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RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 8:52:17 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheEnglishDom

quote:

ORIGINAL: disciplinedslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheEnglishDom

I am sure this one will cause controversy.

Question.... 'having to check email's of your submissive or slave'.  Is this a sign of insecurity or just inexperience?

What happened to trust and communication? A major part of any D/s relationship.  If a good master/dominant has the 'controlling' role in a relationship then why is it necessary to have to review, or ‘spy’ on someone’s email or conversations?

You must've written to someone that is involved and got an email back saying to buzz off.


Not at all. 

Just merely creating a thread that hopefully makes people think.



Think about what? Being judgmental?

Somehow I do not find that questioning the security of dominants based upon consensually agreed upon behaviors to be fodder for deep intellectually stimulating thought... but that is just me...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 8:53:03 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		LOL... a wise slave give thier Master access to thier account, to hide the fact they have 20 other secret accounts going on.   It's all one big scam, to build a false sense of trust, and to calm insecure Masters.   Basically, it's a sneaky way for a slave to top their Masters while they are being unfaithful.   Damn it, have you people not learned anything about Misdirection from Chris Angel yet?  

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 8:58:23 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

LOL... a wise slave give thier Master access to thier account, to hide the fact they have 20 other secret accounts going on.   It's all one big scam, to build a false sense of trust, and to calm insecure Masters.   Basically, it's a sneaky way for a slave to top their Masters while they are being unfaithful.   Damn it, have you people not learned anything about Misdirection from Chris Angel yet?  


Really. Or amazingly enough-it might not even be about insecurity and inexperience. But trusting a guy's control and care enough to let her have a better time online-by telling jerks and female sparrow hawks that cruise for extra toys for thier masters to go jump in the lake?

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 12/11/2007 8:59:11 AM >

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 9:07:55 AM   
wisteriaV


Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline 		Our relationship is built on trust and honest communication. Master has acess to all  my accounts and he has never gone into them. He never  asked for the information however because I offered it to him.

_____________________________

Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 9:27:26 AM   
Qithoras


Posts: 155
Joined: 4/28/2006
From: Adelaide, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

Is this a sign of insecurity or just inexperience?



You forgot curiosity.


_____________________________

Knowing others is intelligence.
Knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength.
Mastering yourself is true power.

-Tao Te Ching

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 9:27:26 AM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheEnglishDom
Question.... 'having to check email's of your submissive or slave'.  Is this a sign of insecurity or just inexperience?


I don't think its a matter of 'having too' as much as it is a choice to do if they have that information.  I am an experienced slave an I have had partners who had access to my accounts, nbd; if you are not doing anything wrong and have an open and honest relationship, then what's the big deal?!?!  If you are lieing, or doing something wrong then one might have an issue.
 
One past partner in particular use to check my emails on here because I was getting hit on after my page CLEARLY stated I was in a relationship.  I have offered my passwords to partners in the past as a sign of trust, did they ever check my emails, sure, a few did; it didn't bother me.  I was very upfront that my private account on aol was just that, private, and it was used by work and close family and friends so I needed that privacy, especially with the kind of work I do. No one had an issue with that.

quote:


What happened to trust and communication? A major part of any D/s relationship. 


That IS part of trust and communication.  If my partner trusts me, then giving him passwords is safe and if he trusts me, then he would NOT have to or desire to check them.  Trust is a two-way street.

quote:


If a good master/dominant has the 'controlling' role in a relationship then why is it necessary to have to review, or ‘spy’ on someone’s email or conversations?


Who says its 'neccessary' and since when did a realtionship have to be 'controlling'?!  I want to be in a relatiosnhip with a man who is 'in control' not 'controlling' their is a difference.



You can exchange 'passwords' for 'pen number' or anyother privacy 'thing' and ask the same questions.  Would I give my passwords, SSN, pen number, etc to my partner, sure, if we were married and in that kind of commited relationship.  My passwords can be reset if I think that a partner who has them is breaking my trust by using for the wrong reasons; then again, I would not be in a relationship with someone who would do such a calous and disgusting thing.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 9:47:18 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

LOL... a wise slave give thier Master access to thier account, to hide the fact they have 20 other secret accounts going on.   It's all one big scam, to build a false sense of trust, and to calm insecure Masters.   Basically, it's a sneaky way for a slave to top their Masters while they are being unfaithful.   Damn it, have you people not learned anything about Misdirection from Chris Angel yet?  


Really. Or amazingly enough-it might not even be about insecurity and inexperience. But trusting a guy's control and care enough to let her have a better time online-by telling jerks and female sparrow hawks that cruise for extra toys for thier masters to go jump in the lake?


I hope you realize I was being very sarcastic and not too serious. 

