RE: Sick and tired of online deception...

RE: Sick and tired of online deception... (Full Version)

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subfever -> RE: Sick and tired of online deception... (12/27/2007 1:39:31 PM)
Yes, there is more than enough online deception to go around. If you are communicating online with a woman you believe you want to meet for the purpose(s) of r/t play and/or exploring the possibilities of a r/t relationship: If she's not ready to talk on the phone after a regular exchange of e-mails for a week or two max, it's a sure bet that she's either not who she represents herself to be, or she's just not that much into you. Move on and forget her. Ditto for graduating from the phone stage to making solid plans to meet. Learn how to avoid becoming a victim of your own wishful thinking.

KatyLied -> RE: Sick and tired of online deception... (12/27/2007 1:50:10 PM)
I have a word for talking to people on-line, it's called "the abstract." I go in assuming I don't know everything about them and they don't know everything about me. I also assume that if I'm getting certain communications and I know they are also talking to other people, that we are all probably getting the same sort of thing as far as what is being said back and forth. As I said, this is my assumption. Until you meet someone you can't make promises or have high expectations regarding how you think they should behave. That is just going to lead to some disappointment.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: Sick and tired of online deception... (12/27/2007 1:57:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied quote: It's also worth mentioning that the Collarme milesometer is more than a bit wonky. How does it even work if you don't supply a zipcode? Does it go by IP server location? Because I don't have a zip, yet if figures mileage. I have seen the wonkometer register a nearby town that is probably an hours drive as over 1800 miles away. thats not the person thats the collarme wonk in action.

Mystresnsidney -> RE: Sick and tired of online deception... (12/27/2007 2:03:19 PM)
many times ive danced between ID's only to find the same guys contacting me, they say they want to talk but what they want is cybersex, i hate typing. why not just go to a porn site? ericplays has contacted me i dont know how many times saying he want to meet.. i know he must have blown his wad a dozen times while i talked to him...lol

subfever -> RE: Sick and tired of online deception... (12/27/2007 2:03:31 PM)
Did you fast reply, or respond to my post?

DrkJourney -> RE: Sick and tired of online deception... (12/27/2007 2:04:20 PM)
To the OP: Well I won't go into the cell phone thing, it's been covered. I just wanted to add my two cents, which, I'm afraid, is not encouraging. I've been through it all, I've met right away, I've taken my time to meet, and nothing is going to guarantee anything. I talked to guys I thought I clicked with in other states and countries, and they all went poof. Realization, like many have said, some are just here to have a virtual buddy for a while, and could care less about how they hurt other people. Some examples: One "changed" jobs and claimed he couldn't get back on for a while, this was after he went poof for a couple of weeks and he said this after I was so worried I'd tried to contact his place of employement, so his coming back with an explaination was just telling me to stop bothering his place of employment, or his ex place of employment, anywhooo....I thought he might've gone climbing which he loved and had gotten hurt or something, also there had been flooding in his area, and since we were doing ok, our last email was great, I was worried, not mistrusting at that point....stupid me And meeting guarantees nothing. Another: I met one of these "great" guys after a long time of him going poof, then coming back, with grand explainations, mostly blaming me..lol but I know people are scared sometimes so I'd give him the chance, especially since he'd been through some horrific events in his personal life, I'd be a little scared too. He made the mistake of telling me he was going to be in my state, I guess thinking I wouldn't be able to meet him, but I did meet him, and I thought it was a great time...but as soon as I got back, he goes poof yet again, won't return emails or calls. Lo and behold he pops up a couple of weeks ago again, after no contact for about three years...I gave him all the chances, meeting him in person and making myself real to him, instead of words on a screen and a voice on the phone, was my last straw...if he can't pull his head out after that, then he's nothing but a time wasting wanker...too bad I didn't come to that conclusion a lot earlier. Thing was every time we started getting close he'd run....tiring.....again...stupid me The latest guy...clicked with him, thought everything was going to be great..finally...but again...wanker...totally disappeared, wouldn't respond to emails...a few weeks ago, after I wrote something in my journal, comes up with some lame excuse, which I don't believe, how many times can you get them dying relative, or their illness, or something to that effect that miraculously clears up at moments that benefit them...lol.. he starts drooling about how he missed talking to me he just didn't have the time, although he had time to start his own posts, and respond to others. Then stupid bleeding heart me, begged him not to shut me out...please talk, we had talked for quite a while, and seeing as we were close enough for him to supposedly come for a visit in feb...I'm thinking we had at least a good friendship going. He wouldn't respond...when I put up new pics last week, all of a sudden here he is again, a small blurb about this person dying, (and I'm talking about four words) then he just went on and on about the pics. Again I asked him to talk to me, and I told him my thoughts on him disappearing...he (very common on here I"m finding) accused me of jumping to conclusions about him not responding and blowing me off for months, but still won't say exactly why he did so....yet again...stupid me Bottom line: In all of these cases, and otheres, I had tons of info on them, cell phones, emails, in some cases I met them, webcam, home phones, even work locations....and not one of them panned out. You just have to go with the flow...get knocked on your butt, take a cleansing break, like I'm doing now, and get back on the horse. There are gamers in real life and plenty here...there is no radar to detect them...unfortunately.... I do wish you better luck in the new year.

