Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Pleasing "Just because"


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Pleasing "Just because" Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Pleasing "Just because" - 12/13/2007 4:15:47 AM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		This is a topic that really interests me. i often wonder if there are underlying reasons for being this way, or if it`s just because of how some submissives are wired. i know others will get what i mean, as i have read your previous posts.

Not so long back, there was a long thread on a submissives rights to have sex. my opinion is that as a submissive we dont have that right, it`s more of a bonus, and yes i know a relationship is two sided but i will come to that. One thing that really floats my boat, is when a Mistress, or even just a vanilla girlfriend, is enjoying Herself sexually. Like most guys i thought the ultimate aim was penetration and orgasm. i realised though that sometimes the focus is so much on this, that lifes other little joy was missed. Have you ever pleased a woman but not yourself, and seen the pure look of joy on Her face, knowing She does not have to worry about you and can concentrate, or just drift, on Her own dreamy state. Infact having sex and Her rolling off as soon as She is done and saying coyly, thanks that was wonderful is mind blowing, but the look of contentment on Her face for the rest of the day was worth it. The bonus of thinking like this is twofold, firstly, your partner really enjoys Herself, and secondly that fact alone brings its own little rewards

Thinking about the above gets me onto another conundrum thats popped up on the boards. Pain, and more of it than you have wished for. i often wonder just how far i would go in this area, the idea of pain both scares me and excites me at the same time. Would i stop at my comfort level or endure that bit more just to please Her. It`s an easy answer for me, at least its easy sat here typing, i would go that bit more for two reasons. Firstly i would not even be at that point with someone i didnt trust ( That doesnt have to mean i have known her ages ) Secondly, we are back to the notion of being pleasing, of doing something not because i want it, but because She wants it. It shows both trust and devotion, maybe even a little bit of recklesness ( sp ) Once again the act brings its own rewards and helps to build that little bit of magic in a relationship.

Much the same also applies in general service, doing the little things to save Her from doing it. Filling the car with petrol ( gas works the cooker lol )  Cutting the lawn, cleaning house. Any of this has one more benefit, it allows Her more time to spend with You.

That said, there`s nothing wrong with being a service bottom or just wanting to play, just be honest though, admit what you want, or rather how you view things, straight out. You may not get things all your own way, but honesty goes a long way.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Pleasing "Just because" - 12/13/2007 4:47:23 AM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		*hugs Politesub* 


(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Pleasing "Just because" - 12/13/2007 4:58:57 AM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

Much the same also applies in general service, doing the little things to save Her from doing it. Filling the car with petrol ( gas works the cooker lol ) 


I don't have a cooker, so I put the gas in my car. *g*

Seriously though, nice post.

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Pleasing "Just because" - 12/13/2007 6:39:23 AM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		I agree, lovely post... especially in that you said such great things about service and focusing on the dominant with the add-on that it's not at all a judgement of other ways.

On the sex comments, I wanted to share that that is much how my sexual life has gone once I assure my partner that the key focus isn't his, or even my, orgasm.  It's always almost a relief to them that that goal is set aside.  Once it is, we have a tremendously good time, sometimes with us both reaching orgasm, sometimes only one of us, and sometimes neither of us.  They become much more involved in the during for both of us rather than the goal-end and it makes for lovely, smiling, romps. 

Now, is it sometimes about getting me off (or both of us) quickly and purely, like some wild "quickies" or more animal approaches?  Sure, and those are great, too.  But it becomes that there is a time for that and a time for just enjoying the sexual sharing without an orgasm as the end-all, be-all, of the fun.

On the pain part:  I'm definitely one who likes to push a sub/slave past their comfort zone or where they thought they needed to stop.  Safely after learning to read their body language and reactions, but absolutely I enjoy doing it.  I'm of the mindset that if it was all within their comfort zones, whatever the issue or subject, then it's not submission... it's just a kinky equals relationship.  But then, I'm an admitted power/authority junky; I want to see a sub/slave squirm for me and push themselves to take what they thought they couldn't. 

Again, within safe limits, though... A broken toy is no good to me and I have an affection and respect for any who I allow to submit to me.  Sometimes you have to stop a sub/slave from taking more or going further than they should because they'll push themselves into dangerous territory emotionally or physically.  At times authority is best used and enjoyed by saying "Ok, that's enough".

