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RE: Sick and tired of online deception... - 12/27/2007 1:49:44 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear NightWindWhisper, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Deception is fostered in so many ways, where there is an opportunity and motive to do so. I have been a witness to communication changes of my own and until there is a face to face exchange, hand pressed into yours -- all other means of communications are 'tools.' Tools can/will/may be abused.

Another thing I noticed, is that you finally listened to your gut instincts. Those gut instincts are usually very correct. Only humans have the ability to ignore them and that is when people get stung.

I will also add, that no matter how people want to change other people, into completely different people; it won't work because the compromises that must be done to fit a square peg into your round hole; too much of themselves will be taken away--and then they are not able to be authentic to themselves and then be able to be authentic to you as their partner. Hope all you want -- people must not be forced into a harsh bent figure and be expected to maintain that shape.

I also feel women if submissive/slaves have the cream of the crop of men that are Dominant to choose from and will do so if given an opportunity. Patience is one of those virtues women learn early -- baking is one of those lessons and even so, a sufla` will fall AND you have to do it all over again. Women are always willing to wait for a bargain--especially if its the right accessory, e.g. shoes, jewelry or gowns on sale that they want.

There will be many reasons, excuses and the like for why deception exists. It requires an unmeasured amount of patience to weed through the tools that we have at our hands until meeting individuals face to face.

If a woman isn't all that interested -- move on. It is as gently as a lady can express that she is not interested and not impressed. Keep on trying to sell yourself, will just annoy a lady--its like a pushy sales person. I've not bought a thing when I'm pushed. I make up my mind and I do not change it. I stick to my guns (whips, swords, knives, single tails, floggers, rifles, shotguns, axe, canes, quirts and feather too).

Just some thoughts,

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to NightWindWhisper)

Post #: 61

RE: Sick and tired of online deception... - 12/27/2007 8:52:43 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NightWindWhisper

Several weeks ago I had met someone here that seemed quite promising.

Thanks all

But the whole point is that you didn't actually meet someone HERE
no-one can actually MEET someone here...it's foo foo, cyber space, laalaa land..where anyone can be anyone even unto themselves....touchless, tasteles, scentless virtual reality, where the grass is greener and never needs cutting.........where simultectra abound and avatars have their own realities and get up to all sorts of mischief when you turn your computers off.......we are ghosts in the machine mate and please don't forget it.

(in reply to NightWindWhisper)

Post #: 62

RE: Sick and tired of online deception... - 12/27/2007 9:12:32 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NightWindWhisper

If a person hears "I only have a cell phone," or "I'm always at work," etc. To me that translates to "don't call my SO might pick the phone." Big red flag! Read married and saying otherwise.

i don't have a home phone however my mobile number is my home phone ...is that still a red flag to you? it doesn't to me because i've found it's cheaper using my mobile rather than having 2 separate numbers for people to memorize.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to NightWindWhisper)

Post #: 63

RE: Sick and tired of online deception... - 12/27/2007 9:19:02 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Im with Samba, I dont have a home phone. I dont see a reason for it, the cell is more convenient and I dont have the added expense.
I AM always at work, its the holidays and I work retail. So, theres 2 of your flags.

Just remember, talking to someone on here, and actually meeting someone arent the same. Not everyone is comfortable moving offline right away which isnt a flag. Taking months to move offline, might be.
Do not istake disinterest for deception, aside from being lead on.
If you smell something fishy, then tell them so. If you start that rght off, though, you are going to put them on the defensive early on and that might be self-defeating also. Going for the quick fix isnt always a good thing either, just like drawing something out endlessly isnt.

Good luck and have patience.
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 64

RE: Sick and tired of online deception... - 12/27/2007 9:20:50 AM

Kaiynasha

Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

To the OP, Being deceived is a part of life, however we ought to be cautious on how we judge why others do not tell everything. You have to realize that the internet is a dangerous place not as pleasant as it use too be. Many perverts out there and therefore women and I do say WOMEN have to be very careful with any information they give.

I am a private person by nature. I don't give out personal information to just anyone in real life neither do I in virtual life. I give just enough to entice and should the person earn my trust (and not after 3-4 e-mails) I then open up more. For those individuals who are manipulative and push their own agendas and motivations- my private mentality keeps me safe and warm in my home. So, I am not sorry about giving out any information.

There have been times, I have been burnt. I may have been talking and expressing and the person *poofs* on me. Well if I gave this person a whole bunch of information about myself...I would be a little nervous since now I have no access to them but they sure have enough information about me. It is give and take.

I think, you could have expressed your concerns about her not being forthright about her location but not ASSUMED she was deceiving you. Perhaps she has a bad experience before and has learned her lesson.

