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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/12/2007 1:36:26 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

BloodLuna
Why am I coming out with this on the boards after 7 years? Because I want to make it clear to those with any doubts that there is a difference between Consensual and Abusive. Because I want to make it clear that any person can say they are anything or anyone online, or in the beginning of a relationship.

This is definitely part of the lesson.....But folks, in reality isn't this the part of the message that should equally be gleaned?

quote:

BloodLuna
Warning bells should have gone off for me immediately. I'd been in the lifestyle 5 years at that point. The house was set up with his father living downstairs and B upstairs. A staircase on the inside reached the upstairs; there were two doors - one at the foot of the stairs and one at the top of the stairs and both locked from the outside. There were bars on every window of the entire house, even the second floor. I was told this was because of the neighborhood we were living in and that the locks on the doors were for my safety because his dad was a drunk.

If you think something is "off"...It probably is...Always go with your gut!!!

Although the abuser always deserves the blame for the harm that is administered....I truly believe there are many women on this site who possess the common sense and intuition that would have never allowed the above events to have ever transpired in the first place.

Many folks have no business being out here.

Use your noodles, you dopes.

_____________________________

(in reply to BloodLuna)

Post #: 21

RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/12/2007 3:13:06 PM

BloodLuna

Posts: 403
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline

domiguy and dynomar (did luna spell that right?) - you are absolutely 100% correct. luna was not using her intelligence nor her concept of reality when she made the decision to move in with the jerk. she had known him 2 months (in person, not online) she was a victim at that time in her life, not a survivor and went from an abusive relationship with her father to one with another man. sometimes when you are a victim, being a victim is all you know. luna apologizes domiguy if you were insulted by my choice not to give his full name, but my point here was not to out the person involved, honestly he's not worth the breath it takes to say his name. it is not luna's problem if you choose not to believe her. you have that right. this girl decided to share her experience in the hopes that it would help with understanding, compassion and show that a person can survive, a person can move forward, and a person can find better. luna was not using common sense 7 years ago and was not thinking with her full potential at that time. domiguy you are 100% right about that- if luna had listened to her instincts, she would not have been in that situation.

BUT luna's lack of common sense at that time in her life does not excuse his behavior or his abuse. there is no excuse for abuse. There is a difference between consent and abuse and it is imperative that those in the lifestyle understand where those lines are. luna believes that we in the lifestyle are doubly responsible for that understanding because of WIITWD. submissives/slaves involved in online dating MUST learn to trust their instinct, use common sense, and not get caught up in "submissive frenzy"

thank you to all those who sent encouragement to me here and in private - luna is so glad her story touched and helped so many people.

luna

< Message edited by BloodLuna -- 12/12/2007 3:16:47 PM >

_____________________________

"Old goths never die, they just need less makeup"

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 22

RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/12/2007 3:21:33 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

BloodLuna
Why am I coming out with this on the boards after 7 years? Because I want to make it clear to those with any doubts that there is a difference between Consensual and Abusive. Because I want to make it clear that any person can say they are anything or anyone online, or in the beginning of a relationship.

This is definitely part of the lesson.....But folks, in reality isn't this the part of the message that should equally be gleaned?

quote:

BloodLuna
Warning bells should have gone off for me immediately. I'd been in the lifestyle 5 years at that point. The house was set up with his father living downstairs and B upstairs. A staircase on the inside reached the upstairs; there were two doors - one at the foot of the stairs and one at the top of the stairs and both locked from the outside. There were bars on every window of the entire house, even the second floor. I was told this was because of the neighborhood we were living in and that the locks on the doors were for my safety because his dad was a drunk.

If you think something is "off"...It probably is...Always go with your gut!!!

Although the abuser always deserves the blame for the harm that is administered....I truly believe there are many women on this site who possess the common sense and intuition that would have never allowed the above events to have ever transpired in the first place.

Many folks have no business being out here.

Use your noodles, you dopes.

She was young, she was naive, she may have been at a low point in her life where she hsd low self-esteem(this is especially what predators looks for)

it does not happen in just the BDSM world it happens in the vanilla world too, been there myself. So where on the planet should we be to be safe from predators if they exist in BDSM and the vanilla worlds. When a child is abused are they responsible or deserve what they got as well ???? Does the woman that dresses provocatively deserved to be jumped and raped? Did you never make mistakes in judgement? Were you never young and foolish and a tad too trusting? Were you never taken advantage of?
Men like B specifically seeking out those that are weak be it at time a women is just into a break up, that may have low self esteem , or they are naive and trusting probably like the case of the 2 14 year olds he vixtimized as well.
They turn on the charm, they spoil, they pamper, they make you feel like a goddess till they have you emotionally wrapped around their little finger beleiving they are some white knight in shining armour, it is not until they have you isolated do you become aware that something is not right by then it is already too late, do you think if she decide to bolt when she seen the windows barred he would have just let her walk , if they were in an isolated area , he would have simply taken her by force then. Who did you vote for last? did you vote for them based on their promises? did they keep them? Did you ever have someone you believein .. lie and fuck you over? did you ever get conned into a piece of drap car by a used car salesman? It is easy to point fingers and place blame but I doubt anyone will get through life without being a dope or conned at some point in their life, but that does not mean we deserve the violence that was done to Luna or other women who suffered similiar fates.