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 9:57:05 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

LOL... a wise slave give thier Master access to thier account, to hide the fact they have 20 other secret accounts going on.   It's all one big scam, to build a false sense of trust, and to calm insecure Masters.   Basically, it's a sneaky way for a slave to top their Masters while they are being unfaithful.   Damn it, have you people not learned anything about Misdirection from Chris Angel yet?  


Really. Or amazingly enough-it might not even be about insecurity and inexperience. But trusting a guy's control and care enough to let her have a better time online-by telling jerks and female sparrow hawks that cruise for extra toys for thier masters to go jump in the lake?


I hope you realize I was being very sarcastic and not too serious. 


I do!

But I had to slip in my snipped half penny. A girl let me look at her email account on a bdsm server once. I was truly amazed at how much total bs she got in there. So I do have some small realization of why someone would put something like that in her profile. A lot of narcissists will actually read a profile to get things to use in manipulative ways. And while they can dish it out-they genearally cannot take it.

And will avoid anythiong that will tend to make a hole in thier little ballons. Like a Boyfriend who tells them to get off off mommie's computer and grow the hell up..

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 9:57:55 AM   
LadyKarin


Posts: 18
Joined: 12/10/2007
Status: offline 		Hello,

I am new to this community, but not new to the scene.

Just yesterday I cought one of my slaves having an Ad in annother portal.

Immediate dismissal. Thats it.

Lady Karin

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 10:02:59 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		missed my post thread by a mile.

Ron

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 12/11/2007 10:10:24 AM >

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to LadyKarin)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 10:06:29 AM   
leiah


Posts: 14
Status: offline 		If everything about a M/s is controlled or owned by the M...what's the big deal?

lei'ah has had Master's that exercise their rights to look and those that have not looked with the understanding ...

it's there for You should You wish

When one takes the notion, I shall know everything about what makes my property tick...yada yada....

that includes the electronic medium too.Just like what kind of books do you read, to tvs shows do you watch ,to food you like..its just part of the person You Own

It shouldn't have anything to do with trust  or inexperience or insecurity be cause if one wants to sneak then their gonna sneak...

others miles may differ

_____________________________

"The attention and love such a girl obtains",
she said,
"Need not be accorded to her."
"No" ,I said.
"It is a gift of the Master".
13~354

His lei'ah

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 10:15:21 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I do not do this as I believe a sub is entitled to some privacy. I trust him, if I did not I would never have put my collar around his neck. I understand some dominants do this as a part of their control or feel it is their right to do so. If it makes them happy so be it but it is not something I wish or feel the need to do.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to TheEnglishDom)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 10:28:50 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheEnglishDom

I am sure this one will cause controversy.

Question.... 'having to check email's of your submissive or slave'.  Is this a sign of insecurity or just inexperience?

What happened to trust and communication? A major part of any D/s relationship.  If a good master/dominant has the 'controlling' role in a relationship then why is it necessary to have to review, or ‘spy’ on someone’s email or conversations?



As has been stated, there are a number of reasons to do so, some healthy and positive, others less so.

Actions as a rule are value neutral--"right" and "wrong" intrude when we contemplate our reasons for a specific action. 

If I read my slave's emails to find out if she is carrying on an unsanctioned relationship, that reason indicates a lack of trust, and would be very unhealthy for the relationship.

If I read my slave's emails to know all that is going on in her life, to view the different facets of her personality, so that I know best to strengthen my domination over her, that is a very healthy reason within the context of the relationship.

Similarly, slave giving me access clarifies the trust issue wonderfully--which is also a healthy reason to do so.




_____________________________



(in reply to TheEnglishDom)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 10:29:12 AM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		There's nothing insecure about checking out your source. We do it about looking up facts right? X-many number of stars in the sky...the meaning of sadist and masochist in their original usage. shit we site plenty when were in high school having to do research papers. we KNEW we had facts but we still had to look up the source. So what would checking out the source be for something that isn't nessicarily fact?

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 10:32:54 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheEnglishDom

I am sure this one will cause controversy.

Question.... 'having to check email's of your submissive or slave'.  Is this a sign of insecurity or just inexperience?

What happened to trust and communication? A major part of any D/s relationship.  If a good master/dominant has the 'controlling' role in a relationship then why is it necessary to have to review, or ‘spy’ on someone’s email or conversations?


I used to check Angel's collarme mail all the time.  He had no access to CM on campus, its blocked. So, I would check his account, reply to the ones I could reply to without him, (anyone offering to Dom him was easy... I told them he wasnt available) and anything he had to attend to I forwarded to him and then sent along his reply.