KatyLied -> RE: Sick and tired of online deception... (12/27/2007 2:05:45 PM)
I fast replied, not to you in specific. And the wonkometer (mileage) meter will pick up your ip's address, which isn't always your town or even near your town.

ELUSIVE1 -> RE: Sick and tired of online deception... (12/27/2007 2:11:35 PM)
.grow a freakin backbone already and stop playing the 'victim' . . I always say these sites are 99% wankers...then there is that one crown jewel--and for me that one jewel is worth sorting through all the other crap.and as for meeting face to face, when I click I want to meet as soon as possible....I use the interent as a tool to meet people, I do not live through it--I can honestly say I have never gotten any satisfaction from a cyber spanking, or cyber anything...or phone anything for that matter....but honetly there are so many HNG's out there lurking..my best luck as been meeting friends of friends.

mhawk -> RE: Sick and tired of online deception... (12/27/2007 2:11:58 PM)
some may agree with me and others may not, when i was found by my Lord and Mistress i was not really looking at that time.i was simply looking for some answers and they were able to provide them for me on a deep,personable level. when i beleive someone to be truly interested i will exchange otehr email addys i have,all of my profiles essentially tell the same thing,i've never had reason to lie about my age,weight,gender or physical appearance.i don't beleive in hiding who i am.my Lord wanted to give me His cell phone number and asked for mine as well which was not an issue.after serveral weeks of talkiing online and on the phone with my Lord and Mistress(His wife) we made the choice to move me out here and start on my enslavement. don't press too hard when searching,just take and easy approach and you never know when the right one will come along for you.

subfever -> RE: Sick and tired of online deception... (12/27/2007 2:14:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied And the wonkometer (mileage) meter will pick up your ip's address, which isn't always your town or even near your town. I access CM through both my office and home PCs. Will both IP addresses show up?

UBsincere -> RE: Sick and tired of online deception... (12/27/2007 2:39:59 PM)
That's why I use the handle, UBsincere, because a whole lot aren't.

NaiveTempest -> RE: Sick and tired of online deception... (12/27/2007 3:06:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: This thread has been interesting because it makes it obvious that people do have very different ideas when it comes to what is comfortable regarding moving forward with meeting others. My thought on this is that if the men that want to rush things with me had a life, other submissives to talk to, friendships outside of the lifestyle, they would not be putting so much pressure on me. I rather disliked it when I got a lot of expectations of my time and energy before even getting to know me.. it was one of the fastest ways to turn me off. If it is meant to happen it should flow, and if that flow happens a submissive will naturally want to spend more time communicating, cut her communications with others down on her own, and things progress naturally... pushing someone just pushes them away in my experience. I know most here have their meeting timelines, but I have to say that I do like to take my time. And things can happen that can delay a meeting. I don't like giving out my number too soon because I don't want some HNG or psycho calling me all the time. But, I will give it out if I like you enough and feel comfortable like something might be there. People move at their own pace with things. If you don't like it tough tit. Find someone who moves at your own pace. Pressuring me for something I'm not ready to give won't work. When I'm comfy and ready - and you're still around, lol - you'll know. And I like to thing the wait will be worth it.

winterlight -> RE: Sick and tired of online deception... (12/27/2007 3:21:41 PM)
I don't fudge my weight or age. I update weight as i get lower in weight. Best thing to do is go to munches. I know of some people that met through vanilla chat rooms and are together and are in the l/s Good luck weeding through the fakes etc. Join the club!!

