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RE: How do You get it to stop? - 12/11/2007 2:03:05 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
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Okay, i'm going to sound stupid but this concept has been written about by people like Dale Carnegie, Napolean Hill and others.... that the thoughts you allow to dwell upon are the things that will tend to manifest in your life. In the book Think and Grow Rich and more recently The Secret the idea of self-fullfilling prophesy is discussed in detail.

For me, my opinion only, what worked only for me but maybe could work for you, is to turn the 'what ifs' around. When you find yourself thinking "what if he finds someone else?" make yourself thing "what if we grow closer?" Instead of "what is he doing when we're not together?" try thinking "Mmmmm here's what we do when we are together."

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 21

RE: How do You get it to stop? - 12/11/2007 2:44:22 AM

PlayfulGoddess

Posts: 66
Joined: 11/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I think it helps if you are confident about what you bring to the relationship. I've been cheated on, I know how it feels. But, really, if someone can't appreciate what I bring I don't want to waste my time struggling through a relationship where I have to be worrying and checking up on him, it's a huge waste of time. You can't control someone who is going to cheat. Nothing you can do is going to change his behavior. At the end of the day, in any relationship, you can only be the best you can be and hope for the best. You should let go of past relationships, but don't let go of the lessons you've learned.

(what she said!)

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 22

RE: How do You get it to stop? - 12/11/2007 2:45:09 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Ok... So I just bought this book entitled "The Secret" so I'm warning you all that what i'm about to say will come off as ridiculously and surrealistically optimistic... but, the stuff it talks about (I've been testing it) actually HAPPEN!!

When we put things like you're feeling out there into the universe...we attract the stuff we're hoping not to attract.

So, how about this...

The next time you see his name on the list of dominants when you pull up your account, how about just taking that moment to be thankful. Smile, express your heartfelt gratitude and affection when you see his name that even if in words only, you get to see him right there in front of you. Be grateful you belong to him and that you can trust him as much as you do. Be grateful that he's in your life and that you're in his.

I have NO idea why, but this really really does work! You can't be grateful and fearful all at the same time. I BETCHA that within a very very short time, you go from checking dates to seeing his name just to see him and then to not remembering to check. Believe.

It'll happen.

And buy the book!!! It's amazing.

Edited to add that I originally just posted at the bottom of the page, but when I saw that it said I responded to eyesopened, I scrolled up and realized that I'm saying exactly what she said. But she's right. She's absolutely right.

Buy the book. It'll give you something to do other than fret over what could be to the point that it becomes what you fear the most. And it's a heck of a lot of fun just trying these things!!

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 12/11/2007 2:50:00 AM >

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 23

RE: How do You get it to stop? - 12/11/2007 3:10:56 AM

TysGalilah

Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

So, here's the deal.....Recently He and i were having a discussion about the M/s element in our relationship. As a way to increase this element, He has decided to become active on CM once again...... Sounds good enough right? hmmm...My issue with this has nothing to do with Him...It's about me and me alone. Despite this fact, He's very aware of my fears in regard to this. In the past (due to my own crappy and screwed up choices) i've been lied to, cheated on, cheated with, etc. etc. etc. etc. One of the things that i absolutely adored about Him was the fact that i never worried about Him finding someone else on here because since we began getting to know each other He's only come on to CM once (which was, by the way, in an effort to contact me). i know beyond a shadow of a doubt that i can trust this man with anything and everything...Most of You have no idea how huge that sentence is for me......However, since we've talked about it i've found myself repeatedly checking to see if He's been on here yet or not. Again, i know it has nothing to do with Him. Any suggestions on how You just let go of Your past experiences?
*The reality here is this: i'm aware that this is a result of my own insecurity. i'm also aware that this is not healthy, but i feel freaking clueless as to how to stop it*
Thanks,
Kali

Kalista
Others have already said what I would say as well : )
I just wanted to add that,
Any of us who have something important to lose have a certain amt of fear. It is what we do with that fear and is the key to whether it becomes a thought that we deal with and move on OR becomes a negative and manifests itself into something weakening and consuming.

Choose

Choose to accept.
Accept your trust in him.. the absolute trust that you yourself exclaimed...and then let go of the outcome.

Risking was probably the hardest part of submission for me.
it's because it is at the base of why I use to feel I needed to control things.. fear that risking would cause me pain and loss.
so I have to be willing to risk in order to be willing to submit.

acknowledge that you have something worth the emotion, but then accept that YOU are not in control of that outcome. He is either trustworthy or he is not. He might be today and not tomorrow but YOU cannot make that happening one way or the other.
Focus on today and that he has given you no reason to doubt that today and then go on about living happily and fully.

offering you a supportive hug
and a wish for peace in your heart..
Cyndi

_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 24

RE: How do You get it to stop? - 12/11/2007 5:09:04 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

The only way to overwrite old programming is it practice the new. When you get the impulse to check up on him, do something else instead as often as you can. You'll find it hard at first, but after practice (much practice), you'll find you need to check less and less.

