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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/13/2007 3:48:18 AM   
ExSteelAgain


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That was a potent post and her level headed follow-ups that make it even more so. Everyone needs to be more careful. Subs and Doms.

What happens when we read something like this is the Titanic metaphor. We are saddened by it all and want to know why it couldn’t have turned out differently. Those who saw Titanic want to know why the couple didn’t get something big enough to float on to save them both. We want to second guess incredibly heartbreaking events.

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/13/2007 3:50:06 AM   
SlavesSoul


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  Congratulations luna for making it back...that can be a longer road than most realize. Once you are out, it can be years before you feel even remotely whole. From one to another...it takes great strength, don't let the past ruin your future, that allows the ass-hole to still have power in your life, and he doesn't rate that.

  And...you don't always see red flags, some of these guys are very good at what they do. Mine was vanilla, my 2nd husband, and I had known him as a friend for 9 years. I thought he was one of the best people I knew, great guy, caring and kind, ect. I lived with him for a year, it wasn't until we were legally married that he he changed, it was like someone flipped a switch and he was this monster I didn't even recognize. Prior to that, he had treated me like a princess, and everyone told me how lucky I was. When I went to my best friend with it, she had a hard time believing me! He was a real charmer...unless you married him.

K

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/13/2007 5:08:47 AM   
Dnomyar


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luna you never did answer my question. How long did you know your present Dom before you got together with him?

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/13/2007 5:19:30 AM   
Obsidiansnamaste


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Greetings luna,

you are quite a courageous woman and you deserve all the universe has to offer you. Thank you for sharing your story and expereince. Yes there is a difference between consent and abuse. Education is a huge weapon against abuse.

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/13/2007 6:36:11 AM   
ghitaPVH


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quote:

ORIGINAL: bluemind80

luna you said there were warning signs there.
For anyone who doesn't know what those signs are I found a pretty good list that tells you what you should keep your eyes out for, this list isn't only about people who might turn physically abusive but are generally manipulative.
Red flag list.


wow...the number of things on that list that apply to my husband is just.....creepy...

grins...I love my Daddy..

ghita~

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/13/2007 7:47:38 AM   
velvetears


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Thank you luna for sharing your experience.  i am glad you got out alive and are well now and happy with your new child and dom (btw is this the abusers child?) If so you might have legal problems when he gets out over visitation rights etc... be prepared.  You never mentioned what happened to the father - i think he's sicker then the son.  There are ways to stop abusers without killing them if they persist - they might get you in some trouble but they can cripple the bastard! 

What bothers me with reporting stories like this is that no matter how many newbies read these stories and are warned, 99% will not listen, think it can never happen to them, and dive in head first with no thought to their safety.  Sociopaths are very clever and there will always be needy, desperate, gullible people.

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/13/2007 12:39:19 PM   
BloodLuna


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dynomar: luna apologizes, she didn't mean to blow off your question.  MasterDruid and luna have been together for a total of 2 years . luna knew him in person for 8 months before luna acepted him as her Dom.  It was another 8 months after that before she accepted a collar and only this november did luna accept a TPE collar as a total slave.  It took the Master over a year to help luna come to a place where she could be emotionally self sufficient, not clingy or dependent.  He taught luna meditation and deep breathing and helped luna kick the panic attacks.  He took things very slow and patiently and helped luna heal.  luna is pregnant with his first child and she is happy beyond her wildest dreams. 
 
velvettears:  luna's experience with B happened in 2000.  This girl's daughter was born in 2001 shortly after the court case closed and as part of the plea bargin he gave up all rights to her.  B was released form jail in 2006 and comes off his ankle bracelette sometime in Feb.  he has to register as a sex offender for 10 years and as such isn't allowed around minors.  the lawyers and the ADA involved in lna's case took very good care of her and were very aggressive in assuring that luna's daughter and luna would be safe.  As far as B's father - he was sentenced to 3 years for sexual assult and assisted illegal detainment.  Because of his age and liver function he served 18 months before being released on a compassion loophole.  (cirrosis from 25 years of alcoholism) 
 
luna

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/13/2007 3:34:50 PM   
eevin


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i have not had an experience like this.  But i have had two friends, who were submissives, who did.  The first was locked in a master's basement, where he (here i refuse to give him any sort of respect with capitals) tortured, raped, cut, and beat her so severely that she died in the hospital after someone discovered what he was doing and turned him in.  But, luckily, he recieved a life sentence in prison.

my other friend had a story almost exactly like your's, where she was locked up and completely cut off from the world.  But in that case the master (again, i refuse to respect) forced her to have sex with canins as well as a lot of other debased actions while he held her.  And she, too, had a lot of flashes later of things her mind didn't want to remember.

i am glad i have a base of friends who care enough about me not to just let me to keep my head straight and not let me run off and just disappear without warning, and i hope the stories here will help others to be prapaired and to be careful with Whomever they choose to be with.

