quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:


It's also worth mentioning that the Collarme milesometer is more than a bit wonky.

How does it even work if you don't supply a zipcode?  Does it go by IP server location?  Because I don't have a zip, yet if figures mileage.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

And the wonkometer (mileage) meter will pick up your ip's address, which isn't always your town or even near your town.

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

This thread has been interesting because it makes it obvious that people do have very different ideas when it comes to what is comfortable regarding moving forward with meeting others.

My thought on this is that if the men that want to rush things with me had a life, other submissives to talk to, friendships outside of the lifestyle, they would not be putting so much pressure on me. I rather disliked it when I got a lot of expectations of my time and energy before even getting to know me.. it was one of the fastest ways to turn me off.

If it is meant to happen it should flow, and if that flow happens a submissive will naturally want to spend more time communicating, cut her communications with others down on her own, and things progress naturally... pushing someone just pushes them away in my experience.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NightWindWhisper
Where she says she lives and where her info at collarme says she lives is off by >100 miles.

 I live in the middle of nowhere.  As it has been stated, IP addresses are used some kinda techie fangled way, and registers them in different places.  I've ran traces on my IP.  It comes up as a TOTALLY different place.  Also, It says I am from Moosecrotch Virginia.  There are some pretty podunk places around here, but none by that name.  If people wanna know the real location, I am happy to tell them.

She uses an assumed name—even after several emails.
I go under 2 aliases.  One here, and one on yahoo in the chats I hang in.  If I am comfortable with a person, they get the birth names.  If not, they are stuck with either name.

Though I have given several, and asked for a photo – there have been none offered, not even one that does not "identify" the person.
Perhaps she is not as technologically advanced as you, and has yet to step into the digital age?  Perhaps she is camera shy? 

I write open, meaty letters, and offer information such that a person can ask for references or find me by my "listed in the phone book" name/number.  I take an "ask me anything" point of view.
Perhaps she was a little freaked out with how fast you were putting out such personal information and thought you were gonna require the same, and she was not yet ready?

This person takes many days to respond – I don't. (Even though she clearly has enough time to log in here daily).
Can you even be sure it was her logging on?  Perhaps someone was using her computer and being a nosey little twatwaffle?

Her notes were very short and perhaps this is what made me really back off. 
I write short messages when I dont really have much time to respond, or the person is boring.

How does one recognize when something "is wrong?" 
Their bull is usually inconsistent.  Point blank.

To me, when a person meets this is what I think should happen.
Emails are exchanged, perhaps 4-9 emails.  Ok.  Glad you feel that way.  Find someone else who does too.  Problem solved.

I believe that the dominant should eventually offer their home phone number, and that it should correspond with a listed in the book number, showing that person's name—and (unless they are intending to cheat) that permission is given to "call me anytime."  If a person hears "I only have a cell phone," or "I'm always at work," etc.  To me that translates to "don't call my SO might pick the phone."  Big red flag!  Read married and saying otherwise.  Oy.  Ok some people are unlisted.  If Bob Dom says "I am in the book under J. Smith" good fucking luck and have fun calling a zillion J. Smiths.  I have a home phone, but when I did have a cell phone, it was easier to contact me that way as I do lead a busy life, and am not always at home.  As for the "I'm always at work thing." I know people who push 80 or more hours a week.  What if shes a doctor?  You really expect to reach her at home at ANY time?  Hell no.  not possible.  (Personally, you are reading to me as insecure and whiny.)

I also believe that the dominant should offer a person or two as a reference, email first, then the submissive can ask that person to talk on the phone. (To make sure that the person on the phone is not impersonating "a friend.")  I offer female references.  It must be an "other gender" friend otherwise it may be that the "friend" is simply the same person pretending. 
"Hey Random Friend, I need a favor.  I am gonna give someone your number, have her call you, and I need you to tell her that I am a good guy.  I will pay you."  Need I say more?  I'd do my own research...

After a certain number of email interactions parties should be willing to move to the telephone.
I say take it slow, dont rush.  I dont want Random Dom #3 having my number until I am good and ready, and I dont want him to feel rushed into giving me his.

After a certain number of hours/calls the parties should plan on meeting.
This varies situation to situation.



Stats indicate that online people fudge and can often make themselves "thinner" than they are, or fudge age—but I cannot imagine how a person, who shows a photo taken twenty years ago, or a weight off by >100 lbs can expect anything positive when they meet.  I just don't get it.  To me exchanging real, recent photos is truly where a minimum amount of visual chemistry is confirmed.
I have no weight listed on my profile.  Why?  Because scales and the numbers on them dont change who I am as a person.  I do, however, agree with photos.  If someone has grey hair, and a Donald Trump comb over, I wanna know up front.

What do you suggest that either dominants or bottom/submissives do to make sure that they are not wasting their time? 
Honestly?  Hide under a rock.  Thats the only true way to make sure you arent wasting your time.  Otherwise, take a chance.  Ya never know.

sorry that I am so long winded...lol!


< Message edited by KyttynTheMynx -- 12/27/2007 3:41:57 PM >

_____________________________

Hibbie's Hottie

The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to NightWindWhisper)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

.grow a freakin backbone already and stop playing the 'victim' . . I always say these sites are 99% wankers...then there is that one crown jewel--and for me that one jewel is worth sorting through all the other crap.and as for meeting face to face, when I click I want to meet as soon as possible....I use the interent as a tool to meet people, I do not live through it--I can honestly say I have never gotten any satisfaction from a cyber spanking, or cyber anything...or phone anything for that matter....but honetly there are so many HNG's out there lurking..my best luck as been meeting friends of friends.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

.grow a freakin backbone already and stop playing the 'victim' . . I always say these sites are 99% wankers...then there is that one crown jewel--and for me that one jewel is worth sorting through all the other crap.and as for meeting face to face, when I click I want to meet as soon as possible....I use the interent as a tool to meet people, I do not live through it--I can honestly say I have never gotten any satisfaction from a cyber spanking, or cyber anything...or phone anything for that matter....but honetly there are so many HNG's out there lurking..my best luck as been meeting friends of friends.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrkJourney

quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

.grow a freakin backbone already and stop playing the 'victim' . . I always say these sites are 99% wankers...then there is that one crown jewel--and for me that one jewel is worth sorting through all the other crap.and as for meeting face to face, when I click I want to meet as soon as possible....I use the interent as a tool to meet people, I do not live through it--I can honestly say I have never gotten any satisfaction from a cyber spanking, or cyber anything...or phone anything for that matter....but honetly there are so many HNG's out there lurking..my best luck as been meeting friends of friends.

wasn't aware I was being a victim, play or otherwise....interesting

quote:


The top/dominant gives the other enough information such that the bottom/sub can believe that person is who they say they are. I believe that the dominant should eventually offer their home phone number, and that it should correspond with a listed in the book number, showing that person's name—and (unless they are intending to cheat) that permission is given to "call me anytime." If a person hears "I only have a cell phone," or "I'm always at work," etc. To me that translates to "don't call my SO might pick the phone." Big red flag! Read married and saying otherwise.