Also keep talking to him about what's going on. Tell him exactly what you told us. Work on it together.

Kalista,

I very much agree with what Fire has written here. One of the first steps is to recognize old patterns and it seems you have done that. Now it is a matter of replacing the old negative behavior with positive ones.

I am sure that you will make it happen. You already know how strong I think your character is and I am pretty sure you can accomplish what you put your mind to.

Take care,

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 25

RE: How do You get it to stop? - 12/11/2007 5:16:19 AM

Elorin

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

puella
My response to the OP about using a mantra is because she has said that she trusts him, but she doubts because of prior programming. Whether you call that doubt mistrust or not, the original post was about overcoming prior programming. Reminding yourself of your trust instead of the doubt you have because of the past IS necessary sometimes.

Trust isn't something I have to pound into myself. Following the trust instead of my prior programming, however, is.

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'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

(in reply to puella)

Post #: 26

RE: How do You get it to stop? - 12/11/2007 6:07:31 AM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
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For some crazy reason it's 8am here and i have literally not slept all night.....Having said that i must sincerely apologize for my lack of intellectual or articulate ability to respond to everyone individually...Although, i must tell You that i have read each and everyone of Your posts.......

To clarify: this is my issue it has absolutely nothing to do with Him...i say that because i think some people may have gotten the impression that i am somehow struggling with whether or not to trust Him....As i said before i know beyond a shadow of a doubt that i can trust him implicitly...... Therefore, the problem (as some of You have eloquently pointed out) comes in my own head............. i read Puella (and yes, actually because i've been a lurker here for a few years i do know of You) and Stephann's posts and went back downstairs to try and sleep....As i was laying there it occurred to me that it basically is just a decision i need to make on a daily (hourly, minutely) basis....i either trust Him or i don't.....So, for today i chose to trust Him....

i have plenty of other thoughts however i'm afraid at this point none of them would be coherent..
Thanks all,
Kali

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to Elorin)

Post #: 27

RE: How do You get it to stop? - 12/11/2007 9:16:51 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

And choose sleep.

Damn woman, see your doctor. Take sleeping pills if you absolutely must; if only for a few weeks, so that you can at least establish a pattern of regular sleep. You stay up all night, because you've trained yourself to do that, as a punishment you give yourself, because you haven't given yourself permission to be happy. It's, literally, choosing to fail, so that you don't have to cope with the actuality of failure. Please, please, please, start choosing to let yourself win. At least then you can feel successful sometimes, instead of always doing things that you know aren't healthy.

Then you too can wear my 'been there done that' T-shirt.

Love,

Me

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 28

RE: How do You get it to stop? - 12/11/2007 9:28:53 AM

wisteriaV

Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline

Master is nothing like the creeps from my past either. I had to remind myself each time that I felt any residual crap from the others before him that Master is NOT them. It became a mantra of sorts for me for a long time until I could let go of things.

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Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 29

RE: How do You get it to stop? - 12/11/2007 9:47:20 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

Any suggestions on how You just let go of Your past experiences?

have a funeral for them. invite close friends if it helps, or do it alone. pick out some appropriate music, write up a eulogy, put on a tasteful black number and conduct a service at a specific time on a specfic day---hell, you could even type up a little souvenier program for yourself to commemorate the occasion of burying your past experiences.
after the eulogy, cry, shout, mourn, tear your clothing, affirm out loud what hanging on to these experiences is keeping you from (moving forward),whatever you gotta do to let it all out...then say a prayer for yourself and bury them, in the PAST.
this slave would suggest coffee and snacks(maybe some finger sandwiches?)afterwards.
good luck!!!

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 30

RE: How do You get it to stop? - 12/11/2007 9:52:53 AM

LordVelvet

Posts: 311
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

Mercnbeth,
While i can smell the sarcasm from here, this really isn't a bad idea. The symbolism is very profound. Plus it made Me smile.
LordVelvet

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It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you're not - Van Zant

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 31

RE: How do You get it to stop? - 12/11/2007 9:56:56 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

to be sure, LordVelvet, it was not written with sarcasm in mind, but with the powerful symbolism you commented on, some pagan hippie behavior modification techniques and last but not least, too many personal experiences!
glad that you enjoyed it!!!

