RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or Inexperienced?

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RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 11:22:30 AM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

my Owner checks mine frequently #1 to remind me of my place, and to remember to think before I open my mouth or start typing

#2 it's a way to get in our minds and humble us, to read us, to know what we are up to, and to know what we are thinking....

i use to think it was about more than that but, with my Owner at least it's not.....

~meticulous~

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 41

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 11:39:29 AM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheEnglishDom

Question.... 'having to check email's of your submissive or slave'. Is this a sign of insecurity or just inexperience?

What happened to trust and communication? A major part of any D/s relationship. If a good master/dominant has the 'controlling' role in a relationship then why is it necessary to have to review, or ‘spy’ on someone’s email or conversations?

I don't think it neccessarily has to be one or the other; insecurity or inexperience. Nor is it always about trust, or feeling the need to 'spy' on the submissive.

For some it's about the idea that things aren't kept hidden or secret. It's not really about reading the content of the emails, but more about what the act represents.

To throw another viewpoint into the mix--I love having my account looked at and my emails read. It makes me feel like he is occupying a corner of my privacy, and even though there is nothing steamy in my mailbox, and I don't have any secrets to hide, it feels very intimate to me when I know he's been there.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)

Post #: 42

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 11:53:17 AM

kimba1

Posts: 46
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline

I have to agree with marieToo (and others).

I love knowing that my Master can read all of my messages if he wishes (and i often write hoping he will read my words). It is part of the control that he has over me, part of the protection that i am privileged to enjoy by belonging to Him. He takes care of most of the butthead emails i get as well, and i revel in the knowledge that he is always watching over me. In terms of communication with other subs, he likes to watch me play, and i like to play knowing he is watching. Our joint profile and journals make it clear that we both have access to both accounts, and it is all out in the open -- no 'spying' here!

It works for us perfectly, smiles, and he is anything but insecure or inexperienced ... smiles ...

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 43

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 12:17:12 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

I wonder what it means if I have all of His passwords...

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)

Post #: 44

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 12:26:44 PM

childoftheshadow

Posts: 458
Joined: 8/2/2006
From: London UK
Status: offline

I've not read this whole thing, but my two cents worth . . .

My parter has the passwords to all of my online "things", from email to online banking. I also have all of his passwords. It has nothing to do with being insecure, I think it shows trust. I trust him with all of mine, and he trusts me.

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 45

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 12:34:33 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

I wonder what it means if I have all of His passwords...

LOL

I was wondering the same thing. I have his and Alandra's passwords and they have mine. She and I will check his email when he tells us to and he will check ours whenever he wants. Mostly he just has me read them to him and he is more interested in what I am saying than what others say to me.

edited to add... It really isn't so much about trust for us, I just don't need a boundary between either of them regarding interactions I have with others.

Knight's Kyra

< Message edited by kyraofMists -- 12/11/2007 12:37:26 PM >

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 46

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 12:37:07 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheEnglishDom

Question.... 'having to check email's of your submissive or slave'. Is this a sign of insecurity or just inexperience?

either or neither is my final answer, ha, ha, ha...

i always felt it was a sure sign of someone that had waaaaaaayyyyyy too much time on their hands!

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)

Post #: 47

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 12:40:16 PM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheEnglishDom

I am sure this one will cause controversy.

Question.... 'having to check email's of your submissive or slave'. Is this a sign of insecurity or just inexperience?

What happened to trust and communication? A major part of any D/s relationship. If a good master/dominant has the 'controlling' role in a relationship then why is it necessary to have to review, or ‘spy’ on someone’s email or conversations?

I suppose it depends why you're checking. If it's a product of insecurity, then there's a problem that the checker needs to address; if it's to understand how she conducts herself, then I don't see a problem - with the exception of consent.

On balance, I don't, nor can't imagine a time when I would, check anyone's e-mail. To me, that's wasted energy......I prefer talking when I'm getting to know someone - body language etc.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)

Post #: 48

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 12:42:39 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

I wonder what it means if I have all of His passwords...

LOL

I was wondering the same thing. I have his and Alandra's passwords and they have mine. She and I will check his email when he tells us to and he will check ours whenever he wants. Mostly he just has me read them to him and he is more interested in what I am saying than what others say to me.

Knight's Kyra

You know, on the surface it seems less submissive, but it's actually more work than Him reading my e-mails. I wish He would subscribe to the same organizational philosophy that has Him doing all of the "super secret password" stuff...it would free up a good chunk of my time.

He has all of my passwords, but if He is trying to get into something of mine it usually results in a phone call. Since we've combined most of our accounts it's gotten easier over time, though. It's really more a matter of common sense for us than it is some form of submission.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 49

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 1:37:28 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Some dominants do this for their amusement (you should see some of the emails submissives get, it can be pretty funny and ridiculous), some as a way of exerting authority. And yes, some because they are insecure. Why do you care if they agree to it, it's no big deal.

Yep. I have to agree with Katy here; right down to the 'why do you care'

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 50

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 1:43:50 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

Seriously- he will check for me and report if I have anythng (almost never of interest) and sometimes write back (if I dictate a reply).

I often will ask Daddy how I should respond to certain emails, and he dictates replies. I think that is another reason why a dominant would check out emails, my Daddy feels how I respond to emails from those of a dominant persuasion reflects on him... and I do reply the way he sees fit.. there are standard responses to certain sorts of emails that I receive.