Luna is well aware she made mistakes she will be reminded of that for the rest of her life, she came on here to warn others that predators do exist and to be careful she does not need someone like yourself rubbing her nose in it , because all you succeed in accomplishing by doing is tearing away the self esteem she is fighting to rebuild, nor does she deserve it

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 23

RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/12/2007 3:30:38 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Luna,

I think domiguy's response is kind of typical of alot of the posters here when we see some of the new posters and realize how completely unsure of themselves they are and how vulnerable they will be in the lifestyle. I don't really see his second post as being critical as much as concerned along those lines. "Use your noodles, you dopes" is really actually nice domiguy from what I can tell.

You made a mistake and he was a monster, you can't go back and change the past. You learned from it and moved forward. That's a huge thing to do and many don't know how hard. You know where you are now, what you've learned and how you feel about you. No one on a message board should be able to change that.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 12/12/2007 3:32:03 PM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to BloodLuna)

Post #: 24

RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/12/2007 3:53:51 PM

BloodLuna

Posts: 403
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline

laurell: oh luna wasn't really all that upset. luna's pretty familiar with domiguy and she likes him - she likes people who aren't afraid to be themselves, even if they are occassionally rough around the edges. luna absolutely agrees with domiguy - she was a dope back then!!!! domiguy is a skeptic and we need skeptics in this world. luna meant what she said - he has every right not to believe luna and luna doesn't judge him for that. apparently there are people who would actually make up something this horrible. (although luna can't imagine why - negative attention is better than none to some people luna supposes.) and yes, use your noodle is pretty nice for him - he usually assumes most people don't have enough noodles for a can of soup! (and is usually right) No, nothing someone else says here can change the lessons I learned. what I hope for is that it can simply prevent someone else from having to learn those lessons the hard way.

domiguy - your can of noodle soup is in the mail

luna

_____________________________

"Old goths never die, they just need less makeup"

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 25

RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/12/2007 3:59:02 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

I only wish the person who assaulted me would have given off warning signs... but sociopaths don't always do that. Some appear so "normal" that afterwards, when the real asshole has come out, it is a complete and total shock to the victim, as well as to the perpetrator's friends, coworkers, etc., etc.

The whole "use your noodle" crack... uggghhhh.

Where the heck is that clue by four... uhh, I mean the Sensitivity Stick.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 26

RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/12/2007 4:07:28 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

thank you for sharing.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 27

RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/12/2007 4:45:34 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

I only wish the person who assaulted me would have given off warning signs... but sociopaths don't always do that. Some appear so "normal" that afterwards, when the real asshole has come out, it is a complete and total shock to the victim, as well as to the perpetrator's friends, coworkers, etc., etc.

Cali

There is such absolute truth to this statement. I know this first hand. My family continues to feel baffled and "fooled". They are having to recover from the whole ordeal, as well, as the ripple effect was quite big.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 28

RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/12/2007 4:56:09 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

BloodLuna,
Thank You for taking the time and courage to share Your experience with us all....... You are truly a brave and courageous woman....

Domiguy,
While i understand Laurel's interpretation of Your post and believe her to be accurate, i must say You never cease to amaze me...As You and i have had this discussion privately (in my old screen name) i will not reiterate my points here...i will however warn people that true sociopaths do not give off red flags or warning signs....
In fact, as much as i've tried to sort out my experience the only thing i can come away with is that i am mostly responsible because it was me who gave him so much control and power in the first place....

Luna, i can not tell You how much i admire You...i admire anyone who has the courage and strength to put all of this horrible crap in it's respectful space and learn to enjoy life and truly live it...Moving from a victim to a survivor is wonderful....But moving from a survivor to a thriver is amazing..
Kali

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to BloodLuna)

Post #: 29

RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/12/2007 5:10:35 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

I only wish the person who assaulted me would have given off warning signs... but sociopaths don't always do that. Some appear so "normal" that afterwards, when the real asshole has come out, it is a complete and total shock to the victim, as well as to the perpetrator's friends, coworkers, etc., etc.

The whole "use your noodle" crack... uggghhhh.

Where the heck is that clue by four... uhh, I mean the Sensitivity Stick.

Cali

That's a good point. People to this day tell me my relative who sexually assaulted me is a great guy. Anyone can get taken.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 30

RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/12/2007 5:36:28 PM

allcatsaregrey

Posts: 77
Joined: 11/2/2007
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

First:
Luna,

It is truly corageous of you to share your story with all of us. Though it is undoubtedly hurtful to share such painful memories, it is essential that you do so. First, because it will benefit others who may not have realized that these situations can and do happen on a regular basis - even to the smartest men and women. Second, it will help you to further your own growth by forcing you to examine what happened. Be assured that your story has touched others, and, personally, helped me to examine my own experiences, both past and current. From now on, I know that I will be much more cautious than I have in the past, and advise others to be, also. Be aware that sharing such a story in an online forum may create accusations, however, you know what is truthful, and it is not for any of us to judge you, as we have not been in your situation. Thank you.