But yes, anyways... I just wanted to say I liked the post and chat on what it brought to mind a bit. :)

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Pleasing "Just because" - 12/13/2007 7:29:21 AM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		Politesub

my boy seems quite similar when it comes to sex.  He loves it when we do it thats a given, but the look on his face when he see's the look on my face when its only me that has had the orgasm or pleasure is much bigger than when we do it 'nilla.  If I gave him a choice over say sex and we both cum or just tending to me he will pick tending to me.  I think he sometimes gets more excited than I do if I say I want fisting because he knows i can just lie there and have earth shattering orgasms while he looks after me and pleasures me in such a way I can drift off and not have to worry about him. 
Neither of us are big pain players so I cant relaly comment on the latter part of your post but I always feel like he trusts me and he never questions me when I play with him in a pain way he just goes with what im doing. I guess its a bit reversed in that he can just lie there or whatever comfortably and drift off into subspace and feel safe enough to know that I know what I'm doing and I know when to stop
Isnt bondage great I have to say I am having a week of feeling great about it all !!


_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to RumpusParable)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Pleasing "Just because" - 12/13/2007 7:53:31 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		This is a timely thread.

I just finished writing a review for Robert J Rubel's latest book entitled "Squirms, Screams, and Squirts: A Guide for Advanced Sexual Play." His underlining philosophy is that being a great lover is about pleasuring woman first and foremost and that also that sex shouldn't be goal focused on penetration but intimacy and her orgasm focused.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Pleasing "Just because" - 12/13/2007 9:23:37 AM   
MystressDream


Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

This is a topic that really interests me. i often wonder if there are underlying reasons for being this way, or if it`s just because of how some submissives are wired. i know others will get what i mean, as i have read your previous posts.

Not so long back, there was a long thread on a submissives rights to have sex. my opinion is that as a submissive we dont have that right, it`s more of a bonus, and yes i know a relationship is two sided but i will come to that. One thing that really floats my boat, is when a Mistress, or even just a vanilla girlfriend, is enjoying Herself sexually. Like most guys i thought the ultimate aim was penetration and orgasm. i realised though that sometimes the focus is so much on this, that lifes other little joy was missed. Have you ever pleased a woman but not yourself, and seen the pure look of joy on Her face, knowing She does not have to worry about you and can concentrate, or just drift, on Her own dreamy state. Infact having sex and Her rolling off as soon as She is done and saying coyly, thanks that was wonderful is mind blowing, but the look of contentment on Her face for the rest of the day was worth it. The bonus of thinking like this is twofold, firstly, your partner really enjoys Herself, and secondly that fact alone brings its own little rewards

Thinking about the above gets me onto another conundrum thats popped up on the boards. Pain, and more of it than you have wished for. i often wonder just how far i would go in this area, the idea of pain both scares me and excites me at the same time. Would i stop at my comfort level or endure that bit more just to please Her. It`s an easy answer for me, at least its easy sat here typing, i would go that bit more for two reasons. Firstly i would not even be at that point with someone i didnt trust ( That doesnt have to mean i have known her ages ) Secondly, we are back to the notion of being pleasing, of doing something not because i want it, but because She wants it. It shows both trust and devotion, maybe even a little bit of recklesness ( sp ) Once again the act brings its own rewards and helps to build that little bit of magic in a relationship.

Much the same also applies in general service, doing the little things to save Her from doing it. Filling the car with petrol ( gas works the cooker lol )  Cutting the lawn, cleaning house. Any of this has one more benefit, it allows Her more time to spend with You.

That said, there`s nothing wrong with being a service bottom or just wanting to play, just be honest though, admit what you want, or rather how you view things, straight out. You may not get things all your own way, but honesty goes a long way.


Beautifully written.... Your Mistress is a very lucky woman.  <smile>  Thank you for sharing your thoughts here.

_____________________________

Knowledge and experience are wonderful things to share. When we stop asking questions, we might as well "hang it up".

check out: www.enclaveproductions.com
www.enclavewest.com

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Pleasing "Just because" - 12/13/2007 9:49:03 AM   
liks2plzlf


Posts: 390
Joined: 7/21/2005
Status: offline 		 That was great. Another must read, or should be read for us subs/slaves. Thanks Polite

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Pleasing "Just because" - 12/13/2007 10:32:55 AM   
AFlyInYourWeb


Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

Much the same also applies in general service, doing the little things to save Her from doing it.


Well written.

The sort of  "services" you describe come down being thoughtful.  You are demonstrating to her, in a non-verbal but tangible fashion, that when she was not present, you were thinking of  her, care about her, and were willing to make some sacrifice, large or small, to her benefit, large or small.