Anyway those are my thoughts. Ta

Ms. K

< Message edited by Kaiynasha -- 12/27/2007 9:23:48 AM >

_____________________________

"Intimacy is based on shared vulnerability...nothing deepens intimacy
like the experiences that we share when we feel flayed, with our skins
off, scared and vulnerable, and our partner is there with us, willing
to share in the scary stuff"

(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 65

RE: Sick and tired of online deception... - 12/27/2007 9:24:59 AM

masterrich175

Posts: 19
Status: offline

Where she says she lives and where her info at collarme says she lives is off by >100 miles.   calculated distance can be miles off. Why didn't you ask her?

   She uses an assumed name—even after several emails.

Internet sensibility? Overly cautious?

   Though I have given several, and asked for a photo – there have been none offered, not even one that does not "identify" the person.

That's NOT a good sign.
    I write open, meaty letters, references "listed in the phone book" name/number. I take an "ask me anything" point of view.

Yes, you write a mouthful. References, smerfrences. Unlisted phone number?!

   This person takes many days to respond – I don't. (Even though she clearly has enough time to log in here daily).
She gets lots of mail works 3 jobs has 9 kids...

    a lack of communication will be the same modus operandi and that is not for me.

!!!! The need for good communication can never be understated!

Eventually, after a few months of truly reasonable sounding delays something seemed wrong – and by this time research on the unique study of her college program – I knew her last name, and had read many journal articles written by her, one with a photo much like the one sent. Sensing something wrong I analyzed the headers on many pieces of email. Rot row! Some originated hundreds of miles distant from where she supposedly was. I found the person in the photo's phone number from an article and called – different voice. Impersonation! The person in the photo was more shocked than I was.   Ultimately I found the story. She was a she, she was in the same program, and she had fudged her weight by over a hundred pounds.   No wonder she always seemed to find a reason to be unable to meet.

No shit Sherlock. Are you 100% certain your detective work proved out?

Do others here run across this kind of abuse? How does one recognize when something "is wrong?" Ideas anyone?

Night, copy your list and check it twice.

To me, when a person meets this is what I think should happen.
Emails are exchanged, perhaps 4-9 emails.
The top/dominant gives the other enough information such that the bottom/sub can believe that person is who they say they are.
After a certain number of email interactions parties should be willing to move to the telephone.
After a certain number of hours/calls the parties should plan on meeting.

Sounds like a plan and reasonable.

Good luck. Its a sarcastic kinda day. You'll be fine, says the almanac!

(in reply to NightWindWhisper)

Post #: 66

RE: Sick and tired of online deception... - 12/27/2007 9:26:45 AM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: NightWindWhisper

If a person hears "I only have a cell phone," or "I'm always at work," etc. To me that translates to "don't call my SO might pick the phone." Big red flag! Read married and saying otherwise.

i don't have a home phone however my mobile number is my home phone ...is that still a red flag to you? it doesn't to me because i've found it's cheaper using my mobile rather than having 2 separate numbers for people to memorize.

This is true. You can't assume a person is lying or cheating just b/c they say they only have a cell. I live in NYC, and I personally know 3 people whose cell phone is their only phone. It truly does happen. As far as internet access, many people use a cable connection instead of dial-up or dsl.

And btw, if you have suspicions about a person, I have always found the best way to clear them up is simply to ask directly. If they don't respond to a direct inquiry, then I think it's fairly safe to assume they're full of hot air. But sometimes, it will be a simple misunderstanding. What I hate most of all though, is people just dropping out of sight with no explanation. One time, I had been exchanging email with a boy who thought I was lying to him about something. He NEVER said what he thought I was lying about. To this day, I have no idea what in the world he was talking about. And I never had a chance to address his issue, whatever it was. So, I tell ya, I think most of what ails online communications is the same as what ails face-to-face connections...people don't speak up when they should and far too often, shy away from saying exactly what is on their minds and in their hearts. If we all were more willing to just be clear in our communications, I think we would start to understand each other a lot better. And, btw, excuse me for not reading through the entire thread.

_____________________________

aka Ms Petal - Check Me out on the Web.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 67

RE: Sick and tired of online deception... - 12/27/2007 9:31:46 AM

masterrich175

Posts: 19
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName

One time, I had been exchanging email with a boy who thought I was lying to him about something. He NEVER said what he thought I was lying about. To this day, I have no idea what in the world he was talking about. And I never had a chance to address his issue, whatever it was. So, I tell ya, I think most of what ails online communications is the same as what ails face-to-face connections...people don't speak up when they should and far too often, shy away from saying exactly what is on their minds and in their hearts. If we all were more willing to just be clear in our communications, I think we would start to understand each other a lot better.