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/13/2007 4:04:51 PM   
lronitulstahp


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To the OP...thanks sooo much for this brave and thought- provoking post. i applaud your positive attitude, and particularly your obvious devotion to your child.  A true case of  "making beauty from ashes".  One thing i can take from your story and experience, and from the advice of others is to seriously consider trusting one close friend with the secret of my BDSM lifestyle as a means of self-preservation to prevent something as dangerous from happening to myself, or those i love.  Thank you for the reminder to trust my 'gut feeling'.

"Let bravery be thy choice, but not bravado"
                                                                ~Menander

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/13/2007 5:41:23 PM   
domiguy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

BloodLuna
Why am I coming out with this on the boards after 7 years?  Because I want to make it clear to those with any doubts that there is a difference between Consensual and Abusive.  Because I want to make it clear that any person can say they are anything or anyone online, or in the beginning of a relationship. 


This is definitely part of the lesson.....But folks, in reality isn't this the part of the message that should equally be gleaned?
quote:

BloodLuna
Warning bells should have gone off for me immediately.  I'd been in the lifestyle 5 years at that point.  The house was set up with his father living downstairs and B upstairs.  A staircase on the inside reached the upstairs; there were two doors - one at the foot of the stairs and one at the top of the stairs and both locked from the outside.  There were bars on every window of the entire house, even the second floor.  I was told this was because of the neighborhood we were living in and that the locks on the doors were for my safety because his dad was a drunk.


If you think something is "off"...It probably is...Always go with your gut!!!

Although the abuser always deserves the blame for the harm that is administered....I truly believe there are many women on this site who possess the  common sense and intuition that would have never allowed the above events to have ever transpired in the first place.

Many folks have no business being out here.

Use your noodles, you dopes.




She was young, she was naive, she may have been at a low point in her life where she hsd low self-esteem(this is especially what predators looks for)

it does not happen in just the BDSM world it happens in the vanilla world too, been there myself.  So where on the planet should we be to be safe from  predators if they  exist in BDSM and the vanilla worlds.    When a child is abused are they responsible or deserve what they got  as well ????  Does the woman that dresses provocatively deserved to be jumped and raped?  Did you never make mistakes in judgement?  Were you never young and foolish and a tad too trusting?  Were you never taken advantage of? 
Men like B specifically seeking out those that are weak be it at time a women is just into a break up, that may have low self esteem  , or they are naive and trusting probably like the case of the 2 14 year olds he vixtimized as well.
They turn on the charm, they spoil, they pamper, they make you feel like a goddess till they have you emotionally wrapped around their little finger beleiving they are some white knight in shining armour, it is not until they have you isolated do you become aware that something is not right by then it is already too late, do you think if she decide to bolt when she seen the windows barred he would have just let her walk , if they were in an isolated area , he would have simply taken her by force then.   Who did you vote for last? did you vote for them based on their promises? did they keep them?  Did you ever have someone you believein ..  lie and fuck you over? did you ever get conned into a piece of drap car by a used car salesman?  It is easy to point fingers and place blame but I doubt anyone will get through life without being a dope or conned  at some point in their life, but that does not mean we deserve the violence that was done to Luna or other women who suffered similiar fates.

Luna is well aware she made mistakes she will be reminded of that for the rest of her life, she came on here to warn others that predators do exist and to be careful  she does not need someone like  yourself  rubbing her nose in it , because all you succeed in accomplishing by doing is tearing away the self esteem she is fighting to rebuild, nor does she deserve it 



First off, I think it was fine that Luna chose to share her story with others. I just thought it was appropriate to interject that the message that might have been lost in all of this is to use all of your senses before you find yourself in a similar situation.

There are a ton of people out here that ain't quite right in the head. So I called them "dopes." If people thought I was referring to Luna they would be mistaken...I didn't understand why some posters decided to chime in to explain that the events that transpired in their pasts were well beyond their control. Though this obviously is often the case, it was clearly not what I was alluding to. Many times unfortunate situations can be avoided if we take the time to listen to our inner voice, survey the landscape and not to be in such an incredible rush.

Maya, I find your post insulting....At no point did I suggest what happened to Luna was the same as child abuse. There is a huge difference. Many people although there are never responsible for the abuse that they recieve were to a certain degree co-conspirators.

