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The Omnipotent Dom - 12/13/2007 8:52:28 AM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

I suppose I should start out by saying that I am a fan of debate and I enjoy debating about almost anything. One of my favorite things to do is discuss the finer points of D/s or BDSM or whatever term you would prefer with others in the lifestyle...it's one of the reasons that I enjoy the boards so much...

Okay, here's the topic...A group of submissives will be discussing a topic and one person will get backed into the proverbial corner and then comes the "that's what my Dominant says."

Now, I can agree that personal decisions should be left to whatever dynamic they happen to be in...but is that really it? Why even discuss philosophies at all? It makes me feel like they've shouted "BASE!!! You can't touch me!!!" at the top of their lungs. And, it drives me up a wall.

Yes, I answer to my Daddy and Him alone, but that doesn't take away my ability to defend an argument. And, it certainly doesn't mean that my Daddy is always right. He would be the first to admit that we both have faults and that our relationship is constantly a work in progress. I love hearing about new and different ways of approaching things or different situations altogether.

So, is there any point in time when it's okay to ask someone...well, I'm glad he/she/they and you have agreed, but why?

Or, are they standing on some sort of hallowed ground?

< Message edited by spanklette -- 12/13/2007 9:15:56 AM >

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

Post #: 1

RE: The Omnipotent Dom - 12/13/2007 9:07:39 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I think it's perfectly ok to ask. It's also ok to return the answer of because that's how it works for U/us.

I'm no great believer in the One True Way. I happen to think that My way works for Me and your way works for you. Those can be two completely different things. It doesn't make one right and the other wrong. It makes various things work for different people.

Why debate these subjects at all? To Me, that one's simple. Just because I have what works for Me, and you have what works for you, it's still interesting to hear what's on the other side of the fence. I can appreciate how someone who has a different view than Mine has a working dynamic. In fact, sometimes, those are the conversations that are most enlightening. It's where new ideas come from. It can be simply confirmation that what I'm doing is My best approach. It can be just learning something new from a different perspective.

The reverse is true as well. My way certainly isn't going to work for everyone else. Often, it's good for others to see that there is a working dynamic the way I do things. It gives them a chance to see that things can work in a way other than their own, whether that be the fact that I'm poly, or that a female really can be a HOH, or that a couple can have viable relationships with other people. Who knows?

It's a good question and I look forward to the answers from others.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 2

RE: The Omnipotent Dom - 12/13/2007 9:09:35 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

It's okay to say, "All right I understand that's how he likes it. But I'm curious as to your feelings or thoughts on the subject". As long as you're prepared to accept that she doesn't have any differing feelings because she's already internalized his.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 3

RE: The Omnipotent Dom - 12/13/2007 9:14:23 AM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

greetings spanklette,

i enjoy debating and discussing, but sometimes i know when i'm not willing to go any further, and then i'll state my beliefs/experiences (in case anyone's interested) and let them know i'm stopping at that. the occasional situations when that happens have to do with when the debate touches on something which is religiously really personal to me, or on something where it really is a situation of "well, my dominant says," and that's it for me. but i try not to put it out there as though that's an actual defendable argument :P

i think it's perfectly okay to ask why. i'm always willing to answer questions when i'm in a space like that, but generally after that it's more a matter of discussing - it's not a view i'm interested in defending, per se. i don't think it's "hallowed ground" - for me it's just a way to let the people i'm talking with know that that's my stopping point in terms of debate.

respectfully,
annabelle.

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 4

RE: The Omnipotent Dom - 12/13/2007 9:21:14 AM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

I should point out...I'm not talking about pestering someone for an answer to a question. If they don't want to discuss it...don't. I suppose it's when someone drops into the middle of a conversation and opines on a particular subject then it's done.

Honestly, this isn't really a special case. It happens fairly often and I have to keep myself from doing it sometimes. I'm not sure what happens if you drive yourself up a wall...I assume it's akin to trying to bite your own eyebrows.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to hisannabelle)

Post #: 5

RE: The Omnipotent Dom - 12/13/2007 9:24:15 AM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

There's always the point at which you can agree to disagree, but I don't think a submissive using "that's what my dominant says" is effectively supporting their argument. At that point, I'd be more likely to say, "fine... get him here and I'll be happy to tell him why he's wrong."

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 6

RE: The Omnipotent Dom - 12/13/2007 9:25:28 AM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

You know...it never seems to happen when the Dominants are within easy reach...something to ponder...

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to TreasureKY)

Post #: 7

RE: The Omnipotent Dom - 12/13/2007 9:38:01 AM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

You know...it never seems to happen when the Dominants are within easy reach...something to ponder...

lol... You're right.

To be honest, I can understand a submissive internalizing her dominant's viewpoints. For myself, though, if I do similarly it is because FirmhandKY has clearly explained to me why he believes what he does and has presented sufficient logical reasons (to me, anyway

) in support of his beliefs so that I agree with his conclusions. That being the case, I'm more than capable of then supporting that same belief in a debate for myself without having to resort to "that's what my dominant says."

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 8

RE: The Omnipotent Dom - 12/13/2007 9:42:27 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

SO....I see this title, and I am thinking FINALLY, a thread about me. Imagine my disappointment.

