RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or Inexperienced?

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RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 7:24:03 PM

happypervert

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

If two consenting adults exchange email information, that is between them. Who is anyone to judge whether they are insecure, or spying, new and inexperienced or *insertdetrimentalabelsoyoucanappearmoresuperiorhere*

Yup. The phrasing of the OP's question as well as the question itself has me wondering if it is the product of insecurity and/or inexperience.

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RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 7:41:08 PM

salilus

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Daddy has all of my passwords to everything. However, he's old fashioned when it comes to other people's privacy so he doesn't read friend's emails and such. I don't think he's ever even checked, but he could.

Why does he want my passwords? Because he owns me. He's not insecure or worried. He just owns me so he owns everything I do as well.

< Message edited by salilus -- 12/11/2007 7:42:25 PM >

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RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 7:49:27 PM

insidioustoy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather

What I dont get is the people who feel the need to point out things they dont like about the way other people interact in their adult relationships. Are these people insecure? Dull-witted? Lonely? Overweight? Boring? Socially awkward? Suffering from ingrown hairs? What?

Alright, not to be nitpicky, okay, maybe just a little nitpicky, (tongue in cheek) but what the hell does being overweight or suffering from ingrown hairs have to do with it??? I'm overweight and have the occasional ingrown hair and I don't feel the need to point out things I don't like about the way other people . . . wait a minute . . . I am doing it right now as we speak aren't I???? Damnit!!!!

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RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 7:57:20 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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So basically all are saying ,as per usual ,different Dominants, different reasons as to if they do or do not access s/s e-mails....I have noted some seem to be taking a personal affront to the Op's question feeling a "need" to defend how this area of their dynamic operates...when it is a case of, it simply is, what it is...I am sure the reasons are from one end of the spectrum to another..and yes ,it can stem from insecurity..it also can stem from the control aspect of a relationship, and yes it even can stem from amusement factor or convenience factor...what I do not understand is why a few seem to have their panties in a wad on this?...Tempting

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RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 8:00:14 PM

Suzykeu

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My Mistress always makes sure She knows who i'm talking to and what i'm saying. It's a measure of control i give Her and i like the feeling that gives me.

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RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 9:28:06 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub
...what I do not understand is why a few seem to have their panties in a wad on this?...Tempting

Hi Tempting,

I think people just get tired of having what works well for them criticized by people who make ignorant assumptions. "Insecure" and "Micromanager" are often descriptors flung around when someone does not understand why a certain control is given over. I'm actually chuckling because my email is one thing my Master has no interest in seeing, even though I have offered it. I will send him or relay to him email conversations I think might interest him, but he does not want my passwords.

So I wonder if he is still a micromanager or if this somehow negates that?

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RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 9:43:31 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

I think people just get tired of having what works well for them criticized by people who make ignorant assumptions. "Insecure" and "Micromanager" are often descriptors flung around when someone does not understand why a certain control is given over.

Since the way my dynamic works was not questioned by the OP, my "panties in a wad" was not about "defending" how my dynamic operates. My "wadding" panties come from how people spend all of their time wondering why other people do the things they do, judging it, when perhaps their gaze should fall into their own backyard. Perhaps if some people spent more time worrying about what they wanted from their own relationships, they might be able to find one.

I have noticed on more than one occasion doms that come in pronouncing anyone that does not do it like they do to be somehow less... and I did not see a real question in the OP, I saw an assumption.. otherwise it would have been worded more respectfully.

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RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 9:58:17 PM

Aneirin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheEnglishDom

I am sure this one will cause controversy.

Question.... 'having to check email's of your submissive or slave'. Is this a sign of insecurity or just inexperience?

What happened to trust and communication? A major part of any D/s relationship. If a good master/dominant has the 'controlling' role in a relationship then why is it necessary to have to review, or ‘spy’ on someone’s email or conversations?

Personally, even if I was aware of passwords etc, I would not read anothers mail, I respect another and hopefully trust another for them to have some level of privacy.I live in the twenty first century, what I would like, maybe harks back to an earlier age, but reality is paramount, and I try to live with the times.

Devotion to me, is if another chooses to tell me, that information I do value, as it does show to me the person whom I am with is honest.Perhaps they know I can check up on what they said, but I would'nt.If I did, and one who is devoted gave me the general gist, I know them to be honest and would not check again.I am not so insecure as to have to know everything about a person.

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RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 11:19:55 PM

michaels4evr

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I guess the problem I have with a Dominant reading all of my emails is the fact that although he owns me, he does not own my friends, family members, business associates (my work has very strict rules regarding confidentiality) etc.; therefore some of the content in those conversations are not His business and I would feel like I was violating those individuals trust by having someone else read their email without their prior knowledge and consent.

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RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/12/2007 12:05:58 AM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I'm actually chuckling because my email is one thing my Master has no interest in seeing, even though I have offered it. I will send him or relay to him email conversations I think might interest him, but he does not want my passwords.

So I wonder if he is still a micromanager or if this somehow negates that?

Sifting through e-mails for information is complete information overload; some people lead busy lives, and gleaning the information straight from the horses mouth from a precise question is far more economical, the time saved can be spent elsewhere on something more productive.

Having said that, I'd be tempted to give her table to complete aimed at showing where she spends the proportion of her time on the internet, e.g. researching versus chatting versus deleting spam e-mails versus shopping on line etc etc. If the total number of hours is counter-productive, and the proportion are weighted heavily towards chatting and shopping, then I'd be inclined to steer her towards researching. Micro management? 'Not sure, don't care, but, as said, sifting through e-mails for information is not for me. I suppose trust and giving someone the room to breathe is far more important to me than clamping down on everything she does - people learn by being allowed the room to make mistakes.

