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BondageSlaveMN -> RE: What to do when you don't like what you do. (12/16/2007 2:06:19 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: dawntreader
quote:
ORIGINAL: patwi
As the title sort of suggests, I have soemthing of a problem. I don't want the BDSM orientation which I seem to be wired for. I've read the articles, I've watched the forums, I've educated myself. And still - I detest the fantasies I have, I detest the things that I secretly think about because no matter what I do, in my mind it is not a "good" thing to be.
Have any of you ever been in the same situation? What do you do when you want to change your kink? Is that even possible?
Greetings patwi,
you have been an observer and a participant on these forums since june.
Your questions and delimas all basically have the same theme...you are denying what you are afraid you are. You have recieved awesome advice from both this side and the Gorean side and yet, you still struggle...
Inspite of not "comfortably" identifying with a label, you have managed to fit in nicely with all of the discussions you have participated in...finding acceptance and commaraderie.
Perhaps, as others have suggested, you stop trying to define yourself with a label. i know i am rapidly moving from any definition myself except that i am who i am.
Since i stepped into this realm on the submissive side of the kneel, i have become stronger than i ever was before. Cultivating and developing my sexual energy (jing) has been the most freeing aspect of submission for me.
At the risk of sounding arrogant, on bended knee, i am stronger than many who stand over me. my submission is my strength because it is not a need...it is a desire. Infact, as my growth has progressed, my "pool" of perspective Dominants has grown quite small and selective. But if you still percieve submission as a weakness after all the threads you have started and participated in since June - there is no changing your mind here.
Why not just stop worrying about it. There are many kinky vanillas here and being one of them does not decrease your value here. Just enjoy the forums and maybe take away a few tips for spicing up your sex life - stop pressuring yourself. This is life - enjoy it!
pax et lumina,
j
Dawntreader,
I must comment on your remarks about labels. As human beings, we think and interact in symbols. A label is just another symbol. Imagine having a conversation without using any symbols. It would take you an hour just to tell someone you wanted to go to the movies.
Labels are very important as long as they are qualified. If I tell you I am a sub or a slave, it gives you a lot of information about me. Unfortunately, there likely exists a great disparity between my conception of a sub/slave and your's. That is where qualification comes into play. I can say I am a slave in the following sense: blah blah blah. I still embrace the title of slave because I need to in order to communicate effectively. I just thank god that the term slave does not so broadly classify people as the terms Democrat and Republican. If that were the case, when people asked if I was dominant or submissive I'd simply reply that I am a Nathan (my name).
To the OP. I think it is important that you find some semblance of meaning in the terms this BDSM community uses and figure out exactly which apply to you and how. As they say, half the battle is defining the battle itself (ok, I just made that up, but it seems true in my mind). Once you've done this, you need to stop hiding behind this conceptions you've made. Either accept yourself as you are or change yourself using the techniques I have already suggested.
I'm afraid I've spent too much time on this thread, so I will refrain from posting to it again. I've said my piece (and perhaps more). You will either take or leave the wise advice given by some of those who have posted or you will not. I sincerely hope you find your way. I, of course, welcome you to PM me on the other side if you wish to discuss your concerns further.
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