Edited to add that if it was not for him I would say some pretty sarcastic and nasty things to some of the doms that have emailed me...He does not think it is seemly for me to respond to wankers at all, other than to reiterate what is written in my profile

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 12/11/2007 1:48:05 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LadyLupineNYC)

Post #: 51

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 1:47:22 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Well on cm I have my profile deactivated because I want to. If I have mail here or on other sites he is welcome to read it. He has never asked for my passwords but I would not hesitate to give them to him. He knows that and the same goes for him.

< Message edited by sweetnurseBBW -- 12/11/2007 1:48:36 PM >

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)

Post #: 52

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 1:56:09 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

Another benefit of a couple's profile!

Now going into beth's 'private' mail reminds me of going into my kid's bedrooms - its so messy I prefer to keep the door closed. she does forward me some of the more 'interesting' requests. However, no matter how many times I respond in the positive and say that we'd LOVE someone to turn over all their assets and come to live in our crawl space as beth's slave, providing butler or "sissy maid" services, and/or manicurist, gourmet chef, chauffeur, masseuse, boot licking, gardener, and toilet, services; they never show!

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 53

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 3:09:55 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheEnglishDom

I see nothing wrong with having fun and sharing the crazy email that come in from the masses of deranged dom's out there. They can prove to be very entertaining yes. (Good book idea - Publishing’s of email from the mentally disturbed). Now 'to ward off' those dom's and masters that do not take 'taken/collared/not available' is also understandable, but again should the submissive/slave not do this themselves? Is there a fear that if he/she receives and email that the submissive/slave may see that the grass may be greener on the other side? But this is not going to be just in email, it's life. Does one lock the slave/submissive in a box under the bed to prevent this? Hmmmm that can be fun if done right but I am sure half of the population missing would be a sure sign of something is not right.

There are MANY reasons for the 'checking' up, but are they really justified? Cheating partner.... hmmmm maybe?

Seems you have the one true way! Maybe you can enlighten the rest of us!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)

Post #: 54

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 3:54:50 PM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

My Dom won't check my email, but will on occassion check my ims for whatever reason

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)

Post #: 55

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 4:07:29 PM

justheather

Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheEnglishDom

Question.... 'having to check email's of your submissive or slave'. Is this a sign of insecurity or just inexperience?

Question: Who says they have to just because they do?

Things like "feels the need to", "must", "has to", "finds it necessary to" get thrown around here all the time when people are talking about a particular behavior of others that they wish to frame as insecure, wrong, bad, ill-intended, insert-negative-here.

What happened to the idea that people sometimes do things just because they want to do them?

What I dont get is the people who feel the need to point out things they dont like about the way other people interact in their adult relationships. Are these people insecure? Dull-witted? Lonely? Overweight? Boring? Socially awkward? Suffering from ingrown hairs? What?

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)

Post #: 56

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 4:17:11 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

I guess I will expand on my prior info, if my dom want to view my emails relating to CM or my ALT accounts only , I would have no real problems with sharing that because it relates to him but my private email accounts that I use for friends, family or business I do have a strong objections to , when it comes to business I owe my customers confidentiality, same goes with any members of my family, friends or charitable organizations that I deal with , it is one thing for me to give up my privacy but quite another when I am consenting to share the privacy of info from others who are not involved in my BDSM activities who have not given consent to have their conversations monitored or viewed by a 3rd party. To me I would find it offensive to be told by a dom that I must share my childs private conversations with me. I would hate to ever lose my sons trust/respect to be able to discuss private matters freely with me because he finds out I have let someone read

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 57

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 5:01:53 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheEnglishDom

I am sure this one will cause controversy.

Question.... 'having to check email's of your submissive or slave'. Is this a sign of insecurity or just inexperience?

What happened to trust and communication? A major part of any D/s relationship. If a good master/dominant has the 'controlling' role in a relationship then why is it necessary to have to review, or ‘spy’ on someone’s email or conversations?

Depends on what you mean. I've had to check my partners email for an invitation I needed to RSVP us for, or to get a friends email address, or because he called on the phone and needed me to check something for him.

HAVING to check their email as in "I cannot trust them simply to tell me what I want to know" is a sign of insecurity.

But requiring access to all communications can simply be practical and prudent- I'd need it for any partner I lived with in case of an emergency and the same for them.

And serious, my partner and I get so many emails a day, checking all of them would mean cutting back on way too much tv time :)

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 12/11/2007 5:03:38 PM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)

Post #: 58

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 5:11:25 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

What I dont get is the people who feel the need to point out things they dont like about the way other people interact in their adult relationships. Are these people insecure? Dull-witted? Lonely? Overweight? Boring? Socially awkward? Suffering from ingrown hairs? What?

Perhaps there is a projection of sorts going on here,... the people who think that something is a sign of insecurity are actually just insecure about the way they do things?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to justheather)

Post #: 59

RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 5:12:33 PM

NightWindWhisper

Posts: 143
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline

"Having" to check one's subbie's mail could be insecurity. Another word for insecurity could be suspicion, or the need to control *gasp*

In a relationship my email accounts and passwords are always available to my submissive--I have nothing to hide.

There was a time when I had such an arangement, and really didn't pay attention to her email. Had I--I would have realized that our relationship as I understood it had long ceased to exist--my bad!

How many here have never had a relationship where one was dishonest to the other? How many people here have been surprised to find that a person has been dishonest or unfaithful -- possibly for quite a while? If it's not working--talk it over, and respectfully part if necessary.

My submissive has no right to privacy--but within that agreement is the tacit understanding that to her--neither do I. Gee--maybe I'm just an insecure guy...I'll have to ponder that.....

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 60

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