The Omnipotent Dom

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 9

RE: The Omnipotent Dom - 12/13/2007 9:51:25 AM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

See, I am way more than willing to drag my Daddy into a discussion...I guess it just never occurred to me to think about it. Of course, it could be the Dominants becoming scarce on purpose, just to avoid this kind of thing...

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to TreasureKY)

Post #: 10

RE: The Omnipotent Dom - 12/13/2007 10:14:09 AM

tdslittlehelper

Posts: 79
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline

he he kind of like my pastor when I was a kid saying.. "cause the Bible says so"

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 11

RE: The Omnipotent Dom - 12/13/2007 10:24:14 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

SO....I see this title, and I am thinking FINALLY, a thread about me. Imagine my disappointment.

The Omnipotent Dom

OH... MY... GOD.... I thought the exact same thing.... "Who is talking about Jeff now???"

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 12

RE: The Omnipotent Dom - 12/13/2007 10:43:46 AM

ctrlaltdelete

Posts: 284
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline

Now I understand why you directed me here...are you being paid copyright fees for your name being used in vain?

_____________________________

The opinions expressed in my posts are strictly mine and do not seek to imply that my personal beliefs are representative of those of ANY other individual(s). Should these opinions hurt your little feelers, you are free and welcome to stop reading them.

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 13

RE: The Omnipotent Dom - 12/13/2007 10:45:59 AM

ctrlaltdelete

Posts: 284
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline

Maybe it would help at the very beginning of the public discussion -as a disclaimer of sorts- whether someone is free and going to dicuss their own personal positions, takes and philosophies. Or whether they are merely present as an intermediary that discusses the post for their dominant one "in absentia" of sorts.

_____________________________

The opinions expressed in my posts are strictly mine and do not seek to imply that my personal beliefs are representative of those of ANY other individual(s). Should these opinions hurt your little feelers, you are free and welcome to stop reading them.

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 14

RE: The Omnipotent Dom - 12/13/2007 10:59:19 AM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

As outspoken as Iike to be, I would never put words into my Dominant's mouth...even "in absentia". That's actually a very uncomfortable concept to me...it suggests that I cease to exist. Maybe I've had more caffiene than I should have, but it just seems creepy.

And, what about those who don't have someone to take responsibility for them. Are unowned submissives just left hanging?

It leaves an entire set of people (owned submissives) who are not responsible for their own words...and if you extend it, for their actions.

Edited for clarity.

< Message edited by spanklette -- 12/13/2007 11:00:46 AM >

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to ctrlaltdelete)

Post #: 15

RE: The Omnipotent Dom - 12/13/2007 11:05:53 AM

ctrlaltdelete

Posts: 284
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline

My suggestion was not meant as a requirement for any sub to only be allowed to speak as a mouthpiece of their dominant.

It was suggested to allow everyone to develop a clear understanding from the start whether someone will participate as full-fledged member in the discussion, or whether they will pull the "but my Dominant says" ripcord every time the discussion gets too close for comfort.

That way you don't get people bugging out of discussions just when you get to the meaty part of them.

On a side note - I would never want an intellectual doorknob who cannot stand her own ground in a discussion to wear my collar, nor would I ever allow my girl to stand up in a discussion and speak in my stead.

_____________________________

The opinions expressed in my posts are strictly mine and do not seek to imply that my personal beliefs are representative of those of ANY other individual(s). Should these opinions hurt your little feelers, you are free and welcome to stop reading them.

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 16

RE: The Omnipotent Dom - 12/13/2007 11:13:51 AM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

I gotcha...it was definitely the caffeine then.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to ctrlaltdelete)

Post #: 17

RE: The Omnipotent Dom - 12/13/2007 11:40:27 AM

MystressDream

Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

SO....I see this title, and I am thinking FINALLY, a thread about me. Imagine my disappointment.

The Omnipotent Dom

Oh, what a shame. I thought it was about you also!!

On topic.... When this happens during a discussion I am having, I usually respond with, "Well, that's really wonderful... but, do you have a brain of your own? Does he own that too? If not, please tell me what YOU think."

_____________________________

Knowledge and experience are wonderful things to share. When we stop asking questions, we might as well "hang it up".

check out: www.enclaveproductions.com
www.enclavewest.com

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 18

RE: The Omnipotent Dom - 12/13/2007 11:42:25 AM

BeingChewsie

Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline

Quick reply:

The beliefs I express here are the beliefs of the household I belong too. I'm usually very clear about that upfront. I don't post on a subject if I don't know where he stands and where he expects me to stand on any issue. I don't have any issue with people asking, though it usually just frustrates them when my answer is those are the beliefs of the household I belong too and that is really all there is. I don't debate them when people attempt to debate them with me I just stop communicating with them and opt out of the thread. There isn't any point in debating or defending them, my beliefs won't change, the other persons won't change and it just ends up being a pissing contest.

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to ctrlaltdelete)

Post #: 19

RE: The Omnipotent Dom - 12/13/2007 11:49:34 AM

ctrlaltdelete

Posts: 284
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline

And that is just perfectly fine too! It just really helps people in a discussion if they know up front if they are having an exchange of thoughts with 1) a sub, 2) the sub's dominant, 3) an entire household/family.

_____________________________

The opinions expressed in my posts are strictly mine and do not seek to imply that my personal beliefs are representative of those of ANY other individual(s). Should these opinions hurt your little feelers, you are free and welcome to stop reading them.

(in reply to BeingChewsie)

Post #: 20

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