This is the sort of gesture that would be noticed and appreciated by almost any woman...and Dominas are first and foremost women, who also just happen to be Dominants.

When we forget that they are women first, we are objectifying them instead of dealing with them as people.  We commit that error at our own risk.



_____________________________

Stories: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=334308
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=335720
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=336666
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=337911

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Pleasing "Just because" - 12/13/2007 10:37:00 AM   
MsIncontrol


Posts: 261
Joined: 10/3/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you for your thoughtful post Politesub.  It is all about the journey..and not the destination for me with regards to sex.

BUT those little "just because" things make me the most happy.  Getting in my already warmed car on a winter day, seeing a favorite treat magically appearing in the cupboard or the stereo tuned to my favorite station in his car.  All of those things make me swoon.

Thanks again for sharing, it is always a delight to read your post.

_____________________________

Happiness is only real when shared. - Christopher McCandless

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Pleasing "Just because" - 12/13/2007 10:43:02 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		Pleasing "just because" is what submission is all about.. TO ME.
 
Couple that with Domination "just because" and what a wonderful, fullfilling situation for both.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Pleasing "Just because" - 12/13/2007 1:49:50 PM   
LadyChef


Posts: 105
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline 		Very sweet. *pat on the head*

_____________________________

You reap what you sow

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Pleasing "Just because" - 12/13/2007 2:01:11 PM   
MistressPav


Posts: 350
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline 		Politesub53, great post!

My Dom knows not to play orgasm control/restriction on me, because I'm a "bossy, high maintenance bottom" (or so I've been called by a 3rd party).  Funny thing is: it's ME who wants to sleep right after I cum and he who wants to cuddle and talk.   **giggle**
But yes, I agree, the sweetest sex one can have is by getting pleasure from GIVING pleasure. Nothing gets me wetter faster than giving some good head to my Dom and swallowing every drop.



_____________________________

Proud Owner of Zubi
(my boy "ToyZ")
Claimed & Collared 9magick#2008

"An it harm none, unless they deserve it, do what ye will." --Scorpio Creed

A- Rh-




(in reply to LadyChef)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Pleasing "Just because" - 12/13/2007 6:08:52 PM   
SuspendedInGaffa


Posts: 188
Joined: 8/17/2007
From: Wales, UK
Status: offline 		Yes, wonderful stuff, politesub! Beautifully expressed: D/s nirvana.

Obviously I follow what the Mistresses write here, but being a newbie I'm also a total fanboy acolyte of the good male subs, such as your good self and littlesarbonne. Scooby Doo, I wanna be like you.

_____________________________

I wormed my way into the heart of the crowd
I was shocked to find what was allowed

(in reply to MistressPav)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Pleasing "Just because" - 12/13/2007 6:10:01 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Great thread and comments Ps.  

I'd like to say I'm as enlightened as you when it comes to submission but the simple truth is while I may have started out simply enduring things because it's what it meant to submit, the reality is somewhere along the line I evolved into a state where the actual submission and service is a huge turn on and personally gratifying to me.  Nonsexual, painful even completely unenjoyable things can turn me on because of the service and challenge they entail.  The more challenging they are the better.  I ponder sometimes whether I could actually submit to someone that didn't have the ability to challenge me or whether I've somehow made something that's not supposed to be about me about me.  Oddly when I started and was a youngER professional I was enthralled by the ability to totally let go, now I'm somewhat the opposite. 

I guess there are some that would say I am a "do me sub", however, I don't make demands, these are merely observations about my own mental reflections.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 12/13/2007 6:11:30 PM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Pleasing "Just because" - 12/13/2007 7:35:47 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53
Not so long back, there was a long thread on a submissives rights to have sex. my opinion is that as a submissive we dont have that right, it`s more of a bonus, and yes i know a relationship is two sided but i will come to that.


Hi, Politesub. I relate with how you feel--mostly ;-)

I am content to provide orgasm and not receive one. And sexual intercourse is not a priority. However, I have a somewhat different take on whether it is a submissive's right to have sex.

I think there are too many modes of expression of D/s relationships for that philosophy to apply universally. To elaborate, there are some relationships in which sexual contact or intimacy would run counter to the dynamic. And there are some relationships which bring together romance, intimacy and BDSM. And there are various other flavors in between across people or even within the same person.