Very well said MistressNoName.

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 68

RE: Sick and tired of online deception... - 12/27/2007 9:33:34 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

I dont have a home phone either only my cel. Cel phones here are cheaper than land lines. Plus you avoid companies calling you 24-7 trying to sell you stuff. Wrong #'s hardly ever happen i think ive had 2 in the 5 years of owning my cel. I will be upgrading my cel phone this year for free. a priveledge of being with them for 5 years. Would a land line do that? not likely.

I dont call out long distance...so i dont need a land line. Bell canada for land line wanted me to give them $500 deposit!!!! cel phone company didnt ask for anything.

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 69

RE: Sick and tired of online deception... - 12/27/2007 9:37:20 AM

caitlyn

Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline

My general observation would be, that online or off, it's better to let a relationship just "come to you."

These same situations come up offline as well. Who hasn't met someone casually in a club, that initially told you they were ten years younger than they actually were? I once dated a guy three times, that told me he was in residency ... who later turned out to be a pooper-scooper.

Online does have that interesting dynamic of, "I spent thirty hours doing some detective work, only to discover, the bitch was wasting my time!" Why not just avoid all that, take your time, and if the relationship isn't a winner, it will all come out in the wash.

Besides, the chase is right around 90% of the fun anyway.

_____________________________

I wish I could buy back ...
the woman you stole.

(in reply to Kaiynasha)

Post #: 70

RE: Sick and tired of online deception... - 12/27/2007 9:38:45 AM

MissSCD

Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline

First of all, Collarme had nothing to do with this. It is part of the game. Online preditors exist everywhere.
The first year of my new life, I hid behind the cam because I was afraid to come out. Once I did come out, I have never looked back.
Online is just that. Online.

Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 71

RE: Sick and tired of online deception... - 12/27/2007 10:20:32 AM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

ummmm, people actually give specific and true locations?

I don't see (for safety) why the gal must put her actual location for public view. Maybe after several months someone can reveal actual location??

I put a zip code in mine and I'm not even in the states. I just filled it in, otherwise my update wouldn't even submit to the host.

Maybe she is a worrier and doesn't want to get too cushy with someone (so soon)?? who knows.

edit: ouchh I just re-read more of the OP. and I agree with other comments made in reply, 'don't date from online' is one of them. So darn easy. It is far too messy and easily a paranoid situation. Good ya found out though, before you invested more time and energy into it.

< Message edited by came4U -- 12/27/2007 10:24:48 AM >

(in reply to MissSCD)

Post #: 72

RE: Sick and tired of online deception... - 12/27/2007 10:32:26 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Just because you were pursuing her doesn't mean she was equally into you.

Just because you feel safe sending a picture right away doesn't mean she does.

Just because you feel safe giving real name, real address, real job etc doesn't mean she does.

Nor is it written anywhere that she has to have the same time frame you do. Possibly if you hadn't been so pushy, she would have offered up the info you sought when she felt safe.

My zip code listed is intentionally wrong. I'm a hundred miles away from where it says I am. That's deliberate for safety's sake. I never sent a picture, I didn't give him my full name, home number, or address until the first meet. And most importantly, I refused to deal with pushy types who wouldn't let me have the pace I needed to feel safe. Hopefully she's learned from this experience to stop talking and immediately block anyone who demands things that don't feel right in her gut.

I would add that hopefully you have learned not to put expectations on others and then label them when those expectations aren't met but obviously you haven't.

I don't see anything saying she's not real. I do see signs that you don't listen when she needed to slow down.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 73

RE: Sick and tired of online deception... - 12/27/2007 10:53:38 AM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

To the OP: If that sequence works for you, by all means use it.

However, for others what you outlined really just isn't realistic.

For primary example, the listed landline required bit. I don't have a landline. Haven't for years. I have two cellphones only, one for personal and one for work.

Another is the revealing of the given name as a necessity or not being a red flag. This can be the case, but is not always. I have people who have known me in person for years that know my only as Rumpus. I don't particularly shy from sharing my given name with someone I like but there are only about 4 or 5 people who use it in my life now... all because they know me from years before I took this pseudonym. For all intents and purposes, "Rumpus" is my social name online and in meatlife. I found juggling names between people and locations we're at to be annoying. Likewise, there are a large number of acquaintances and friends (again, both online and in meatlife) I have who I only know their chosen names, not their birth names. Not sharing a given name *can* be a bad sign, but it's not always.