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RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/12/2007 2:08:38 AM

LadyLegs

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It could be a dominant that worries someone (s)he cheated with will contact the submissive. It's not always the submissive with something to hide.

Just a thought.

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RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/12/2007 4:16:43 AM

TysGalilah

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neither

gee are those the only "options" in your mind? feels judgmental in its limited/limiting perspective..IMO.

I cannot speak for others reasons or intents, only for my feelings as the "s" type in the relationship. How do I feel about him having my passwords?
I didn't feel any drama about it..

so he has access to my acct..shrugs... in my mind it feels natural.
I am open to him in all areas of my life physically, emotionally, mentally...he has access to ME whenever he wants me, however he wants me, do to whatever he wants with me.

Does he access my acct and read what I write because he can? I don't know and frankly I don't worry about it. Just because I don't close the door to the bathroom when I am in there, and he knows he has access to me then as well if he wanted> doesn't mean he stands and watches me pee ! I am also generally naked while around him and his view of my body, he likes unobstructed. I am open to him, he has access to anything he wants. He also respects my dignity, knows how and when to give me privacy and totally trusts me as well as my judgement. It is called trust, not insecurity, and it runs BOTH ways. I trust him with everything I have, He trusts my complete submission to him and his authority.
if I start drawing a line? where do I begin? I either want to give my control over to him or I do not. And I trust his ability to protect my dignity and sense of security WHILE having and taking what pleases him.

There are alot of things that he CAN do if he wants to because he has the authority to do it through my submission to him. Whether he does them is something he weighs very carefully each time he makes a decision to take or use that power.

Personally > I see that as the opposite of insecure and inexperienced.

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RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/12/2007 5:50:16 AM

Lordandmaster

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I have discovered some very interesting things by monitoring people's e-mail.

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RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/12/2007 6:08:29 AM

lustycat

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I have not kept up with this thread. I am not sure of anything that has been said here. In my own personal experience, I think it was an insecurity issue. At first I thought it was part of my training. He would be able to correct me when I had been out of line, or had spoken disrespectfully. Once the punishments never happened no matter what I said or how I stated it. I knew he was just insecure.

I do not understand why a Dom needs to feel that way. He is the one in control. Or at least suppose to be. The sub/slave should be the one insecure. He can throw her away like an old shoe, and it be ok, she is just a piece of property. (For some). Not all feel that way, but some do.

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RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/12/2007 6:18:07 AM

DragonEros58

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Comes under the heading of.....Trust but verify

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RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/12/2007 6:34:10 AM

shivvy

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speaking as a slave, both my Master and my Mistress audit my messenger pms and read all my emails everyday before i'm allowed....

it makes me safe and cared for, and luved.... i neva really thought about why They done it before.... i just know i like Them doing it. i have no secrets from Them, and They know everything about me... bad stuff as well as good. i just think there is nuffin wrong with being completely open and honest with my Owners, and Them knowing everything wot is said to me, and everything wot i say, again, just makes me feel protected, coz They can pick up on stuff wot goes ova my head. and sometimes P/people are nasty, and They deal with it straight away, and again, They are just protecting me...

i really don't se anything wrong with it, and like i said, as a slave wot is checked on all the time, it just makes me feel comfortable and safe

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RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/12/2007 9:18:24 AM

GhostWhoWalks

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheEnglishDom

I am sure this one will cause controversy.

Question.... 'having to check email's of your submissive or slave'. Is this a sign of insecurity or just inexperience?

What happened to trust and communication? A major part of any D/s relationship. If a good master/dominant has the 'controlling' role in a relationship then why is it necessary to have to review, or ‘spy’ on someone’s email or conversations?

When I had my first slave, I required her to give me her passwords and not open or read any of her own mail until I read it first. I started doing this, because at the time, it was simply the thing to do. Every Master I knew, and quite a few I didn't, did this. And, at the time, my first slave thought it was hot, being controlled like that.
Now, it seems more an unnecessary burden then anything else.
But, at that time, it was simply a thing Masters did.

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RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/12/2007 9:24:08 AM

RCdc

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RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/12/2007 9:32:37 AM

torturemenow

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i can't believe i am reading this. You MUST mean Dom and Sub. for a MASTER w/ a slave the question is moot. MASTER has every right to know everything --everything about his / her slave. The slave has no email. Only the Master "may" allow his/her slave to post. but MASTER owns the slave --ergo MASTER owns the slave email account. MASTER has the right to control the slave every minute of everyday. Perhaps you should redefine your question to apply to Doms and subs. a real MASTER/slave relationship should have begun with the understanding that MASTER IS ALL.

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RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/12/2007 9:36:52 AM

RumpusParable

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As others have said, it can be about insecurity or distrust but it is not necessarily about those things. It can be interest, it can be an expression of authority, it could be just a shared laugh...

I like such things because of the expression of authority and control angle. I'd not be with a sub or slave I felt I truly couldn't trust, just as I won't be with an equal who I feel I can't. I'm in D/s and M/s because I'm a power junky... I love to experience authority over another who has given it. I enjoy all sorts of ways to show that dynamic, to illustrate our power difference.

With my spouse and others who I have no power dynamic with, I've no interest in things like checking their email or telling them how to dress or when they masturbate or any of the other things that are terribly enjoyable with a sub or slave.

It's not a case of not trusting, it's a case of doing it because they and there is nothing of my own that I should not be able to view as I please.

And, as the one stated above me, there is a big difference between having a sub and owning a slave in this.

< Message edited by RumpusParable -- 12/12/2007 9:42:25 AM >

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