Also, sex may mean different things to different people. To the extent sex or, more broadly speaking, intimacy (with which I relate more) represents physical affirmation of affection (one of the five different ways people express or receive affection ), I think it becomes an emotional need more than a physical need.

It is not so much that I believe that a submissive has a right to have sex but that I believe a submissive has a right to negotiate a relationship or dynamic that suits him. If a submissive wants to include sex in his dynamic, I don't think he can be told that submissives universally do not have a right to have sex. That is not to say that a domme must entertain what he wants, but that he has a right to define what he wants in his relationship, which may have to be with a different domme.

quote:

Thinking about the above gets me onto another conundrum thats popped up on the boards. Pain, and more of it than you have wished for. i often wonder just how far i would go in this area, the idea of pain both scares me and excites me at the same time. Would i stop at my comfort level or endure that bit more just to please Her.


I think I feel similarly. I usually do not get physical gratification from pain during the act. One appeal it holds for me is as a form of service. I have had multiple occasions where I wanted the scene to stop; I had not fully exhausted my endurance but was near it, and was continuing for the sake of continuing for the domme and would have welcomed her decision to stop. This tendency--to take pain as a service until the domme has had her fill--requires care and communication. Specifically, this tendency goes best with a domme who relies on body language to determine what to do with the scene versus a domme who relies on hearing red to determine when to stop; otherwise long term or permanent injury can occur. I find that I am reluctant to use a safeword or otherwise stop play out of a desire to accept pain as a service and a desire to not stop when the domme wishes to continue. I think it is a good idea to convey this tendency to a domme. It would clarify that by not using a safeword I am not trying to outlast her but that I am trying to hold out as long as I can for her play, and that it is more important to watch for cues from body language than it is with a sub who more readily uses verbal cues and safewords.

I do not regularly play with pain. If I find that my endurance level cannot keep up with my desire to provide service in this manner, I am aware that there are pain processing techniques that can help increase the endurance. This idea might be helpful to you at some point.

Another appeal that accepting pain holds for me is that I see it as a dance in a BDSM courtship, especially in the early phase of getting to know someone. For instance, if I get flogged at a party by a domme whom I am getting to know and with whom I have not played, the flogging would also carry value as a step towards growing the process of becoming acquainted.

Lastly, reflecting on pain after the event carries masochistic value for me. Seeing marks carries masochistic value. And feeling the tenderness after the event carries similar value.

I have a few more thoughts about the internal drive for service, which I will save for another time.

Thank you for the thread that shared your thoughts and provided the opportunity to share mine.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Pleasing "Just because" - 12/13/2007 7:39:57 PM   
MistressDolly


Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		*Big long squeeze*

_____________________________

m i s t r e s s d o l l y . c o m

m y s p a c e


(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Pleasing "Just because" - 12/13/2007 8:19:39 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncontrol

BUT those little "just because" things make me the most happy.  Getting in my already warmed car on a winter day, seeing a favorite treat magically appearing in the cupboard or the stereo tuned to my favorite station in his car.  All of those things make me swoon.


Agreed, great post Polite.

This reply made me smile.  I have a female slave that was once my live-in (close friends now.) To this day, she keeps my favorite brand of dill pickles in the house, and makes sure that my preferred beverage is available to me when I come over, even if that means her dropping everything and going out and getting it before I arrive.  Some people just have it within them :-)

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to MsIncontrol)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Pleasing "Just because" - 12/13/2007 8:40:44 PM   
TheInstrument


Posts: 69
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressPav

Politesub53, great post!

My Dom knows not to play orgasm control/restriction on me, because I'm a "bossy, high maintenance bottom" (or so I've been called by a 3rd party). Funny thing is: it's ME who wants to sleep right after I cum and he who wants to cuddle and talk. **giggle**





Speaking of giving pleasure, I give women like you an ultimatum - the "bossy high maintenance" types that don't mind their orgasm etiquette. I tell'em either I make you orgasm 20, 25 (or however many is just beyond reasonable for the particular girl) times in a row now, or not at all for the next three months. Choosing the former is kind of like being tickled to death...

(in reply to MistressPav)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Pleasing "Just because" - 12/14/2007 4:11:06 AM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you all for the kind comments.

Sea, i agree with you, as i said " My own opinion "  This is why its essential not to just be with someone purely because they are a D or s type, but to find someone who thinks along broadly the same lines. Like most things there are two extremes and a million points in between.

(in reply to TheInstrument)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Pleasing "Just because" Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078