On the references bit, I don't even have references to give for school loans, let alone to give to a random person on the internet. I move every 1-3 years, I usually don't keep in touch with anyone from my last home (though, happily there are a couple of exceptions)... those I do keep in touch with it is by email and YIM. They're not available to be asked to hop on the phone with me while I talk to this internet acquaintance that wants verification.

And for that matter, if I was someone looking to be dishonest I'd be prone to having dishonest friends who would bullshit for me... that's generally how that works.

Then there's the safety and privacy issue... I'd usually rather meet someone in person than give them my phone number. Especially only after a handful of emails like you'd outlined. There are the occasional exceptions to that, but by far that is the rule: meet first, then *maybe* get one of my phone numbers.

I'm not looking to decieve anyone and I could not and would not follow the outline you have there. Again, if that works for you that's great, but it doesn't work for everyone's life.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 74

RE: Sick and tired of online deception... - 12/27/2007 12:53:47 PM

Rushemery

Posts: 310
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

yes this same sort of thing has happend to me as well, beautiful girl sent pictures she called many times asked for my schedual when my ums come and go work times ect called when they were to come home, which was fine because it showed I didnt lie, then she showed me another profile different age changed her pictures she was still beautiful a little different but freaked out when I questioned her. would never tell me anything about herself said she had been a slave for many years and didnt know who she was and then tryed to make me feel like I had done something wrong cussed me out. I ended it nicly and havent heard from her sence.
Another time on a different site I met someone and she told me all about herself called talked, she drove 2.5 hours to see me and was at least 150 lbs bigger than she had said and could hardly get out of her car we had coffee and talked for about 2 hours and I sent her on her way Im just not attracted to big and beautiful and she said she could keep up with us me and mine jog weekly all of us.
I do believe there are honest people on here and else where so there is a chance to find someone. I look online because its either here or the bar and I havnt met anyone I like there, here people can see my profile and maybe we would be compatable, at the bar they are only attracted to apearence which is fine but when I get up at 530 and work out or just get up I dont want to hear you actually do this I want them to know before hand and online you can tell them what to expect at the bar you cant, or when you meet friends of friends they already think they know who you are because so and so said so.

I personally like to meet soon as well, we either hit it off or we dont, a few emails Ill give them my number if that goes well set up a time to meet with all the safty nets they need in place, like a cell phone someone to call every half hour, bring someone with them what ever makes them happy there are a lot of freaks out there and its our job to make them feel safe isnt it.
references if you need them sure but mine are the type to ask questions rather than answer them lol as far as pictures go I feel if you have one up it should be sort of current i think one of my yahoo pictures is about 2 years old when I had a stash but the one on here is from this summer I take bad pictures I feel but they show me for the most part and when someone uses extreamly old ones thats really misleading I like to be able to place a face with whome Im talking, now my drivers licence picture is at least 4 or 5 years old and I had shaved my head smiles

(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 75

RE: Sick and tired of online deception... - 12/27/2007 1:00:14 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I personally don't buy into or put much stalk in the whole give referance thing, because you'd pick people who like you right? Would you really pick someone who wouldn't give glowing referances to the nature of you? Plus I'll base weather I like you or not by my own opinions and feelings, not based on what someone said, thirdly did the reference to be give permission to be used as a reference?

quote:

ORIGINAL: NightWindWhisper

I also believe that the dominant should offer a person or two as a reference, email first, then the submissive can ask that person to talk on the phone.
Thanks all

(in reply to NightWindWhisper)

Post #: 76

RE: Sick and tired of online deception... - 12/27/2007 1:04:26 PM

DarkDaddyZ

Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline

~fr~ in the Bay Area, I don't anyone that has a home phone, maybe one or two people. Most of us are wireless here.

_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

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(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 77

RE: Sick and tired of online deception... - 12/27/2007 1:06:10 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Yup people do. I really am in elverta just like my profile says, and Daddy really is in Petaluma just like his profile says.

quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

ummmm, people actually give specific and true locations?

(in reply to came4U)

Post #: 78

RE: Sick and tired of online deception... - 12/27/2007 1:27:09 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rushemery
I look online because its either here or the bar and I havnt met anyone I like there,

There is not much reason to bar hop unless you want to get a quickie.
Chances are the person at the bar frequents this place and is therefore likely to be a drunk.

(in reply to Rushemery)

Post #: 79

RE: Sick and tired of online deception... - 12/27/2007 1:28:38 PM

Rushemery

Posts: 310
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rushemery
I look online because its either here or the bar and I havnt met anyone I like there,

There is not much reason to bar hop unless you want to get a quickie.
Chances are the person at the bar frequents this place and is therefore likely to be a drunk.

your right! lol

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 80

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