KyttynTheMynx -> RE: Sick and tired of online deception... (12/27/2007 3:38:11 PM)
Kinda long...brace yourselves... quote: ORIGINAL: NightWindWhisper Where she says she lives and where her info at collarme says she lives is off by >100 miles. I live in the middle of nowhere. As it has been stated, IP addresses are used some kinda techie fangled way, and registers them in different places. I've ran traces on my IP. It comes up as a TOTALLY different place. Also, It says I am from Moosecrotch Virginia. There are some pretty podunk places around here, but none by that name. If people wanna know the real location, I am happy to tell them. She uses an assumed name—even after several emails. I go under 2 aliases. One here, and one on yahoo in the chats I hang in. If I am comfortable with a person, they get the birth names. If not, they are stuck with either name. Though I have given several, and asked for a photo – there have been none offered, not even one that does not "identify" the person. Perhaps she is not as technologically advanced as you, and has yet to step into the digital age? Perhaps she is camera shy? I write open, meaty letters, and offer information such that a person can ask for references or find me by my "listed in the phone book" name/number. I take an "ask me anything" point of view. Perhaps she was a little freaked out with how fast you were putting out such personal information and thought you were gonna require the same, and she was not yet ready? This person takes many days to respond – I don't. (Even though she clearly has enough time to log in here daily). Can you even be sure it was her logging on? Perhaps someone was using her computer and being a nosey little twatwaffle? Her notes were very short and perhaps this is what made me really back off. I write short messages when I dont really have much time to respond, or the person is boring. How does one recognize when something "is wrong?" Their bull is usually inconsistent. Point blank. To me, when a person meets this is what I think should happen. Emails are exchanged, perhaps 4-9 emails. Ok. Glad you feel that way. Find someone else who does too. Problem solved. I believe that the dominant should eventually offer their home phone number, and that it should correspond with a listed in the book number, showing that person's name—and (unless they are intending to cheat) that permission is given to "call me anytime." If a person hears "I only have a cell phone," or "I'm always at work," etc. To me that translates to "don't call my SO might pick the phone." Big red flag! Read married and saying otherwise. Oy. Ok some people are unlisted. If Bob Dom says "I am in the book under J. Smith" good fucking luck and have fun calling a zillion J. Smiths. I have a home phone, but when I did have a cell phone, it was easier to contact me that way as I do lead a busy life, and am not always at home. As for the "I'm always at work thing." I know people who push 80 or more hours a week. What if shes a doctor? You really expect to reach her at home at ANY time? Hell no. not possible. (Personally, you are reading to me as insecure and whiny.) I also believe that the dominant should offer a person or two as a reference, email first, then the submissive can ask that person to talk on the phone. (To make sure that the person on the phone is not impersonating "a friend.") I offer female references. It must be an "other gender" friend otherwise it may be that the "friend" is simply the same person pretending. "Hey Random Friend, I need a favor. I am gonna give someone your number, have her call you, and I need you to tell her that I am a good guy. I will pay you." Need I say more? I'd do my own research... After a certain number of email interactions parties should be willing to move to the telephone. I say take it slow, dont rush. I dont want Random Dom #3 having my number until I am good and ready, and I dont want him to feel rushed into giving me his. After a certain number of hours/calls the parties should plan on meeting. This varies situation to situation. Stats indicate that online people fudge and can often make themselves "thinner" than they are, or fudge age—but I cannot imagine how a person, who shows a photo taken twenty years ago, or a weight off by >100 lbs can expect anything positive when they meet. I just don't get it. To me exchanging real, recent photos is truly where a minimum amount of visual chemistry is confirmed. I have no weight listed on my profile. Why? Because scales and the numbers on them dont change who I am as a person. I do, however, agree with photos. If someone has grey hair, and a Donald Trump comb over, I wanna know up front. What do you suggest that either dominants or bottom/submissives do to make sure that they are not wasting their time? Honestly? Hide under a rock. Thats the only true way to make sure you arent wasting your time. Otherwise, take a chance. Ya never know. sorry that I am so long winded...lol!