(in reply to LordVelvet)

Post #: 32

RE: How do You get it to stop? - 12/11/2007 10:01:21 AM

LordVelvet

Posts: 311
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

I did very much. But then again I enjoy most of Your writings.
LordVelvet

_____________________________

It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you're not - Van Zant

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 33

RE: How do You get it to stop? - 12/11/2007 10:10:54 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TysGalilah

Any of us who have something important to lose have a certain amt of fear. It is what we do with that fear and is the key to whether it becomes a thought that we deal with and move on OR becomes a negative and manifests itself into something weakening and consuming.

i wanted to highlight this paragraph....fear can be a good thing....it is fear of flying out of the windsheild should we get in a car accident that keeps us putting on our seat belts every time we get into a car, even though the likelihood of getting in such an accident is very low....(or for some maybe just the fear of getting a ticket....)

fearing loosing your partner to cheating is not unreal, but if he is a good man it is probably unrealistic....it is what you do with that fear that makes all the difference...don't let it become something negative and overwhelming...

take care
chelle

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to TysGalilah)

Post #: 34

RE: How do You get it to stop? - 12/11/2007 2:46:03 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

For some crazy reason it's 8am here and i have literally not slept all night.....Having said that i must sincerely apologize for my lack of intellectual or articulate ability to respond to everyone individually...Although, i must tell You that i have read each and everyone of Your posts.......

To clarify: this is my issue it has absolutely nothing to do with Him...i say that because i think some people may have gotten the impression that i am somehow struggling with whether or not to trust Him....As i said before i know beyond a shadow of a doubt that i can trust him implicitly...... Therefore, the problem (as some of You have eloquently pointed out) comes in my own head............. i read Puella (and yes, actually because i've been a lurker here for a few years i do know of You) and Stephann's posts and went back downstairs to try and sleep....As i was laying there it occurred to me that it basically is just a decision i need to make on a daily (hourly, minutely) basis....i either trust Him or i don't.....So, for today i chose to trust Him....

i have plenty of other thoughts however i'm afraid at this point none of them would be coherent..
Thanks all,
Kali

Kali,

As you already know, it's not as easy as just moving forward sometimes. One step at a time is a good approach. Given what you've been through in life, it's not unusual for you to have a hard time trusting. Where you are right now is fine and you've come a long way from where you were before, recognize that and trust yourself that even if he does dissapoint you, you can move forward alone and are strong enough to deal with it. Trust that you are good enough for someone to know everything about you and still accept and even love you, because you are. This isn't an issue with him or these boards, you know that. This is an issue with you being afraid that you are not good enough and you are and you will get there when you do.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 35

RE: How do You get it to stop? - 12/11/2007 5:24:45 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

Stephann,
i have always (and more than likely will always) admired the way You speak Your mind bluntly with no holds barred.... For some reason that's the most valued quality i find in people..thank You for once again speaking the truth to me.

Kyra and Laurell,
thank You both sooo much...You can never begin to imagine how much Your support means to me... You have both done so much to help me and i know i'll never be able to repay either one of Your gracious kindness towards me.

Kali

< Message edited by Kalista07 -- 12/11/2007 5:32:11 PM >

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 36

RE: How do You get it to stop? - 12/11/2007 7:08:22 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

As Dr Drew would say you don't trust someone that is trustworthy. You are trying to sabotage the relationship by making a nonissue a issue.

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 37

RE: How do You get it to stop? - 12/11/2007 7:20:26 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

As Dr Drew would say you don't trust someone that is trustworthy. You are trying to sabotage the relationship by making a nonissue a issue.

No, she's not. Take the time to read her other posts. She is trying to get over a lifetime of hurt and trauma and she's doing very well where she is right now.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 38

RE: How do You get it to stop? - 12/12/2007 1:20:07 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

Ok... So I just bought this book entitled "The Secret" so I'm warning you all that what i'm about to say will come off as ridiculously and surrealistically optimistic... but, the stuff it talks about (I've been testing it) actually HAPPEN!!
Buy the book. It'll give you something to do other than fret over what could be to the point that it becomes what you fear the most. And it's a heck of a lot of fun just trying these things!!

juliet

Here's a quick testemonial (not to hijack the thread) to the power of the Law of Attraction. Last month my mother had a stroke and i needed to go see her and help my dad. i had not one single penny to spare for the trip! i had no clue how i could afford to go. i started using the trick to imagine a check instead of a bill.... Within days money came to me from totally unexpected sources, actually more money than i specifically needed to make the trip. i was able to go visit my parents for the first time in several years! The stuff is amazing!

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 39

RE: How do You get it to stop? - 12/12/2007 4:31:30 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

No, she's not. Take the time to read her other posts. She is trying to get over a lifetime of hurt and trauma and she's doing very well where she is right now.
[/quote]

I did read all the posts and realize that in the past that she has trust issues. With that being said that is like saying I was in a car accident so now I won't drive. Sure the first couple times it may be tramatic that will pass. Kali has worked herself into a frenzy sleepness nights ect with no basis in reality according to her. At some point she needs to get over her trust issues.
She is subconsciously attempting to drive him away because she has closeness issues. Further more if she continues to discuss the same issue over and over again with her dom as some suggested, it will come across as nagging that only makes the situation worse. I stand by my previous statement.

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 40

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