First off, this is not Eharmony if you have some how failed to notice. This is not the "vanilla world." If you haven't taken the time, this is the place where women, whether subs or doms, routinely bitch about getting messages from men calling them useless cunts and whores and suggesting that it might be high time for them to get on their knees and engage in some top-flight cockswabbing. Eharmony? Sound vanilla? if so I've got to start hangin' at those spots.

Luna explained how she missed the warning signs....This obviously made little impression on you.

I didn't vote for Bush...I have made mistakes. I have regretted purchases that I have made. I have been lied to.

I have never stuck my hand in an aquarium full of pirhannas....I won't be the passenger in a car if the driver is impaired. I do my best to avoid situations and people that are gonna kill my tight and groovin' jam. When I lose my arm because I choose to drive home with a friend that was drunk....I will live with the ramifications of being called "lefty" while my friend heads to jail. Some people might ask me, "what in the fuck were you thinking letting that drunk asshole drive you home?" My response would probably be, "I wasn't." Now if we were both sober and then got creamed by a car whose driver was drunk then in most cases it would be considered as unforseeable as well as probably impossible to avoid. Any of this getting through?

Though it is nice to say that we are glad for Luna's safety and wish her well into the future....It doesn't change the situation that by not utilizing and ignoring her senses she became much easier prey for "person B" (I'm very confused if this is Divi, Bossyshoebitch, Micheal or Mine?)

Anywhooooo, I thought I would respond once again, not to be combative but to explain the "real and true" lesson of Luna's story....Trust me, it is not that there is a difference between consent and abuse....Event the most regressed of brains can probably kind of wrap their lil' pea-heads around that one....The lesson is to keep your brain active...Utilize all of your senses. If you brain says "get the fuck out of here!" don't let that tingling a twat talk you out of it. Just get the fuck out! Hopefully you don't get blind sided by the drunk in the other car! Go in peace....You dumb slits.

God is great. God is Good. Let us thank him for our brains......Now start using them....Amen.


< Message edited by domiguy -- 12/13/2007 5:42:27 PM >


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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/13/2007 8:30:57 PM   
dawntreader


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Obsidiansnamaste

Greetings luna,

you are quite a courageous woman and you deserve all the universe has to offer you. Thank you for sharing your story and expereince. Yes there is a difference between consent and abuse. Education is a huge weapon against abuse.

Greetings luna,
i agree with namaste...you are very courageous

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/13/2007 9:00:08 PM   
BondageSlaveMN


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quote:

ORIGINAL: bluemind80

luna you said there were warning signs there.
For anyone who doesn't know what those signs are I found a pretty good list that tells you what you should keep your eyes out for, this list isn't only about people who might turn physically abusive but are generally manipulative.
Red flag list.


Sorry if this sounds like a hijack, but I found that list utterly unhelpful. It is full of specific situations and has a lot of stereotpyical hogwash in it. For example, one red flag listed is: Men who have juvenile hobbies such as comic book or action figure collections. This is a huge sign that they're not all the way grown up. Keep in mind that I've read ONE comic book my entire life, so I am certainly not defending myself here. I'm just saying that just because a guy likes comic books or collects action figures does not mean he's manipulative or a loser. It just means he has a different hobby. Am I suicidal and crazy because I love to jump out of airplanes?

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/14/2007 6:08:23 AM   
BloodLuna


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domiguy:  thank you for pointing out what you did.  luna wants to say that you are absolutely correct.  luna would not have been in that situation had she listened to her instincts or to common sense. 
 
 luna had been in the lifestyle for 5 years before meeting B and knew what warning signs to look for.  she was very caught up in submissive frenzy mixed with some brain dead receptors that were fried during previous abusive relationships including her childhood (father)  Many girls (and guys) who are abused as children often subconsciously seek the evil they know rather than the frightening concept of something new.  This is not an excuse - we as people are all still responsible for our actions and the karma those actions bring down on us - luna cannot and will not attempt to excuse her personal behavior in what happened to her, and she learned to accept that personal responsibility.  that was a HARD lesson, but part of the trip from victim to survivor.  luna believes in personal responsibility, not fault, not blame. Blame and fault are guilt related concepts  - they are non constructive and they are victim terms, terms of the adult child.  "its not my fault" the 4 year old whines.  "s/he made me do it"  the 6 year old blames.  "I made a bad choice."  the survivor says as s/he accepts a level of responsibility in his/her life.  "And I am learning from it, accepting it, and moving on."  Its part of growing. 
 