I check Fox's on occasion. I have his password and can when I want to. For his, its more amusement sake than anything else. He gets compliments on our pictures and he gets some very amusing offers from Dommes which he has permission to reply back with very snarky answers. I have gone into his mailbox and read the give and takes a few times, for a laugh.

There is a difference between checking email and spying. I do not go behind my boys back to look at their mail. I do not go without their permission or against their wishes. They aret hiding any other profiles anywhere, because the dont have to.  Even if I think some of their contacts and conversations hold the potential to become innaprpriate at some point (and I have usually been right) they are allowed to continue them as long as the innapropriate comments are hadled. If they cannot handle them, I step in. No lack of trust, nor communication. I trust the boys to do the right thing, but I hold the right to read what they get. Whether or not I shoose to USE that right, is a different story.

DV




_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 10:44:57 AM   
LadyLupineNYC


Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		Crap...what's it mean when I let my slave read my emails, even if I don't ask him to?  Seriously- he will check for me and report if I have anythng (almost never of interest) and sometimes write back (if I dictate a reply).  I do check his, but its not like he gets all that much (submissive male, already 'owned'- not a whole lot of emails comming his way).  I do get a laugh every now and then from some of the emails (esp the male doms who tell him him what he 'needs' and the 'princesses' ordering him to send his IM info, etc) but it is what it is...I feel no one way or another about checking his or him checking mine though I do know that he often his shocked and disgusted by some of the emails I get while I am just so used to it I barely notice anymore

_____________________________

Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."


(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 10:49:24 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

That made me smile adora, I have the most awful memory and can and do forget even important things. I'm what people regard as "scatty". He can trust me, just not my memory..lol



i am the same way....i missed my mom's birthday this year because i forgot what the date ways (not of her birthday but what the date on that day was), and that's been going on for all 24 years of my life, i consider it a pretty important day since i still live with the woman...so why would an email stick out more than that?


_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 11:10:54 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		My x that had access to all my ims and my chats and stuff wasn't so that we'd ward off poachers, in fact it wasn't anything to do with profiles at all. It was so he could see what was up to in ims, and could see whom I was talking to and if anything was being done that shouldn't be done, because at one point I had proven he needed to check.

And even if you do say by the way ( insert tittle here) reads this it's not going to stop trolls from bothering any one. what is a guy behind a computer screen going to do, cyberly toung lash you to death, that's so scary.



quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

But trusting a guy's control and care enough to let her have a better time online-by telling jerks and female sparrow hawks that cruise for extra toys for thier masters to go jump in the lake?


I hope you realize I was being very sarcastic and not too serious. 


I do!

But I had to slip in my snipped half penny. A girl let me look at her email account on a bdsm server once. I was truly amazed at how much total bs she got in there. So I do have some small realization of why someone would put something like that in her profile. A lot of narcissists will actually read a profile to get things to use in manipulative ways. And while they can dish it out-they genearally cannot take it.

And will avoid anythiong that will tend to make a hole in thier little ballons. Like a Boyfriend who tells them to get off off mommie's computer and grow the hell up..

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 11:12:45 AM   
Elegant


Posts: 1024
Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline 		Difficult for that to happen here as we share an email addy. I check it and pass along messages to him. If the subject indicates 'private' or other such message, I do not open it. 

_____________________________

Elegant
~Slave To Master Archer

http://www.FantasiesInLeather.com

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 11:14:35 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

My x that had access to all my ims and my chats and stuff wasn't so that we'd ward off poachers, in fact it wasn't anything to do with profiles at all. It was so he could see what was up to in ims, and could see whom I was talking to and if anything was being done that shouldn't be done, because at one point I had proven he needed to check.

And even if you do say by the way ( insert tittle here) reads this it's not going to stop trolls from bothering any one. what is a guy behind a computer screen going to do, cyberly toung lash you to death, that's so scary.



quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

But trusting a guy's control and care enough to let her have a better time online-by telling jerks and female sparrow hawks that cruise for extra toys for thier masters to go jump in the lake?


I hope you realize I was being very sarcastic and not too serious. 


I do!

But I had to slip in my snipped half penny. A girl let me look at her email account on a bdsm server once. I was truly amazed at how much total bs she got in there. So I do have some small realization of why someone would put something like that in her profile. A lot of narcissists will actually read a profile to get things to use in manipulative ways. And while they can dish it out-they genearally cannot take it.

And will avoid anythiong that will tend to make a hole in thier little ballons. Like a Boyfriend who tells them to get off off mommie's computer and grow the hell up..



uh huh

But you might be suprised at how seriously some "doms" on here take themselves. The last thing they can handle is to be told they really aren't as smart and powerful as they think they are.

From a sub-they can just dimisss it as her being a "player" From another Top? -gut blow to the ego. Kinda silly-isn't it?

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 40
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