Second:
Bluemind80,

Thank you for posting a link to the article, "Red Flags." It is immensely useful - I will be e-mailing it to all of my friends!

_____________________________

Warm Regards,
c.,
The "Service with a Smile" Slut

"Domination's the name of the game, in bed or in life, they're both just the same - Except in one you're fulfilled
at the end of the day."

- Depeche Mode, "Master & servant"

(in reply to bluemind80)

Post #: 31

RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/12/2007 5:39:19 PM

PsyVamp

Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

luna,
Thank you for sharing with us.
I'm glad things worked out for you but sorry you had to go through this. I hope your telling it helps someone else.

Lady Jag (Psy)

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to BloodLuna)

Post #: 32

RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/12/2007 5:41:55 PM

BloodLuna

Posts: 403
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline

kalista

from victim to survivor to thriver. oh goddess thats great!!! can luna use that????

to others that have continued to encourage luna: luna has felt very calm about sharing her experience.

luna

< Message edited by BloodLuna -- 12/12/2007 5:48:48 PM >

_____________________________

"Old goths never die, they just need less makeup"

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 33

RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/12/2007 5:58:01 PM

Knite64

Posts: 10
Joined: 9/5/2007
Status: offline

Thankyou for sharing and I wish both you and your Master well

Petals
Even when you tear its petals off one after another,
the rose keeps laughing and doesn't bend in pain.
Why should I be afflicted because of a thorn?
It is the thorn which taught me how to laugh
Whatever you lost through fate,
be certain that it saved you from pain.
A Sheikh was asked:What is Sufism?
To feel joy in the heart when sorrow appears.

Mawlana Jalal-ad-Din Muhammad Rumi / Mawlana Jalaladdeen Rumi

(in reply to BloodLuna)

Post #: 34

RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/12/2007 6:54:51 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

Heh...Luna, i'm glad You like that...It's all Yours...Truth be told i stole it....(or is it liberated it? hmm) from my new therapist...Although, honestly Your reaction to it is much more appropriate then mine...Because frankly each time He begins to go down that road i want to do something evil to Him...But then i remember, that would not be appropriate...And since we all know i am always appropriate...heh...
Kali

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to BloodLuna)

Post #: 35

RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/12/2007 7:09:56 PM

WillowRain

Posts: 191
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline

Thank you for sharing your story Luna.
May your life henceforth continue to be graced with love and happiness.

(in reply to BloodLuna)

Post #: 36

RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/12/2007 7:22:36 PM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

luna, thank you for your words. It is very heartwarming to know that one can come out on the other side a survivor. The frightening thing is that probably the worst abusers appear to be everyday folks to the outside world. They sit in a group of people discussing the horrors of abuse....tsk tsk and stand proudly and say 'yep we all gotta be careful', then go home and beat the living hell out of their significant other. Your words are a very good warning to all and again, thank you.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to BloodLuna)

Post #: 37

RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/13/2007 2:40:37 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

greetings Luna

i am so proud of you. you went through more then hell with that nut. wow you one strong woman and your new master which surprise me you would have another but you know what your doing. i was beaten too and i got away before he could kill me too. thank you so for your wonderful trust in us to tell and open up. your so right there is a difference between beaten and abuse i hope as you said someone will read you post and have he chance to get away from a bad master or mistress .good luck and i will keep you in my prays god was there for you that day.

mons

(in reply to bluemind80)

Post #: 38

RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/13/2007 3:16:09 AM

Master96

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline

Thank you Luna for opening our eyes *hugs*

_____________________________

Master96,

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Understand that actions will always speak louder than words.

Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence? - Sai Baba

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 39

RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/13/2007 3:38:38 AM

YesMistressIrish

Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

BloodLuna,
Thank You for taking the time and courage to share Your experience with us all....... You are truly a brave and courageous woman....

Domiguy,
While i understand Laurel's interpretation of Your post and believe her to be accurate, i must say You never cease to amaze me...As You and i have had this discussion privately (in my old screen name) i will not reiterate my points here...i will however warn people that true sociopaths do not give off red flags or warning signs....
In fact, as much as i've tried to sort out my experience the only thing i can come away with is that i am mostly responsible because it was me who gave him so much control and power in the first place....

Luna, i can not tell You how much i admire You...i admire anyone who has the courage and strength to put all of this horrible crap in it's respectful space and learn to enjoy life and truly live it...Moving from a victim to a survivor is wonderful....But moving from a survivor to a thriver is amazing..
Kali

I'm with Kali on this one.

((((((Hugs For Luna))))))

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 40

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