Bondageslave:  there are a few good hints in that warning list.  (and no - Red Flags are not a hijack of the thread but an important sub-set of the lesson) 
 
 The thing is that leaving a huge list of warning signs can be confusing when it comes to WIITWD.  what can be considered abusive to some, in a consensual situation is enjoyed by others.  CONSENSUAL is the key.  Even a TPE situation like luna is in now has common sense limits.  luna loves her Master, trusts her Master, and knows he will never do anything to harm her.  If he started doing or saying things to damage luna's self-esteem, to break her down or harm her emotionally, going into rages, breaking luna's bones or harming luna's ums . . . that would be the end of that!!!!  
 
We as humans do have a level of personal responsibility that we must maintain.  We are intelligent beings who don't need a pre-made list to tell us what is good for us and what is bad for us any more than we need the government to tell us cigarettes are bad for us or fast food will make us fat.  We KNOW the information - if we choose to ignore it then we must accept some level of responsibility for the warnings we ignored.  luna absolutely agrees with this.  LISTEN to your inner voice, if it feels wrong - it IS wrong.  Period.  Look around yourself, be aware of your surroundings!  Act, don't react.  And please, learn to love and control yourself before you try to serve (or control) someone else.  Arm yourself with knowledge!!!!  its the best defense!!
 
luna

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/14/2007 6:16:27 AM   
lauren0221


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Domi - that was incredibly well said.

Sometimes we get so caught up in sympathy we miss the message.

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/14/2007 8:23:02 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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I love the story because it is so human and because it so well highlights the reality that freedom comes from the choice within.  It's not friends or family trying to tell you how abusive it is, it's not about all the offerings of shelter and support in the world- it's about one person making a choice not to live that way anymore.  That's the only way it ever really stops. 

Thanks.

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/14/2007 8:37:20 PM   
ownedgirlie


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I love the story because it is so human and because it so well highlights the reality that freedom comes from the choice within.  It's not friends or family trying to tell you how abusive it is, it's not about all the offerings of shelter and support in the world- it's about one person making a choice not to live that way anymore.  That's the only way it ever really stops. 

Thanks.


From experience, this is so incredibly true.  Thank you for pointing it out.


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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/15/2007 7:15:15 AM   
Prinsexx


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Dear Luna;
Yes are are a survivor and you have my absolute respect for knowing the difference between domination and abuse.
I  was smuggled out of Italy by the brtish consulate and fled back to Englnd with two small children. Have seen him arrested more than once. Covered my broken wrists in the jewellery he also bought me and been five times in a women's refuge, in group therapy for two years, intensive gocnitive therapy for two months and on ivillage exploring abuse boards for four years but that is not counting more than one trip to a hospital and complex medication.
I am proud mother to three children.
The flashbacks stopped after 4 years of leaving him and every penny behind me,
But I continue to get triggered and have a hard time with submission when a dom gets anywhere near control and manipulation rather than domination.
Huge thank you for making me realise how strong I am despite wobbles.
Luna: I send love.


< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 12/15/2007 7:17:27 AM >

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/15/2007 7:48:33 AM   
sexyred1


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Luna, thanks for sharing your story; while it was horrific, you are one of the lucky ones, and like Kali said, you are thriving, not just surviving.

I also applaud you for being so articulate about how you have developed emotionally; it is so rare to read about someone so self aware and I hope others take it to heart.

I think the most important part of the story (having personally known victims of childhood abuse who ended up marrying abusers) is to be aware of the patterns in choosing partners.

I wish you all the best.

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/15/2007 10:27:15 AM   
BloodLuna


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LA:  your feedback means alot to luna.  this girl has come to respect you highly on the forums.  Thank you!!!
 
Prinsexx:  Wobbles are ok.  luna had a wobble after B in which she was in a very very short relationship with a submissive male who started to become a problem.  the positive thing is that we learn from our mistakes and the wobbles let us know to change the tire before it falls off!!!  Please look into deep breathing techniques and focused, breath orientated meditation.  Those helped this girl greatly whenever luna felt triggers or flashbacks or panic attacks.  Be patient, it takes some time to learn to do deep breathing (belly breathing as opposed to chest breathing) and it takes some time to get the hang of.  if you need any help or advice on deep breathing or healing meditation please don't hesitate to cmail me on the other side.
 
luna

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/15/2007 10:54:17 AM   
MzGeorgia


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luna, I read your post and my heart broke.  You are truly a a survivor!  I truly believe W/we are all here for a reason, that we all have a destiny.  Hopefully your past will prevent anything from happening to another lady.  I am a survivor and I counsel and help abused teens.  This helps in my recovery. 
 
I pray that the light shines brightly on you and keeps you strong.  Blessings to you and your Master!

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