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NightWindWhisper -> Sick and tired of online deception... (12/11/2007 5:01:48 PM)
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Several weeks ago I had met someone here that seemed quite promising. Yet essentially I just told her to get real or get lost. Why? Because something is fishy—something is not right.
Here are my reasons:
Collarme tells how far a person is from you. This person had identified which corner of her state. But collarme's distance did not make sense. By chance, since I am moving next month I changed my home zip code location on collarme to my new location. *poof* Collarme said her location was extremely close to my new location—not the supposed two states away.
We have conversed several times by email but:
Where she says she lives and where her info at collarme says she lives is off by >100 miles.
She uses an assumed name—even after several emails.
Though I have given several, and asked for a photo – there have been none offered, not even one that does not "identify" the person.
I write open, meaty letters, and offer information such that a person can ask for references or find me by my "listed in the phone book" name/number. I take an "ask me anything" point of view.
This person takes many days to respond – I don't. (Even though she clearly has enough time to log in here daily).
Her notes were very short and perhaps this is what made me really back off. If she is single, as she says, and has so little time to connect, I have to assume that after entering into a relationship, a lack of communication will be the same modus operandi and that is not for me.
Now in my eyes these are "red flags." But red flags are only cautionary things – until they pile up such that it just no longer seems worth it. Chances of success feel like they are dwindling to nothing. Note: I do not fault the person for there is no commitment, but at a certain point I just come to the feeling that I'm wasting my time.
Though it's hard to believe – earlier in the year a woman contacted me. We seemed to hit it off. She sent a photo, and said enough that I could identify her by the unique college program she was in. We were to meet after final exams, but her dad was taken ill and she flew out to be with him.
Eventually, after a few months of truly reasonable sounding delays something seemed wrong – and by this time research on the unique study of her college program – I knew her last name, and had read many journal articles written by her, one with a photo much like the one sent. Sensing something wrong I analyzed the headers on many pieces of email. Rot row! Some originated hundreds of miles distant from where she supposedly was. I found the person in the photo's phone number from an article and called – different voice. Impersonation! The person in the photo was more shocked than I was. Ultimately I found the story. She was a she, she was in the same program, and she had fudged her weight by over a hundred pounds. No wonder she always seemed to find a reason to be unable to meet.
Do others here run across this kind of abuse? How does one recognize when something "is wrong?" Ideas anyone?
To me, when a person meets this is what I think should happen.
Emails are exchanged, perhaps 4-9 emails.
The top/dominant gives the other enough information such that the bottom/sub can believe that person is who they say they are. I believe that the dominant should eventually offer their home phone number, and that it should correspond with a listed in the book number, showing that person's name—and (unless they are intending to cheat) that permission is given to "call me anytime." If a person hears "I only have a cell phone," or "I'm always at work," etc. To me that translates to "don't call my SO might pick the phone." Big red flag! Read married and saying otherwise.
I also believe that the dominant should offer a person or two as a reference, email first, then the submissive can ask that person to talk on the phone. (To make sure that the person on the phone is not impersonating "a friend.") I offer female references. It must be an "other gender" friend otherwise it may be that the "friend" is simply the same person pretending.
After a certain number of email interactions parties should be willing to move to the telephone.
After a certain number of hours/calls the parties should plan on meeting.
It really, really bites, to have hundreds of hours of one's times to be wasted for a person who is truly not in any way as they appear, especially in photos. I have heard so many stories of photos taken twenty years ago... yikes!
Stats indicate that online people fudge and can often make themselves "thinner" than they are, or fudge age—but I cannot imagine how a person, who shows a photo taken twenty years ago, or a weight off by >100 lbs can expect anything positive when they meet. I just don't get it. To me exchanging real, recent photos is truly where a minimum amount of visual chemistry is confirmed.
What do you suggest that either dominants or bottom/submissives do to make sure that they are not wasting their time? Suggestions? Horror stories...anyone? I'd like to hear....
Thanks all
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