RE: A survivor's story (long post)

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/21/2007 7:12:19 PM

aropeartist

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Joined: 9/27/2006
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Geeezzzz.....That was heart wrenching. I am amazed anyone could do such a thing and not be put away for life. I'm not so sure I would be so strong coming out the other side. Best Wishes and Congratulations on making it thru.

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/21/2007 7:45:20 PM

angelslave77

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Joined: 5/14/2007
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Luna you are an incredible, corageous woman, I wish you a bright and beautiful future, full of peace and happiness.

And I think whoever wrote that red flag list must have been dating my ex dom.

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/22/2007 9:16:16 AM

an0en

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Joined: 10/21/2006
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Thank you for posting this.
Your stronger then I'll ever be.

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/22/2007 10:37:06 AM

BloodLuna

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Joined: 10/28/2007
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sorry everyone - luna got a little behind on keeping up with this post with the pregnancy and the holidays. thanks to everyone who responded. this girl found that writing this and reading the responses both here and in cmail that there was something very . . . healing . . . in opening up publicly about it. luna is glad she shared

happy Yule to all
luna

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"Old goths never die, they just need less makeup"

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/22/2007 11:44:32 AM

Aswad

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Joined: 4/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: allcatsaregrey

Thank you for posting a link to the article, "Red Flags." It is immensely useful - I will be e-mailing it to all of my friends!

Right, so they'll stay away from guys who like to be bossy in bed and lavish money on them.
Heartless Bitches International doesn't strike me as the place for dating advice.
But, sure, do pass on this list, and leave the rest to Darwin.

Health,
al-Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/22/2007 11:50:13 AM

Aswad

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ghitaPVH

wow...the number of things on that list that apply to my husband is just.....creepy...

I stopped reading after the first dozen or so matches, mostly for two other reasons: (a) I do not know any men that women should not run from, according to that list, except for a few solid assholes and one certifiable sociopath, and (b) it read like one of these girlie mag lists whose only merit is keeping women from settling down with anyone until they have the life experience and self-confidence to throw the lists out the window and just be happy.

Health,
al-Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/22/2007 11:56:56 AM

Aswad

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It's about one person making a choice not to live that way anymore. That's the only way it ever really stops.

For you and domi:

Thanks.

Health,
al-Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/22/2007 12:42:11 PM

daddyncherry

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Joined: 10/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

i will however warn people that true sociopaths do not give off red flags or warning signs....
In fact, as much as i've tried to sort out my experience the only thing i can come away with is that i am mostly responsible because it was me who gave him so much control and power in the first place....

BloodLuna-Having gone through something very similar in my youth (in a vanilla relationship) i have to commend you for sharing your experience and for coming out on the other side and thriving/surviving.

i just wanted to also add to what Kalista07 posted here...

Signs are not alway easy to see....you can't always tell until after you've encountered one what to look for n the furtue.

It would be like stumbling across a cute little animal in the woods....and thinking "Awww..i've never seen one of those before..it doesn't look scary, all cute and furry and stuff...let me pick it up." and then finding out it had huge teeth and a taste for blood. The next time you saw one of those you would definitely steer clear, but if you hadn't encountered one, then your lack of experience could get you into trouble.

Also, if someone comes from an abusive past they might tend to see or create red flags where there are none...suspecting everything and everyone to some degree...So sometimes its the culmination of red flags and other things, that sometimes you can only find out if you actually go through them...

Ultimately, abusers/predators are very good at finding prey/victims and they can seem very sweet and charming or like everything you might want....makes me think of an historical figure....you know the guy....was known as Ted Bundy...he was the epitome of that type of guy.

Sometimes, like with my abuser, it happens so fast that you are in too deep before you realize that you were even sinking into the black hole...then only if you are lucky, like Blood Luna (and myself et al.) you are able to escape

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to Kalista07)

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/22/2007 12:48:14 PM

sirguym

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Joined: 8/10/2007
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Thanks Luna for sharing your experience and whoever shared the Red Fag list that I found so very true to life in every respect. Flip maybe, and not enough, but good.

Had I read something like that I would have got out of a scene, and in another instance, a business relationship, a lot earlier and would have been a lot wealthier ...

But the lesson I would hope that is also taken from this thread is that when you hear of a break-up, hang fire, don't judge.

Mostly, if a long-established abusive relationship does break up, the abuser has so successfully villified and discredited the victim, in the eyes of their friends and family, that all too often those whom the victim turns to for help first-off will side with the abuser.

When your help is REALLY needed the call will be weak, quiet, plaintive, very easy to dismiss as hysterical or attention-seeking; and all too easy to ignore in the press of a busy life. Help immediately, listen carefully, suspend judgement.

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/22/2007 12:58:06 PM

HisRayne

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Luna,
Thank you for sharing your story.You have my utmost respect and love.

_____________________________

~*~In love and light~*~
~*~rayne~*~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I give my heart,my soul,my body to Him and only Him....the rest of you fucks get my attitude problem.

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/22/2007 2:51:14 PM

WOLF317

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luna I admire your courage, not only your courage for making the post in the first place, but also for the courage you have shown on the road back to where you are now. I must also bow my head in Respect to MasterDruid for the foresight He exhibited in helping the one He chose to serve Him in her recovery. As far as the red flags go, I for one do not put much faith in red flags. They are, and only can be "guidelines". No one "phycopath" will fit into the same category, though some traits may transcend form one to the other.
WOLF317

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RE: A survivor's story (long post) - 12/22/2007 3:50:39 PM

LATEXBABY64

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I am glad she posted this. Let her lesson be one for all who travel the world of this lifestyle becareful and always take it slow. Remeber a few have hidden personas and the red flags are not always upfront just like the BTK killer among others. LIke this new guy that his four wife disappeard you never know what is lerking in the dark minds of some

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