/8/2007 10:04:39 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I used to occasionally get emails from my former dominant until about 7 months ago, and if he had wanted to reconcile with me I would tell my Daddy... this may mean a choice for you, between keeping D1 as a friend or D2 as your dominant.


I would cut this other guy completely loose... he is drama


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to goodgirl85)
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RE: Would you want to know? - 12/8/2007 10:18:56 PM   
TethersEnd


Posts: 102
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		I think this is one of those circumstances where there is no need to volenteer information, but if asked, give freely and openly.  

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Would you want to know? - 12/8/2007 10:27:24 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		Daddy and i have an honesty agreement. i am allowed to be honest with him at ALL times without being punished for that honesty.

that said....absolutely i'd tell him should a former friend/lover/signifigant other/dominant come back into my life.  in fact, i did so, and am going to meet up with him (he was a former lover that i parted ways with a while back) sometime between christmas and new year's. 

Daddy is absolutely sure of where he and i stand.  and that's why i can be honest with him.

kitten

(in reply to TethersEnd)
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RE: Would you want to know? - 12/8/2007 10:28:09 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirl85

Now my question is, should I tell him that my ex wants me back? Should I tell him my feelings, thoughts and concerns on the subject? Or should I just not mention it? And Yes, He does know, or should know anyways, that I still talk to B1 from time to time.


What exactly are your thoughts and concerns?  You said you already decided you're not leaving D2, so what thoughts and concerns could there possibly be about your ex wanting you back?

This is someone who:
1.  Cheated on you and is lying to you about it now, or
2.  Didn't cheat on you but lied to you about it then, and
3.  Concocted some more lies and deceptions to manipulate you

Um, yeahhhhh.  That TRULY sounds like someone you want to KEEP in your life.  Uh huh. 

Oh, and whether D2 knows or "should know" that you still talk to D1, you need to make it a priority as soon as, oh, YESTERDAY to make sure that he knows.  And frankly, he should tell you to stop and scrape this piece of gum, uh, ex-Dom, from off the bottom of your shoe.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to goodgirl85)
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RE: Would you want to know? - 12/8/2007 11:28:42 PM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline 		I, personally, as a domme would want to know that the first dom wanted to hook up with you again. Especially with all of the "I lied about cheating, I planted a jewelry receipt" drama. Because I would want to be prepared for the other drama that is bound to come around from this guy in the future.

_____________________________

'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

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RE: Would you want to know? - 12/8/2007 11:50:20 PM   
CollegeConundrum


Posts: 322
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline 		What he doesn't know, won't hurt him.

(in reply to Elorin)
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RE: Would you want to know? - 12/9/2007 12:15:08 AM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Why would you not want to tell D2?...Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to CollegeConundrum)
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RE: Would you want to know? - 12/9/2007 12:21:39 AM   
StarlightSoul


Posts: 12
Joined: 10/25/2007
Status: offline 		I say tell him for so many reason. Honesty cannot set you on the wrong path here. D1 seems to like drama; honesty with D2 would help prevent that drama. Besides, it  shows trust for your Master. 

_____________________________

Those who would gather roses must brave the thorns.

Nothing is weaker than water; yet against those things which are hard and strong, nothing can surpass it, nor stand in its way.

(in reply to CollegeConundrum)
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RE: Would you want to know? - 12/9/2007 12:28:10 AM   
MistressPav


Posts: 350
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline 		An "ex" is an "ex" for a REASON.




_____________________________

Proud Owner of Zubi
(my boy "ToyZ")
Claimed & Collared 9magick#2008

"An it harm none, unless they deserve it, do what ye will." --Scorpio Creed

A- Rh-




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RE: Would you want to know? - 12/9/2007 2:32:19 AM   
princessleather


Posts: 20
Joined: 12/25/2006
Status: offline 		i cannot understand why you are still talking and carying on (eg phoning with him) with D1. You are obviously not over him, so you should re-evaluate your position with D2.

Bottom line you should be honest with your new Dominant. What if the tables were turned how would you feel?
:(

(in reply to MistressPav)
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RE: Would you want to know? - 12/9/2007 2:52:43 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CollegeConundrum

What he doesn't know, won't hurt him.


Never was there a more destructive phrase or train of thought.  If there's a bus headed my direction and i don't know it will i be less flattened when it hits me?  As long as the OP is with D2 and is communicating with D1, D2 will eventually learn the truth.  THEN he will know TWO things.... the situation AND that his submissive hid it from him and the he will be hurt twice.

Truth is always best.  It's not up to you to decide how much truth another adult can handle.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to CollegeConundrum)
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RE: Would you want to know? - 12/9/2007 2:55:14 AM   
MissOchistic


Posts: 315
Joined: 4/30/2007
Status: offline 		Oh, tell him. I'd want to know, not because it changes anything, but just because it's something a little stressful happening in your life. I'd also tell him I'd been late for work or fought with my mother, ya know? If it's something on your mind that you specifically don't tell him, then it changes things.

_____________________________



"The amount i care for Thee
is more than two, but less than three."

"Submission is a potlatch."

(in reply to eyesopened)
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RE: Would you want to know? - 12/9/2007 3:40:01 AM   
TysGalilah


Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline 		[
 
 
 

< Message edited by TysGalilah -- 12/9/2007 3:42:26 AM >

_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

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RE: Would you want to know? - 12/9/2007 3:57:19 AM   
MissMorrigan


Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		And she is unwittingly auditioning for a part in his drama.
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I would cut this other guy completely loose... he is drama

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 20
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