windchymes -> RE: Sick and tired of online deception... (12/27/2007 4:22:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1 .grow a freakin backbone already and stop playing the 'victim' . . I always say these sites are 99% wankers...then there is that one crown jewel--and for me that one jewel is worth sorting through all the other crap.and as for meeting face to face, when I click I want to meet as soon as possible....I use the interent as a tool to meet people, I do not live through it--I can honestly say I have never gotten any satisfaction from a cyber spanking, or cyber anything...or phone anything for that matter....but honetly there are so many HNG's out there lurking..my best luck as been meeting friends of friends. I agree with the concept of what you said here, but I think that "one crown jewel out there somewhere" mentality is a big detriment to people finding relationships online. It's like what someone said earlier about how, before the internet, you got a phone number, you talked, you went out, you either hit it off or didn't.....I think back then we were much more tolerant of imperfections, (and god knows 25 years ago it wasn't all about being bone-thin, but that's a thread we don't need another of [;)]) and we'd go on those second and third dates if we had a good time and enjoyed each other's company. But now, we have millions of potential partners literally at our fingertips, and I think a lot of people meet here or in real life, but they're just not 100% perfection, and in the back of our minds, well, there are a lot of others out there to meet.....we keep looking for the "crown jewel" rather than a really nice gem. In other words, there are so many available (perceived in our own minds) on the internet that we're afraid to settle for one because a better one might come along. I know this is a little off-track of the OP, but I wanted to comment on that statement.

Rushemery -> RE: Sick and tired of online deception... (12/27/2007 4:44:25 PM)
well said, windchymes

DrkJourney -> RE: Sick and tired of online deception... (12/27/2007 8:14:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1 .grow a freakin backbone already and stop playing the 'victim' . . I always say these sites are 99% wankers...then there is that one crown jewel--and for me that one jewel is worth sorting through all the other crap.and as for meeting face to face, when I click I want to meet as soon as possible....I use the interent as a tool to meet people, I do not live through it--I can honestly say I have never gotten any satisfaction from a cyber spanking, or cyber anything...or phone anything for that matter....but honetly there are so many HNG's out there lurking..my best luck as been meeting friends of friends. wasn't aware I was being a victim, play or otherwise....interesting

ELUSIVE1 -> RE: Sick and tired of online deception... (12/28/2007 4:24:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DrkJourney quote: ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1 .grow a freakin backbone already and stop playing the 'victim' . . I always say these sites are 99% wankers...then there is that one crown jewel--and for me that one jewel is worth sorting through all the other crap.and as for meeting face to face, when I click I want to meet as soon as possible....I use the interent as a tool to meet people, I do not live through it--I can honestly say I have never gotten any satisfaction from a cyber spanking, or cyber anything...or phone anything for that matter....but honetly there are so many HNG's out there lurking..my best luck as been meeting friends of friends. wasn't aware I was being a victim, play or otherwise....interesting DrkJourney; my apologies, I posted that response to the OP---but hadn't clarified it, and c/m put that in response to you, I thought you made sense really... Windchymes; you are so right, I never thought of it as looking for perfection, but that could possibly be why I am still looking. . .

Hotch -> RE: Sick and tired of online deception... (12/28/2007 4:35:29 PM)
To see true deception one must only look in the miror grasshopper.

DineroPrincess -> RE: Sick and tired of online deception... (12/28/2007 5:04:09 PM)
quote: The top/dominant gives the other enough information such that the bottom/sub can believe that person is who they say they are. I believe that the dominant should eventually offer their home phone number, and that it should correspond with a listed in the book number, showing that person's name—and (unless they are intending to cheat) that permission is given to "call me anytime." If a person hears "I only have a cell phone," or "I'm always at work," etc. To me that translates to "don't call my SO might pick the phone." Big red flag! Read married and saying otherwise. I am a person who seriously does not have a home phone. I have no need for one, so I use my cell phone for everything. I have NO OTHER NUMBER, so this is an impossible expectation. I am not married, nor do I have any type of boyfriend.

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